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The Treehouse Trolls Cometh.

I'm not sure if it's the worst thing I've ever seen, but it's certainly the worst thing I've seen in a long while. Okay, remember those Troll dolls? The fuzzy-haired rubber figures Mrs. Poole used as good luck charms when she played bingo with Roseanne? Well, they had their own series of live-action films, and here's a look at one of 'em. The Treehouse Trolls features two kids being swept up into the realm of nice Trolls who look positively frightening and like to tie all of life's events to a song and dance number, and I had the intense pleasure of spending Saturday night watching it. I do not feel like a better person for it.

Posted by Matt on 07/25/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 195 comments

Matt, you are teh funny in a firecracker…

lolololol

Chestnuts roasted by Happy Gilmore @ 07/28/2004 2:42 AM

that trancended unsettling and dove right into "what did humanity do to deserve this." it’s almost shocking their was enough money in this for a DTV.

Chestnuts roasted by Karl Olson @ 07/28/2004 4:13 AM

Hey Matt,I like the new Mario’s!

Chestnuts roasted by MightyStalfos @ 07/28/2004 12:40 PM

Oh my God.
That’s the most scary stuff I’ve ever seen. I think I can never sleep again. :(

Chestnuts roasted by Schrik @ 07/28/2004 6:42 PM

I think the scariest part was on first read I completely didn’t notice the names of the children. I realized about halfway down that they were named Jackie & Lisa, which is the name of my sister and I.

We even had some troll dolls.

Chestnuts roasted by Jackie @ 07/28/2004 7:50 PM

that’s sick stuff. Keep up the good work matt.

Chestnuts roasted by d-ranged @ 07/28/2004 9:22 PM

The Antichrist walks among us, and he has bushy, purle hair.

Chestnuts roasted by The Vampire Cullen @ 07/29/2004 1:56 AM

Babies crying, mom’s shushing, and trolls yelling nonsense… Glad I don’t have that commute…

Oh wait, I kinda do…

Chestnuts roasted by Rewolf J @ 07/29/2004 3:15 AM

OH MY GOD

Chestnuts roasted by KD @ 07/29/2004 6:12 AM

Holy Shit that scared the Piss out of me. Seriously I never thought that by watching something that u could become mentally scared well I guess I was wrong

Chestnuts roasted by Ryan B @ 07/29/2004 7:28 AM

Holy Shit that scared the Piss out of me. Seriously I never thought that by watching something that u could become mentally scard well I guess I was wrong

Chestnuts roasted by Ryan B @ 07/29/2004 7:28 AM

Wow… it’s stuff like that, that just makes you stop and question if there really is a god of not.

Chestnuts roasted by Doc @ 07/29/2004 11:54 AM

Your right Matt, those troll kids scared me more than the exorcist and the ring combined. You are hilarious Mr. Caracappa, and you should write for the New York times. This is probably one of tha best articles you ever wrote!!!! Shit those clips made me laugh so hard Everyone in the house thought I was whacked.

Chestnuts roasted by Matty B @ 07/29/2004 8:10 PM

Oh FUCK
That was disturbing
I think that the makers of that film should be JAILED
There must be some sort of law against being THAT FUCKING FUCKY

Chestnuts roasted by Bob @ 07/30/2004 9:12 AM

I am still pissing my pants from those dolls, let alone this movie

Chestnuts roasted by John Is Wacked @ 07/30/2004 9:16 AM

When I watched the clips, I laughed…but I seriously had bad dreams about those things last night. That’s so uncool.

Chestnuts roasted by Mk @ 07/30/2004 10:49 AM

Okay, really REALLY disturbing stuff. First, I can’t imagine any marketing executive pitching this piece of tripe not getting fired or drug-tested immediately. Then I can’t imagine what any child might do to deserve watching that. I mean, even lighting the cat on fire or driving the car into a Shriner’s convention doesn’t rate having your brain melt and leak out through your nose. Plus, like the Cabbage Patch Kids, the point of the friggin’ trolls was to be so hideous as to be cute. It’s really not that far a reach from one to the other.

But is it just me, or does that "Evil" troll in the last clip look kind of like Lando’s co-pilot in Jedi? Neb Nub, or something.

I think I have to finish off that bottle of rum now. Maybe that’ll let me sleep. Or pass out, whatever…

Chestnuts roasted by KatarHol @ 07/31/2004 12:25 PM

I never understood a damn thing about the Troll craze… which is I guess a good thing, considering I’m a guy.

It’s not like the little nightmares have had no effect on my existence, though. My oldest little sister (does that make sense?) was obsessed with them for a while. We had an inordinate amount of the things in pencil topper form… maybe from Showbiz Pizza’s "prize" dumpster, I don’t know. In elementary school I took one and gave it a flat-top haircut. It looked EXACTLY like our principle at the time. Then I got it stuck up inside of our bathtub faucet. Yeah, don’t bother asking.

And then there’s my recent ex’s love of Trolls. I’m not going to say I’m glad she dumped me *silent weeping*, but the whole Troll thing makes it seem more like she did me a favor.

And now I go to face my demons in the form of Matt’s article.

And no man can say who shall emerge victorious…

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/31/2004 5:53 AM

If I didn’t have insomnia before…

Now if only I could sink into the merciful abyss of sleep.

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 07/31/2004 6:26 AM

TROLL SITING:

In the movie "Beaution and the Beast" somehow one of those troll thingies found itself on a spread table in a soviet republic.

Chestnuts roasted by Novaximus @ 07/31/2004 11:53 PM

I didn’t know that jerry garcia was a Troll. This film taught me something new.

Chestnuts roasted by Daniel @ 08/02/2004 8:28 AM

Holy crap, people in your junior high school had them? I was only about 4 or 5 when they were popular, so I had always assumed they were just children’s toys. And I never knew they had a TV show, let alone a movie! All I knew was that if you rubbed the gem on their stomachs, your wish came true. And it never did. The pictures scared me enough as it is, so I doubt I’ll bother watching the video clips.

Thankfully, though, you always manage to turn even the most unbarable movies into entertaining reviews.

Chestnuts roasted by Bloodshed Goth @ 08/02/2004 1:28 PM

Holy Shite! notice that the 1st post, didn’t have any reference to BEING first post? They just went straight into the need to banish all troll dolls. That tells you right there how disturbing these things are.
*cough*…I er..had the things..when I was like…11..so that would be 91..They often served as minions to our evil wizards and sorceresses when my sister and I played with are various action figures..like She Ra and Bitsy..we had alot of Princess of Power dolls often saving other princess of less power dolls from trolls who served under some Barbie hack.

Chestnuts roasted by Bitsy&Roary @ 08/02/2004 8:41 PM

Christ I almost peed myself laughing at your review, nicely done!
I put a batch of these up on eBay once. They didn’t sell at $4.99 for a dozen, so I dropped it to $0.99 and some poor soul picked them up off of me….

Chestnuts roasted by Derek @ 08/03/2004 11:00 PM

jajajjiji Trolls

visit:
http://www.panamaparties.com/index.php

Chestnuts roasted by Troll Big @ 08/03/2004 11:30 PM

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This entry was posted on Sunday, July 25th, 2004 at 3:51 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.