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05/04/2004: A Christmas Story 2: Ralphie Goes To Hell.

Ralphie from A Christmas Story makes a devilish deal in Ralphie Goes To Hell, a wild thrillcoaster that’ll take the ovaltine drinkin’ holiday icon straight to the lair of Pinhead and the Cenobites. It’s not the Chia Plot, but hey look new article.

I’ll be back in a bit, with a super jumbo-sized blog entry. It’s actually a full length article that I’m pulling off deck. Just didn’t think there’s enough to it to warrant the main page treatment, but that’s part of what this section is for, ain’t it? It ain’t? By the way, I have fleas.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 96 comments

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Cameron, are you sure it’s the entire first season? The only old school ninja turtles DVD I can find on the internet is just the first 5 episodes, along with 4 episodes that never aired on TV. Is this the one you’re talking about?

Click my name for the link.

Ghosted by Beerstalker @ 05/05/2004 2:36 PM EDT

hooray for matt!

Ghosted by lfkhgf @ 05/05/2004 3:29 PM EDT

K, this was insanely good stuff. I loved the small touches, like the girls grabbing at Barbie’s crotch. Also, I hope I’m not the only one who noticed the father in his last pic.

Ghosted by Eraser @ 05/05/2004 3:31 PM EDT

WTF?
It’s nice to know that Matt still plays with his action figures
I didn’t know there was a series of A Christmas Story figures.

Ghosted by AngeFaitore @ 05/05/2004 4:40 PM EDT

that was soooo goood matt.. good job mista mista!

Ghosted by nelson @ 05/05/2004 4:46 PM EDT

I noticed it too Eraser, but I’m surprised noone else has mentioned it yet.

Ghosted by Beerstalker @ 05/05/2004 4:48 PM EDT

I think the ol’ Dad switcheroo was obvious for most people… and the rest just don’t want to admit they missed it.

Ghosted by Nachokhaki @ 05/05/2004 5:00 PM EDT

Great article Matt. I was surprised that I didn’t see Cobra’s jet/bus in the background with Zartan yelling at Frack about giving him wrong directions…either way it still rocked and keep up the good work.

Ghosted by Tim @ 05/05/2004 5:00 PM EDT

Ha ha ha ha……..ha! Hell….Ralphie…Ovaltine…ha!!!

Fuck Kenneth Branagh!!!

Ghosted by Don't Touch, Willy. @ 05/05/2004 5:50 PM EDT

The head switch was right up there with the best B-movie or Twilight Zone endings. "And there, hanging from his butt, was a hook! BOOGABOOGA!"

Ghosted by kingklash @ 05/05/2004 6:10 PM EDT

That was disturbing and odd. I loved it!

Ghosted by The Dragonrider @ 05/05/2004 6:21 PM EDT

A Christmas Story and the other Summer vacation story with separate actors performing are actually chapters out of a book from one man’s life. He’s also done shorts about his time with his dad at a Chicago Cubs game. Funny book, yet I can’t recall the name of it. . .

Ghosted by Mugzy. . . @ 05/05/2004 6:28 PM EDT

You need to do something with those Simpsons action figues. That would be awesome! BUT FIRST, you need to finish the Chia Plot thing.

Ghosted by West @ 05/05/2004 7:50 PM EDT

That "Can I have a shotgun" dialogue needs to be preserved for generations yet to come…

Ghosted by Creature SH @ 05/05/2004 9:05 PM EDT

Matt, I’ve been reading your site for years, and I’m so disappointed that you’ve never mentioned 8-Bit Theatre Party over at http://www.nuklearpower.com.

Fans of the very first Final Fantasy, yes, the 8-bit NES version that was going to be the last game that Square ever produced (hence the name), really should check this out. It’s got everything – evil Black Mages, swordchucks, Garland…

Matt – not doing a plug here – that’s some funny s–t over there at 8-Bit Theatre…almost as funny as your Mumm-ra/Snickers bit from eons ago (I haven’t laughed that hard since the last time I…). Actually, you’d probably be my first pick to play Black Mage in the movie conversion (probably coming in 2007 at this rate).

Ghosted by DragonJay @ 05/05/2004 10:14 PM EDT

I wasn’t much of a FF guy so I never really got into NP, but I’ve seen the site and have a great respect for what that guy has accomplished. (that’s the same site with the sprite comic, aye?)

Ghosted by Matt @ 05/05/2004 10:52 PM EDT

The Mumra/snickers/wilykit comment was priceless!

Is Wilykit the ultimate warrior? Or a snickers bar? Hurhurhur. Otherwise, why bother with chiaplots? I think even Matt doesn’t know who the ultimate warrior will be… thats why he’s stalling! Hah! I shall have to Invent a plot for him starring my little ponies and dismembered heman toys! Hah!

Ghosted by eminentfreak @ 05/06/2004 10:36 AM EDT

That was one of the funniest things I read in the last 15 minutes. Keep up the good work.

Ghosted by pwalk @ 05/06/2004 10:49 AM EDT

Yep, South Africa is a whole other country…. It’s 4:44pm as I speak, so whoa, weird aint it? Monchichi’s were sortof like monkey things from waaaay back, a cartoon with spinoff cuddly toys. Mustve been what, 20 years ago? Had theme song like "Way up in de trees live da mon-chi-cheees, Monchichi means happ-pi-ness, MON!" There was a revival about 10-ish years ago, cute little animated critters hanging from branches. Anyone else remember animated Ewoks episodes? Loved em. And the Wuggles.

Ghosted by eminentfreak @ 05/06/2004 10:52 AM EDT

I’m 21. I vaguely remember the Ewoks animated series. I remember one where they had to put an invisible potion on themselves to keep hidden from some bad guys. That’s about it.

Ghosted by CasinoRoyale @ 05/06/2004 2:05 PM EDT

i can’t believe i just read all of that… and found it so entertaining! lol.

Ghosted by shebasfire @ 05/06/2004 2:59 PM EDT

the first time i saw "an x-mas story" was when i was seven or eight — it freaked the living daylights out of me (probably since there were random people wearing costumes and what not…plus the guy w/ the coon hat was scary as hell). they did a 24 hr movie marathon of "an x-mas story" which was fine the first time around…

random note–saw old skool transformers coloring book at an antique store the other day (which is odd since one would never expect to see something like that…)

i’m going to miss shrek two over the summer (will be out of the country…oh well) i suppose it might be a good thing…

Ghosted by happybunnydemon @ 05/06/2004 3:17 PM EDT

Matt – Great post as always. BTW, there really is an actual Christmas Story 2. I tried watching it once, but I couldn’t. I would love to see you rip into that one. Keep it up brutha!

P.S. – I know you’re digging necaonline.com, but I found http://www.darkfigures.com and it rules. They actually have a Jason figure from part 2 as well as PAMELA VOORHEES. Both are pre-orders. Check it out. Peace & Grease!!

Ghosted by FreaqSho @ 05/06/2004 6:40 PM EDT

yea…christmas story 2..i doubt it..i know the world may be full of sequels but i doubt any1 would go that far to get money..anyway great page .keep up the good work:D

Ghosted by Mr.Fun @ 05/06/2004 10:09 PM EDT

Did you know A Christmas Story is actually a sequel on its own? It was a sequal to an odd little movie called "Just like Dad"(I think that was the title). Same actors…younger…interesting. Its on the Disney channel once every like three years. Sad, but I saw it on once. The kid goes fishing and has wars with tops against other kids at school.

Anyway, this was pretty good Matt!

Ghosted by G.I. He-man @ 05/06/2004 11:22 PM EDT

It’s obvious Matt is stalling on the Chia Plot until he gets the Marshmellow Man figure. There’s your ultimate cobra warrior.

Ghosted by SpoCoGoldberg @ 05/07/2004 4:49 AM EDT

I am in hell.

Ghosted by Slacker @ 05/07/2004 10:47 AM EDT

Those Christmas Story figures are awesome, oh yeah, so was the story. Yeah, the sequel to ‘A Christmas Story’ was ‘It runs in the family,’ with Kieren Culkin playing Ralphie.

Ghosted by G4L @ 05/08/2004 7:15 AM EDT

How about Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss which starred Jerry O’Connell as Ralphie? I remember only very randomly stumbling upon it on the Disney Channel years ago. I don’t remember it well but I remember the kid who played Randy said the word "jelly" really weird. Anyone else heard of this?

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 05/08/2004 2:49 PM EDT

Wow, there’s another movie with these characters? I must find it, and then watch it… in no particular order.

Ghosted by G4L @ 05/08/2004 6:50 PM EDT

Jeez, I never thought I’d see the day when Hellraiser and A Christmas Story could be somehow properly connected in the same sentance, let alone comic. Top notch; worthy of the ‘Mixing Movies that Should Never be Mixed’ award.

Ghosted by Third Rate Ninja @ 05/08/2004 7:20 PM EDT

Never in all the years I spent watching A Christmas Story on TNT for 24 straight hours on Christmas Day would I have guessed there were ACS action figures made. We live in a crazy world.

Ghosted by Tim-E @ 05/08/2004 7:50 PM EDT

Where did you get those figures from?

Ghosted by Dan @ 05/08/2004 8:10 PM EDT

Dude you have issues. I think I’m in love.

Ghosted by Jeffrey @ 05/09/2004 1:44 AM EDT

Wow…that was probably the the funniest thing i have ever seen. Keep up the good work

Ghosted by Robert @ 05/09/2004 7:27 PM EDT

those cenobites are called the wire twins.

"I wanna peanut butter and jelly sandwiiiich!"

Ghosted by *ella* @ 05/10/2004 8:58 PM EDT

The Transfat part was priceless.

Ghosted by ElxBorracho @ 05/12/2004 2:17 AM EDT

there was this icecycle.. a.. an.. a and it fell off the roof.. an’ it hit me..

suns a bitches.. bumpises.

Ghosted by faelyur @ 05/13/2004 4:28 PM EDT

Excellent article Matt! More like these please!

Ghosted by Sheep @ 05/15/2004 11:22 PM EDT

much liked the comic… the homepage link goes to a photo comic of mine

Ghosted by tony @ 05/24/2004 2:22 AM EDT

Hellraiser figures are awesome. Especally when you have those action figures that are held togeather with loose joints you can pop apart.

Ghosted by EhhEff @ 06/07/2004 6:27 PM EDT

That’s god-damn hilarious! Stumbled upon this site by accident.

Ghosted by Z.Beeblebrox @ 06/09/2004 2:27 PM EDT

This is my new favorite christmas story.

Pinhead so owns the abominal snowbitch.

Ghosted by Adam @ 09/09/2004 2:15 PM EDT

that was so fucking funny

Ghosted by emil 9 years old @ 10/25/2004 10:49 PM EDT

I love this funny story…lol it helped me kill so much time in my Web Page design class. Harrison is so lame god! This is so messed up lol

Ghosted by Andrew @ 11/20/2006 11:49 AM EST

I stumbled upon your site quite by accident, and your talent as a writer is extraordinary. Your observations, combined with a refreshingly off-beat sense of humor and imagination, makes your site an addictive read.
The “Christmas Story 2″ skit had me laughing so hard that I cried! I also loved the story about the miniature golf-course from hell.
Please keep on doing such fantastic work!

-Darren

Ghosted by Darren @ 09/29/2008 1:09 AM EDT

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 4th, 2004 at 11:25 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.