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Spider-Man Wants A Tip!

This was heehawrioush. Near where I work are a great number of beggars, ranging from the kind you genuinely feel terrible for to scam artists of the lowest order. You grow accustomed to being accosted, and if you can make it through the day with your coffee change and extra cigarettes intact, you've done better than most. The greatest of all money grubbers stood tall in Times Square today, and it was none other than Spider-Man.

So I'm approaching Spidey, and I'm just assuming it's some kind of big promotion. There's always some weird shit like that going on. The closer I get, the more I realize that I'm looking at an outfit straight out of Ben Cooper's trashcan. If there's been a worse, more poorly fitting or disingenuous Spider-Man costume, it's for certain that the Devil walks among us. Pretty soon, Spidey's plan revealed itself: the guy was posing for pictures with tourists for tips. You had hundreds of people running across busy avenues, kids screaming, flashes flashing, the works. The costume barely covered the sweatsuit underneath, and his head peered out from the all-too-large eyeholes in ways that'd unmask any secret identity. And, for a Spider-Man, this guy was really out of shape. Despite all of this, everyone was completely infatuated.

Using a milkcrate to collect his donations, Spider-Man was admittedly a crowd-pleaser. If someone wanted a superhero pose, they got one. If somebody wanted Spidey to dance with them, passing cars were treated with a sight only slightly less surreal than watching goats fuck dolphins. The best part? As people walked by, Spider-Man would frequently yell out, "see the movie!" You've gotta admire the guy's determination to seem affiliated. To put how unreal this was into perspective, there was a guy literally thirty feet away strumming a guitar wearing nothing but white underwear reading "NAKED COWBOY" over the ass, and not a single person was paying attention to him. It was all about the mysterious ghetto Spidey.

Posted by Matt on 07/19/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 131 comments

If I know Fox they’d give "The Amazing Spider-Bum" a pilot episode, which would probably be way overhyped, and then cancel the show after only 2 episodes have aired.

Chestnuts roasted by Gunder Wing @ 07/22/2004 3:27 PM

I am not making this up at all, but the Spiderman guy is from the Albany area and recently had a huge write up in the Albany paper. If I can find the link to the article, I’ll post it. Apparently he isn’t even a bum, just a guy who decided that was the best way to make a living.

Chestnuts roasted by Al @ 07/22/2004 4:20 PM

Ok, the freaking Albany Times Union website (http://www.timesunion.com) is asking for $2 for the article, but if I get around to it, I’ll type it up as it’s sad and hilarious at the same time.

Chestnuts roasted by Al @ 07/22/2004 4:23 PM

hehe nice way to make a living…
id rather take the corner store.
yah, downtown in my city you see guys pan handeling and claiming that "ooh i need money i need food for my family" and they follow you arouned until you either give them money or untill they start bugging someone else (thank god). once i gave one five bucks. next day i see him hanging out in a bar with his buddies.

Chestnuts roasted by tsukasa @ 07/22/2004 4:30 PM

I for one would enjoy a television show based on the adventures of ghetto Spider-Man

Chestnuts roasted by SuperStar @ 07/23/2004 12:05 PM

hmmm… like useing his web to distract people from naked cowboy?
oh ya that would be funny but one thing… or even better him trying to take the role of the REAL spider man!
okay this is back to the real topic now.
but see what he is doing is illegal because hes makeing money off of other peoples ideas.

Chestnuts roasted by tsukasa @ 07/23/2004 6:11 PM

oops typo

Chestnuts roasted by tsukasa @ 07/23/2004 6:14 PM

im from canada and we dont get that crap here eh…maby tronto (we dont say eh all the time…i used it maby 3 times in my 17 years of living)

Chestnuts roasted by bri-guy @ 07/24/2004 12:02 PM

oddly enough.. "the naked cowboy" has a real job, too.. – he works at the T.G.I. Friday’s in springdale, ohio.. about twenty minutes from where i live..

Chestnuts roasted by Brian Hammons @ 07/24/2004 3:27 AM

I hate how there are all these super hero movies all of a sudden. First it was Spiderman then the Hulk, Spiderman2 and now Catwoman. I think Hollywood is officially out of ideas for movies. I’d rather watch Big Trouble in Little China from the mid 80′s or even Phone Booth. I know Phone Booth wasn’t all that interesting but I couldn’t agree more with what that guy on the phone was saying. Atleast Phone Booth was an original movie unlike all these over produced, over promoted shitty movies released for the sole purpose of profit value rather than entertainment value.

Chestnuts roasted by Brillski @ 07/24/2004 5:08 AM

Jeez, I agree that Hulk and Catwoman were shit, but have you even SEEN Spider-Man 1 and 2? I thought they were good movies, Spider-Man 2 is my favorite movie (so far) of this year.

Chestnuts roasted by Gunder Wing @ 07/24/2004 7:15 AM

i have aspergers too. makes me really antisocial and lazy. it really sucks trying to talk to a girl when you have no clue what to say.

the bums in maryland, well some aren’t even homeless. i saw on the news they followed one home to a nice, cozy apartment in va. stupid scammers.

and if you want a good burger, go to roy rogers or checkers, if you eat that sort of crap.

Chestnuts roasted by matty g @ 07/24/2004 12:25 PM

In front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood they always have people doing this. Spiderman is a regular, but my favorite is the Princess Fiona as an ogre. I find it funny that this woman woke in the morning and decided she looked enough like an ogre to pose for photos.

Chestnuts roasted by Sweetie @ 07/24/2004 2:01 PM

Well, I live in NYC. I’ve seen the damn Naked Cowboy. But we also have many, many others. Including some dude with a robot/mime/mirror act. He hangs out in Times Square and will kind of spring out at you, although he’s harmless. Usually attracts a pretty big crowd, too. In my experience, I’ve come to believe the quote from The Simpsons about bums, "There are six types of beggar: Bad musician, messed up vet, cripple, fake cripple, religious zealot, and crazy guy."

Chestnuts roasted by Tuff Daddy Cool @ 07/24/2004 4:07 PM

Am I the only one here that gives money to homeless people that are begging? I just try not to think about what they’re going to do with it, seeing as some of them genuinely have run out of options. Anyway, the Spidey suit guy looks pretty awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by Josh-oo-wuh @ 07/25/2004 12:26 PM

There is this homless person in Rotterdam that always ignores me.
He follows everybody around begging for money, but he always walks past me, like I’m not worth following around.

And the terrible thing is that I met him like 5 times and he always ignores me.

Chestnuts roasted by Micheal Duck @ 07/25/2004 8:09 AM

holy crap. matt and normal bob smith both posting naked cowboy sightings in the same week. what’re the odds? bob didn’t mention the disfigured spiderman, but he’s got pictures of the cowboy guy.
go here if you’ve got the stomach for it.
http://www.normalbobsmith.com/unholyarmy/

Chestnuts roasted by eric-the-ded @ 07/25/2004 7:04 PM

I live in upstate NY, and my local paper did a story on this guy. Apparently, he’s from Saratoga and he commutes to NYC in order to do this. He also dresses up as "Mr. Baseball" the Yankees unofficial mascot and hangs around Times Square as well. One of the things in the article said that his goal in the immediate future was to move out of his parents house and to save up enough money to buy a tailor made Spidey costume that cost around $6,000, or was it $3000? Either way, its kinda pathetic. Expect to see him around for a long, long, time.

Chestnuts roasted by blstnddskroots @ 07/26/2004 1:26 AM

I love this. Seriosuly, you’ve made my day with all the bum stories. I can only hope that one day I can go to NYC and meet spidey-bum!!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Sarah @ 07/26/2004 3:45 PM

I’m with you, person-I-don’t-know-named-Sarah. ;) We’re going to have to make our documentary on bums.

Chestnuts roasted by Nessa @ 07/26/2004 3:47 PM

I was visiting NYC a couple of weeks ago and saw the Spidey dude. I didn’t get to see the naked cowboy though. The Spidey Bun was funny though. I didn’t pose for the photo op. we were on a mission for liquor at the time.

Chestnuts roasted by aine @ 07/27/2004 10:54 PM

I was visiting NYC a couple of weeks ago and saw the Spidey dude. I didn’t get to see the naked cowboy though. The Spidey Bum was funny though. I didn’t pose for the photo op. we were on a mission for liquor at the time.

Chestnuts roasted by aine @ 07/27/2004 10:55 PM

Man, NY gets all the good bums. The one I passed today in FL had a sign that said "Hungy Vet." Yup, that’s how he spelled it.

Posted by Kidd Video @ 07/19/2004 10:25 PM EST

Maybe he was bragging

Chestnuts roasted by chris @ 07/29/2004 4:06 PM

So Im sitting here at work reading this WHOLE page (Thats how bored I get at work), and I realized that I live in the loozerest little suburb ever because nothing remotely cool ever happens there…LOOZER!

Chestnuts roasted by KohBear @ 07/29/2004 5:06 PM

Hey, very outraged Tom. I have
Asperger’s syndrome too! I have never
seen anyone on the internet all these
years that has or even knows of that condition. Thats kind of cool.

Chestnuts roasted by Frizzurd @ 07/29/2004 10:24 PM

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This entry was posted on Monday, July 19th, 2004 at 9:56 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.