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Easter sucks.

Posted by Matt on 04/11/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 48 comments

I love how it’s "Eggs T’go" like you’re in such a rush you can’t take the time to pronounce "to go" as 2 seperate words. Hurry up! The other backpackers, hikers and explorers are going to LEAVE YOUR ASS BEHIND if you don’t just peel that baby open and suck it back.

Chestnuts roasted by Kristal @ 04/11/2004 11:28 PM

…and oh yeah…HOPPY EASTER! Hahahahahha! That’s one of my best bits :)

Chestnuts roasted by Kristal @ 04/11/2004 11:29 PM

3 months, eh? I don’t believe that for a minute. Notice how they make sure to include "harmless" in the description.

I’ll bet people died, and the Tucson branch of the Illuminati covered it up…

*ruefull laugh* Chalk up another one for the Tucson Illuminati. Well rejoice while you can… the organization’s going down! You’ve got my word on that.

Trust no one.

Chestnuts roasted by Night_Trekker @ 04/12/2004 1:04 AM

Yeah, Kristal, but just think what they’d be called today: "Eggz 2 Go!" Or probably "EXTREME Eggz 2 Go!" And probably with the exlamation points. I hate marketing. Remeber when everything was "RADICAL"? That was funny. Way funnier than everything being EXTREME. Goddammit, cheese snacks are not EXTREME! And they weren’t RADICAL in the 1980s, either!

EGGZ 2 GO! TO THE MAX! RARRRRR!

Chestnuts roasted by ChaosMonkey @ 04/12/2004 3:13 AM

More like, "Gag me with a spoon. Grody!"

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 04/12/2004 8:36 AM

I felt like announcing this: one of our TV channels down here in Brazil will be showing this Thursday, at about 3 PM, that classic you all know and love… THE WIZARD! Yep, in all its dubbed glory. I wonder what they’ll call Super Mario Bros. 3 in Portuguese… I’ll definately give it a shot, I had never heard of the movie prior to X-E. And even though Mario is now an icon worldwide, and even though Mario 3 WAS sold down here at its time, you just know these translating and dubbing processes usually don’t give a crap about accuracy. That’s why I got into the biz, to change the world. ;)

Chestnuts roasted by Roddy @ 04/12/2004 9:51 AM

EGGS T’GO IS PEOPLE!!!!
Well, not really…
But there is an upside to them, I guess… The three months they can be left out is good for the *slow* kids on easter…

Chestnuts roasted by Bourbonillaka the Gooevil Moose @ 04/12/2004 10:13 AM

As a lapsed Baptist, I find those eggs somewhat unholy. But, I’d eat one anyway. I still want one of those spooky sandwiches the Army has that are good for five years in the package. Didn’t get to see that one Bugs Bunny cartoon, you know: "I wanna Easter egg! I wanna Easter egg!"

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/12/2004 12:13 PM

No, that’s not disturbing at all. Not one friggin’ bit.

*vomits*

Chestnuts roasted by Seth Christenfeld @ 04/12/2004 12:16 PM

Adorable story time:
Yesterday, at my aunt’s Easter party, she took the time to show us something interesting in a potted plant on her porch.

Turns out a couple of days ago, a rabbit had dug a hole in the soil, and now there were a ton of little fuzzballs sleeping in there. Cute beyond words, and convenient day for it to be happening on.

Chestnuts roasted by Behonkiss @ 04/12/2004 12:53 PM

One more kitties thing from Rathergood.com, because fuzzballs are fuzzballs. Might be an antidote for Eggs T’Go. Kitten Stomp! Click and imagine kitties stomping eggs.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/12/2004 1:01 PM

AHH!

How did you find out about us, Night_Trekker? *shifty eyes*

*Skitters off sideways, like a crab*

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 04/12/2004 1:23 PM

I think we all saw the xeroxed flyer for the Tuscon Illuminati all-you-can-eat pancake and chitlin breakfast/karaoke to your favorite New Monkees song benefit, Freezair. All proceeds go to the "Send a disadvantged Matt to the Playboy mansion" fund.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 04/12/2004 2:12 PM

I love seeing that Toys ‘r’ Us bunny commmercial!!

Chestnuts roasted by etyjkwetyj @ 04/12/2004 2:34 PM

"Save the baby chickens so we can have more fried chicken!"

Oh my do I ever agree with that one..
Thx Bratling however most of the time I manage to agree with most of you wierdos.. (us wierdos)

Ahhhhhhh yeah..

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 04/12/2004 9:49 PM

Prffft. This is nothing new. It’s a modern variant of the 100-Year-Old Egg, classic of Chinese Cuisine.

http://www.kowloontraders.com/ampjul99.html

Chestnuts roasted by Riff @ 04/12/2004 10:50 PM

wait a minute, did someone say that lead paint wasn’t harmless?!!

Oh well, still tastes like candy

Chestnuts roasted by Old_Schooler @ 04/12/2004 11:25 PM

Oops, sorry Nate — my blog assister thought Rich’s post was a phony plug. (wasn’t) Anyway, no, those weren’t my clothes. Then again, I might’ve tried on someone else’s and forgotten. And yes, for a Transformers video game party, the female faces weren’t at all monstrous. :)

And I’m going to miss that TRU bunny commercial mentioned above all year. Wish I taped it.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 04/13/2004 8:45 AM

I’ve seen these eggs at the local GIANT and man. I knew it was for the super lazy. But I didn’t know it was manufactured by a company. People will do anything to get a few schekels!

Chestnuts roasted by Rowan Steele @ 04/13/2004 12:25 PM

ACTUALLY, the eggs we eat aren’t aborted chicken babies at all. They were never fertalized… so think of them more like… calcified poultry menstruation.

There. Now doesn’t that make you feel better? :D

Chestnuts roasted by Silkenray @ 04/13/2004 2:44 PM

Seriously– the Funniest Easter Story ever… I couldn’t make this one up.

On Easter I’m at my girlfriend’s house, and her little cousins are out in the yard looking for easter eggs. Suddenly there’s a horrific scream and they come running inside crying and stuff! It turns out that the night before, her dogs (rat terriers) ran out and killed a rabbit in their front yard under one of the bushes, and the kids just found it while looking for easter eggs.

Naturally some of the grown ups talk nice to the kids, and we go back out there, assuring them that "The Easter Bunny is NOT dead underneath the isalia bushes", and then–sure enough, Josey the dog is chewing on the head of this dead rabbit underneath the isalia bushes! Holy Crap! It was hilarious… I don’t care if it scarred those kids for life– that had to be one of the funniest things I’d ever seen.

Well I tried not to laugh for the kids, but I couldn’t stop myself. I confessed that yes, the Easter Bunny had come by–and yes, he had dropped off eggs (which were still somewhat dispersed around the yard), but no–he wouldn’t be back next year because Josey the dog had killed him. It was Awesome! The kids went inside and cried for a little while, but like an hour later they were re-enacting the whole situation with some dolls from the girl’s room… ya know, kinda laughing about it–kinda.

So that was (at least to me) the funniest Easter Story ever. Very nice!

The Best Easter Story Ever is about Jesus, however– a point long neglected in any of the previous "Easter Sucks" postings… you bunch of Pagans!

Chestnuts roasted by The Return of Long Duck Dong @ 04/13/2004 4:23 PM

Chirrrp…. Chirrrp…. Chirrrp….

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Cricket @ 04/14/2004 11:25 AM

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