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04/13/2004: Jaws: The Nintendo Game.

The first guess was right, here’s my review of the Jaws Nintendo game, where we battled with the world’s most famous shark using spears, bombs, strobes and our own two hands. A pretty terrible game that still managed to bewitch a few people, it’s hard not to appreciate an attempt to get Jaws out there in any way possible. Review includes Mrs. Sbaitso’s audio version, and a lot of images aligned jusssst right.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 139 comments

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First comment!

Christ. I can’t believe I did that…

Ghosted by Bobby... @ 04/13/2004 5:30 PM EDT

Hey…I have this game and I always thought it was a pretty fun game. During the bomb drop side game I always thought they looked like jellyfish.

Ghosted by Diabetic Dinosaur @ 04/13/2004 5:31 PM EDT

And by that I mean I thought the jellyfish were flying

Ghosted by Diabetic Dinosaur @ 04/13/2004 5:34 PM EDT

Jaws was impossible to beat. what a dick.

Ghosted by reree @ 04/13/2004 5:43 PM EDT

Collecting shells was one of the most tedious things ever, but that sweet sweet sub power-up was worth it, overall pretty easy game, just stay out of the shallow water. Too bad this game was awful or there might have been super cool Jaws video game sequels, including Jaws 3 the video game in stunning 3-D

Ghosted by Brentantation @ 04/13/2004 5:44 PM EDT

I saw a Tiger shark once, washed up on a beach in Alameda. Poor thing. It never had a chance to play this game.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 04/13/2004 5:59 PM EDT

Matt, that shark has got to be the new mascott.

Ghosted by LordKaT @ 04/13/2004 6:14 PM EDT

Yay ‘intendo! As kids, my friend and I played this endlessly at his house, but we both sucked and couldn’t "stab" Jaws… Then I really pissed him off by convincing him I beat the game while he was sleeping… I came clean a few weeks ago. He wasn’t amused.

Ghosted by Nachokhaki @ 04/13/2004 6:33 PM EDT

I could get nowhere in this game as a kid. Try it now — if you read any manual/walkthrough, it’s damn easy. Without reading anything, it’s damn impossible.

Ghosted by Matt @ 04/13/2004 6:34 PM EDT

So, um… first screen shot… 666 points? Was this intentional? Or are you Satan?

Ghosted by Nachokhaki @ 04/13/2004 6:40 PM EDT

Just so you know, the game doesn’t suck…it Bites. *Chomp*

Ghosted by Lonewolf @ 04/13/2004 6:41 PM EDT

My god! What have you done to poor Omnibot 2000? Has he had a sex change?

Ghosted by Photoboy @ 04/13/2004 6:48 PM EDT

NINTENDO!

Ghosted by dfghjdj @ 04/13/2004 7:20 PM EDT

Jaws was the first game I ever rented! I was only 4 or 5, so I had absolutely no idea what to do, but the fact that I remember it from 15 years ago must mean something. Look for the Jaws NES game along with Burger Time in the store where Marty McFly gets the almanac.

Ghosted by autobot521 @ 04/13/2004 7:23 PM EDT

I remember this game now! Back in the day, I loved everything shark. Then I played this game. SO I didn’t love everything shark anymore.

But for a really bad shark game, the Atari 2600 "Sea Hunt" Truly took the cake. And smashed your pixelated face into it.

Ghosted by Sean @ 04/13/2004 7:28 PM EDT

I remember this game. I played it at friends houses when I was a kid. I guess we were just REALLY bored because we thought this game was the SHIZZNIT at the time. Ahh, I guess we all live and learn. This game wasn’t as bad as LJN’s T&C Surf and Sport. Ugh! Coolness with the Mrs. Sbaitso Matt.

Ghosted by Kaynyne @ 04/13/2004 7:46 PM EDT

i love this game my freind had it and we could never beat jaws though….. by the way would it have killed you to put that robot thing at the top, that would have been realy cool to listen to…

Ghosted by AfroKen @ 04/13/2004 7:51 PM EDT

Hehe I think I enjoyed Mrs Sbaisto’s rendition almost as much as the article! …ok, ok, I confess; I only sat through it long enough to see if she would swear. She doesn’t

On a brighter note, you do get to hear her mangle fookin’ early on!

Ghosted by Bob B @ 04/13/2004 8:09 PM EDT

By the way, I can’t speak to Jaws, but T&C Surf Designs was an AWESOME game. I used to smoke that skateboarding course.

Ghosted by Bob B @ 04/13/2004 8:11 PM EDT

The robot reading has warped my brain.

Ghosted by Cannibalizer @ 04/13/2004 8:15 PM EDT

Haw! I loved the robot voice. You should do every article like this.

Ghosted by Teirusu @ 04/13/2004 8:51 PM EDT

Whoa!!! Why isn’t everybody commenting on the TOMY OMNIBOT 2000 picture at the bottom of this article??? I don’t remember how much it cost back in the day but it was WAY more expensive than any kid deserved. (Which made it a guiltier pleasure that I’d suckered my folks into getting me one for Xmas…)

You could "program" it to pour (spill) drinks and motor around the house. Oh, it never worked nearly as well as I’d prayed it would, but what ever did…?

Ghosted by M. Alice @ 04/13/2004 9:02 PM EDT

eh..just reminded me that the damn game sucks. well written matt! =D time to listen to the review on "tape"

Ghosted by nelson @ 04/13/2004 9:51 PM EDT

Matt, what possessed you to put the article through text-to-speech? Whatever it was, it was good.

While visiting my mom’s friends’ house, I watched her son play this game once. I was 6 and in the starting stages of my Nintendo obsession, but even then I wasn’t interested. My best memory of a similar incident is watching some kid show me the end of Super Metroid, swimsuit Samus and all. I still haven’t done it.

Ghosted by Behonkiss @ 04/13/2004 10:08 PM EDT

FYI – the makers of the power meter actually did make just the sort of error you were hoping for. The possessive of a name ending in S is still the name plus apostrophe plus S. So it should be JAWS’S power. It may look funny, but it’s right.

Cheers on the great site, it’s always fun to read at work.

Ghosted by robotsarered @ 04/13/2004 10:11 PM EDT

The robot sounds like your average NPR reporter. Lake Wobegon reviews JAWS! Awesome.

Ghosted by Chris @ 04/13/2004 10:12 PM EDT

actually I was pretty sure it could be correctly written as either "Jaws’" or "Jaws’s" if I remember english class correctly from so many years back.. which I probably don’t

Ghosted by Toxicity- @ 04/13/2004 10:16 PM EDT

I had that game when I was like 12.. I don’t think I ever beat it either.. shit!

Ghosted by Cyanyde's Robot @ 04/13/2004 10:19 PM EDT

Hey Matt,

How about reviewing the Ghostbusters NES game? I’ve never played the Jaws game, but I had the Ghostbusters one when I was a kid and I can’t imagine any game being any worse than it was. I’m betting Ghostbusters makes Jaws look like Super Mario Bros. 3. I would love to hear your musings on it.

Ghosted by Jason @ 04/13/2004 10:39 PM EDT

Wasn’t there an Atari game w/ Your Diver: Episode 1? I seem to remember trying to keep from floating. There were fish involved, too. I can’t, for the life of me, remember what it was called, though.

My favorite Atari game was, by far, Fast Food. Flying burgers and hot dogs, woo!

Ghosted by trajeal @ 04/13/2004 10:40 PM EDT

I haven’t finsihed the article, but

a) Jason, I agree that Ghostbusters is a terrible game

b) Jaws is not that bad. I find it fun every now and then, when I have nothing to do and have played all the other 50 or so NES games I have.

c) I haven’t seen Jaws: The Revenge, but I got about halfway through the book (I’ve read the original Peter Benchley novel, too–the wife is far more important in it than in the movie). The Book was absolutely terrible, too. Utter Tripe.

Ghosted by Cameron @ 04/13/2004 10:46 PM EDT

One more thing:

"We’d be Picard, "Jaw’s" the four lights"

Brilliant Matt, just Brilliant!

Ghosted by Cameron @ 04/13/2004 10:53 PM EDT

I love the audio commentary. I can can listen to the article while researching an essay on the habits of women migrant workers for my final exam!

Ghosted by CasinoRoyale @ 04/13/2004 11:00 PM EDT

I once attended a lecture by a prominent marine biologist where he discussed the merits of conch shells and mast impalings. Very realistic and informative.

Ghosted by manimal789 @ 04/13/2004 11:52 PM EDT

Would have been amazing if you did the article in pirate talk. :’(

Arr Mates Thar BE Jaws, ye best turn back mates, ye be cursed by the beast. ARRRR!!

Ghosted by heeloyd @ 04/14/2004 12:34 PM EDT

Dude, this is the best thing ever. Talking reviews rock my world!

Can you please please please please please get all of your reviews and articles to be translated into robot chick voice? I’d really love to hear her say something like "Krang’s mushy alien brain body is soft and pink. I like brains. I like Krang. Krang likes me."

Gold baby.

Ghosted by Beatnik @ 04/14/2004 12:39 PM EDT

Trajeal: there was a game for the Atari ST with Jaws, but I think it was only titled "Jaws", don’t know if that’s the one you mean, I hope not, despite the slightly advanced tech that game was way less fun that this old timewaster.

Ghosted by Brentantation @ 04/14/2004 12:44 PM EDT

please make a review about the spirutual sequel of JAWS:
FRIDAY the 13
I´ve got the both.
the simmilities betwen the games
are very coincidental

FORGIVE MY SHITTY ENGLISH SEÑOR MATT

Ghosted by ERASMO @ 04/14/2004 12:56 PM EDT

Trajeal–

That’s the game I was talking about–Sea Hunt. The biggest challenge was staying down without drowning (apparently SCUBA gear wasn’t invented) and getting into a secret chamber or something.

I played that game 15 years ago, so the memory’s a little fuzzy.

Ghosted by Sean @ 04/14/2004 1:03 AM EDT

God help me this was one of my favorite games for the Nintendo….Never did beat the damn thing….

Ghosted by Rusty @ 04/14/2004 1:09 AM EDT

I actually wanted (and got) Ghostbusters for NES as a kid because you could crash the Ecto-1 into other cars, and the ghost trapping was kinda cool. The thing sucked mostly because it was only a baby step above an Atari game, the ghost sprites are even clip art from some old type of computer. The worst part? The Zool building… I’m not going to get into how horrible it was because I also think Matt should review this game, and the Zool building is easily the biggest reason the game should burn in hell…. Ghost hell…

Ghosted by RewolfJ @ 04/14/2004 1:09 AM EDT

This is so completely hilarious I want to cry. :`)

Ghosted by Kimberly @ 04/14/2004 1:22 AM EDT

The boat from Jaws was the best vudeogame character ever. It should have been included as a playable character in Super Smash Bros Meelee. Also R.O.B stands for Robotic Operating Buddy owns dumb robot at the end of the article.

Ghosted by Meatwad @ 04/14/2004 1:30 AM EDT

Oh yeah, I know that game all too well. My best friend’s brother tried to pawn it off on me about 13 years ago. I saw it in their rack of NES games, and asked if I could play it. His exact words: "You can keep the motherfucker". They let me play it, and after about five minutes, I gave the "motherfucker" back. Never in my life have I passed on a free videogame, but JAWS was the exception. Every now and then, I’ll see a copy at Gamestop, but the Bible Adventures games seems more appealing.

Ghosted by Dude McGuy @ 04/14/2004 1:33 AM EDT

To those who want to hear Mrs. Sbaitso say "Shitty", it’s at the very end…

Ghosted by RewolfJ @ 04/14/2004 1:41 AM EDT

that voice, how did you do that? It sounds excellent for a computer voice…

Ghosted by Chu Sooho @ 04/14/2004 2:48 AM EDT

LJN was the master of crappy NES games. Their X-Men game was so lousy. There was barely any point to it,except having two mutants run around attacking things. Back to the Future…was not good. I also once rented Jaws,and never got anywhere. I never got anywhere playing Friday the 13th also.

Ghosted by Overlord @ 04/14/2004 2:59 AM EDT

Matt, you realize that you can now end the Bitner/Photog blog, have that sexy monotone female read the whole thing, and then sell a CD to the masses. Better yet, use as many of those programs you can so regular posters will have their own specific voice from the blog.

Punky Brewster:Season One is on DVD now, so hopefully that includes that freaky episode "The Perils of Punky" for you to review:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00020X83Y/ref=ase_dvdtalk/002-4296264-8368057?v=glance&s=dvd

Ghosted by ME @ 04/14/2004 4:04 AM EDT

I am not the first to bring up Photog with Mrs. Sbaitso, so credit goes to that poster.

Ghosted by ME @ 04/14/2004 4:49 AM EDT

This game (which I’ve never played–for some reason I never liked Jaws, Robocop or GI Joe) (Maybe only He-Man kept me from turning gay)(I also never played it becuase my only friend who still has a working Nintendo told me that I can’t play Jaws because it is stupid), reminds me almost exactly of a game I played on my Apple IIgs, I think its called Alligator Hunter or Crocodile Hunter… You are a guy that stabs alligators while swimming… No! Jungle Hunt! It’s Jungle Hunt, you swing from vine to vine and Monkeys try to knock you down, and then you swim and kill alligators, and I think that at the end you rescue a princess or something. Thanks for this stroll down Amnesia Lane. (Is that a line from a movie? I know I’ve heard it before, but I forgot where)

Ghosted by Joe @ 04/14/2004 4:57 AM EDT

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