X-Entertainment | X-E meets the World’s Smallest Woman at the Carnival!

X-E meets the World’s Smallest Woman at the Carnival!

You won't believe your eyes in the two-page spectacular, X-E Visits The Carnival. Once a year, my local mall's parking lot is converted into one of the most makeshift amusement parks a person could see, featuring everything from broken rides to shitty prizes, but above all else...THE WORLD'S SMALLEST WOMAN. There's a lot to see in this incredible tale of goldfish-winning and Spidey-hunting, so grab yourself ten gallons of life-giving liquid and prepare for a trip down one of the strangest lanes yet to be featured on the site.

Posted by Matt on 06/14/2004. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 167 comments

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freezair, is that dragon a DragonTale? Pardon me for knowing way too much about kid’s shows, but there’s a show on PBS about flying, marsupial dragons wearing necklaces called DragonTales. The blue one’s name is Ord.
Also, I saw that History Channel show, too. That’s what made me post about Gloria not having much choice in work earlier. It seems exploited to us, but some of them were really happy to show off their "freakishness".

I really want to know if Hall of Mirrors Fred got packed up w/ the carnival rides and shipped off to the old Ames parking lot in Albany (or wherever that Carnivale is heading next).

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 06/14/2004 7:33 PM

I remember going to a fair in Yonkers, NY about 4-5 years ago, which had the same World’s Smallest Woman/Horse attractions. Don’t remember for sure if it was the same woman, but I do remember that she was black.

Also that Spiderman’s cock was funny as hell.

Chestnuts roasted by Dean @ 06/14/2004 7:52 PM

$6 for a ferris wheel? Holy shitaki. I wouldn’t go to a carnival unless they had the classic $20 hand stamp for unlimited rides.

There was one year where I was on a first name basis with the Tilt-a-Whirl operator. I rode that fucker 50 times, at least. My friends left me behind because of it.

Me: "One more time BAY-BAH!"
Them: "Fuck you."

Poetry.

Chestnuts roasted by Rein @ 06/14/2004 7:53 PM

Carnie Folk. . .small hands, smell like cabbage! A good majority of you should know where that line comes from!

~I ain’t a New Jack, nobody gonna Wesley Snipe me, it’s less than likely!

Chestnuts roasted by Mugzy. . . @ 06/14/2004 8:20 PM

Awesome article. Too bad I had to wait till I got home to post since your site banned my work IP from posting.

Anywho, the baseball-looking Madball is "Screaming Meeme" (not "Screaming Meanie" as you called him in an earlier article).

I think it is a baseball reference, but my being an absoulute sports fag and baseball being absoulutely boring to the point of unwatchability unless the company puts me up in the suite with an open cooler and hot dog warming machine, I wouldn’t know.

Chestnuts roasted by klatubaradanikto @ 06/14/2004 8:21 PM

Yes gyros do have lamb meat in them, but i have a funny feeling that the canival gyros probably consisted of rat and/or dog meat and old Chinese newspapers.

And satalite or no, living in what looked to be a dilapidated reptile house must really suck. Poor Gloria.

Chestnuts roasted by Seburo @ 06/14/2004 8:24 PM

Religously check for updates and I feel like i was just given the gift of a life time. Tremendous article – even better than the movie review of BasketCase the google search that started it all… sniff sniff

Chestnuts roasted by He who randomly kisses ass @ 06/14/2004 8:25 PM

Well, I doubt she actually lives there. It’s probably just where she works. I’m sure she has her own trailer w/ much more comfortable living arrangements. It may be mean to gawk at her, but I seriously doubt the carnival PTB kidnapped her and forced her to perform while living in a tiny open ended crackerbox.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 06/14/2004 8:29 PM

Up where I live we have a huge Fair/Carnival every year called The Sussex County Farm and Horse Show. It has the usual rides and games, but has a lot more. As the name implies it has horse shows, and boring farm crap. There are also many exhibits there and a shitload of free stuff. One year I got a free Archies ham Radio Adventure comic. The comic was one of those so bad its the funniest things ever type of book. You havne’t lived till you ahve seen midgets floating down a river on a cello. The fair also has a demolition derby every year.

Chestnuts roasted by Bright Noah @ 06/14/2004 8:31 PM

Hooray for crappy prizes… (like what I’m guessing are horrendous Care Bears knock-offs in the pic before Bling-Bling Scooby) although occasionally you’ll find something legit.

I’ll never forget when my boyfriend (now husband) spent over 20 bucks at Kennywood (our local amusement park) trying to win a plush Charizard. He never did get that sucker until he shelled out ANOTHER 20 bucks for one on ebay.

Note: he *wasn’t* trying to win it for me.

Chestnuts roasted by Team Rocket Rose @ 06/14/2004 8:55 PM

a really well written atricle matt ) the worlds smallest lady was heartbreaking- does she actually live in that little room?

carnies give me the creeps. i think i have said this before but in Australia we have the royal show but it is of better quality- although a ride crashed a couple of years ago but no-one was killed luckily.

you know the medium sized spongbob plush toy, well the last time we went to the show my nephew spotted one as a prize for a game that cost about AUS$3 to play. the ones where you throw the bouncy ball in the bucket but it is difficult because of the way the bucket is tilting. so we spent, like AUS$9 trying to get it but then we didnt and he ended up crying. so we gave the carnies a look like "look at what you’ve done!". later we bought the spongebob at another stand for AUS$12. and thats my story.

oh, end they had all types of blow up cartoon characters as well…

Chestnuts roasted by Rachel Cakes @ 06/14/2004 8:56 PM

That is the most depressing thing i have evr seen i think the Spider-Man blow up was bigger then her.

Chestnuts roasted by cat @ 06/14/2004 9:06 PM

Another article that reminds me why I’ll always consider X-E the #1.

Chestnuts roasted by Vin @ 06/14/2004 9:12 PM

You’re so funny Matt. I really like your passive agressive nature and sarcastic humor. It rocks my sox.

Your limerick was inspiring too. *laughs*

Chestnuts roasted by Camila @ 06/14/2004 9:30 PM

Hey Matt,

How about the kick-ass carnival art they used to paint on all the "Flying Bobs" rides (you have one in your article) that always had the 1970′s ski scenes on them? I miss those things.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/14/2004 9:36 PM

Unless county fairs and carnivals are the same thing, I’ve never been to a carnival. I go to my local fair though a lot of summers, but I never ride the rides. The people that put them up look too much like Cletus from The Simpsons. They put the rides up in under a day, but somehow I’m not trusting them enough to expect them to know what they’re doing. I just know as soon as I hand over my money and take my seat on the ride, the whole thing will just go because of some slack jawed yokel that didn’t put it together right.

Wow that was long about carnies or whatever. Guess that was building up since last summer.

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 06/14/2004 9:49 PM

Most carnivals are pretty poor, but every summer I look forward to going to the New York State Fair in Syracuse. It’s a bit larger than your average carnival, and it has more rides, from Strates shows, that are usually in pretty good shape.

By the way, Matt, did that carnival have any dark rides? Most carnival dark rides aren’t very thrilling, but a lot of them, like the ones at the NYS fair, usually have cool artwork on the facade.

Chestnuts roasted by Number5 @ 06/14/2004 10:03 PM

The statue of the guy in the toxic barrel was from the only moderately dark ride, but we didn’t ride it. It was set up like a movie theater coaster for "Scream 2."

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/14/2004 10:06 PM

Wow…

In comparison, our local fair sucks!

http://www.parnasas.com/PopArena/Articles/fair1.html

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 06/14/2004 10:09 PM

Anyone in the philadelphia area ever go to the willow grove mall when they had those kick ass carnie style posters hanging from the ceiling? It’s been about a billion years since I went there, and I don’t know if they still have them or not, but…I remember being really little and thinking they were the GREATEST THINGS ever. I still do, and if they’re gone now…I’ll always wish that they had sold them all to me.

on another note, my friend rocked the coney island freak show one summer. She contorted and did the electricity show.

Chestnuts roasted by isleptfunnyhaha @ 06/14/2004 10:11 PM

Hah, I went to this the other night. Dead on on all points, but you should’ve talked about the parking lot outside….home of the REAL freaks.

Chestnuts roasted by Shaolin @ 06/14/2004 10:14 PM

Every year in July,my town has the National Baby Food Festival,becuase my hometown (Fremont,MI) is the home of Gerber Baby foods. It used to be called the Old-Fashioned Days,but I guess corporate interests just had to get involved. When this goes on,the whole town just turns into a madhouse,with Main Street filled with rides and game booths. There are even some rides that that been showing up since when I was younger,like a motorcyle merry-go-round with seventies-sytle colors. I try to stay out of it as much as I can since I’ve gotten older,but it’s pretty hard to do,since I have younger cousins.

Hey Matt,Spencers Gifts sell those large rubber duckys,but with a little sailor’s hat on them,since that’s where I got mine.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 06/14/2004 10:18 PM

Good Stuff Matt!

I saw the exact same ‘World’s Smallest Woman’ at the Tennessee Valley Fair here in Knoxville, like 7 or 8 years ago. The same lady! I guess it’s not just a job, it’s a career. She had a smaller set up when i saw her, just a little couch, a tv, and her tip basket, but it was definitely Gloria. And i had the same reaction… I was so pumped to see her up until i did, then i just felt horrible. But, supposedly she has a son (who’s twice her size) so at least she’s getting some lovin’.

Chestnuts roasted by Scott P @ 06/14/2004 10:22 PM

I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her on TV! Or at least another black woman playing the part of world’s smallest woman. The chick I saw on TV was Jamaican I believe, and took the job b\c she wasn’t healthy enough to find other work.

Chestnuts roasted by Mickey @ 06/14/2004 10:39 PM

Speaking of dark rides, this site’s a nice way to kill some spare time.

http://www.laffinthedark.com/main.htm

Chestnuts roasted by Number5 @ 06/14/2004 10:47 PM

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