03/29/2004: April One Five.
Tax time is at hand, and I’ve been scrambling to find every last receipt I’d saved for the past two years. In compiling 2003’s, here’s some the year’s more interesting write-offs:
– Incredible Hulk Jell-O Pudding
– (2) Hermit Crabs
– Lime Candy Canes
– Chia Pet
– Peeps Halloween Cocoa Bats
– (2) Kid Cuisine Microwave Dinners
– Electronic Hulk Hands
– 8,000 AA Batteries
I think my forms are shaping up to be a first.
Discussion Thread: 32 comments
Best. Taxes. Ever.
Chestnuts roasted by
Evin @ 03/29/2004 1:11 AM EST
There was the Cadbury Creme Egg article, claim those too. I would be teh envious if you did that.
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marioshoku @ 03/29/2004 1:12 AM EST
Oh, I have! The Cadbury Creme receipt is stapled onto its own page, noted "creme eggs 3.00."
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Matt @ 03/29/2004 1:15 AM EST
I’m trying to think of all the evil ways you could use 8000 AA batteries. So far most of them just involve throwing them at people. And feeding them to fish. And then throwing the fish at people.
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Evin @ 03/29/2004 1:18 AM EST
Nothing whatsoever to do with taxes, but I was hoping someone here could help me identify a toy I had as a child. It was a big white, and when you pressed a button on it lights would flash and it would make a cool laser cannon sound. For reasons I was never completely clear on, the cockpit of the ship could detach, which was actually pretty neat because it could then be used as sort of a cool handheld laser gun thing (I don’t think this was an intended feature of the toy, just something I came up with on my own).
There was another ship in the line, a black one that represented the bad guys of whatever universe this story took place in. I don’t believe there was ever any kind of cartoon or comic tie-in to the toys, so the fact that they came out with two spaceships, but never really clarified why they were fighting or who might actually be piloting these ships kind of disappointed me.
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Hellpop! @ 03/29/2004 1:20 AM EST
Uhhh, that should read "big white spaceship" up above. See, that’s why you have the option of previewing before you post.
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Hellpop! @ 03/29/2004 1:20 AM EST
My God, I had the white one. Can’t remember what the Hell they were, though. If memory serves, these have to be from the verrrry early 80s — if not late 70s. I remember having it before I really understood the concept of playing with toys.
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Matt @ 03/29/2004 1:21 AM EST
WTF do you need eight _THOUSAND_ AA batteries for?!
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Concerned Reader @ 03/29/2004 1:27 AM EST
When you die…god forbid the thought…I hope you realize what a completely fufilling live you’ve lead, my boy.
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Kristal @ 03/29/2004 1:52 AM EST
That could be used for a lot of dildos man.
WTF? haha where did that come from?
I had one of those ships as well. One of the best things about it was, like Hellpop! said, using it as a laser gun. I also don’t recall the name of it so sorry I can’t help you there. Thanks for some good ol’ fashioned memories of times when it didn’t cost almost 30 dollars to fill up your car with gas.
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Randy @ 03/29/2004 1:53 AM EST
Those are definitely interesting, but my favorite on that list has to be the Electronic Hulk Hands. That just cracks me up, no idea why. Hope you found all of your receipts! 
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Andrea @ 03/29/2004 2:00 AM EST
I think you are talking about the Milton Bradley Starbird:
http://www.bugeyedmonster.com/toys/starbird/
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ME @ 03/29/2004 2:02 AM EST
My mom does my taxes. I don’t ever have nearly so many receipts. I wish that I could write off shoe and handbag purchases.
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Gabbylicious @ 03/29/2004 2:07 AM EST
The only handheld spaceships that I can think of that come anything like hellpop is describing are the Captain Power toys. Although from my memory of the toys Captain Power’s ship was gold. Sadly my parents were not heirs to Wamart or something so I didn’t have one. 
For those of you who do still have one that works I think Suncost video still carries tapes of the show.
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The Adamantium Elbow @ 03/29/2004 3:13 AM EST
8,000 batteries would allow you to construct a home electric chair for when you have company over.
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gpo @ 03/29/2004 3:43 AM EST
im guessing matt either has a lot of toys going at opnce, or he use the batterys for a digital camera
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troy smoe @ 03/29/2004 4:30 AM EST
Starbird! YES! In a previous blog entry I said the AT-AT was my fsvorite toy, well screw that, the Starbird had to be it.
The black version was called the Intruder, and apparently there was actually some kind of Laser Taggish deal with them where you could shoot at each other or something (which I was never even aware of). A quick glance at eBay shows Starbird going in the $100-200 range.
There were also apparently a couple other toys in the line, including some kind of base playset.
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Hellpop! @ 03/29/2004 5:05 AM EST
matt, do you ever worry about getting investigated by the IRS just because your claims are so rediculous?
i mean, we know it’s legit… but how many people in the IRS read XE? At least the repo-man would be sympathetic.
Yeah, I’m terribly disorganized in every walk of life, but I’ve been pretty good about these receipts just because I know it looks so suspicious.
Chestnuts roasted by
Matt @ 03/29/2004 9:04 AM EST
Today I was wandering through the toy aisle at the supermarket and looked at some He-Man figures. I can’t remember what they really were but the tag on the shelf claimed that they were called "Heroic Warrior Ass". I presume the tag was too short to display the whole name or thah kids these days have some pretty interesting toys. And just to be kind of on topic, I think that that would make a nice receipt to add into anyones tax return.
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iivuli @ 03/29/2004 9:19 AM EST
"Heroic Warrior Ass" reminds me of the time my family went shopping on vacation and almost got some "Ass. Bagels" which oddly enough really did look like ass
I still have a Captain Power ship. It’s the bad guy’s black ship and it came with a video or two. I got it for Christmas one year and used to watch the short lived show. I never actually purchased any of the figures, though. I simnply used GI-Joe’s. They fit perfectly.
personal time doing taxes: 7 minutes. God I love Tele-File.
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Stilewalker @ 03/29/2004 11:36 AM EST
I.R.S. Dude:"After reviewing this list, I have just one question. What did you use all this for?" Matt Dude:"Dinner party?"
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kingklash @ 03/29/2004 12:00 PM EST
I would do just about anything to have those items as tax write-offs… must be a way…
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Orin @ 03/29/2004 1:30 PM EST
The batteries are for your water pick, right?
I jest.
I can’t even imagine the container you use to store your receipts in as the year goes by. My dad is a landlord, and he has this huge filing cabinet, sans files, that he just stuffs everything into. He doesn’t buy nearly the amount of stuff that you do. What do you do w/ all of that stuff after you review it? Donate it to the thrift store that you frequent most?
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trajeal @ 03/29/2004 6:21 PM EST
My youngest brother had a Fisher-Price Space Shuttle toy that was somewhat like the Milton Bradley Starbird, at least in the noise department. I remember, you’d press the button, and the lights on the wings and the ear-piercing beeping noise from the engines would go for a minute. (Why was it beeping? What’s it doing? Backing up?)
Anyhow, RIP Sir Peter Ustinov, double Adademy Award-winning actor, UNICEF Goodwill ambassador and voice of Doctor Snuggles. :’(
And I thought I had weird taxes…
I’ll bet you could add all those Christmas candies, too, and the Advent Calender. Yes, there’s a way to get back at Mare: send her to the IRS. ; 0 )
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starwenn @ 03/30/2004 3:35 PM EST
Don’t forget the 15-year-old can of fettucine.
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El Bandito @ 03/31/2004 6:35 AM EST
Good God. I had a professor in college tell us soon-to-be-starving-artists never to throw out any of our reciepts. Ever. Man, am I glad to know I’m not the only one who squirrels them away somewhere. Yay, I feel more normal!
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LaGremlin @ 03/31/2004 4:47 PM EST
Niiiiice..
You are definatly going to have whoever looks through those forms scratching their head!
Did u remember to include Unicron?
Aside, I just bought 20th Cent. Prime for $49.92 CDN! and Unicron for $30 CDN!
God bless Walmart and their price rollbacks 
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Cyanyde @ 04/01/2004 10:00 PM EST
Yeah, if I were still inside my country, I’d probably be saving some interesting receipts too (luckily I’m in Canada right now, and don’t have to worry about taxes). Here’s some of the things that would show up:
–Popeye candy sticks
–Nerds
–Double Dragon VHS
–Spy Hunter NES Game
–Ninja Turtles VHS
…and the list goes on. I’m sure the IRS would not know what make of me. What can I say? I’m a bizarre individual, probably not unlike many of those who visit this site regularly.
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Nate @ 04/01/2004 10:48 PM EST
I work for the IRS (in the UK tho) i’d LOVE to get a tax return like that on my desk, far more interesting than the usual stuff.
So…um…im IRS, i read X-E but not at work because we dont have the internet for security reasons :’(
Chestnuts roasted by
vyle @ 04/02/2004 7:22 AM EST
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Posted by Matt. 
