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07/05/2004: 80s Commercials, Volume 404040-ASKSK.

V8 has 70 calories.In a shocking twist, this week I start a new job at Nickelodeon writing commercials with their promo department — a dream come true, at least for the next few weeks. If any of my stuff lands on television, I will tell you 400 times. It’ll be a temporary thing at first; might be a month or two before I have Final Word. I’ll tell you more about it later, but the gist is, don’t expect X-E to explode with new articles for the first half of July. This being the kind of job I’d kill your parents for and all, it’s going to take priority over everything else, including showers. But! I’ve set shit up for more easily produced articles during the course of this, like the latest one…

80s Commercials, Volume 404040-ASASK! Yes, ten more 80s commercials, reviewed, with video downloads. This lot includes such classics as the McDonald’s McRib, Fun Fruits, Nerf Fencing and the Atari Lynx. We’ve had a lot of “new stuff” articles lately, so it seemed like a good time to head back to happyland. Speaking of which, the next feature is another volume of 80s commercials — look for it on Wednesday or Thursday, time permitting. Thanks to Randy for the Ghostbusters Hi-C pic shown above. Juice enthusiasts got a free backpack or something. Anything to justify buying the hideous grape flavor. Hope everyone had a nice 4th…ours was boring.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 148 comments

Hey Matt,
Just hoping that your first day on the job went all right. You should celebrate with a viewing of the Corey Haim tape, because a good day can always be made better with a headful of Haim! ;)

Ghosted by kidneyboy @ 07/06/2004 7:05 PM EDT

This site is always great, but my favorite feature is the selection of 80’s commercials.

Ah.. I would like to humbly request the Bubble-Eez bubble gum commercial if you can find it.

Best jingle ever. I swear.

Ghosted by Chaos Mage @ 07/06/2004 8:03 PM EDT

Congrats, Matt. I hope the Nick job turns into something long term for you. And if you happen to run into a tape of that old show Dave Coulier did (Out of Control, was it?) by all means do a review of that.

Most of those commercials are vaguely familiar. The Halls one I definitely remember though! I always thought it would be the coolest thing to have walls made of giant Halls lozenges. Yeah, I was a weird, odd child pretty much. I usually saw the ad during the Price is Right, which makes sense since it was targeting an older demographic.

The McDonald’s ad for some reason got me to thinking about a gimmick they used to do with the Happy Meals. Anyone else remember when the HM containers were plastic toys shaped like vehicles? One was a boat, one was a UFO, one was a train, etc. Each one came with stickers you could use to decorate the vehicle. I feel sorry for kids today, having to settle for HM in boring paper bags.

Ghosted by 4thDown @ 07/06/2004 8:21 PM EDT

Fuck yeah, Out of Control ruled!! That’s really where the cut, it, out thing came from. Crazy Diz and her squeal laugh, and Hern Berford, I think he was like the producer type guy. I liked the Hurry Up segment, and the How Not To skits. My fave was the How Not to Eat Spaghetti, it looked so damn messy I used to laugh my ass off at that show. by all means, find that tape(s) and bring them to us, we beg of you!!

Ghosted by kidneyboy @ 07/06/2004 8:27 PM EDT

Classic Nickelodeon sites:
http://members.tripod.com/~djfury/nick.html http://www.johnnorrisbrown.com/classic-nick/index.htm

Ghosted by ME @ 07/06/2004 8:49 PM EDT

Congrats on the job Matt…all I’m saying is that if the worlds smallest woman can be consistently gainfully employed, so should you…
By the way, I realize you’re not president ot the company but since you’d be in advertising maybe you could slip in some subliminal messages for Nathan Bitner to contact you.

TRUST THE
(Nathan Bitner contact X-E immediately, your cult awaits you.)
MIDAS TOUCH

I JUST SAVED
(Father of Photog, x-entertainment.com)
A BUNCH ON MY CAR INSURANCE

Ghosted by whitemale_98/competent soldier @ 07/06/2004 10:03 PM EDT

By the way when you get some pull, be sure to put a Nickelodeon Surreal Life on….starring Corey Haim, Thor Ackerland, Topenga, Bitner, and McGuyver.

Ghosted by whitemale_98/competent soldier @ 07/06/2004 10:11 PM EDT

I’m so happy for you, congrats and good luck on the new job. I’m stumped for anything meaningful to say since everyone’s already been so effusive, but I will co-opt your success for myself. Ever since I found X-E you’ve been a big inspiration to me. I’ve always wanted to write and make a career out of it (God willing), but it wasn’t until I read X-E that I knew that I could write about what was important to me, even if somebody else might consider it silly or irrelevant. X-E’s success has been such an encouragement to me, just knowing that someone out there is leading a successful life writing about what they love has allowed me to keep the faith that it might be possible, someday, for me, too. (I had meant to post these sentiments awhile ago, but you never posted a ‘Happy Anniversary X-E’ article.) With every new success you achieve, I steal a little bit for myself and keep it, to remind myself, "Hey, Matt’s out there doing it and he’s winning, maybe you can too." So congrats again on the job, and thanks for just doing what you do.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 07/06/2004 11:56 PM EDT

Matt you said you were gonna send me some shoutin’ tangergreen or w/e it’s called and you never did ;)

Ghosted by Paul @ 07/07/2004 12:11 PM EDT

Wow, Matt — many congrats on potentially landing what I agree would be a dream job. It sure beats retail, anyway… -_-; But yeah, I hope it works out for you. :)

Ghosted by Wes @ 07/07/2004 12:23 PM EDT

Pinwheel, pinwheel, spinning around. Look at my pinwheel and see what I’ve found.
Pinwheel, pinwheel, where have you been? Hello, how are you, and may I come in?
Pinwheel, pinwheel, spinning around. Look at my pinwheel and see what I’ve found.
Pinwheel, pinwheel, breezy and bright. Spin me good morning, spin me goodnight.
PINWHEEL!

Ghosted by Mugzy. . . @ 07/07/2004 12:25 PM EDT

Good article, the "Fry guys" and the rest of the "McDonald" gang always scared the hell out of me, I’ve always been a little uneasy on eating talking food. The "McRib" is the best, only I would like to know why they only offer it on special promotions, they should have it on the menu.
I love all the commercials, Andre forever.

Ghosted by Caylor @ 07/07/2004 1:37 AM EDT

Congrats, Matt! That’s really great about the job, way to go! We’ll weather the dearth of new articles with fortitude, while waiting for you to slowly worm your way into control of Nick and force them to bring back Pete & Pete and You Can’t Do That On Television. Good luck!

Ghosted by The Lucky One @ 07/07/2004 9:48 AM EDT

Matt congratulations. Thought you might want to know this though, went to a comic book convention with a friend a few weeks back and a guy was selling ’80’s commercials DVD’s…..guess what? They all got cribbed from your site. I know this because of the "brought to you by X-E" stamp at the begining of each commercial. The guy is selling a Vol.1 and Vol.2 for 20.00 a pop or both for 30.00. After the con my buddy and I went back to my Apt. to look through our bootlegs and put the Commercials in and I was quite shocked. Thought I’d give you a heads up. Congrats on the job again.

Ghosted by gl2899 @ 07/07/2004 10:37 AM EDT

Think of it this way, everyone who watches the DVD will forever have X-E’s URL implanted into their heads: free advertisement!

Ghosted by Teirusu @ 07/07/2004 11:29 AM EDT

New jobs are great, but neat new jobs are even greater! Congrats Matt, I have no doubts you’ll kick ass there and show them they’d be fools to let you go.

How do you get your commercials on digital format? I have a whole bunch of tapes of original Star Trek TNG episodes on BETA – and yes I do have the player for them too. The quality is not great, these tapes are so old, but all the original commercials are there. Mind you, these were broadcasted from Vermont for a Montreal audience, so some commercials are very local in nature.

Ghosted by Yzziefrog @ 07/07/2004 12:11 PM EDT

Maybe the Matt is planning to finish the CHIA PLOT with a half-hour animated special on Nick.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 07/07/2004 12:17 PM EDT

Alright! I am finally citied! I sent in that tape with the "Gremlins 2" teaser last November and was starting to get worried. Glad to see it made available to the X-E masses and not just on my tape of "Ernest Goes to Camp" taped off of NBC. I hope that you can use that other material I sent you for future articles.
Congrats on the new job!

Ghosted by manimal789 @ 07/07/2004 12:20 PM EDT

Bless you for the Grelmins 2 teaser. I vividly remember it as a kid and was very pissed that it wasnt on the DVD. All hail Joe Dante’s finest work!

Ghosted by elegydirge @ 07/07/2004 1:06 PM EDT

Hey, whatever did happen to that Chia Plot? I imagine he’s getting a little tired of hearing about it by now.

Ghosted by jhnnywalkr @ 07/07/2004 2:46 PM EDT

The guy in the Power Glove commerical is Chris Wolf from the early 90’s New Kids knock off band the Guys Next Door!

Ghosted by someone @ 07/07/2004 4:32 PM EDT

ya know the chia plot has taken the place of the 2002 advent calender (still waiting to find out about mare winningham) as the biggest cliffhanger in x-e. I think it would be very funny to do a "where are they now" look at some of those cliff hangers. Just short blurbs about the ending to the advent calender, and what you did with the toys afterwards (you’d make big bucks selling x-e reviewed items on ebay). you could tell us about the thing you did that one time, or what you’ve done with the hulk-hands since, or even the fate of some of the items purchased at American Science and Surplus. common I need some nestalga of my nestalga site!

Ghosted by brandon @ 07/07/2004 6:15 PM EDT

HOLY CRAP!!!

That is awsome. I hope you do well.

It really does sound like a dream come true.

But Matt, could you get back to me on the Bamboo Peanut thing? I sent you an eMail. Look for an eMail from metroid5050.

Ghosted by Mat Olson @ 07/07/2004 6:15 PM EDT

Did someone mention The Guys Next Door? Click on my name, someone.

Ghosted by ME @ 07/07/2004 6:22 PM EDT

I don’t know if anybody’s seen this yet, but you should certainly check it out. Click my name for the lost Spider-Man comic strips.

Ghosted by A-wel Cruiz @ 07/07/2004 7:19 PM EDT

Matt, can you please try and meet Butch Hartman (The guy who created the fairly oddparents and Danny Phantom) and get an interview with him for X-E? Also, even though you dislike the Fairly Oddparents, What do you think of Butch Hartman’s other show, Danny Phantom? Also, can you please do an article on the Bionicle toyline? Even though it aint 80s, its still; really cool (If you have no friggin clue what Bionicle is, go to BZ Power.com for more info).Anyway, good luck with your new job. Well, gotta go, bye ;) .

Ghosted by TOM @ 07/07/2004 11:23 PM EDT

Just to clarify, when I said about meeting Butch Hartman, I meant on your new job. See ya(this time for real:)!

Ghosted by TOM @ 07/07/2004 11:26 PM EDT

Glad to know my parents are safe.In case you haven’t noticed around 60% of the people roaming this blog are now jealous of you.The other 40% are in denial.

The only way to become cooler than you have become you must do one of three things:

1.Interview a creator of one Nickelodeon’s animated shows.

2.Interview the voice of Spongebob Squarepants.

3.Subliminally persuade Bitner to publicly post on the blog again.

I’m wondering.Are you actually going to California?Or will you remain in New York to do your job?

Ghosted by Fhydra @ 07/08/2004 4:34 AM EDT

Nerf Fencing was great…I widdled the foam down to daggers and beyond so instead of Fencing it was Hilting. Speaking of Hilting, despite all the safety that Nerf is known for, no knuckles were left unscathed in our "gentlemen’s duels". I also recall getting clocked more than once.

Congrats on the hip new digs Matt! The best to you and yours!

Ghosted by Slacker @ 07/08/2004 12:24 PM EDT

Congrads, Matt. But personally I’d kill just about anyone to get control of X-E… Forget I said that, though. No one can prove it. Not in my dimension.

Ghosted by Orin @ 07/08/2004 1:20 PM EDT

::Drools:: McRib….MMmmmmm

Ghosted by Chazmyth @ 07/08/2004 7:28 PM EDT

Random thoughts:

The Power Glove, eh? "He touch my breasts!" Oops. Wrong quote.

I guess no one else wants to bring back the Hammer-Man cartoon…y’know, the one that ran at 1 frame/2 seconds.

"Guys…Next…Door…Whoa-oh!"

Congrats Matt! "Nick…at night. A TV viewer’s dream." Those commercials always reminded me of the short lived sitcom "Hi Honey! I’m Home"…the one with a poor man’s Joey Lawrence.

I shall pray for an X-E channel in the future. I give it 7 years.

Skybike…skybike…skybike…

Ghosted by Mizzat @ 07/08/2004 8:22 PM EDT

Congrats dude.

Celebrate with a McRib and Shamrock Shake

Ghosted by Ant @ 07/09/2004 7:58 AM EDT

Congrats on the job! Now you can get a bigger place to hold more neat shit. Maybe open an X-Entertainment museum? I’d pay to see that.

Ghosted by Hope @ 07/09/2004 8:48 AM EDT

Heh. I remember when the Fry Guys were the Goblins. They would sing (in that same sped-up Chipmunk voice) "Keep Your Eyes On Your Fries."

(to the tune of "We Do It All For You"):
Keep your eyes on your fries
They’re hard to resist
Keep your eyes on your fries
Or they’ll disappear like this
At McDonald’s, french fries are fun

Naturally, "Keep Your Eyes On Your Fries" became the game during family trips to McD’s.

One other note: I believe the little BK burgers were "Burger BUNDLES." I distinctly remember the "Chicken Bundles" commercial, to the tune of "Chick-A-Boom"… "Chicken Bundles, Chicken Bundles, doncha just love ‘em…"

Ghosted by Evil Colonel @ 07/10/2004 1:35 AM EDT

You gotta love old commercials, brings back memories like a tidal wave, curious though will the Star Wars Burger Chef commercial ever be up for viewing? I seen the story that was done on it.

Ghosted by Nuke @ 07/10/2004 12:20 PM EDT

Hey there!
I’ve been enjoying this site for a while, so it’s fitting that it takes a pre-fab television boyband to get me posting.
I was watching the Power Glove commercial, and noticed that the Nintendo kid is Chris Wolf from the Guys Next Door (yeah, I didn’t remember it at first either.)
Love the page!

Ghosted by Corey Rotic @ 07/12/2004 10:22 AM EDT

"…and sometimes ended with a sitcom"

Oh, say, like "Saved by the Bell", my official junior high/high school obsession from 1988 to 1993? I even watched "SbtB: The College Years" religiously on Tuesday nights during the 1993-94 TV season just because I wanted to BE Zack.

Needless to say, at 27 (and off drugs) I’m not half as dorky as I was at 16.

(but seriously, how does a Ctrl-F 2 days after the fact fail to bring a result for "Saved by the Bell" on X-E?)

Ghosted by Monster Dog @ 07/15/2004 4:39 AM EDT

Dude! I still have my Lynx. Guantlet on that thing is still one of my all-time favorite games! The other game they showed in the commercial is Electrocop, which I had but never could figure out how to play.

Ghosted by Corwin @ 07/16/2004 4:01 AM EDT

the show was ”TURBO-TEEN” HA HAH

Ghosted by tinyjurado @ 07/19/2004 6:38 PM EDT

this is a fun comment.

Ghosted by robert @ 07/24/2004 11:17 AM EDT

none of your commercials are funny

Ghosted by chris @ 09/20/2004 6:49 PM EDT

The 80s had some fucked up commercials!!

Ghosted by BREEZY J @ 09/26/2004 12:22 PM EDT

Dude!! Those commercials rock!! Really brings back the memories of sitting in front of the TV with a giant bowl of some sugary cereal!

I’ve actually been looking for a commercial….the one for Flexiblocks. A good friend of mine and her twin brother were the 2 kids in the ad (the caveman and the princess). If you know somewhere I could find it, could you let me know? I’d really appreciate it! You can email me at tuxgrrrl2@yahoo.com Thanks!!

Ghosted by Katie @ 10/04/2004 7:58 PM EDT

Those were SO freaking great. I had a good laugh here at work remembering back to when I saw them on tv. Someone needs to make a DVD with all those 80’s commericals on it. Everyone needs a good laugh now and then.

Ghosted by Alyssa @ 10/08/2004 12:28 PM EDT

They need to make a show featuring 80s commercials

Ghosted by Brendan McClelland @ 10/08/2004 1:23 PM EDT

They need to make a show featuring 80s commercials

Ghosted by Brendan McClelland @ 10/08/2004 1:24 PM EDT

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