X-Entertainment | X-E meets the World’s Smallest Woman at the Carnival!

X-E meets the World’s Smallest Woman at the Carnival!

You won't believe your eyes in the two-page spectacular, X-E Visits The Carnival. Once a year, my local mall's parking lot is converted into one of the most makeshift amusement parks a person could see, featuring everything from broken rides to shitty prizes, but above all else...THE WORLD'S SMALLEST WOMAN. There's a lot to see in this incredible tale of goldfish-winning and Spidey-hunting, so grab yourself ten gallons of life-giving liquid and prepare for a trip down one of the strangest lanes yet to be featured on the site.

Posted by Matt on 06/14/2004. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 167 comments

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God, this reminds me of the world smallest woman at our local fair a few years ago…only difference is that she was an AMPUTEE. I think I put like $10 in her tip basket because I felt so bad at her exploitation….carnie code of ethics my ass!

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 06/14/2004 4:43 PM

Holy. Shit.

Chestnuts roasted by Uhh. @ 06/14/2004 4:55 PM

I haven’t read the article in full yet, but the background makes me dizzy…

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 06/14/2004 5:06 PM

That Riethoffer’s Midway site has a virtual tour, and one of the places you can see on the tour is Crystal Lil’s. Crystal Lil was the name of the mother from Geek Love (http://www.strangewords.com/archive/geek.html), that book I mentioned a few days ago here. Shoutout!

Ok, back to reading the article.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 06/14/2004 5:07 PM

YES!!! NUMBER 3.

Yes, my heart does go out to the world’s smallest woman. I have to be honest, I did chuckle ever so slightly. But really, that kind of exploitation should be illegal.

If you think carnivals are bad, you should check out the county fairs here in West Virginia. 3 rides, more lousy games, and old laides entering their apple pies in competitions.

Speaking of carnies, in 2003, I went to the San Antonio rodeo with my girlfriend (now finacee). We took her little sister and brother (who has Downs’ syndrome) with us.

It had a similar pricing structure of the carnival in the article (paying extra for tickets, etc).

Anyhow, as we were walking to the different rides, shows, exhibits, etc.. the carnies kept asking me to play their stupid games. They would get right up in my face and ask me to play. They targeted me specifically. They would ask if i wanted to win a prize for my daughter (my girlfriends’ sister) or brother. If was rather irritating. After about the 10th carny asked me that, I told him to "leave me the HELL ALONE!!! I DON’T WANT TO PLAY ANY OF YOUR STUPID GAMES. I’m not gonna pay $3 to win a god-damn fish doll!!!!!" I don’t think he knew what to do. I felt very good after that outburst!

Here’s the carnival! Something we hate, yet we go to every year

Chestnuts roasted by SHANE! @ 06/14/2004 5:09 PM

The worlds smallest woman looked like a Mini-Oracle. Call up Neo!

Chestnuts roasted by Sweetie @ 06/14/2004 5:13 PM

That article was great Matt. Gloria, the super midget, is probably one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen…all day. Thank God you threw that limerick in there at the end. Cheered me up and I believe it cause my to fecate my scivvies! Peace!

Chestnuts roasted by Blake @ 06/14/2004 5:14 PM

Awesome, awesome, article…but yeah, sideshow attractions should be outlawed.

Matt, are there any comparisons you can give to show just how small Gloria was? Because of the photo being in a custom room, she looked regular sized to me.

Chestnuts roasted by Behonkiss @ 06/14/2004 5:24 PM

Check out her arms in the second pic for proof of midgetry.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/14/2004 5:25 PM

why does bootleg scooby-doo’s shirt say Bling Bling and a # symbol? what a prize.

Chestnuts roasted by bunky @ 06/14/2004 5:32 PM

#11!

Even though its true that most of those fish don’t last a day, I’ve had 2 that lasted quite a while that I won at the same time. One lived to be 5 years, while the other lived to be NINE YEARS OLD until my uncle overfed it when I was on vacation ><

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 06/14/2004 5:40 PM

Hey Matt, is that last picture your house or a booth at the amusement park? Because either way, the laziest of examinations reveals a lot of bitchin’ stuff.

Also, in the US according to the book ‘The Real History of the American Circus’ which was later made into a bunch of good documentaries by A&E, freak shows are outlawed in many, many US states and entirely banned in Canada. So unfortunately, as this carnival company travels around the country Gloria can’t work everywhere.
The only way to circumvent this law is to be a working freak; this means that you can’t just have a medical disorder and look mutated, you also have to do something amazing. So working freaks become geeks, eaters, acrobats, contortionists, etc. in order to work for a living. Most working freaks today have no overtly obvious medical conditions, but are instead body modified persons who elected this route for themselves.

Also, everybody go see Jim Rose’s Sideshow Circus if it comes to your town…the most depraved shit you’ve ever payed to see outside the average Vegas boxing match.

Chestnuts roasted by Cannibalizer @ 06/14/2004 5:52 PM

Last pic is where these articles come from.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/14/2004 5:53 PM

Welcome back, my friends,
To the show that never ends.
We’re so glad you… Woah, Butthead, look! Midget Woman!

I kinda miss the sideshows. Used to have stuff like that down here during The Annual American Indian Exposition here in Anadarko. No more. Just crappy rides, crappy carnival food, crappy carnival prizes, and booths selling crappy knock-off merchandise. I always try to buy a knock-off Japanese robot or a laser pointer. C’mon down this August! I’ll be the dumpy galoot enjoying the breeze coming off the Gravitron.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 06/14/2004 6:03 PM

Haven’t read it yet, but I love gyros. Didn’t know they were fair type material.

Chestnuts roasted by Piscez @ 06/14/2004 6:06 PM

Very good article. Better than most of the recent ones, but then again, I’m just a sucker for the road-trip ones!

The last pic is pretty cool.

Too bad about the midget lady. You should have given her one of the small goldfishes.

Chestnuts roasted by Pee-Caaaaaa-JEW @ 06/14/2004 6:38 PM

Oh god. That was the most disturbing and or amazing article yet. I think?
That’s one creepy, gross carnival.
I think the bling bling # bootleg Scooby say it all.

And I really love how the smallest woman’s picture’s file name is "holyshit".

Ugh. I hate carnivals so much now.

Chestnuts roasted by Denise @ 06/14/2004 6:39 PM

Man oh, man… If that wasn’t the saddest little person I have ever seen. You can see the pain behind her smile tring to break through, but the thought of losing her tips keeps her forced smile going. D-pressing.
Corn dogs rule!

Chestnuts roasted by Bettie Boo @ 06/14/2004 6:43 PM

Er.. trying.

Chestnuts roasted by Bettie Boo @ 06/14/2004 6:44 PM

Hey! No funnel cake? That wormy looking crispy sugar coated confection has got to be one of my favorite parts of carnivals/fairs. Even without any funnel cake goodness – gotta say the cotton candy monster rocks!

And Gloria the midget – whoa. Very sad – I have no words.

Chestnuts roasted by MaryFran @ 06/14/2004 7:03 PM

Really, to be totally honest here, what would Gloria do for work outside of the carnival? She’s so tiny, I bet she would have a hard time finding work (well, maybe not recently, but she looks to be about 60 or so, so when she was younger, before employers were more accomidating (I know that’s spelled wrong, sorry)). Although, she does have a satellite in there w/ her tv, so at least she can catch The Sopranos in between standing up and smiling for people.

I thought for sure that there would have been a link to the Glofish article. what w/ all of the sadistic goldfish treating that was going on. I bet their little bowls get hot under those lights, too. Sniff.

Ooh, did you notice the orb in the photo of the psychic tarot stand? Either she really is psychic, and she was calling in the spirits, or that parking lot is haunted. Or, you had a spot of water on your digi cam lens. Either way, you could sell it on Ebay.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 06/14/2004 7:06 PM

Seriously Matt, we need a virtual tour of your office.

Chestnuts roasted by KMC @ 06/14/2004 7:08 PM

In a weird sort of paralell-universe moment, I recently watched a History Channel program on sideshows. Back when sideshows were first tried to be outlawed, the people who stuck up for them most were–the sideshow freaks themselves! Strange, but that seems mean right there.

I have this awesome blue dragon I won at a carinval. He inexplicably has a pouch. But he’s cuddly.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 06/14/2004 7:09 PM

AWESOME!!!!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by SuperStar @ 06/14/2004 7:16 PM

wow…I laughed, i cried, i saw a giant hulk that didnt look like him at all!!

HULK ANGRY! THAT NOT REAL HULKK! THAT IMPOSTER HULK! SMASH IMPOSTER BALLOOON HULK!

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 06/14/2004 7:21 PM

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