X-Entertainment | X-E meets the World’s Smallest Woman at the Carnival!

X-E meets the World’s Smallest Woman at the Carnival!

You won't believe your eyes in the two-page spectacular, X-E Visits The Carnival. Once a year, my local mall's parking lot is converted into one of the most makeshift amusement parks a person could see, featuring everything from broken rides to shitty prizes, but above all else...THE WORLD'S SMALLEST WOMAN. There's a lot to see in this incredible tale of goldfish-winning and Spidey-hunting, so grab yourself ten gallons of life-giving liquid and prepare for a trip down one of the strangest lanes yet to be featured on the site.

Posted by Matt on 06/14/2004. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 167 comments

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Wow, great article.

Besides Gloria (I do feel we’re on a first name basis) the local carnival here is pretty similar… alternated locations between the parking lot of a parochial school & the giant parking lot practically in my backyard. In recent years they’ve moved it up to the never-used extended parking lot of the mall. Um… okay, I don’t have any funny carnival-related stories, but now I really want some fried dough. THAT is the REAL carnival food.

Chestnuts roasted by Piscez @ 06/14/2004 11:13 PM

Is that last picture in your appartment? If so post more pictures of your p[lace so we can see all the shit you have collected! I sat here for 10 minutes looking at everything I could in that picture!

Chestnuts roasted by Dan @ 06/14/2004 11:34 PM

Spidey AND the World’s Smallest Woman in one night?! Wow, what luck! At least she was happy. I had to laugh at the guy stuck in the top of the House of Non Mirrors. He looks like one of my customers at the video store. I don’t care much for the guy. Bootleg Scooby?! Classic. I like Legit Scooby! And how’s ur goldfish? And is that ur memorabilia collection in the picture w/Spidey? Wow!!!!!!!! Great article!!

Chestnuts roasted by Allison @ 06/14/2004 11:52 PM

You should have given Spiderman to Gloria! That would have been a hoot!

Chestnuts roasted by Patrick the great @ 06/15/2004 12:21 PM

I liked the marijuana leaf on the Hall of Mirrors.

Chestnuts roasted by The Masturbating Bear @ 06/15/2004 1:03 AM

This is some of the best photography I’ve seen in an X-E article. What kind of camera do you use, Matt?

Chestnuts roasted by Hope @ 06/15/2004 1:04 AM

As much as I enjoy your articles on 80′s memorablia and shows, I wish you would do more reviews like this one and you’re A.C. hotel trip.

Good Stuff!

Chestnuts roasted by Novaximus @ 06/15/2004 2:36 AM

there is doo doo all over my apartment, but i aint cleaning it up because i am moving in 2 months and that would be a waste. i dont have pets

Chestnuts roasted by romeo @ 06/15/2004 3:30 AM

Great article. It gave me a sense of nostalgia reading it because I haven’t been to my city’s local carnival since I was eight. Although that was nine years ago, I still see those same shitty games mentioned in your article set up each year as our city is blessed with the prestigious honor of having a breeding ground of filth and disappointment on one of its most cheerished dirt lots.

I’m new to this site so I’ve been catching up on your articles. After reading your article on Monsters in my Pocket I remembered I had the whole "kitten kaboodle" safely stored in my spider/silverfish infested basement. I’d say I have atleast 85% of all the Monsters in my Pocket ever made, even the special one you had to mail away for.

Anyway, keep up the good work. This was easily one of my favorites, right up there with the Hungry Man and Kids Cuisine article(s).

Chestnuts roasted by Brillski @ 06/15/2004 3:39 AM

you have crushed my soul with Gloria. Call me crazy but I have a soft spot in my heart for the tiny folk.

I like the freakshow type movies where everyone is happy and together and they laugh at the normals behind thier backs, like Freaks and Wolf Girl and other such movies.

I wouldn’t feel so bad for Gloria if she were surrounded by others who were in on the freakdom. As it is she probably makes pretty good money.

She’s the only thing there worth the establishment paying for, since they are obviously making 200 percent profit or more, no money is going into anything else. There’s just no way places like that would be open if they weren’t cash cows.

So for a real attraction, I’m sure it pays.

Guess I feel better now.

Chestnuts roasted by spooky @ 06/15/2004 4:00 AM

Maybe he’s a knockoff based on Ord. I know my DragonTales though(little sister’s dance studio plays PBS in the afternoons), and it’s not really Ord.

I’d like a plush version of the two-headed one. He/she is funky.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 06/15/2004 4:28 AM

Man, that was a great column! I’ve been visiting this site for almost a year now, but this is easily my favorite column until now. Keep up the good work, Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by Sjoerd @ 06/15/2004 5:37 AM

Matt, I must say, that was excellent. Keep up the excellent work, my good brother!

Chestnuts roasted by Mack-O @ 06/15/2004 6:16 AM

Hey Matt, call it morbid curiousity, but was Gloria behind a sheet of thick glass, or could you actually talk to her? Did she actually speak?

Chestnuts roasted by Destro @ 06/15/2004 6:57 AM

Gloria’s not being exploited, she’s selling a service to the carnival company. If she could find something better to do, in terms of personal satisfaction, she’d be doing it. If not, the carnival is the best possible thing for her.

Reading your article and the comments posted, I’d say she’s probably doing alright for herself. No major skills are required — sit here and look sad. No major work is required — watch TV, smile for the cameras. Her work environment seems at least as comfortable as any I’ve ever had, and it’s decorated so as to maximize the pathos (and, concordantly, the tips).

You wanna talk about exploitation, let’s talk about the fish. Even the ones that do survive the carnival and make it home are probably improperly cared for. How many lucky fish-winners do you think rushed out to buy an air pump, an air stone, a filter, and test kits for pH, ammonia, nitrites, etc? How many do you think are following the 10 gallons / goldfish rule? Common goldfish are hardy and fine for beginning aquarists, but there’s still some work involved in keeping them healthy and happy.

Chestnuts roasted by CDA @ 06/15/2004 7:23 AM

I’ve always wondered what these sideshow gigs were all about besides exploting someone’s talent to make a profit. P.T. Barnum did it with Tom Thumb in the late 1800′s. This Reitenhoffer business is no different. I felt bad looking at the sad state that woman was in. I’m pretty sure that’s how your supposed to feel, which makes you shell out Tip money.

As for the Animal problem. I fully support the Animal rights group on this front, as well as many others such as circuses and rodeos.

Chestnuts roasted by Rowan Steele @ 06/15/2004 8:41 AM

awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by zombone @ 06/15/2004 9:14 AM

Carnivals scare me…and I dont mean just the rides…and I dont mean your average kind of fear where your just scared.

Think about it, you pay $ to enter this place of cheap knockoffs, rude "people", and rides that make life insurance agents giddy with anticipation….for what?…."entertainment"? I never found the entertainment behind a carnival or "fair".

The rides I can easily say "no" and not think twice about it because…..well…obviously I dont want to die

Then theres the food…one of the ultimate gambles when coming from a carnival. Lets not forget to mention the bathrooms, which are only there to taunt you since they’re mostly too dirty to even look at. Meanwhile your looking for the closest secluded bush.

The "Carnies"…how exactly do you get around to that kind of "life"? That always bothered me.

Anyway, enough ranting.

Chestnuts roasted by Jason @ 06/15/2004 9:37 AM

There are only two things in this world that scare me and one is nuclear war. The other is
Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.

Chestnuts roasted by Blah...blah @ 06/15/2004 9:52 AM

Forget the midget, its all about the TMNT poster on the wall behind spidey. I used to have that exact poster! Seeing it again makes my heart yearn. Maybe you could leave it to me in your will?

Chestnuts roasted by Brandon @ 06/15/2004 10:01 AM

Good article.
We also saw the same small lady a couple years back at the Topsfield Fair in Massachusetts. I remember going in there with the best of intentions and then, when I was faced with her, found myself unable to utter a word, staring blankly as she just smiled and showed us photos. We left her booth different people than we were when we walked in.
Afterwards, we just watched as people went in with these huge smiles on their faces and walked out with wide eyes and blank stares themselves.
It was very disturbing. Later at the fair, we visited the batboy, who was a lot easier to deal with, since he was just a dude with pointy ears and an eddie munster haircut who liked to listen to Eminem…
So that’s my story…

Chestnuts roasted by Goody @ 06/15/2004 10:10 AM

You can also catch Gloria in that TLC special about sideshows circa 1995. The one hosted by Jason Alexander.
Yeah, I don’t think I have ever met anyone who actually enjoyed going to carnivals but, I have never met anyone who doesn’t go every October either.

Chestnuts roasted by manimal789 @ 06/15/2004 10:35 AM

I’m glad MaryFran finally brought up funnel cakes, the only reason to go to the carnival. But even better then funnel cakes are the elephant ears. I loved those suger coated gobs of fried doughy goodness. Now it seems they are frying everything. They are using the same batter to fry oreos and snickers and they are frying twinkies. I tried the oreos and the twinkines…and I enjoyed it for the first couple of bites, but then it was just too much!

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 06/15/2004 11:56 AM

Nice article it was most enjoyed too bad for the midget I felt a little sorry, I like to see midgets in there true habitat like on the Jerry Springer show.

Chestnuts roasted by Caylor @ 06/15/2004 11:59 AM

Nice article it was most enjoyed, too bad for the midget I felt a little sorry, I like to see midgets in there true habitat like on the Jerry Springer show.

Chestnuts roasted by Caylor @ 06/15/2004 12:01 PM

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