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08/08/2004: Spider-Man Reviews Crayons -> Part 3!

Spider-Man’s dropped the dead weight for Part 3, returning to that secret nuance of his that really brought him to the dance: an intense interest in reviewing each of Crayola’s 96 crayons. It’s finally over. We can never speak of it again. Check back here tomorrow for an Alien Fruit Monster update, and a couple of too-short movie reviews about murderous swine and happy cats.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 134 comments

Sorry, I didn’t mean to post the comment twice

Ghosted by figment @ 08/14/2004 8:03 PM EDT

"Then how do you explain this ‘tan?!’"

Beautiful.

Ghosted by Tim-E @ 08/15/2004 12:53 PM EDT

"Then how do you explain this ‘tan?!’"

Beautiful.

Ghosted by Tim-E @ 08/15/2004 12:55 PM EDT

Wow….everything I never needed to know about Spidey’s secret crayon obsession…

Ghosted by Chantelle @ 08/15/2004 11:15 PM EDT

OMFG!! duuude tht was funny as fuck. i totally showed that to my freind in germany(he doesnt live there though)and laughed his ass off too. Duuude what was goin through your mind when you did that?? jeez thankk god for retarded psycopaths like you man! psychos with too much time. i’m thinkin of ditchin’ my friends & throwin’ my t.v. out the window so i have too much time too.i think i already do though, cos i’m writin such a long comment.DUUUUUUUUDE!!!do sum more shit like that!! have you got a mailing list?let me check….. i cant find one but whatever dude.

Ghosted by Cornelious Finch @ 08/16/2004 4:43 AM EDT

Spidey should review everything. Movies, books, music. EVERYTHING.

Ghosted by aaron @ 08/16/2004 2:56 PM EDT

I just remember that there was a contest to name the crayons maybe 10 years ago and kids suggested the names "Robin’s Egg Blue" "Tickle Me Pink" and "Macaroni And Cheese". For awhile there, I believe they even had "Purple Mountain Majesty" as a crayon color. Color me ridiculous…

Ghosted by Meg @ 08/16/2004 7:01 PM EDT

There was indeed a purple mountain majesty, though I may be remembering some patriotic crayolas that may or may not have existed, because I"m also remembering an "amber waves of grain" crayon

Ghosted by someone named something @ 08/17/2004 2:30 AM EDT

Here’s the google-found related links posted by my browser while I was reading the last page of review part 3:

"Crayons
Up to 69% Off Supplies for Small & Large Businesses at Viking Office

Related Searches: -Lipton Tea, -Stains"

Where can I be employed by the company that requires a bulk discount on Crayons. And Lipton Tea……wtf?

Ghosted by MasterMc @ 08/17/2004 6:17 PM EDT

Here’s the google-found related links posted by my browser while I was reading the last page of review part 3:

"Crayons
Up to 69% Off Supplies for Small & Large Businesses at Viking Office

Related Searches: -Lipton Tea, -Stains"

Where can I be employed by the company that requires a bulk discount on Crayons. And Lipton Tea……wtf?

Ghosted by MasterMc @ 08/17/2004 6:19 PM EDT

No one will probably read this. But I must say to you matt that only you could make a three chapter series on spiderman and crayons.

Ghosted by Spacklepants @ 08/18/2004 2:48 AM EDT

that is super-cool. the pics and the copy are put together really well. i am looking forward to another installment.

perhaps, spiderman digs through a medicine cabinet???

or maybe reviews stuff in a junk drawer…

Ghosted by jeff-madison @ 08/18/2004 5:28 PM EDT

Dont belive i just wasted my life reading that.

Ghosted by Bowie @ 08/20/2004 12:30 PM EDT

Your entire life?

Ghosted by bri @ 08/21/2004 7:53 PM EDT

my favorite thing to do with crayons is put them in the microwave with bugs… the ultimate torture… first the crayons melt all over the bugs and then the bugs explode… it’s really hard to clean up and you CANNOT have adult supervision for this one… the adults will never let you do it.

Ghosted by The Guaxinator @ 09/20/2004 10:32 PM EDT

my favorite thing to do with crayons is put them in the microwave with bugs… the ultimate torture… first the crayons melt all over the bugs and then the bugs explode… it’s really hard to clean up and you CANNOT have adult supervision for this one… the adults will never let you do it.

Ghosted by The Guaxinator @ 09/20/2004 10:32 PM EDT

my favorite thing to do with crayons is put them in the microwave with bugs… the ultimate torture… first the crayons melt all over the bugs and then the bugs explode… it’s really hard to clean up and you CANNOT have adult supervision for this one… the adults will never let you do it.

Ghosted by The Guaxinator @ 09/20/2004 10:33 PM EDT

That was hilarious! I love it….lol. I especially loved the Fake Zartan segment…thanks sooo much for that laugh!

Ghosted by Nieves @ 09/22/2004 11:24 AM EDT

I Just Wasted Like 3 Hours of My Life I’m Sueing You. No Seriousley Your ass is grass. I’m takin all your money you lifeless basterd

Ghosted by Stillby @ 09/24/2004 9:49 AM EDT

Hey can you add a Chapter 4? I don’t have a life and I’m bored :(

Ghosted by Pizzity @ 09/27/2004 12:29 PM EDT

You missed out turqouise damn you. and a dictionary. with turQUOISE. that’s right, I can spell. spelling with spidey! that’s next!

or not

Ghosted by doc oc @ 09/29/2004 6:48 AM EDT

That was one of the funniest things i’ve seen in a while.

Ghosted by Matt @ 09/29/2004 7:39 PM EDT

i don’t think we got those in england. i had to draw pictures with coal.

Ghosted by Tommy t @ 10/01/2004 12:25 PM EDT

i don’t think we got those in england. i had to draw pictures with coal.

Ghosted by Tommy t @ 10/01/2004 12:25 PM EDT

i don’t think we got those in england. i had to use coal for crayons and your mum for paper

Ghosted by Tommy t @ 10/01/2004 12:26 PM EDT

i don’t think we got those in england. i had to use coal for crayons and your mum for paper

Ghosted by Tommy t @ 10/01/2004 12:27 PM EDT

spidey’s got really beautiful hands. they’re the kind of hands that one could imagine holding all sorts of different things that are the same general shape as crayons.

Ghosted by beano @ 10/04/2004 4:51 PM EDT

spidey’s got really beautiful hands. they’re the kind of hands that one could imagine holding all sorts of different things that are the same general shape as crayons.

Ghosted by beano @ 10/04/2004 4:51 PM EDT

I went out and got a 96 box last week. It’s already half used up. GO JAZZBERRY JAM! The jazziest jammiest color ever, and a good variation of red violet.

Ghosted by Jordan @ 10/05/2004 7:52 AM EDT

Where was the political joke??? We had the requisite shit reference…

Ghosted by Mildweed @ 10/07/2004 8:35 AM EDT

No tick for the political humour, and deservedly so. And election time? You missed a trick there, you web-slinging, trick missing, web slinger you.

I look forward to Spider-Man reviews The Caucasian Chalk Circle sometime soon.

Ghosted by Brendon @ 10/18/2004 12:27 PM EDT

XD I love this series. Fell off my chair laughing. COPPER ROCKS!

Ghosted by 0_o @ 10/31/2004 11:25 AM EST

OH MY GOD! IT’S SILVER AND GOLD!

Razzmatazz? Why did’nt I name my band that back in highschool…

Ghosted by Razzmatazz @ 11/03/2004 7:26 AM EST

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This entry was posted on Sunday, August 8th, 2004 at 10:40 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.