X-Entertainment | X-E goes miniature golfing!

X-E goes miniature golfing!

Heyyy, we went miniature golfing. The "Safari Amusement Park," featuring a course littered with dirt and broken animal statues, has long delighted the locals around these parts with its charming blend of pastel-colored golf balls and a mysterious "19th Hole" tucked away inside a Tiki hut. They've also got gas-powered bumper cars, and they're very proud of this fact. Not the best mini golf course in the world, not the worst mini golf course in the world, but it's the only one I've seen with anatomically correct lion statues. Share in the adventure.

Posted by Matt on 05/17/2004. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 100 comments

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great article…a little disturbing to know those kinds of places still exist(the lion).Anyway who goes there anyway?

Chestnuts roasted by Mr.Fun @ 05/19/2004 7:29 PM

Hahah, I’ve been to that mini golf course. That was years ago, though. Too bad I’m still stuck in this crap-hole borough. Anyway, I can’t believe that the course hasn’t changed in forever. It’s a good thing that Matt didn’t mention that the place is a stone’s throw away from the largest garbage dump in the world. Thankfully the view is blocked by an abandoned highway overpass.

Chestnuts roasted by Joe @ 05/19/2004 7:48 PM

Man, Safari Golf Rules! It is FRIGGIN WEIRD to see all these things online that I see in every-day life. Seeing the haunted house that’s down the block from my best friend’s house on dat dem dere internet – awesome! A movie at the Atrium, pizza at the place next door then Safari Golfing. A perfect date. Now if only anyone would actually go out with me. Hey Matt, hook me up w. some Island geek chicks.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt (the third) @ 05/19/2004 10:21 PM

I see Jim Morrison in the window of the tiki hut.

Mini golf is fun. I keep looking for a Seven Wonders of the World course, ala Overboard. I wonder, what did they do w/ the other 11 holes, once they used up the seven wonders?

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 05/19/2004 10:32 PM

Oh, bettieboo beat me to it.

Ya know, I seriously thought the reason the blog blew a gasket today was b/c Matt finally put up the Chia pet article and the site had some kind of fit in joy. Oh, well.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 05/19/2004 10:35 PM

Those are not the worst bumper cars ever. I went to a small park in Omaha once while visiting some family and they had the same type of cars, yet the area to drive around in was like 12 cubic feet. Pretty sad.

Chestnuts roasted by ChaosJunkie1024 @ 05/19/2004 11:22 PM

I can’t shake the image of the lion’s asshole…..ugh….shiver me timbers

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 05/20/2004 12:17 PM

The first time I played miniature golf, I was five. That was also the last time. Enough said already!

Chestnuts roasted by Andrew T. @ 05/20/2004 12:29 PM

I like performing a little experiment on my local mini-golf course every summer. A friend and I bring our own ball and a full bag of clubs and play from open to close, or until the (usually) lone employee gets tired of our assholery. There’s nothing better than crushing the ego of some douche trying to impress his girlfriend when I hit a chip shot in his hole from the sidewalk, while he can’t putt accurately from 2 feet away.

Chestnuts roasted by King Shazbot @ 05/20/2004 12:42 PM

Minature golf courses in the southern New Jersey area range from huge, fancy "entertainment centers" complete with fake waterfalls and nicely landscaped and themed courses to cheap, family-owned variations on the place Matt visited. My favorite, though, is the one next to Rainbow Ice Cream Palace in North Cape May. It’s been around as long as the one Matt described, but it has three advantages: it’s been upgraded at least somewhat over the past few years (broken statues have been replaced or repainted, and there’s no barbed wire), it’s next to North Cape May’s only combination ice cream parlor/doughnut shop, and at least last year, it only cost two dollars a person. I take my brother there at least two or three times a summer, and we always have a great time, even though we never bother keeping score.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 05/20/2004 12:51 PM

Hey, I’m behind in my reading of X-E but I wanted to share a few pictures of some Shrek crap. I have been taking them with my new camera whenever I see them in our local grocery store in Texas. It is interesting, but at one HEB nearby there is Shrek shit everywhere, but another maybe a mile away has hardly any. I think even here it may not be as intense as other places.

http://www.kitoconnell.com/Photos/0405/shrek1.jpg
http://www.kitoconnell.com/Photos/0405/shrek2.jpg
http://www.kitoconnell.com/Photos/0405/shrek3.jpg
http://www.kitoconnell.com/Photos/0405/talkingshrek.jpg

Chestnuts roasted by Kit @ 05/20/2004 2:21 AM

Great article, Matt. Sad, but hilariously sad.

My favorite Mini-Golf would have to be the one in Red River, NM. Tiny place. Run down, but definately in better shape then Safari Golf. Favorite hole: A volcano that you had to have the ball go up a conveyor belt, then go down to the hole via a mystery tube. Almost impossible to get a hole in one.

We have a Putt-Putt golf and games in Lubbock, but I haven’t been in ages. Good selection of video games, though (at least, there used to be). Oh, and they have Bumper Boats there, and yes, they are awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 05/20/2004 2:56 AM

A Shitty Mini golf course is located at Konocti Harbor Inn, Kelseyville, CA. My wife and i went there ’cause she enjoys a good game. It was icky, like Safari Amusement "park". It was a tour de force of filth, broken down, sad, and just plain eww. Broken bottles adorned certain areas of trees near the 1st and 2nd holes, busted "features", animals, gismos and etc. Kids breaking things, kids in trees selling drugs. Having to reach my hand into puddles (oh no) to retrieve ball. Icky bad yuck…
And on the up-side, the wife and i went to Reno mother’s day weekend, a highlight being smoking cigs and drinking beer walking through a mall. the hilton is empty feeling.

Chestnuts roasted by Obelisk @ 05/20/2004 3:31 AM

Great article about the mini golf course. I havent been to one in so long. The one I used to go to didnt have a lion ass hole though

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 05/20/2004 5:12 AM

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=%22mini+golf+monthly%22

Doesn’t seem to be a "Mini Golf Monthly" but there is a "Golf Monthly".

Chestnuts roasted by gmfbrown @ 05/20/2004 9:21 AM

Cool Matt, I see you’re partial to the "Fuck Shoe-Laces" type of shoes as well. They’re very convenient!

Chestnuts roasted by Cobra Soldier #18 @ 05/20/2004 10:05 AM

"Plain Zero"…I read this line in my head with Arnold’s voice, and actually truly laughed out loud.

Funny stuff Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by beSharp @ 05/20/2004 10:39 AM

Again…… "No! Don’t make him angry! Don’t you know who he is? He is the Great Ninja Master Tiger No Eyes!"

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 05/20/2004 11:32 AM

Our local mini-golf features among other awfullitudes: a giant rabbit with a butthole(indeed this seems to be a common thing), a dinosaur with a golf putter penis (which for some reason nobody noticed for a long time), and a 20 foot tall Peter Pan with low self esteem (yikes). On the other hand the owners know it is a shite factory so they’ll let cha bring beer in. By the way there is…90 minutes away in Waco,Tx…a "kiddie fun land" place with a SUPER SLIDE still in operation…and I thought those were banned 30 years ago!

Chestnuts roasted by Blah blah @ 05/20/2004 11:57 AM

Blah Blah:

Having lived in Waco, TX (and living there now), I have been down that Super Slide. I was scared to death of it as a kid. I don’t think it is anymore dangerous than the rest of the usual rides/activities. "Kiddie Land" (at Lion’s Park) Is still in operation, but I think they have removed some of the rides. They do still have a ride-on train that circles the park, as well as a Mini Golf Course, Go-Carts and (I think) Bumper boats.

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 05/20/2004 12:22 PM

Mini-golf is the best.

Chestnuts roasted by XviviX @ 05/20/2004 12:56 PM

Hey Cameron I was hoping to ride the slide this summer, hope its still there. Got my wax paper, and my burn-off spray and I’m ready to go lose some skin on 200 degree metal!

Chestnuts roasted by Blah...blah @ 05/20/2004 2:16 PM

For those on the Gulf Coast, you know it’s all about Goofy Golf on the Redneck Riviera.

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/FLPANgoofygolf.html

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 05/20/2004 2:57 PM

Unfortunately for me, i don’t get to indulge myself in the filthy bliss of a rundown, grimy m.g. course. i live in the m.g. capital of the world. there are only about 773,892 m.g. courses in the 20 miles or so between my town and lake george (upstate n.y.) those of you thinking of going on a holy crusade for crusty old m.g. courses in my neck of the woods will be disappointed to find clean, maintained courses. wish i had a grimy course to call my own. bastards!

Chestnuts roasted by jcardin3 @ 05/20/2004 3:14 PM

Hey Matt.. congratulations on another kick-ass article! I’m a big fan of your "adventure" pieces. I’m ready to storm Bar Harbor, Maine with you any time!

Chestnuts roasted by Brian @ 05/20/2004 3:15 PM

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