Chestnuts roasted by
Nate @ 05/05/2004 2:53 AM EDT
Fuck. I gotta take HTML all over again.
Just enter this URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085334/
Chestnuts roasted by
Nate @ 05/05/2004 2:55 AM EDT
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085334/
Chestnuts roasted by
Nate @ 05/05/2004 2:56 AM EDT
There, I did it. I guess I’m not such a dumbass after all.
Chestnuts roasted by
Nate @ 05/05/2004 2:56 AM EDT
I’m not sure I would have known that was Ralphie unless you’d pointed it out. My first guess would have been a Young Jim Gaffigan figure. Then I’d have to figure out why there are any Jim Gaffigan figures at all, let alone a Young Jim Gaffigan.
I’m gonna shut up and read the thing now.
Bye.
Chestnuts roasted by
ChaosMonkey @ 05/05/2004 3:05 AM EDT
awesome. the monchichis were a nice touch
Chestnuts roasted by
valarie @ 05/05/2004 3:32 AM EDT
Awesome job! Very funny stuff! BTW Great site!
Chestnuts roasted by
Jarrod @ 05/05/2004 4:17 AM EDT
Excellent! Matt do you know where the MarshMellow Man is being sold? Will it be at Suncoast/Sam Goody or is it exclusively on the NECA site store?
Chestnuts roasted by
Excellent! Matt do you know where the MarshMellow Man is being sold? Will it be at Suncoast/Sam Goody or is it exclusively on the NECA @ 05/05/2004 7:40 AM EDT
Sorry wasn’t paying attention the post above this one is mine. I’m such an ass.
Chestnuts roasted by
Rowan Steele @ 05/05/2004 7:41 AM EDT
What exactly are monchichi’s. Are they monkeys or monkey/gerbil’s or what? I dont understand…
Chestnuts roasted by
BettieBoo @ 05/05/2004 8:20 AM EDT
those cenobite chicks are from hellraiser 5 or 6, one of them has the guy that does the max paine voice. Pinhead is in them both a totall of 5 seconds
Chestnuts roasted by
bob barker on smack @ 05/05/2004 8:28 AM EDT
Notice one of the girls grabbing Barbie’s crotch partway through the story?
Chestnuts roasted by
Volkaru @ 05/05/2004 8:32 AM EDT
"We just got in a shipment of Monchichis."
Shoutout! Whoo!
Scut Farkus was played by Zach Ward, who went on to play Dave, the brother, on Titus. I love useless trivia.
Chestnuts roasted by
trajeal @ 05/05/2004 9:28 AM EDT
Did anyone else notice who was hiding behind the wood in one of the pics?
Chestnuts roasted by
Cold Milk @ 05/05/2004 9:29 AM EDT
Scott Schwartz, A.K.A. Flick was straight up doing porn.
Chestnuts roasted by
Stilewalker @ 05/05/2004 9:37 AM EDT
Funny Shiznit!
Chestnuts roasted by
The King Lion @ 05/05/2004 9:47 AM EDT
I agree that Flick was posing for porn, no girl could resist that tongue. Since I’m already talking about sex, I figure it’d be ok so make fun of Matt’s milky balls…
Chestnuts roasted by
ANdrew @ 05/05/2004 9:48 AM EDT
Crap me a new brain, it’s Cenobite time! YAY! CENOBITES RAWK! The "Barbie" one is from the first Hellraiser… one of the originals. And the Chatterer is my favorite! Bravo!
Chestnuts roasted by
Nachokhaki @ 05/05/2004 9:56 AM EDT
Yeah, I saw those guys behind the Hell-Crating… a possible hint at the promised continuation of the Chia Plot? I hope so…
Chestnuts roasted by
SilvaKrown @ 05/05/2004 10:08 AM EDT
I thought I was the only one who cared about and cherished A Christmas Story. Everytime I see the VHS that we used to tape it off TV I get a little bit nostalgic. The leg lamp…but Ralphie’s fantasy of coming home blind was a little disturbing. It still is.
Chestnuts roasted by
CasinoRoyale @ 05/05/2004 10:23 AM EDT
Chia Part 5?
Chestnuts roasted by
sixpointsix @ 05/05/2004 10:42 AM EDT
Matt, you’re an f’n genius!
GI’s in hell?
Matt what r u cookin up?
Also, Shrek was a really good movie and I’ve tried those fruit snacks and they ain’t bad either.
Chestnuts roasted by
J-Dog @ 05/05/2004 11:21 AM EDT
Not just posing for porn, ANdrew. He an actual porn star. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0777432/
I didn’t really like Shrek. We’re a Finding Nemo sort of bunch, here.
Chestnuts roasted by
trajeal @ 05/05/2004 11:31 AM EDT
Went back and saw the Joe’s. Hee!Tittle! Guffaw!
Sneaky Joe’s.
Chestnuts roasted by
trajeal @ 05/05/2004 11:34 AM EDT
I saw a 1/2 scale leg lamp in a catalog once. Ragile, must be Italian.
Chestnuts roasted by
kingklash @ 05/05/2004 11:34 AM EDT
The take on Ralphie’s boxer nose must be in part II.
I own this movie on DVD. Does this make me cool? Or, a dork? Only Matt knows…
Chestnuts roasted by
trajeal @ 05/05/2004 11:37 AM EDT
A Christmas Story is my favorite movie ever, even above the original SW trilogy and the Gremlins flicks. So no, definitely not dorky to own the DVD.
Chestnuts roasted by
Matt @ 05/05/2004 11:40 AM EDT
Actually, there really was a sequel to A Christmas Story. It had two names, one of which was My Summer Story, and the other being It Runs In The Family. It had 99% different actors, and took place in the summer sometime after Christmas Story. Not nearly as good as the first, but it had a few moments (namely Randy’s fishing experience).
Here it is on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obi...nce&s=video&n=507846
Chestnuts roasted by
a piece of milk @ 05/05/2004 11:50 AM EDT
Commander Frack?…..
Chestnuts roasted by
FireFly @ 05/05/2004 12:02 PM EDT
It is six pm in South Africa now, so hi matt, I’m going to bed soon… major headache MADE WORSE BY LACK OF CHIA PLOT!!!!! Dammit Who is the ultimate warrior? Panthro? It has to be Panthro! AA rulz, bru. PS shipment of monchichis was nice touch! We don’t have any nice action figures here… I had a plush monchichi as a child… My brother stole it… Monchichi’s belong in a small wooden crate allegedly made to look like hell. Ha. Ha. Bet u’re having breakfast right now, so I’m about to have supper. Snarf and gravy, with veg. Yumyumyum. G’night.
Chestnuts roasted by
eminentfreak @ 05/05/2004 12:08 PM EDT
On a completely unrelated topic, Matt have you seen the new Peanut Butter Toast Crunch cereal? Definitely deserves an article or a blog entry or something.
Chestnuts roasted by
Luap @ 05/05/2004 12:11 PM EDT
Thers’s an interesting egg in one of the pictures. Look close.
Chestnuts roasted by
Coke @ 05/05/2004 12:33 PM EDT
We watched Christmas story in school in grade four but the teacher turned it off when ralphie said "fuck."
I still have not seen the end.
Chestnuts roasted by
lemmywinks @ 05/05/2004 12:43 PM EDT
More like lunchtime here in EST.
Didn’t the baby Macauley Culkins play Ralphie and Randy in It Runs In The Family? A disappointment, although the plots surrounding the parents were pretty good (tax time, the gravy boat).
Chestnuts roasted by
trajeal @ 05/05/2004 12:43 PM EDT
South Africa…… it’s like a whole other country.
Chestnuts roasted by
kingklash @ 05/05/2004 12:44 PM EDT
The kid who plays Flick joined the porno industry because he found that he could do more than stick his tongue to a pole. Then again, maybe not…
Chestnuts roasted by
CasinoRoyale @ 05/05/2004 12:46 PM EDT
Oh, yeah - do the figures come w/ the Bumpus’ dogs and the Christmas duck? Cuz that would just rule.
It’s good to know I am officially non-dorky. Whoo!
Rent it, lemmywinks. It’s worth the $5.
My five year old daughter caught a snake in our backyard. His name is Bob and is right now in an aquarium in the kitchen. I think Bob is giving me the stink eye.
Chestnuts roasted by
trajeal @ 05/05/2004 12:47 PM EDT
Ahh.. A Christmas Story and Pinhead.. finally united *snif* what a perfect world!
Chestnuts roasted by
hugsnstuff @ 05/05/2004 12:58 PM EDT
You are such a fudging teast Matt! Not only do you make an action figure drama, when you know I’m setting my dreams on Chiaplot (note, that I will never have a best day ever because you ruined the one I predicted!)But I saw what was happening behind that crate! It’s just cruel. It’s not fair… Don’t we deserve it? Haven’t we been good? I tell you what, If you give me the Chiaplot I’ll umm…. well I don’t know, probably something involving the robots that came in boxes of OJs cereal for some inexplicable reason, or probably the ghostbusters episode where Larry Storch Guest starred, (Ghost Busters, not The Real Ghost Busters.) Aww cmon man, be a pal.
Chestnuts roasted by
Trippy the 8th Dwarf @ 05/05/2004 1:36 PM EDT
Hmmm… very nice. Yes, very nice. Good Work, Matt. I’d be curious how long it takes you to put together something like that?
Chestnuts roasted by
The Return of Long Duck Dong @ 05/05/2004 1:55 PM EDT
Cameron, are you sure it’s the entire first season? The only old school ninja turtles DVD I can find on the internet is just the first 5 episodes, along with 4 episodes that never aired on TV. Is this the one you’re talking about?
Click my name for the link.
Chestnuts roasted by
Beerstalker @ 05/05/2004 2:36 PM EDT
hooray for matt!
Chestnuts roasted by
lfkhgf @ 05/05/2004 3:29 PM EDT
K, this was insanely good stuff. I loved the small touches, like the girls grabbing at Barbie’s crotch. Also, I hope I’m not the only one who noticed the father in his last pic.
Chestnuts roasted by
Eraser @ 05/05/2004 3:31 PM EDT
WTF?
It’s nice to know that Matt still plays with his action figures 
I didn’t know there was a series of A Christmas Story figures.
Chestnuts roasted by
AngeFaitore @ 05/05/2004 4:40 PM EDT
that was soooo goood matt.. good job mista mista!
Chestnuts roasted by
nelson @ 05/05/2004 4:46 PM EDT
I noticed it too Eraser, but I’m surprised noone else has mentioned it yet.
Chestnuts roasted by
Beerstalker @ 05/05/2004 4:48 PM EDT
I think the ol’ Dad switcheroo was obvious for most people… and the rest just don’t want to admit they missed it.
Chestnuts roasted by
Nachokhaki @ 05/05/2004 5:00 PM EDT
Great article Matt. I was surprised that I didn’t see Cobra’s jet/bus in the background with Zartan yelling at Frack about giving him wrong directions…either way it still rocked and keep up the good work.
Chestnuts roasted by
Tim @ 05/05/2004 5:00 PM EDT
Ha ha ha ha……..ha! Hell….Ralphie…Ovaltine…ha!!!
Fuck Kenneth Branagh!!!
Chestnuts roasted by
Don't Touch, Willy. @ 05/05/2004 5:50 PM EDT
The head switch was right up there with the best B-movie or Twilight Zone endings. "And there, hanging from his butt, was a hook! BOOGABOOGA!"
Chestnuts roasted by
kingklash @ 05/05/2004 6:10 PM EDT
That was disturbing and odd. I loved it!
A Christmas Story and the other Summer vacation story with separate actors performing are actually chapters out of a book from one man’s life. He’s also done shorts about his time with his dad at a Chicago Cubs game. Funny book, yet I can’t recall the name of it. . .
Chestnuts roasted by
Mugzy. . . @ 05/05/2004 6:28 PM EDT
You need to do something with those Simpsons action figues. That would be awesome! BUT FIRST, you need to finish the Chia Plot thing.
Chestnuts roasted by
West @ 05/05/2004 7:50 PM EDT
That "Can I have a shotgun" dialogue needs to be preserved for generations yet to come…
Chestnuts roasted by
Creature SH @ 05/05/2004 9:05 PM EDT
Matt, I’ve been reading your site for years, and I’m so disappointed that you’ve never mentioned 8-Bit Theatre Party over at http://www.nuklearpower.com.
Fans of the very first Final Fantasy, yes, the 8-bit NES version that was going to be the last game that Square ever produced (hence the name), really should check this out. It’s got everything - evil Black Mages, swordchucks, Garland…
Matt - not doing a plug here - that’s some funny s–t over there at 8-Bit Theatre…almost as funny as your Mumm-ra/Snickers bit from eons ago (I haven’t laughed that hard since the last time I…). Actually, you’d probably be my first pick to play Black Mage in the movie conversion (probably coming in 2007 at this rate).
Chestnuts roasted by
DragonJay @ 05/05/2004 10:14 PM EDT
I wasn’t much of a FF guy so I never really got into NP, but I’ve seen the site and have a great respect for what that guy has accomplished. (that’s the same site with the sprite comic, aye?)
Chestnuts roasted by
Matt @ 05/05/2004 10:52 PM EDT
The Mumra/snickers/wilykit comment was priceless!
Is Wilykit the ultimate warrior? Or a snickers bar? Hurhurhur. Otherwise, why bother with chiaplots? I think even Matt doesn’t know who the ultimate warrior will be… thats why he’s stalling! Hah! I shall have to Invent a plot for him starring my little ponies and dismembered heman toys! Hah!
Chestnuts roasted by
eminentfreak @ 05/06/2004 10:36 AM EDT
That was one of the funniest things I read in the last 15 minutes. Keep up the good work.
Chestnuts roasted by
pwalk @ 05/06/2004 10:49 AM EDT
Yep, South Africa is a whole other country…. It’s 4:44pm as I speak, so whoa, weird aint it? Monchichi’s were sortof like monkey things from waaaay back, a cartoon with spinoff cuddly toys. Mustve been what, 20 years ago? Had theme song like "Way up in de trees live da mon-chi-cheees, Monchichi means happ-pi-ness, MON!" There was a revival about 10-ish years ago, cute little animated critters hanging from branches. Anyone else remember animated Ewoks episodes? Loved em. And the Wuggles.
Chestnuts roasted by
eminentfreak @ 05/06/2004 10:52 AM EDT
I’m 21. I vaguely remember the Ewoks animated series. I remember one where they had to put an invisible potion on themselves to keep hidden from some bad guys. That’s about it.
Chestnuts roasted by
CasinoRoyale @ 05/06/2004 2:05 PM EDT
i can’t believe i just read all of that… and found it so entertaining! lol.
Chestnuts roasted by
shebasfire @ 05/06/2004 2:59 PM EDT
the first time i saw "an x-mas story" was when i was seven or eight — it freaked the living daylights out of me (probably since there were random people wearing costumes and what not…plus the guy w/ the coon hat was scary as hell). they did a 24 hr movie marathon of "an x-mas story" which was fine the first time around…
random note–saw old skool transformers coloring book at an antique store the other day (which is odd since one would never expect to see something like that…)
i’m going to miss shrek two over the summer (will be out of the country…oh well) i suppose it might be a good thing…
Chestnuts roasted by
happybunnydemon @ 05/06/2004 3:17 PM EDT
Matt - Great post as always. BTW, there really is an actual Christmas Story 2. I tried watching it once, but I couldn’t. I would love to see you rip into that one. Keep it up brutha!
P.S. - I know you’re digging necaonline.com, but I found http://www.darkfigures.com and it rules. They actually have a Jason figure from part 2 as well as PAMELA VOORHEES. Both are pre-orders. Check it out. Peace & Grease!!
Chestnuts roasted by
FreaqSho @ 05/06/2004 6:40 PM EDT
yea…christmas story 2..i doubt it..i know the world may be full of sequels but i doubt any1 would go that far to get money..anyway great page .keep up the good work:D
Chestnuts roasted by
Mr.Fun @ 05/06/2004 10:09 PM EDT
Did you know A Christmas Story is actually a sequel on its own? It was a sequal to an odd little movie called "Just like Dad"(I think that was the title). Same actors…younger…interesting. Its on the Disney channel once every like three years. Sad, but I saw it on once. The kid goes fishing and has wars with tops against other kids at school.
Anyway, this was pretty good Matt!
Chestnuts roasted by
G.I. He-man @ 05/06/2004 11:22 PM EDT
It’s obvious Matt is stalling on the Chia Plot until he gets the Marshmellow Man figure. There’s your ultimate cobra warrior.
Chestnuts roasted by
SpoCoGoldberg @ 05/07/2004 4:49 AM EDT
I am in hell.
Chestnuts roasted by
Slacker @ 05/07/2004 10:47 AM EDT
Those Christmas Story figures are awesome, oh yeah, so was the story. Yeah, the sequel to ‘A Christmas Story’ was ‘It runs in the family,’ with Kieren Culkin playing Ralphie.
Chestnuts roasted by
G4L @ 05/08/2004 7:15 AM EDT
How about Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss which starred Jerry O’Connell as Ralphie? I remember only very randomly stumbling upon it on the Disney Channel years ago. I don’t remember it well but I remember the kid who played Randy said the word "jelly" really weird. Anyone else heard of this?
Chestnuts roasted by
phunqsauce @ 05/08/2004 2:49 PM EDT
Wow, there’s another movie with these characters? I must find it, and then watch it… in no particular order.
Chestnuts roasted by
G4L @ 05/08/2004 6:50 PM EDT
Jeez, I never thought I’d see the day when Hellraiser and A Christmas Story could be somehow properly connected in the same sentance, let alone comic. Top notch; worthy of the ‘Mixing Movies that Should Never be Mixed’ award.
Chestnuts roasted by
Third Rate Ninja @ 05/08/2004 7:20 PM EDT
Never in all the years I spent watching A Christmas Story on TNT for 24 straight hours on Christmas Day would I have guessed there were ACS action figures made. We live in a crazy world.
Chestnuts roasted by
Tim-E @ 05/08/2004 7:50 PM EDT
Where did you get those figures from?
Chestnuts roasted by
Dan @ 05/08/2004 8:10 PM EDT
Dude you have issues. I think I’m in love.
Chestnuts roasted by
Jeffrey @ 05/09/2004 1:44 AM EDT
Wow…that was probably the the funniest thing i have ever seen. Keep up the good work
Chestnuts roasted by
Robert @ 05/09/2004 7:27 PM EDT
those cenobites are called the wire twins.
"I wanna peanut butter and jelly sandwiiiich!"
Chestnuts roasted by
*ella* @ 05/10/2004 8:58 PM EDT
The Transfat part was priceless.
Chestnuts roasted by
ElxBorracho @ 05/12/2004 2:17 AM EDT
there was this icecycle.. a.. an.. a and it fell off the roof.. an’ it hit me..
suns a bitches.. bumpises.
Chestnuts roasted by
faelyur @ 05/13/2004 4:28 PM EDT
Excellent article Matt! More like these please!
Chestnuts roasted by
Sheep @ 05/15/2004 11:22 PM EDT
much liked the comic… the homepage link goes to a photo comic of mine
Chestnuts roasted by
tony @ 05/24/2004 2:22 AM EDT
Hellraiser figures are awesome. Especally when you have those action figures that are held togeather with loose joints you can pop apart.
Chestnuts roasted by
EhhEff @ 06/07/2004 6:27 PM EDT
That’s god-damn hilarious! Stumbled upon this site by accident.
Chestnuts roasted by
Z.Beeblebrox @ 06/09/2004 2:27 PM EDT
This is my new favorite christmas story.
Pinhead so owns the abominal snowbitch.
Chestnuts roasted by
Adam @ 09/09/2004 2:15 PM EDT
that was so fucking funny
Chestnuts roasted by
emil 9 years old @ 10/25/2004 10:49 PM EDT
I love this funny story…lol it helped me kill so much time in my Web Page design class. Harrison is so lame god! This is so messed up lol
Chestnuts roasted by
Andrew @ 11/20/2006 11:49 AM EST
I stumbled upon your site quite by accident, and your talent as a writer is extraordinary. Your observations, combined with a refreshingly off-beat sense of humor and imagination, makes your site an addictive read.
The “Christmas Story 2″ skit had me laughing so hard that I cried! I also loved the story about the miniature golf-course from hell.
Please keep on doing such fantastic work!
-Darren
Chestnuts roasted by
Darren @ 09/29/2008 1:09 AM EDT
Add A New Comment!
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, May 4th, 2004 at 11:25 pm and is filed under General.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
Posted by Matt. 
Discussion Thread: 96 comments
