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Does this thing work God dammit?

Hello, is this thing on? From One Fry 2 Anotha?

An e-mail from the weekend:

"dude i think the blog is brokeneded"

Well said, indeed it was. Friday marked the first blog meltdown since it's inception in October of 2002, and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I probably would've choked myself to death with a coffee machine if my friend Kevin wasn't able to put it back together. Sure, it's silly stuff, but it's two,enna,half years worth of silly stuff. I feared the worst (I don't use any kind of posting system on the main site because I have such terrible luck with 'em), but looks like we're back to form without a single thing out of order.

Spent most of Sunday putting the finishing touches of several thousand Transformers-related articles going up on UGO next month. Three of 'em are DVD reviews, but I don't want to hold off on telling you that Transformers: Season 3 Part 2 & Season 4 and Beast Wars: The Complete Second Season are absolute must-haves for fans. The Transformers set even includes the semi-rare Rebirth trilogy, where some of the Autobots and Decepticons willingly allow their heads to be modified into baby robots. Also features the rare appearances of Fortress Maximus and Scorponok. The three-disc (!!!) set even has the Optimus Prime resurrection two-parter, plus a kickass chapter selection screen featuring a battle-damaged Rodimus skulking about a shuttlecraft. Awesome, and Amazon has it on sale.

The Beast Wars DVD is a two-discer, and jeez, I'd forgotten how much I love this show. It'll probably take new viewers three or four episodes to really see the glories within, but once you do, you'll be hooked eye swar eet. Back to Amazon, they're practically giving the sets away at just twenty-three dollars a pop. Can't ask for better than that. The other DVD review was for two quicky Armada titles, and all I'll say about those is that they failed at transforming (HA!!) me into a new fan. Oh well.

In case ya missed it, I threw a new article up on Friday. Simple stuff -- I get requests for more commercial downloads constantly, and had a bunch laying around that were either already mentioned or not beefy enough for a full tribute. So, the article has ten. With reviews and downloads, and a peppered background. My favorites of this bunch include the spot for Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!, and a weird old Bugs Bunny ad where he warns about the deadly dangers lurking in every kitchen everywhere every.

So, with the blog outta whack and, uh, all of the trouble in the Middle East, I eased my troubles with another spirited round of LET'S BUY FISH. Oh yes. Three of those painted parrotfish I bought a few months back died from that deadly "Ick" disease (picture dipping a fish in a bowl of salt, that's what they looked like), and the trio that survived looked healthy and happy enough to annoy with a NEW FISH INVASION. Thankfully, Petland is like, thirteen steps away from out apartment. Here's the new monsters:

An algae eater without a name. Everyone seems impressed at this guy's size; we were more impressed at how much he resembled a frog trapped in a snake's body. Unnamed Algae Eater simply strolls along the bottom, sticking his suction cupped mouth all over everything. Cute, but I can't shake the feeling that he'll disintegrate fast upon death. Not looking forward to scooping out gooey parts of Unnamed Algae Eater. Not this week, anyway.

We also nailed two pleco fishies, each pretty huge. One has the standard color pattern, the other has weird zebra stripes. I bet he feels cooler than his brother. I've got a tank full of semi-aggressives, but nobody fucks with the Pleco Pair. They're too disinterested and spiny.

Okay, my new favorite thing on the planet is this, a Geophagus Whatchamacalit. For simplicity, I named him "Wolfie," and happily narrate his thoughts as the beast glides through the tank, eating, inspecting and looking all cute n' stuff. "ME. WOLFIE. MARCH. TOWARDS. FOOOOOOD." Guess how long it took for my girlfriend to get sick of that one. I've seen fish of this type before, but never so large. Really, really beautiful creature -- it's got all of these funky glowy dots, lionfish-like spines and appendages, and eyes that absolutely positively lock with mine and thank me. Incredibly, the leader parrotfish (a yellow asshole with a God complex) constantly berates Wolfie, even though he's about half his size.

Wolfie has these two feathery strands that hang low while he swims. I've already made it known that, in the case that Yellow Asshole Parrotfish bites off either one of these strands, he's out in the sun in an empty Dixie cup. With a fucking bullet in his head, because Wolfie is worth the extra mile.

I think that brings us up to speed. Sorry for the downtime. Sorry for the -- oh wait, I did have one more thing. Looney Tunes cereal is about the closest thing to old school Trix we'll ever see. The fruity balls are a bit smaller, but it's so close to the old non-fruit-shaped Trix. And this discovery makes me smile. New article coming tonight, and it's an odd one. HUGE thanks to Killer Kevin for fixing the Killed Blog.

Consider this the comments section for the two latest articles, while we're at it.

Posted by Matt on 04/20/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 119 comments

Blue Frys? Can’t those marketeers leave ANYTHING alone.

Oh, and I saw those easter pringles. They put them in the Easter candy isle, not the Pringles isle. Weird.

How do they taste?

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 04/21/2004 12:36 PM

To quote Twisted Toyfare Theatre, if knowing is half the battle, the other half is…."VIOLENCE." ;-)

And count me as another who remembers those Bugs Bunny commercials. In fact, weren’t there others with Tweety, Porky, and/or Daffy? I remember one about making sure bath water’s not too hot.

Chestnuts roasted by James Fabiano @ 04/21/2004 12:42 PM

Hey. The Elementary School I student taught at had these things for lunch every frikkin day. (The Smiley ones). Those kids were so sick of them it’s not even funny

Chestnuts roasted by TinManFan @ 04/21/2004 1:03 AM

I’d kill to be regional governor of French Fries

Chestnuts roasted by RedBaron @ 04/21/2004 4:28 AM

Matt,
I would still keep an eye on that algae eater–they can get pretty aggressive when they get used to a tank.

As for the aggression with the cichlids, there’s two things–first, completely reshuffle the aquarium decor, even adding and removing things–it changes the territories, so they would all be on equal footing, and everybody should have a space. Second, parrot cichlids ARE bred with an asshole gene–one half of them is Red Devil cichlid, who do everything they can to live up to that "devil" moniker.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 04/21/2004 9:37 AM

here is a great twisted take on those GIjoe PSA.

Matt Keep up the good work.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/gijoe.html

Chestnuts roasted by BwaHaHaHa @ 04/21/2004 9:42 AM

"In case ya missed it, I threw a new article up on Friday." It sounded like you barfed. Cool.

And I’m pretty sure that the other half of the battle is "doing." Like, applying the things you are "knowing" because of the first half of the battle. Violence is good too though. TTT rocks. It’s sexy like X-E.

Chestnuts roasted by DeathFrogurt @ 04/21/2004 9:49 AM

Matt, I thought all of the post-movie Trans episodes were supposed to suck?

Chestnuts roasted by i was a lion @ 04/21/2004 9:58 AM

It’s sort of a weird thing — you’ll get eps that are truly terrible, almost painful to watch, and then you’ll have others that probably outmatch any of the pre-movie eps. Still, neglecting the crap on the new DVD set and just sticking with the good stuff, there’s plenty here. ROOPrime is a great two-parter. The Rebirth series…wouldn’t really call it "good," but definitely strange and interesting.

Guess it depends on how you look at ‘em. If you’re in the mood to hate, they’re perfectly HATA-BULL. If you’re in the mood to love, you’ll overlook the shit and tell everyone how much cooler the opening credits were in the post-movie eps.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 04/21/2004 10:03 AM

Sean — I’ll give the decor-switcheroo a whirl, couldn’t hurt.

Course, since there’s so many aggressives and outright assholes in the tank, I’m gonna have to buy a whole different setup to house the blue crayfish I’ve been dying to buy for years.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 04/21/2004 10:04 AM

BwaHaHaHa, Here is the original site for the GI Joe PSA remixes with all the ones listed Fensler has made so far:
http://www.fenslerfilm.com/?sec=video

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 04/21/2004 11:00 AM

I think that fat kid from The Cosby Show is Peter Costa. It looks like he didn’t do much since the show like some other Cosby "kids" (ex: Sondra). Here the link to Peter:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0182279/

Chestnuts roasted by lepnhoj @ 04/21/2004 11:18 AM

But do the fish come out crunchy in the microwave?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/21/2004 11:38 AM

Matt–I would definitely put the crayfish in a different tank. It should only need about 5 gallons and a little filter and heater-crayfish are great for being tough. And Blue Crayfish are less likely to bust the glass than a mantis shrimp.

By the way, I have lost track–what size is the tank? That can matter too, since I’ve seen Geophagus over 9" long.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 04/21/2004 11:57 AM

I would say this Geophagus is 6-7", depending on if we’re counting the translucent taily parts and whatnot. For reference, he’s able to swallow one of those frozen brime shrimp squares practically whole — or at least, he gets it in his mouth and isn’t quite sure how to swallow it all.

Tank is a 55 gallon.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 04/21/2004 12:03 PM

That’s a big tank. The one in my living room is only 5 gallon.
I recently lost my favorite (a fresh water eel) to "the ick". Our Mollies and ghost shrimp make quick work of the corpse. It was pretty horrible.
Luckily, some chick bought my roommate 3 Bala sharks. Now when I’m on the couch watching TV sometimes I’ll look over at the tank and quietly sing the theme song to that old board game "Shark Attack" to myself. It eases my pain.

Chestnuts roasted by BaronVonHotPants @ 04/21/2004 12:39 PM

From an article in Reader’s Digest about getting goldfish and finding out things like a diseasee that Dr. Seuss might have named:
The fish are sick.
Sick, sick, sick.
The fish are sick.
Sick with Ick.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/21/2004 1:43 PM

Matt,

Totally off topic,( but then again when do any of us stay on topic) I was walking around the Wal~Mart in my old home town today and I FOUND TIGER TAILS!! I don’t know if you have found them yet, but I remembered that you were looking for them. I in fact have one package in my possession as I type (yeah I shoulda bought a box but it’s bill week ). Anyway if you want the info lemme know and I’ll send it to you.. hopefully they’ll be able to hook you up, if not I’ll just mail you some.

Chestnuts roasted by hugsnstuff @ 04/21/2004 3:31 PM

That’s a good size tank Matt, but your fish will outgrow it eventually. Of course, before they get crowded, I’m sure the toughest ones will "make some room" for themselves. And it sounds like you Geophagus has room to grow yet.

My tank is a 55 gallon as well (coincidence? yes). I only have a bushy nose pleco, two polypterus and a three-spot gourami (he killed the other four) plus two ghost shrimp that have avoided being eaten for 4 months (there were 50, the rest were gone in a week). I think I’ll get platies or swordtials–the way they breed, I won’t have to buy live food anymore (as long as the parents don’t get eaten).

We sometimes miss our 120 gallon tank. Or our 160 gallon indoor pond. You haven’t lived until you’ve looked down on spotted gars grabbing fish at the surface. but watching polypterus do it is much more exciting, a la Jaws. On the other hand, a tank that could double as a really disgusting bathtub can be a littl emuch in terms of size and weight when you keep moving around.

For the record–three bala sharks+mollies in 5 gallons is death waiting to happen. Balas get over 9" long.

And never judge food to big for a fish–my smaller polypterus was a little baby (complete with gill filaments) when we got him–he ate carnivore pellets that were bigger than his head, usually two or three. Now he’ll eat guppies and shrmip and pellets until he’s tripled his girth.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 04/21/2004 4:04 PM

Friday (my response I had saved since then): I vaguely remember those Looney Toons PSA’s. Mostly, for Bugs’ "Y’know kids…" tone. I have one unrelated 80′s PSA on tape where they tell you it’s not okay to try to ride your dog like a horse (but shoving a camera in its face, and squeezing its balls for fifty takes untill it barks just right is just dandy appearantly).

Fries: I always wanted to try those Funky Fries, but Jimmy Neutron and his deforminated forehead always killed my appetite.

Chestnuts roasted by RewolfJ @ 04/21/2004 4:57 PM

Wolfie has to be one of the coolest lookin fish I’ve ever seen. I don’t have any fish but I do have a painted turtle that I’ve had for 15 years now. I dubbed him Timmy The Turtle and he’s been through hell and back, even got attacked and dragged out of his tank by a racoon. Because of the damn racoon Timmy’s front right leg had to be taken off and his tail is also a stump. Timmys a trooper though and can still move his 1 lb ass about half a mile an hour. I just spent that big a paragraph talking about my pet that no one will probably find interesting at all.

Chestnuts roasted by Tim @ 04/21/2004 5:29 PM

How can you not love Smiles??? Dinner is always more fun when you can stab a tiny face with a fork and dip it in ketchup so it bleeds from the eyes.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 04/21/2004 5:41 PM

I always loved the irony of the GI Joe messages. They’d spend 29 minutes killing and slaughtering cobra troops, and then in that final minute they would tell kids that violence is bad, or not to litter. Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

Chestnuts roasted by Lonewolf @ 04/21/2004 5:59 PM

You are right about the violence, Lonewolf, but even as kid, I knew it was cop-out that both sides always parachuted out of death. The B.A.T.s were the only Cobras that got destroyed in the show; while Duke (who originally was supposed to die in the movie) and older Cobra characters were hurt in the movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Richard @ 04/21/2004 7:10 PM

thanks Me. I always wondered where they came from.

Chestnuts roasted by BWhahaha @ 04/21/2004 7:47 PM

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