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03/23/2004: New Article: American Gladiators Candy Bars!

Hey, anybody want an American Gladiators Chewy Nougat Bar? Made in 1993 by Dr. Channard, the criminal candies mixed fruit flavors with puttylike nougat to create the snack no kid would ever want to eat. Even with pretty pictures of Zap and Turbo all over the boxes, nothing could save this horrific edible from its rightful resting place in Hell. Review also includes a quick intro about some of the other Gladiator-related merchandise we’ve seen through the years, and ends off with crossed-out nougat jokes. Enjoy.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 115 comments

Btw, I have a box of Jello from 1968, Yay for me!

Ghosted by Cyanyde @ 03/23/2004 11:33 PM EST

I remeber back when American Gladiators and Rockin’ Rollergames (rollerderby on crack) ran against SNL… damn I’m old.

Ghosted by Reiver @ 03/24/2004 1:33 AM EST

Reiver, was Rockin’ Rollergames the one with the Aligator or Crocodile pit next ot the rink and that only one time I can remember a person was knocked into?

Ghosted by ME @ 03/24/2004 3:43 AM EST

I use to work as a Janitor in a blood lab and I can tell you I never saw anything that looked like it came from the ninth gate of hell as much as those nougats.

Ghosted by The Adamantium Elbow @ 03/24/2004 5:13 AM EST

"I use to work as a Janitor in a blood lab…"

Honestly, that sounds really cool. In a "really great conversation starter" sort of way…

Oh, and fun article, Matt. Yeah.

Ghosted by Bobby... @ 03/24/2004 6:29 AM EST

My cat threw up last night and scooped the puke back into his own mouth with his paw and did not cease until he was done with the vomit and walked away satisfied…still not as gross as you licking those fruity flavored balls of satans rotting flesh.

Ghosted by BettieBoo @ 03/24/2004 8:05 AM EST

Super Mario Show On DVD news!

After a pair of previous one-off releases (here and here, though the latter was actually a later version of the show) whetted everyone’s appetite, demand was strong for a "proper" release of The Super Mario Brothers Super Show, complete with the as-aired live action sequences by wrestler "Captain" Lou Albano, depicted in-character as Mario (a more natural fit than anyone would have guessed!).

The powers-that-be have listened. The Super Mario Brothers Super Show returns to DVD this July, in the first of what are hoped to be a long series of releases. Included will be the companion series The Legend of Zelda, which is proper per the original broadcasts. The first release will include five episodes, in order of when they originally aired, which are:
"The Bird! The Bird!"
"King Mario of Cramalot"
"Butch Mario & the Luigi Kid"
"Mario’s Magic Carpet"
(Legend of Zelda): "The Ringer"

Each episode will include the live-action with Lou Albano and also a bonus interview with Executive Producer (and DiC Chairman/CEO) Andy Heyward. This should include the questions submitted by fans from TVShowsOnDVD and other participating websites. DiC and UAVCO, who are releasing this disc together, say that additional bonus features may be added later.

The official release date will be July 6, 2004. The DVDs will have a list price of $14.99, and the studio expects them to sell for about $10 in most stores. If these releases prove successful, they will continue to release Super Mario Brothers Super Show episodes in the as-aired order, with the possibility of a half/full season box set later on.

Cover art wasn’t made available just yet, but we’ll have that for you as soon as we can, so stay tuned.

Ghosted by Chris @ 03/24/2004 9:37 AM EST

Matt, I can’t believe you didn’t connect the fact that Diamond’s flavor is cherry. Cherry for Chris’sakes!!! Does anyone else see where I’m going with this? That is just wrong. Why couldn’t the picture for the cherry nougat bar be of a guy. C’mon. The picture of the decomposed candy next to the box of the female Diamond makes me think all kinds of nasty, dirty thoughts. Eeew! It makes me wonder just exactly what kind of "device" extruded that mess. Either that’s a Ferra Pan joke, or I’m just a real weirdo. Probably the latter. Oh well. Hail to the Matt!

Ghosted by Kaynyne @ 03/24/2004 9:38 AM EST

The above info is from tvshowsondvd.com

I’m not spamming, just thought it would be of interest to readers of this site.

Ghosted by Chris @ 03/24/2004 9:39 AM EST

c’mon matt post a link to yaz’s situation.

Ghosted by larry @ 03/24/2004 9:54 AM EST

I can’t believe you crossed out the "Nougat" Yaz lyrics, like you’re ASHAMED of them or something. C’mon, man, stand up for yourself… you’re bringing me down, man!

Ghosted by blizack @ 03/24/2004 10:00 AM EST

you’ve ruined dairy for me, forever

Ghosted by ANdrew @ 03/24/2004 10:49 AM EST

Anybody ever wanted to see a "relationship" develop between two of the lady Gladiators, or was it just me? Ants are nuts for nougat.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 03/24/2004 11:42 AM EST

In my area, Saturday nights consisted of the following…watching SNL, then shortly thereafter American Gladiators, followed by Freddy’s Nightmares’. Ahhh…good times.

Thankfully, I never saw that shitty looking candy. That stuff looks like the results of a Rosie O’Donnell gynecological exam.

Ghosted by Jeremiah @ 03/24/2004 12:09 PM EST

Wow, how did you know I would be eating a bologna sandwich while reading that article? You are a freak, Matt. Especially after the whole Monchichi debacle.

Let’s see, I’m thinking of a song from the Animaniacs. Guess it and I’ll buy you something from your Amazon wishlist.

Ghosted by trajeal @ 03/24/2004 2:07 PM EST

The first thing that came into my head was ‘The Wolfman’ from UK Gladiators.

Then ‘Who Dares Wins’ from Australia since the bloke who hosted it was a referee on Australian Gladiators.

Now, it’s the Ultimate World Gladiators Championship thing.

I suck. :p

Ghosted by Matt (NZ) @ 03/24/2004 2:08 PM EST

I want to have Matt’s babies. MARRY ME!?

Ghosted by i love matt! @ 03/24/2004 2:28 PM EST

Wow Matt, if you actually licked those things I am impressed. And that’s coming from a guy who likes to eat live goldfish.

I always loved American Gladiators. I remember watching the last half of the first season before it got really big. Back when they hid behind bushes like someone else already said. My favorite guy was Laser (I thought it was Lazer though) and my favorite girl was Lace.

Also, Zap’s top did come off once. IT was while she was in the sumo ring, after the contestant had to run the football. I think it was command & conquer or something like that. It was awesome though.

Ghosted by Beerstalker @ 03/24/2004 2:44 PM EST

"If the Gladiators were hoping for that kind of scope, they shoulda had Zap flash a tit."

Hey Matt, Zap actually DID flash a tit. You guys check out the old John Ritter comedy "Skin Deep" that he made about the time of A.G.’s peak. Zap plays a body-building gal (go figure) that John’s character sacks during his time of whoring. :) I’d like to know how many of you actually will go out and rent this just to see a quick glimpse now! L8er…

Ghosted by 80's Kid @ 03/24/2004 2:53 PM EST

What’s the plural of nougat?

I’d like to think its something like "nougi", but I’m probably wrong.

Ghosted by Third Rate Ninja @ 03/24/2004 3:46 PM EST

Nougii? Katey Sagal: "Look, Al, Elvii!"

Ghosted by kingklash @ 03/24/2004 3:52 PM EST

Johansson, Baldwin & Tambor Voicing SpongeBob
http://comingsoon.net/news.php?id=4037

"…Nickelodeon also announced it has lined up an estimated $150 million in promo support from Mitsubishi, Burger King, the Cayman Islands, Holiday Inn and candy company Perfetti Can Melle USA. Kellogg began running spots in January; tie-ins include SpongeBob-themed Pop Tarts and breakfast cereal along with SpongeBob-imprinted Eggo waffles."

Ghosted by ME @ 03/24/2004 4:23 PM EST

"Any one remember the time when they where on the monkey bar obstical where one of the women got her pants/panties pulled down?That was true comedy.. "

Yeah I remember that episode I used to be a big fan of that show. Matt I cant imagine even being close to those bars rather licking them ::shutters::

Ghosted by Krayzie @ 03/24/2004 4:29 PM EST

yeah it does suck when the hamster gets bored and stops in a corner and pisses on the carpet through the crack in the ball, then it wanders away and you find the stain a week later. I only put it in the ball while cleaning the cage now.

Those bars are the nastiest thing ive ever seen…I’d eat ten cans of old chef boyardee before i lick one of those. >:P

Ghosted by heeloyd @ 03/24/2004 4:41 PM EST

hey, i already have this mp3 >:D

Ghosted by heeloyd @ 03/24/2004 4:45 PM EST

Ferrara Pan! They’re alive and well, I saw their factory on the Food Network’s "Unwrapped" a few months ago. Lemonheads have THREE KINDS of wax on them, that’s the mark of quality. And any self-respecting dollar store has bags of Lemonheads and Fruit Headlines (like Lemonheads, but cherry, grape, apple and orange too).

Ghosted by Welsh Rabbit @ 03/24/2004 5:21 PM EST

I think that the classiest thing American Gladiators ever did was to have Turbo and Nitro date Millhouse’s mom on "the Simpson’s" after the big divorce. They had a few classic episodes to their credit, including–if I’m not mistaking–the Monorail Episode.

Ghosted by The Return of Long Duck Dong @ 03/24/2004 5:24 PM EST

Oh, one more thing for Cyanade (or whomever said that they still have a box of jello from 1968). Jello can never ever go bad, so long as you keep it sealed… just like Honey. Interesting fact I thought y’all should know.

Ghosted by The Return of Long Duck Dong @ 03/24/2004 5:26 PM EST

"…not a single person in the world actually likes grape candy. Even if you think you do, you really don’t. Even if you write in and swear that you do, I know you really hate the grape."

LOL!!! Great article Matt.

Ghosted by beSharp @ 03/24/2004 5:39 PM EST

Gladiators was trying to cash in on WWF’s success, obviously.
Nobody could promote like Hulk and Macho Man.

Ghosted by AngeFaitore @ 03/24/2004 5:42 PM EST

Whoops.

"Gladiators were"

Sorry

Ghosted by AngeFaitore @ 03/24/2004 5:42 PM EST

ME -

Rockin’ Rollergames did have the croc pit of doom!(paraphrasing) I think the show was just called "Rollergames." There was also the wall of death, which was just a really high banked wall that they would occasionaly skate up. I really don’t remember seeing anyone get knocked into the crock pit, but the threat was always there. About the only other thing I can remember clearly is the theme song "Rock,rock,rockin’ Rollergames!"

Ghosted by Reiver @ 03/24/2004 5:49 PM EST

I loves American Galdiators, and considered geting the action figures, but never did. Anyway, I’d like to say that I actually do like grape candy. It’s not my favourite, but it’s not too bad. But when it comes to Kool-Aid, however, grape THE flavour in my opinion. The tangy:sweet ratio is just perfect in that flavour. Plus it really goes great with vodka.

Ghosted by Nate @ 03/24/2004 6:40 PM EST

You know we all are all just waiting for you to expose us to more rotting candy right?
I love this site.

Ghosted by Randomkill @ 03/24/2004 7:17 PM EST

Hey Matt, do grape LifeSavers count as grape candy? Because I think people actually like those. Or maybe they just secretly contain heroine and therefore are highly addictive and people don’t actually like them then, they just really need them.

Ghosted by Gabbylicious @ 03/24/2004 7:48 PM EST

Ahh… good times you’ve allowed me to revisit there, Matt.

My fav. event was Assault. I remember one time Gemini (one of the first generation gladiators) was knocked out twice in the same event. His reaction was priceless. "WHAT’S GOING ON???" CLASSIC!!!

Also, the Kyler Storm flip incident from season 7 was teh bomb!!!

Ghosted by Scott @ 03/24/2004 8:48 PM EST

Oh, and one more thing. I searched the whole page for that mystery mp3, and couldn’t find it. Where is it?

Ghosted by Scott @ 03/24/2004 8:51 PM EST

for those of you still confused by the red scribbling at the end:

http://music.barnesandnoble.com/search/product.asp?userid=2WA8D2HEX5&WRK=194882

^^click the link, and click on the first track.

And Matt’s right, grape candy is horrible. In fact, grape anything is horrible.

Ghosted by El Bandito @ 03/24/2004 8:53 PM EST

In case anyone is wondering…

http://www.ferrarapan.com/

They’re based out of Chicago, actually Forest Park. But they’re still terrible. Whoever thought Boston Baked Beans as a candy… Idiot.

Ghosted by Joe @ 03/24/2004 11:14 PM EST

I remember those, but never bought them. If Gemini had been on the bars, I might have bought one.

Sabre went on to bigger, and shittier things. Anyone that’s seen Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (And God help you if you have), will recognize him as Jax. Between him ruining my favorite character from the game, and the blonde chick from Pensacola Wings of Gold non-acting, it was a terrible film. Doesn’t mean I won’t watch it though.

Ghosted by Dude McGuy @ 03/24/2004 11:16 PM EST

"BARF!!"

Ghosted by Lincoln @ 03/25/2004 12:45 PM EST

Another worthy addition to the collection of articles on Extremely Expired Food. Now if you can only get your hands on a 2-litre bottle of Crystal Pepsi…
I heard that stuff has turned a translucent brown by now, and is the consistency of semi-set glue.

Ghosted by DocDragon @ 03/25/2004 1:30 AM EST

This is kinda’ late, but better late then never, I always say. Ha ha ha hee hee. heh… dot dot dot… …

HERE’S what TEELA and HE-MAN really saw:
http://wiseguy.esmartguy.com/he-man_see.jpg

witty rejoinder. generic cop complement, brian.

Ghosted by WiseGuy @ 03/25/2004 2:23 AM EST

No, actually, it’s this link.

http://wiseguy.esmartguy.com/he-man.html

hhhwhoops………

Ghosted by WiseGuy @ 03/25/2004 2:29 AM EST

There was this one contestant on American Gladiators who did a backflip over the Gladiator in the Football style event. I only mention this because it was the raddest thing I’ve ever seen. That is all.

Ghosted by Fupasly @ 03/25/2004 6:11 AM EST

For some reason the word Nougat reminds me of Dhalsim when he says and does his Yoga Noogie.

Ghosted by Rowan Steele @ 03/25/2004 7:56 AM EST

If there are no updates for a few days we will all know it was because Matt got sick from licking those wicked abominations

Ghosted by anonymous? @ 03/25/2004 12:23 PM EST

80’s Kid – Zap flashed more than that – she did a pictorial in the February 1996 (I think) Playboy, around the time when she was on JAG.

Does anyone else remember another obscure AG ripoff called Knights & Warriors? It ran on Fox on Saturday afternoons here in NY, around 1994-95ish.

Ghosted by Seth Christenfeld @ 03/25/2004 1:22 PM EST

Maybe I’m sick, but I always thought Zap was really hot. Maybe it’s because she’s the first muscle chick I ever say that had boods. And mighty melons they were!

Ghosted by Y2JB78 @ 03/25/2004 2:05 PM EST

They were mighty indeed!

Ghosted by kingklash @ 03/25/2004 2:17 PM EST

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