We flew on JetBlue to and from E3. I’ll tell you about the actual event when I feel like coughing up 2,500 words on it, but for now, the flight. JetBlue is really nice. They’ve got DirectTV screens on the back of each seat, so each passenger watches their own set and gets to choose from about two dozen channels. Long flights go a lot faster when you can pass the time on ancient Hey Arnold! episodes and Animal Planet exposes on how baby koala bears literally eat the shit from their mothers assholes: no, I’m not kidding, I watched it in graphic detail. I half-literally add: holy shit.
Anyway, since JetBlue is all new and stuff, they’re really trying to make a name for themselves. You want seconds on the drinks and snacks? Ask! You want two pillows? They’ll give you three! Plus, if you’re bored on the flight, JetBlue provides a solution with their new pals from Castle Pilates…
Stolen from the plane, here’s the “Flying Pilates” tutorial, which gleefully teaches passengers how to annoy the holy fuck out of whomever they’re sitting next do by doing all sorts of space invading exercises! Could you imagine this? The seats are crammed enough on those planes. I spent two hours during the flight in using a large woman’s hand as an armrest without knowing it. If said woman started breaking out with the “Single Leg Stretches” or “Spine Twists” mid-flight, I would’ve used my last genie wish to transform into a bomb and kill us all. The back of the tutorial sheet features more incredibly never-gonna-happen-on-a-plane exercises, including one where you’re supposed to pretend you’re swimming. I don’t see these activities gaining steam as midair crowd-pleasers anytime soon, but at least JetBlue’s trying to be hip and with it.
Personally, I think bigger bags of pretzels would’ve sufficed.
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
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someone might think that guy is accessing a shoe bomb