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Does this thing work God dammit?

Hello, is this thing on? From One Fry 2 Anotha?

An e-mail from the weekend:

"dude i think the blog is brokeneded"

Well said, indeed it was. Friday marked the first blog meltdown since it's inception in October of 2002, and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I probably would've choked myself to death with a coffee machine if my friend Kevin wasn't able to put it back together. Sure, it's silly stuff, but it's two,enna,half years worth of silly stuff. I feared the worst (I don't use any kind of posting system on the main site because I have such terrible luck with 'em), but looks like we're back to form without a single thing out of order.

Spent most of Sunday putting the finishing touches of several thousand Transformers-related articles going up on UGO next month. Three of 'em are DVD reviews, but I don't want to hold off on telling you that Transformers: Season 3 Part 2 & Season 4 and Beast Wars: The Complete Second Season are absolute must-haves for fans. The Transformers set even includes the semi-rare Rebirth trilogy, where some of the Autobots and Decepticons willingly allow their heads to be modified into baby robots. Also features the rare appearances of Fortress Maximus and Scorponok. The three-disc (!!!) set even has the Optimus Prime resurrection two-parter, plus a kickass chapter selection screen featuring a battle-damaged Rodimus skulking about a shuttlecraft. Awesome, and Amazon has it on sale.

The Beast Wars DVD is a two-discer, and jeez, I'd forgotten how much I love this show. It'll probably take new viewers three or four episodes to really see the glories within, but once you do, you'll be hooked eye swar eet. Back to Amazon, they're practically giving the sets away at just twenty-three dollars a pop. Can't ask for better than that. The other DVD review was for two quicky Armada titles, and all I'll say about those is that they failed at transforming (HA!!) me into a new fan. Oh well.

In case ya missed it, I threw a new article up on Friday. Simple stuff -- I get requests for more commercial downloads constantly, and had a bunch laying around that were either already mentioned or not beefy enough for a full tribute. So, the article has ten. With reviews and downloads, and a peppered background. My favorites of this bunch include the spot for Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!, and a weird old Bugs Bunny ad where he warns about the deadly dangers lurking in every kitchen everywhere every.

So, with the blog outta whack and, uh, all of the trouble in the Middle East, I eased my troubles with another spirited round of LET'S BUY FISH. Oh yes. Three of those painted parrotfish I bought a few months back died from that deadly "Ick" disease (picture dipping a fish in a bowl of salt, that's what they looked like), and the trio that survived looked healthy and happy enough to annoy with a NEW FISH INVASION. Thankfully, Petland is like, thirteen steps away from out apartment. Here's the new monsters:

An algae eater without a name. Everyone seems impressed at this guy's size; we were more impressed at how much he resembled a frog trapped in a snake's body. Unnamed Algae Eater simply strolls along the bottom, sticking his suction cupped mouth all over everything. Cute, but I can't shake the feeling that he'll disintegrate fast upon death. Not looking forward to scooping out gooey parts of Unnamed Algae Eater. Not this week, anyway.

We also nailed two pleco fishies, each pretty huge. One has the standard color pattern, the other has weird zebra stripes. I bet he feels cooler than his brother. I've got a tank full of semi-aggressives, but nobody fucks with the Pleco Pair. They're too disinterested and spiny.

Okay, my new favorite thing on the planet is this, a Geophagus Whatchamacalit. For simplicity, I named him "Wolfie," and happily narrate his thoughts as the beast glides through the tank, eating, inspecting and looking all cute n' stuff. "ME. WOLFIE. MARCH. TOWARDS. FOOOOOOD." Guess how long it took for my girlfriend to get sick of that one. I've seen fish of this type before, but never so large. Really, really beautiful creature -- it's got all of these funky glowy dots, lionfish-like spines and appendages, and eyes that absolutely positively lock with mine and thank me. Incredibly, the leader parrotfish (a yellow asshole with a God complex) constantly berates Wolfie, even though he's about half his size.

Wolfie has these two feathery strands that hang low while he swims. I've already made it known that, in the case that Yellow Asshole Parrotfish bites off either one of these strands, he's out in the sun in an empty Dixie cup. With a fucking bullet in his head, because Wolfie is worth the extra mile.

I think that brings us up to speed. Sorry for the downtime. Sorry for the -- oh wait, I did have one more thing. Looney Tunes cereal is about the closest thing to old school Trix we'll ever see. The fruity balls are a bit smaller, but it's so close to the old non-fruit-shaped Trix. And this discovery makes me smile. New article coming tonight, and it's an odd one. HUGE thanks to Killer Kevin for fixing the Killed Blog.

Consider this the comments section for the two latest articles, while we're at it.

Posted by Matt on 04/20/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 119 comments

Okay, comments for the latest article. Definitely funny,and the Jimmy Neutron fries actually looked edible even though they were 2 years old.

Comments for the last article.
I remember those old "Ounce of Prevention" ads, but I never knew they made one of Bugs. I just saw the one with Tweety showing kids the dangers of the bathroom. Over and over and over. I can recite the damn thing from memory now ‘cuz it was airing every Saturday and Sunday at 5:28 and 36 seconds PM for YEARS! Seriously, YEARS!

Chestnuts roasted by DocDragon @ 04/20/2004 5:37 PM


YAY! The blogs are fixed!

Re: Friday’s commercial article

Great stuff, man. 10 new commercials, Bugs Bunny, AND the long awaited Hulk Hogan Honey Nut Cherrios ad. Awesome stuff.

Re: Today’s fries skit

Another A+ effort from you, my friend. Great stuff, especially when you made the bags spew out its contents.

Keep up the good work, Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Scott @ 04/20/2004 5:43 PM


Tweety in the bathroom.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/20/2004 6:14 PM


One thing that I regret eating is the Chocolate Funky Fries. That taste will never leave my mouth. I still shudder when I see Jimmy or his products.

The fries were nasty…then I did something unthinkable with them. I said "these dont taste good plain, maybe I should make chili fries with them." And so i opened a can of chili, grated some cheese and proceeded to make chocolate chili fries. Yes since that day I have not been the same. What made them think that chocolate and potatoes would be a good combination.

Those smiles look like they are made of funnel cake rather than potato. >:O

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 04/20/2004 6:20 PM


Bah… Americans shouldn’t have McCain Smiles French Fries! It’s a special food for Canadians only, just like Crunchie bars, Shreddies, and those Dare cookies shaped like maple leafs.
>:( < -angry

…okay, I’ve never tried them. But they have been around up here for years.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 04/20/2004 6:47 PM


Arrrgh! Not that Bugs Bunny commercial. That thing used to be so scary, I often had to change the channels when it came on. Yeah, like that really helped- it was on every freakin channel. I think it was the only commercial at that time. I almost couldn’t watch it now.

Chestnuts roasted by G4L @ 04/20/2004 6:50 PM


None of this explains how Matt obtained the bag of Funky Fries, which I don’t think I’ve seen for nearly two years.

Chestnuts roasted by Fry Guy @ 04/20/2004 6:52 PM


STEVE BRANDON: I ain’t got nothin against no canucks…but you guys are the veritable crash test dummies for Americans. Anything that don’t fly there, sure as hell won’t fly here. So we use you guys to see what’s hot and what’s not, so to speak.

Chestnuts roasted by Lonewolf @ 04/20/2004 7:01 PM


Lonewolf: Actually, the Coca-Cola Company really did do exactly just that for Sprite Ice, using Canadians as their guinea pigs to see if mint-flavoured* soft drink** would sell. Answer: not well enough to justify releasing it in the United States. Myself, I was skeptical, but, actually, the mint was really subtle and accentuated the sharpness of the lemon-lime taste, so the taste reminded me more of Schweppes’ Bitter Lemon than it did mouthwash.

*"flavored" with the patriotic Canadian U.

**"soft drink", not "soda" and not that attrocious word, at least in a beverage context, "pop".

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 04/20/2004 7:18 PM


Hi Matt.

It’s me again, the guy with the fish.

I really hope you don’t like the eyes in your fishes’ heads, because those algae eaters are notorious fin-nippers and eye gougers. And they really don’t like algae all that much (they’d rather suck up worms).

And I would suggest you get a bunch of big female Geophagus–then Wolfie would protect himself better, and maybe make you some new fishes with his lady friends. Of course, that could spell trouble for the Parrots, but I think I’ve made my feelings on those clear before.

Honestly, I think your fish are still pretty conventional–you need to get something big and weird, be it a crazy catfish, a freshwater lionfish, or an Asian knifefish (you can’t tell me you haven’t lloked at those–and not the Black Ghosts, you’ll never see them).

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 04/20/2004 7:22 PM


Haha, Sean, I was actually hoping you’d turn up. The algae eater is probably the most docile fish in the tank — scurries away whenever approached by the others. Wolfie is my main concern, because the damn parrot is constantly trying to nip him. Though it’s funny to watch Wolfie become uncharacteristically monstrous during feeding, as he whips his tail at the asshole fish and tries to bite his head off.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 04/20/2004 7:28 PM


The algae eaters are eye-gougers? Eh… maybe Matt should keep ‘em in a separate aquarium, because I just saw both halves of Kill Bill and I’ve seen enough eye-gougings to fulfill my "eye-gouging as entertainment" quota until about August 2007 and don’t need to see any articles with fish looking like… okay, I’ll be nice for the kids that won’t be able to see it until it’s all out on DVD… a certain character in a certain scene.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 04/20/2004 7:32 PM


Cool fishies! We’ve had the same fish fo so long (at least a year), I’m afraid to buy more and upset the balance. Knock on wood. We have quite a few of those flat, quarter shaped fish that are pastel colored. We have green (Di Niro), pink (Wanda), orange (Chili) and yellow (Daisy). Plus, the screamer fish (Clive), a gourami (Lenny, even though I always want to call him "Origami"), some orange fish w/ red fins (Lucy) and a silver fish w/ a black tail (Dobber).

Oh, BTW, CookiePussteroids. http://www.carvel.com/games.asp

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 04/20/2004 7:52 PM


hey, glad everything is back up to snuff! i drive past a McCain’s plant on my way to work and it smells so nasty i find it hard to eat fries. except it smells really good when i’m high! on another note, the dozzy dolls commercial is great because anything with a pre-moustache Rudy is cool!! oh yeah, and Happy 420 to all, and to all, a Happy 420!

Chestnuts roasted by kidneyboy @ 04/20/2004 8:06 PM


Speaking of chocolate and potatoes, I had a chocolate-covered potato chip the other day. Strange stuff. Try it at least once!

Chestnuts roasted by JG! @ 04/20/2004 8:09 PM


I remember the Bugs safety toon- or at least the pot on the stove.

To THIS DAY I keep the handle turned inward. Because, ya know, someone might bump it. I didn’t realize it was just to prevent retarded five year olds from pulling burning oil onto themselves.

I’ll still do it, because, I mean, you can’t be too careful.

Also: I just won like 80 Star Wars figures, plus a few vehicles. All POTF/Episode one, only two carded. Not worth shit but they were damned near free. So uh, Matt, if you are holding off on the next Chia Plot because you need two Admiral Ackbars, I got the hook up yo.

Chestnuts roasted by Piscez @ 04/20/2004 8:09 PM


Hey Matt,
I have three parrotfish myself. And I have two green ones and in a week they turned a odd orange color. But anyway,they must be bred with an asshole gene because all of them are assholes to the other fish and themselves. Its an assholejamboree in the tank. They eat the plecco’s lil algae discs to boot. And for some reason my one angelfish insists on nipping the head of my koi. I also have a oscar,my girlfriend got him for me,she didnt know how nassssty they are in a tank. But regardless he causes no trouble,cept he leaped out of the tank to bite my juggular once.
Anyway,great article,I loved it. Good luck with the fish.

Chestnuts roasted by Josh @ 04/20/2004 8:10 PM


Okay, I laughed my ass off at the french fry article, but I still have to ask…. How many drugs do you do, Matt? (and can i get some?)

Chestnuts roasted by Jeff @ 04/20/2004 8:23 PM


I hell ain’t waitin for pictures of french fries to load.

I just read the words.

Your pet fixation disturbs me. I guess that’s still entertainment.

Chestnuts roasted by sdfghsh @ 04/20/2004 8:59 PM


Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em!!

Chestnuts roasted by Smokestack @ 04/20/2004 9:16 PM


I do remember the blue fries, but I somehow couldn’t bring myself to eat blue potatoes. There are just some places nature shouldn’t go, and I guess people agreed with me, because as Matt mentioned, the "Funky Fries" have all-but vanished.

Nice to see the blog back up – I was one of the worried ones. Call me kooky, but I like going back and seeing what weird shit was on our collective minds a year ago, Matt’s included. Considering my own spyware-related computer problems lately, Matt, I feel your pain.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 04/20/2004 9:16 PM


I had totaly forgotten about that bugs bunny commercial till i red the article and then it all came back to me.

Chestnuts roasted by Bright Noah @ 04/20/2004 10:00 PM


http://freecarmedia.com/L3.cfm?pagename=CasePGPringlesN

Purple Pringles everywhere! Are these the Easter Pringles?

Chestnuts roasted by Matt (#2?) @ 04/20/2004 11:08 PM


Man do I remember those Bugs Saftey Commercials! What I really can’t get outta my head whenever I think about a saftey commercial are those G.I Joe "Knowing is half the battle" saftey commercials. If knowing is half the battle, then damnit Shipwreck what the hell is the other half?! Another saftey commercial that comes to mind is the one with Webster. He had a saftey commercial for perverts. It basically went on about whenever someone approaches you, wanting to bring you somewhere, you say "NO!", then "GO" and "TELL SOMEONE YOU TRUST!" Sorry about the longevity of this post everyone, I guess I’ve smoked too much today and have waaaaayyy too much on my mind!

Chestnuts roasted by Mugzy. . . @ 04/21/2004 12:18 PM


By the way, I’ve always despised Shipwreck!

Chestnuts roasted by . . .Mugzy @ 04/21/2004 12:20 PM


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