X-Entertainment | The 4th of July Fireworks Extravaganza!

The 4th of July Fireworks Extravaganza!

I'm sure a lot of you are gone for the weekend, but for those who can hearrrr me know, X-E's celebration of Independence Day comes in the form of this pictorial guide to shitty fireworks. Well, not shitty...just cheap. Smoke bombs, snake eggs, and a whole bunch of other junk we found yesterday in a paper bag leftover from last year. I've got another article on deck, probably for Monday, earlier if I don't feel like celebrating, but I probably will, because yay tequila. If you're taking off, have a great 4th -- may it be filled with the legendary vodka-filled watermelon and much meat.

Posted by Matt on 07/02/2004. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 107 comments

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Years ago I was shooting off Roman candles but I held on to one too tight. You guessed it… it blew up in my hand. Turned it all black and stuff. No need for hospital, but I slept all night with my hand in a bucket of cold water. Didn’t piss myself thank God! Told my Mom the next day I had burnt it on a radiator cap at work.

Chestnuts roasted by Joe @ 07/03/2004 8:35 AM

Hey Matt, not to get too off topic but my better half and I went to see Super Size Me last night. I don’t know if you’ve seen it but it was sort of like watching one of your McD’s/Burger King articles, only this guy was eating it three times a day seven days a week for a month. I felt vicariously nauseated for the guy halfway through the movie.

On topic: we used to make that cobra egg thing in the ancient wall-sized autoclave in chemistry lab.

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 07/03/2004 8:58 AM

This comment also has nothing to do with fourth of July, but being Canadian I blew all my fireworks two days ago. But Mare Winnigham is coming back to TVland on CBS!!!! It’s called Clubhouse and it "tells the tale of an adolescent batboy (Jeremy Sumpter) for a fictional New York baseball team (Mare Winningham co-stars). More Mare for all,

Chestnuts roasted by Brentantation @ 07/03/2004 9:32 AM

I never thought Missouri was a great place to live until I found out EVERYWHERE ELSE MAKES FIREWORKS ILLEGAL!!! That’s just unpatriotic – James Adams or one of the founding fathers said that it was our duty to light the skies with fire to remember those who sacrificed for freedom…or something. Either way, its how I get the fireworks that "pop" every year.

Chestnuts roasted by Lauren @ 07/03/2004 10:32 AM

Here in Lubbock, Fireworks are banned inside city limits. However, there is plenty of room outside the city…

You do have to be careful, because it is SO dry here that you could start a fire just by thinking about it.

I haven’t done any fireworks in years, but I enjoy watching other people do theire (as well as the "professional" fireworks).

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 07/03/2004 11:01 AM

Ah yes. Celebrate the freedom of your nation by blowing up a small part of it.
I LIKE IT WHEN THINGS GO KABLOOIE!

Chestnuts roasted by The Dragonrider @ 07/03/2004 1:48 PM

Here in Canada, we never get any good fireworks. My grandparents used to go to Home Hardware and buy a variety pack of cheep ones, albiet fun and exciting ones. I know mostly about those snakes from South Park, but i’ve never seen ‘em in real life.

happy 4th of july.

Chestnuts roasted by G. Tubman @ 07/03/2004 2:04 PM

The Tanks ain’t new.. I’ve known them for years.. They are my favorite fireworks. My favorites were Bees and Cone Fountains

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 07/03/2004 2:40 PM

In my little neighborhood in Missouri fireworks are banned. Of course that doesn’t stop my neighbors from shooting off fireworks from the first of July till the end of August starting as soon as it gets dark and going till at least 2am. They must spend a couple of thousand each year on fireworks. As for me, for some reason I’ve always hated fireworks and used to hide in the car in the field we had to go to to shoot off some fireworks. Wasn’t a fun time for me.

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 07/03/2004 3:27 PM

here in the ssouthwest and south.. Some Bombs double as Mesquito killers as the smoke drives them away from biting you all up as the Mequitos are deadly where I live.. Light a smoke bomb and watch them all choke off.

Chestnuts roasted by Mike @ 07/03/2004 3:29 PM

I just saw Supersize Me today and it’s pretty good. I’d recommend it to anyone.

Fireworks are banned here also (IA). But at least you can find things like tanks, smoke bombs, and that one other thing that exploded Matt. Here, they only things you can find are the poppers, snakes, and sparklers.

Chestnuts roasted by JLAJRC @ 07/03/2004 6:14 PM

So…..America gained independance from England…….but fast forward into the present – Now you can buy all manner of comedy fireworks explosive type things ANYWHERE in England, but in some places in the USA they’re illegal – Who really won, huh ?

(Disclaimer : This post is supposed to be funny, not an attack against americana)

Chestnuts roasted by Pablo @ 07/03/2004 7:29 PM

Nice.

If you ever go to Butte, Montana, almost everybody launches their own mini-mortar. When we went for the 4th a couple of years ago, it was amazing how many big fireworks were launched by just one family a couple doors down, let alone the combined forces of Butte.

Chestnuts roasted by Mat Olson @ 07/03/2004 7:30 PM

Piscez-My borther and his friend once did that with a cheap model airplane made of balsa wood and paper. It flew pretty good, even if it was rather random in its direction.

Pablo-Y’know, it’s funny. Here in America, we can easily obtain guns, but we can’t buy decent fireworks. And yet in England, people can buy decent fireworks, but it’s much harder for them to get a gun.

Anyway, I think this 4th, like all others (except the ones when I was a kid), is gonna be pretty lame because my friends here back home are lame and don’t do anything…period. It’s times like these that I wish I were with my friends at school in Canada. They’re actually fun.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/03/2004 8:18 PM

Correction:"flew pretty good" should be "flew pretty well"

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 07/03/2004 8:21 PM

Sparklers: The most fun you can have getting a third-degree burn on your fingers. Where we all learned about heat transfer by conduction through a small wire.
The burning finger of God, writing messages that would hover in our persistence of vision, though God’s last commandment seemed to always be a huge "O" or "8".
The fun of arc welding without sheet metal or the cool mask from "The Exterminator*". Yet, the cornea damage remains!
The joy of throwing a lit sparkler into the sky and watching your impromptu nighttime rocket. The horror of watching it’s return towards your upturned face, still ablaze. The reward of getting yet another toss before it’s hellish spark gives out, or the experience of playing DC Comic’s Firestorm.

Sparklers are America
Flashy
Hot-natured
Pointed
Blinding
Awsome!

* http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0080707/

Chestnuts roasted by Aconite @ 07/03/2004 9:25 PM

Stacey, I don’t like fireworks, either. I actually used the baby being tired as an excuse to leave a picnic today b/c they were just about to set them off. I’m not afraid of them or anything – they just do nothing for me. I know the baby would have been freaking, anyway. She practically had a coronary at the Air Show we went to on Father’s Day. If she’s like the other two, she’ll be afraid until she’s three or so and then be ok. Then, I’ll be stuck watching them, no excuses. Well, I’ve got at least one more Fourth of July in peace and non-smokey quiet.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 07/03/2004 9:27 PM

I don’t like fireworks that make noise, but, pretty ones rock.

I’d make a set up afore where I’d have abotu 3 huge cones that spray tons of pretty colourful sparks, and, alot of smoke bombs just set up around the base, all different colours, the result? A giant spray of sparks and pretty smoke..

Chestnuts roasted by Teh Bret @ 07/03/2004 9:56 PM

Oh, and, I hate the strobers, those give me one hell of a headache, yet, my brother loves them ;_;

Chestnuts roasted by Teh Bret @ 07/03/2004 10:05 PM

about 4 years ago we spent $100 (about $65 US) on fireworks for either new years or christmas and it came with a turtle, similar to the army tank except it had wheels so when sparks would fly from its rear it would wheel along. that was cool. happy 4th of july you yanks!

Chestnuts roasted by Rachel Cakes @ 07/03/2004 10:08 PM

Fireworks are just as illegal here in southeastern New Jersey for the general public as they are in Staten Island, but for a couple of years running, my dad managed to import some from my cousin in Virginia (where they apparently are free and legal). I’ll bet he probably still has a few somewhere. He and my brother set them off in the front driveway for a few years running. Before that, he’d pack all six of us in his old truck and bundle us down to the Cape May Canal and set them off while we ran around with sparklers and tried to keep the damn things lit for more than three seconds.

I am going to be seeing fireworks this year, as I live about three or four blocks from where they’re set off on the beach, but that’s all I’m going to be able to do. I’m going to spend most of my holiday inside a grocery store trying to ring up 800,000 people who were crazy enough to to go shopping on a major holiday. : 0 p

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 07/03/2004 10:19 PM

Here in Michigan,fireworks are legal,except for bottle rockets and Roman candles. I’ve heard stories of people going down to stores on the Indiana border to get that kind of stuff.

I like smokeballs,becuase I can put them down mole holes in my yard and see the smoke come out. One time,I put one down one hole,and smoke was coming out another one,just a little ways away.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 07/03/2004 10:36 PM

Fireworks are illegal in douglas county of Omaha, but, they’re legal everywhere else, so, we jsut go a few blocks to a firewrosk tent, and, pick up a few, it’s no biggie

Chestnuts roasted by Teh Bret @ 07/03/2004 11:00 PM

I remember driving with my folks to South Dakota as a kid to buy fireworks. I swear, you could buy dynamite there if you had the cash.
We also saved Pepsi bottles for our bottle rocket fights. We’d go to the construction site and shoot them at each other. I’m amazed any of us still have our vision. Good times.

Chestnuts roasted by Peg @ 07/03/2004 11:34 PM

I just moved to the dryest damn part of California (the mojave) in January, and I’m going to miss the hell out of fireworks. Out here, everything that stands even a remote chance of lighting a fir is illegal (not that I’d be too worried about burning the desert down) but back home in Wyoming it’s basically anything goes. In fact I think roughly 1/4 of the Wyoming economy is based on selling fireworks to the less fortunate surrounding states. I’m really going to misss having my own mortars and M 80′s to play with this year.

Chestnuts roasted by Ghalidrim @ 07/03/2004 11:56 PM

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