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Dracula The Musical? Iced Teasers?

The next volume of 80s commercials won't be done till tomorrow night, hopefully, but here's a teaser -- an iced teaser. Yes, it's "Iced Teasers," a failed experiment from Nestea featuring goofy iced tea drink mixes with some extra zings of lemon, lime and orange. It's one of those products that was surely better in theory than on your tongue, but the commercial did a great job of making me want to eat raw limes. Click here to see it! Another dozen downloads are coming up in the next lot, including something about pro-wrestling and something about toothpaste.

So far so good with Nick. Love it. In the mornings I grab coffee at this little deli, and refuse to drink it anywhere else but that deli, so I can extend the time gazing with lust at a big "Dracula The Musical" sign across the street. I don't know the specifics of the play other than the fact that it doesn't open till August, but I vow to be at least within the first 6,700 people to see it after it debuts. The sign (a bunch of cheesy light bulbs form the text) reminds me of the sadly burned down "Castle Dracula" ride over in Wildwood, a place I dream about nightly, humming scary music in my sleep.

Ah, so let's get another survey topic going. It's been a while. Okay, disappointing movies. As in, what movies were you really, really excited to see but thoroughly disappointed by 'em after you did? I can name several million, but one of the more obvious candidates is American Psycho. I'm sure I'll remember the other millions later, but you go first.

Posted by Matt on 07/07/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 193 comments
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I too was flabbergasted by how bad The Phanton Menace was.
Another for me is Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I love HK cinema, martial arts flix, etc, WHY did the US latch onto that stinker? It is horribly monotonous and boring.
Another one no one has mentioned is DREAMCATCHER. Great looking cast list, but then you watch it, and you see an alien come out of Banky’s ass. Wish Jay and Bob had been there, it could only have improved the movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Blair @ 07/12/2004 12:15 PM

Underworld was barely watchable. It was basically a combination of Interview with a Vampire, Pokemon, The Hulk, The Matrix, and a few other movies, all mashed together in the ever-popular Romeo and Juliet plot line. I actually laughed at most points when they were trying to be utterly serious about the plot… some dead guys come back, some werewolf turns into the Hulk and has a hissy fit… The bad gay was the good guy, and then he was a bad guy, but then he was REALLY the good guy. And why did they call Werewolves "Lichens?" Isn’t a Lichen a moss-fungus?

The Scorpion King was hilariously horrid. The names were so unpronouceable, that we just renamed the two main characters "Jujube" (The Rock) and "Skank" I don’t even remember what the movie was about! Jujube did some ancient egyptian WWE stuff and had ancient egyptian sex with Skank.

Anyone see SWIMFAN? Now that was shit. Not only was the story predictable and frustrating (because the guy was an ass for not predicting what would happen next), but there was a pretty pointless 20 minute pool-sex scene. I actually screamed. And strangely enough, someone actually SHUSHED me.

I actually liked Mars Attacks and all the Tim Burton Batman movies. I hate the newer Bond movies because they actually make sense. The old ones are better because of the stupid bad guys, stupid plans, and stupid names. (Pussy Galore! HAH!) And where else can you see Roger Moore RUN across the backs of alligators to safe ground while all the black people in the movie are evil conspirists?

(PS- Matt, tell Nick to bring back Rocko’s Modern Life and Aah! Real Monsters!)

Chestnuts roasted by Z? @ 07/12/2004 12:23 PM

"Lycans" not Lichens. "Lycanthropy" is the clinical term for werewolfism. (As is a clinical term was needed…) Still, it was a damn silly film, can’t believe a sequel is being made.
I like Mars Attacks, too. Good corn.

Chestnuts roasted by Blair @ 07/12/2004 4:07 AM

Way of the Gun……

saw it opening night with 10 other people and we were the only ones….

Chestnuts roasted by Selvig @ 07/12/2004 3:42 PM

The movie timeline sucked ass, I knew it wasnt going to be the biggest thing in holywood, but I thought it would at least stick to the book, just a little bit!!!! I also hated blair witch, Signs and Matrix I didnt even bother checking out the 2nd and 3rd! and I have to agree sobriquett on blade runner, I had to watch it for an english class shitty shitty stuff!

Chestnuts roasted by Loozer @ 07/12/2004 4:03 PM

hey matt I’ll send them to you by mail with dry ice free!!!

Chestnuts roasted by day with the lava @ 07/12/2004 10:07 PM

hey guys I have to tell you somthing
I am shuting down x-entertainment and ask me why

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/12/2004 10:09 PM

Whyever would you shut down X-Entertainment, fake Matt?

C’mon, the real Matt knows how to spell "something" and "shutting."

Chestnuts roasted by Z? @ 07/13/2004 12:13 PM

Jade! I took a date to that movie when I was younger and was kind of embarassed because it was more like a porno. Except in porno’s, they have better acting and plot lines.

Great Expectations! Well, I guess I didn’t expect it to be good, and it wasn’t. Read the book instead. Maybe it’s because I don’t like Gwyneth at all.

Chestnuts roasted by G4L @ 07/13/2004 12:43 PM

OKAY I win the award for most vague dissapointing movie:
The Sweet Hereafter. It was directed by Atom Egoyand, and based on Russel Banks’ excellent novel. He’s from michigan! but the hack director is Canadian, as is that actress, Sarah Polley. That movie made me hate her.

Here’s why: The story is about he effect of a bus crashing into a frozen lake, killing the small town’s children, leaving a few. It wonderfully narrated by a tough but sincere busdriving woman. In the movie, she one of those mousey and annoying ladies. One of the survivors, a cheerleading babysitter, is crippled, and has to deal with the changes in her life.

Here’s where the hate comes in: Sarah, once protested at the union strike by singing "Courage" by the tragically hip, then went on a talkshow and critisized the ptotestors for becoming violent after the police raid (and hey! wouldn’t you get pushy when a politician shoves your wife out of the way?) SO GUESS WHAT:

that cheerleader I mentioned, is now a guitar playing folk girl played by Sara. HMMMM WHO is a frick publicity whore? HMM!? ugh! that movie made me ashamed to be Canadian knowing that canadian ruined the best book i read! thanks Matt, I am chainsmoking now, but atleast I got that off my chest.
PS Polley is the blonde in the most recent zombie flick. guess why I refused to go?

Chestnuts roasted by Bitsy&Roary @ 07/13/2004 1:47 PM

YO! GOD ANIMAGNUS! wasn’t the credit song worthwhile for robo3 though?

SU-PER-COP! yay DEVO!

Chestnuts roasted by Bitsy&Roary @ 07/13/2004 1:51 PM

Please don’t leave a girl with nothing to read but a survey and a blog or you’ll get..three posts in a row!
I know! I’m sorry! I’ll be rubbing Matt’s feet while his Iced Tea is being fetched!

I just wanted to say somehting about Micheal Moore:
I’m glad he uses the Republican’s style of media to get his way. Without columbine, would there have been any questions and lobbies about the access to guns? and now Farenheit 9/11, can you really imagine Bush winning again?
without F9/11, would you like Bush for another 4 years? It’s really just a really clever and extended Democrat Campaign commercial.
and, to avoid further posts, I’ll apologize for all the typos. My keyboard it stiffer than typewriter from 1918. Couple that with the rage flowing from that Polley outburst. thanks, and now I Shut up for a good three days….

Chestnuts roasted by Bitsy&Roary @ 07/13/2004 2:01 PM

I’m shocked no one mentioned the remake of "Shaft" with Samuel L. Jackson. Oh, man, could I dig it?? Terrible! You’d think Samuel would have made that into a gem, that he’d be a natural. WRONG! Christian Bale, fresh from "American Psycho", played essentially the same role…just not as creepy. Only good thing was that the Commissioner from "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego" showed up at the very end, to exact "justice". Just bad!!

Chestnuts roasted by JWalters @ 07/13/2004 5:15 PM

Probably, Bad Santa. I thought it would be funnier than it was.

Someone commented before about High Fidelity, I thought it was an awesome & funny movie. Mainly because I love John Cusack, and I love romantic bullshit too.

Chestnuts roasted by Courtney @ 07/13/2004 7:41 PM

Van Hellsing… Gah, absolutely terrible.. Such a huge letdown.. That movie needs to cease to exist

Chestnuts roasted by KIWASABI @ 07/14/2004 8:17 PM

Van Helsing indeed. I really was looking forward to that one. And then I saw it… Ugh.

Chestnuts roasted by Schrik @ 07/16/2004 2:17 PM

Batman and Robin, I enjoyed Batman Forever, what can I say I was pretty much still a kid, but this sucked major bulldog balls. Why remove the dark for a lighter Batman, Spidey does the quips not Batman. I don’t blame George Clooney, he’d have probably been a better choice if the movie was more like the Tim Burton classics, I mean watch him in From Dusk Till Dawn, he is an awesome and diverse actor.
And on the Micheal Moore front, his is a documentary, all documentaries are controlled in some way or another, the only true docementaries are those from when cinema first began, with trains entering and leaving stations and people leaving factories and still then there was a degree of control as the camera crew knew when to arrive. Thing is all documentaries have a biased attached to them, if you watch carefully they are twisted, for example if an interviewer asks a question and the interviewee goes off on a tangent denying the claim of the quesiton, he/she will make themselves look more guilty without help from anyone but themselves. I agree he does change things to suit his own ends (Micheal Moore) but he does it in such a masterful way, he is an amazing film maker and gets exactly the kind of reaction he wants from the audience.

Chestnuts roasted by Dax @ 07/22/2004 7:40 PM

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 7th, 2004 at 10:21 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.