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07/02/2004: The 4th of July Fireworks Extravaganza!

I’m sure a lot of you are gone for the weekend, but for those who can hearrrr me know, X-E’s celebration of Independence Day comes in the form of this pictorial guide to shitty fireworks. Well, not shitty…just cheap. Smoke bombs, snake eggs, and a whole bunch of other junk we found yesterday in a paper bag leftover from last year. I’ve got another article on deck, probably for Monday, earlier if I don’t feel like celebrating, but I probably will, because yay tequila. If you’re taking off, have a great 4th — may it be filled with the legendary vodka-filled watermelon and much meat.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 107 comments

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I just wanted to say happy 4th to all you Yanks. Enjoy yourselves, but be careful with them firecrackers, eh?

Ghosted by Sean @ 07/02/2004 11:29 PM EDT

And, I guess, I shoudl say First Post!! Woo!!

Whatever.

By the way Matt, how are the fish? A store near my work has a tank with 9" blood parrots! And what’s really weird? They are sharing a tank with…Geophagus! I guess they took a hint from you set up.

Ghosted by Sean @ 07/02/2004 11:31 PM EDT

Sean you mindreader, I was toying with making an entry just to ask your help. Okay, remember that dolphin whale guy I have? Well, I think he’s fine, but the woman thinks he’s sick — I will concede that he has some pale markings on his face, and 1 or 2 grains of what would appear to be styrofoam (very miniscule) on his fin (and definitely not Ick). He’s as active as ever and shows no signs of sickness in his behavior, and I’m convinced we just never noticed these markings before. Dear Abby, who’s right?

Ghosted by Matt @ 07/02/2004 11:35 PM EDT

Whoa, I was NOT expecting another article before the holiday, and definitely not one holiday themed. Thank YOU.

Ghosted by Jason @ 07/02/2004 11:49 PM EDT

Matt, I would hazard that the woman is right (doesn’t that always seem to be the way? I hope my wife doesn’t see that). The skin of mormyrids is pretty delicate, so infectious parasites (like ich) can really get at them. Coupled with the fact that most of those fish don’t really like hanging out in tanks with big cichlids, that might be asking for trouble. The best treatment? Partial water changes (never a total one, very bad), raise the temperature A LITTLE (it should normally be 78-80 F, raise it to about 85 until it goes away). Keep in mind, the higher temperature raises the fish’ metabolism, helping them fight infection, but it means they eat, digest and excrete more, and more often, so cleaning needs to be more frequent. Finally, adding aquarium (not table) salt would probably help, about a tsp/10 gallons (I think). Avoid chemical treatments if you can because a) it’s expensive to treat a big fish tank, and b) mormyrids, like loaches and catfish, don’t have normal scales, so medications at full dose can do more harm than good.

Anyway, that’s my thought. Good luck.

Ghosted by Sean @ 07/02/2004 11:50 PM EDT

Oh, and yes, my species tends to be telepathic.

Not really, I just always wanted to say that.

Ghosted by Sean @ 07/02/2004 11:52 PM EDT

Seventh Post? Yeah I’ll take that.
*lights bottle rocket*

Ghosted by Former A1C Pete @ 07/03/2004 12:04 PM EDT

We used to play soccer with the smoke balls. It was bang-droppin’!

Here in CA, the only fireworks that are legal are the lame assed ones, which would include the ones in this article. What I prefer are firecrackers, M-1000s, bottle rockets, helicopters, bees, and just about anything else that could potentially kill anyone within a ten foot radius. It’s just no fun when there isn’t a risk involved.

Ghosted by Nate @ 07/03/2004 12:05 PM EDT

An interesting experiment involving Piccolo Petes just came to mind. For those of you who don’t know, Piccolo Pets are these tubes that you set upright, and they make a shower of golden sparks and give off a high-pitched noise that would make any dog within a hundred-mile radius try to drown himself/herself in his/her own water bowl. Very annoying, but there’s something cool you can do with them.

Simply hold the top of a Piccolo Pete against a hard flat surface, take a hammer, and hammer the top shut. Give it a couple of extra whacks if needed. Just make sure that the top is closed off, but still fairly intact. Light it, and the muthafucka will explode. Please note that this may not happen right off the bat after you light it, and it may not work at all. It takes practice getting it right.

I’m now calling this experiment "Bang-Droppin’ Petey" in honor of Matt’s new "cool word."

Ghosted by Nate @ 07/03/2004 12:26 PM EDT

I think you need to find those movies and get them online.

Me and a friend made Rocket Cars once… strapped model rocket engines to plastic cars we bought from walmart…. its effing awesome. And legal! I think.

Ghosted by Piscez @ 07/03/2004 12:30 PM EDT

Matt, when you do light the skeleton firework, make sure you take pictures and update the firework article. I want to see what it does! Oh, and just a note. I haven’t done anything for 4th of July in years..fireworks are banned around where I live too. In the sense that there’s nowhere to shoot them off without starting a fire and killing 30 people.

Ghosted by Aristobulus @ 07/03/2004 1:04 AM EDT

The Tanks are perhaps the greatest fireworks ever made. A traditional favorite activity is to face off two tanks and light them, betting on the winner, as one will invariably catch on fire and burn to ash, as the other tank stands proudly in triumph.
Then, place firecrackers in the little holes left in the winning tank, and watch it a’splode.
Ah, memories.

Ghosted by James @ 07/03/2004 1:31 AM EDT

In the Palm Springs desert area they ban fireworks in the tourist towns but they’re legal in the poorer areas, so as you drive down the highway there are signs every few miles telling you whether you can have fireworks or not. It’s completely random and silly; I don’t think that the dry brush/fire hazards care which side of the county line they’re on. They put on an amazing show last year, though, at the Polo Club, of all places (Click my name for the pics I took of the show).

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 07/03/2004 1:40 AM EDT

Here in Connecticut, they legalized a lot of fireworks a few years ago, and, let me tell you, it is glorious to walk into Stop & Shop and see a rack of $25 firework collections. The only thing missing is collector’s numbers on the side of them, as in "collect them all now, before they’re gone, and when they’re gone, your head’s gone. No billy, don’t touch that."

*sigh*

-quentin mcalmott

Ghosted by quentin mcalmott @ 07/03/2004 1:54 AM EDT

No one seems really big on fireworks around here, there are a few on Canada Day and some on New Year’s…nothing big.

I do remember playing something really very dangerous on a vacation to Winnepeg. It was called ‘Roman Candle Tag’. The objective was that we all bought as many roman candles as we could, lit ‘em up and tried to shoot them at each other. No one got ‘tagged’ per say, but its not an activity I advise the kids to undertake.

Remember your safety goggles people!

Ghosted by Cannibalizer @ 07/03/2004 2:37 AM EDT

Dear matt
cook your fish on the 4th of july.
Ps I would send you some fireworks but i dont think sending explosives through the mail is good.

Ghosted by alex @ 07/03/2004 2:41 AM EDT

I could however, email you pictures of them
Then more pictures of me enjoying them.
Oh no… I’m sure you have plenty of your own fireworks to enjoy..OH WHATI WOOPS

Ghosted by alex @ 07/03/2004 2:44 AM EDT

Where I live in Cali fireworks are legal. Last year my cousin lit up like 5 boxes of those skeleton type fireworks and it made a big strobe light effect. I was seeing spots for 2 minutes.

Ghosted by pikacuhlover @ 07/03/2004 3:28 AM EDT

Good fireworks are illegal in my little hell-hole of a state, (PA)too. But, the ones you mention are rather fun too.

What makes it worse is that my one Aunt has SHITTY taste in fireworks. One year, she bought some "fireworks" that shot PAPER STREAMERS and nothing else for crying out loud.

Anyway, usually we go to my Uncle Greg and Aunt Gale’s house instead. He gets GREAT fireworks and lives in a spot where they don’t care what you do. But, We’re not going there this year. -_-

Oh well, I’m going to bed now. Free-Comic-Day is tomarrow!

Ghosted by Tetsu Deinonychus @ 07/03/2004 3:37 AM EDT

Awesome pics! Great article!

Ghosted by sfghsfgh @ 07/03/2004 3:39 AM EDT

I just lit off some cheapy called a "June Bug" that was pretty darn cool. Actually, it was fucking awesome, but I’m a bit depressed about Marlon Brando’s passing, so it’s hard to be free with the hyperbole. Anybody else hitting the video stores this weekend for a screening of some classics? I’m thinking "A Streetcar Named Desire" and "Apocalypse Now".

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 07/03/2004 4:31 AM EDT

Matt! What, no reference to the fact that the Cobra Black Snakes have a "WARINING" label? I mean you did catch that the Tank was made in "Cihna".

Ghosted by jhnnywalkr @ 07/03/2004 5:12 AM EDT

Fireworks rule! I always like taking my bottle rockets and loading in my "Nemesis" figure and launching them from his man pad rocket launcher at my other "Resident Evil" toys. Way cool! To everyone have a safe 4th, watch your fingers.

Ghosted by Caylor @ 07/03/2004 6:05 AM EDT

jhnnywalkr, I was just coming here to post about the WARINING. That extra I, he’s a sneaky one.

Ghosted by trajeal @ 07/03/2004 7:18 AM EDT

The smoke from the Smoke Bombs reminds me of the end of Time Bandits.
"Don’t touch that, mum! It’s EEE-VIL!"

Ghosted by trajeal @ 07/03/2004 7:30 AM EDT

Years ago I was shooting off Roman candles but I held on to one too tight. You guessed it… it blew up in my hand. Turned it all black and stuff. No need for hospital, but I slept all night with my hand in a bucket of cold water. Didn’t piss myself thank God! Told my Mom the next day I had burnt it on a radiator cap at work.

Ghosted by Joe @ 07/03/2004 8:35 AM EDT

Hey Matt, not to get too off topic but my better half and I went to see Super Size Me last night. I don’t know if you’ve seen it but it was sort of like watching one of your McD’s/Burger King articles, only this guy was eating it three times a day seven days a week for a month. I felt vicariously nauseated for the guy halfway through the movie.

On topic: we used to make that cobra egg thing in the ancient wall-sized autoclave in chemistry lab.

Ghosted by Molten @ 07/03/2004 8:58 AM EDT

This comment also has nothing to do with fourth of July, but being Canadian I blew all my fireworks two days ago. But Mare Winnigham is coming back to TVland on CBS!!!! It’s called Clubhouse and it "tells the tale of an adolescent batboy (Jeremy Sumpter) for a fictional New York baseball team (Mare Winningham co-stars). More Mare for all,

Ghosted by Brentantation @ 07/03/2004 9:32 AM EDT

I never thought Missouri was a great place to live until I found out EVERYWHERE ELSE MAKES FIREWORKS ILLEGAL!!! That’s just unpatriotic – James Adams or one of the founding fathers said that it was our duty to light the skies with fire to remember those who sacrificed for freedom…or something. Either way, its how I get the fireworks that "pop" every year.

Ghosted by Lauren @ 07/03/2004 10:32 AM EDT

Here in Lubbock, Fireworks are banned inside city limits. However, there is plenty of room outside the city…

You do have to be careful, because it is SO dry here that you could start a fire just by thinking about it.

I haven’t done any fireworks in years, but I enjoy watching other people do theire (as well as the "professional" fireworks).

Ghosted by Cameron @ 07/03/2004 11:01 AM EDT

Ah yes. Celebrate the freedom of your nation by blowing up a small part of it.
I LIKE IT WHEN THINGS GO KABLOOIE!

Ghosted by The Dragonrider @ 07/03/2004 1:48 PM EDT

Here in Canada, we never get any good fireworks. My grandparents used to go to Home Hardware and buy a variety pack of cheep ones, albiet fun and exciting ones. I know mostly about those snakes from South Park, but i’ve never seen ‘em in real life.

happy 4th of july.

Ghosted by G. Tubman @ 07/03/2004 2:04 PM EDT

The Tanks ain’t new.. I’ve known them for years.. They are my favorite fireworks. My favorites were Bees and Cone Fountains

Ghosted by Mike @ 07/03/2004 2:40 PM EDT

In my little neighborhood in Missouri fireworks are banned. Of course that doesn’t stop my neighbors from shooting off fireworks from the first of July till the end of August starting as soon as it gets dark and going till at least 2am. They must spend a couple of thousand each year on fireworks. As for me, for some reason I’ve always hated fireworks and used to hide in the car in the field we had to go to to shoot off some fireworks. Wasn’t a fun time for me.

Ghosted by Stacey @ 07/03/2004 3:27 PM EDT

here in the ssouthwest and south.. Some Bombs double as Mesquito killers as the smoke drives them away from biting you all up as the Mequitos are deadly where I live.. Light a smoke bomb and watch them all choke off.

Ghosted by Mike @ 07/03/2004 3:29 PM EDT

I just saw Supersize Me today and it’s pretty good. I’d recommend it to anyone.

Fireworks are banned here also (IA). But at least you can find things like tanks, smoke bombs, and that one other thing that exploded Matt. Here, they only things you can find are the poppers, snakes, and sparklers.

Ghosted by JLAJRC @ 07/03/2004 6:14 PM EDT

So…..America gained independance from England…….but fast forward into the present – Now you can buy all manner of comedy fireworks explosive type things ANYWHERE in England, but in some places in the USA they’re illegal – Who really won, huh ?

(Disclaimer : This post is supposed to be funny, not an attack against americana)

Ghosted by Pablo @ 07/03/2004 7:29 PM EDT

Nice.

If you ever go to Butte, Montana, almost everybody launches their own mini-mortar. When we went for the 4th a couple of years ago, it was amazing how many big fireworks were launched by just one family a couple doors down, let alone the combined forces of Butte.

Ghosted by Mat Olson @ 07/03/2004 7:30 PM EDT

Piscez-My borther and his friend once did that with a cheap model airplane made of balsa wood and paper. It flew pretty good, even if it was rather random in its direction.

Pablo-Y’know, it’s funny. Here in America, we can easily obtain guns, but we can’t buy decent fireworks. And yet in England, people can buy decent fireworks, but it’s much harder for them to get a gun.

Anyway, I think this 4th, like all others (except the ones when I was a kid), is gonna be pretty lame because my friends here back home are lame and don’t do anything…period. It’s times like these that I wish I were with my friends at school in Canada. They’re actually fun.

Ghosted by Nate @ 07/03/2004 8:18 PM EDT

Correction:"flew pretty good" should be "flew pretty well"

Ghosted by Nate @ 07/03/2004 8:21 PM EDT

Sparklers: The most fun you can have getting a third-degree burn on your fingers. Where we all learned about heat transfer by conduction through a small wire.
The burning finger of God, writing messages that would hover in our persistence of vision, though God’s last commandment seemed to always be a huge "O" or "8".
The fun of arc welding without sheet metal or the cool mask from "The Exterminator*". Yet, the cornea damage remains!
The joy of throwing a lit sparkler into the sky and watching your impromptu nighttime rocket. The horror of watching it’s return towards your upturned face, still ablaze. The reward of getting yet another toss before it’s hellish spark gives out, or the experience of playing DC Comic’s Firestorm.

Sparklers are America
Flashy
Hot-natured
Pointed
Blinding
Awsome!

* http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0080707/

Ghosted by Aconite @ 07/03/2004 9:25 PM EDT

Stacey, I don’t like fireworks, either. I actually used the baby being tired as an excuse to leave a picnic today b/c they were just about to set them off. I’m not afraid of them or anything – they just do nothing for me. I know the baby would have been freaking, anyway. She practically had a coronary at the Air Show we went to on Father’s Day. If she’s like the other two, she’ll be afraid until she’s three or so and then be ok. Then, I’ll be stuck watching them, no excuses. Well, I’ve got at least one more Fourth of July in peace and non-smokey quiet.

Ghosted by trajeal @ 07/03/2004 9:27 PM EDT

I don’t like fireworks that make noise, but, pretty ones rock.

I’d make a set up afore where I’d have abotu 3 huge cones that spray tons of pretty colourful sparks, and, alot of smoke bombs just set up around the base, all different colours, the result? A giant spray of sparks and pretty smoke..

Ghosted by Teh Bret @ 07/03/2004 9:56 PM EDT

Oh, and, I hate the strobers, those give me one hell of a headache, yet, my brother loves them ;_;

Ghosted by Teh Bret @ 07/03/2004 10:05 PM EDT

about 4 years ago we spent $100 (about $65 US) on fireworks for either new years or christmas and it came with a turtle, similar to the army tank except it had wheels so when sparks would fly from its rear it would wheel along. that was cool. happy 4th of july you yanks!

Ghosted by Rachel Cakes @ 07/03/2004 10:08 PM EDT

Fireworks are just as illegal here in southeastern New Jersey for the general public as they are in Staten Island, but for a couple of years running, my dad managed to import some from my cousin in Virginia (where they apparently are free and legal). I’ll bet he probably still has a few somewhere. He and my brother set them off in the front driveway for a few years running. Before that, he’d pack all six of us in his old truck and bundle us down to the Cape May Canal and set them off while we ran around with sparklers and tried to keep the damn things lit for more than three seconds.

I am going to be seeing fireworks this year, as I live about three or four blocks from where they’re set off on the beach, but that’s all I’m going to be able to do. I’m going to spend most of my holiday inside a grocery store trying to ring up 800,000 people who were crazy enough to to go shopping on a major holiday. : 0 p

Ghosted by starwenn @ 07/03/2004 10:19 PM EDT

Here in Michigan,fireworks are legal,except for bottle rockets and Roman candles. I’ve heard stories of people going down to stores on the Indiana border to get that kind of stuff.

I like smokeballs,becuase I can put them down mole holes in my yard and see the smoke come out. One time,I put one down one hole,and smoke was coming out another one,just a little ways away.

Ghosted by Overlord @ 07/03/2004 10:36 PM EDT

Fireworks are illegal in douglas county of Omaha, but, they’re legal everywhere else, so, we jsut go a few blocks to a firewrosk tent, and, pick up a few, it’s no biggie

Ghosted by Teh Bret @ 07/03/2004 11:00 PM EDT

I remember driving with my folks to South Dakota as a kid to buy fireworks. I swear, you could buy dynamite there if you had the cash.
We also saved Pepsi bottles for our bottle rocket fights. We’d go to the construction site and shoot them at each other. I’m amazed any of us still have our vision. Good times.

Ghosted by Peg @ 07/03/2004 11:34 PM EDT

I just moved to the dryest damn part of California (the mojave) in January, and I’m going to miss the hell out of fireworks. Out here, everything that stands even a remote chance of lighting a fir is illegal (not that I’d be too worried about burning the desert down) but back home in Wyoming it’s basically anything goes. In fact I think roughly 1/4 of the Wyoming economy is based on selling fireworks to the less fortunate surrounding states. I’m really going to misss having my own mortars and M 80’s to play with this year.

Ghosted by Ghalidrim @ 07/03/2004 11:56 PM EDT

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