X-Entertainment | New Article: American Gladiators Candy Bars!

New Article: American Gladiators Candy Bars!

Hey, anybody want an American Gladiators Chewy Nougat Bar? Made in 1993 by Dr. Channard, the criminal candies mixed fruit flavors with puttylike nougat to create the snack no kid would ever want to eat. Even with pretty pictures of Zap and Turbo all over the boxes, nothing could save this horrific edible from its rightful resting place in Hell. Review also includes a quick intro about some of the other Gladiator-related merchandise we've seen through the years, and ends off with crossed-out nougat jokes. Enjoy.

Posted by Matt on 03/23/2004. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 115 comments

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disgusting

Chestnuts roasted by thaddogg @ 03/23/2004 4:19 PM

Is it made with real gladitors?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/23/2004 4:21 PM

Please please please tell me you were only joking when you said you licked them…argh!

Even Cobra Commander wouldn’t subject Sgt Slaughter to that kind of torture…

Chestnuts roasted by Cobra Soldier #18 @ 03/23/2004 4:27 PM

when i was on summer break back in the old days i would watch american gladitors every morning on usa. it was pretty cool to my 10 year old mind. and the nouget bars are just disgusting.

Chestnuts roasted by redslurpee @ 03/23/2004 4:34 PM

Of course he licked’em. Nougat, especially modern nougat, is a unique polymer compound that mutates during its amazing early stages of life, but yet retains its’ hypnotic power to compell all within range to at least smell the smelly smell. It also can make toasters dance.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/23/2004 4:38 PM

What does it say at the bottom? Red lines distort my vision. I hate grape.

Chestnuts roasted by Fitcg @ 03/23/2004 4:38 PM

"poured forth like liquid from a left-all-night-by-huge-buckets-of-water horse’s dick."

Jesus…

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 03/23/2004 4:46 PM

Let me holla at cha playa!!!!
Once again it be me, ya boy TRL. And, as that honkey Ric Flair would say, I am now stylin and profilin, my greatness over to that there otha franchise known as Smackdown. And now maybe that Whitey isn’t reunning the show anymore, I will get a shot at da GM position. Beelee dat playa.
Now before ya’ll start the haterization, I will have you know that I would be fair and impartial. That’s right, we got a minority champion. Even if he is gonna jack my car, he’s still down with the brothas, beelee dat playa. And he sussesfully defended last night. So if I become GM, don’t expect Whitey to come crashing my party.
Now on to American Gladiators. Or should I call it, American Slave Mastas. Because who was always the star? That cracka Nitro. With his long hair and chiseled good looks and… *AHEM* anyway, Where was the black guy? He was so unprominint I don’t even rememba his name. Belee dat playa. At least in that rip off show they did a few years back, the black man was the star. And rightfully so. Beelee dat playa.

theodore_r_long@yahoo.com

Chestnuts roasted by Theodore R. Long @ 03/23/2004 4:47 PM

American Gladiators was a HI-Larious show. The best event was the one where the contenders had to shoot the target above the gladiator, while the gladiator’s had a machine gun of tennis ball. AHH, good times…good times. OH YEAH, the candy looks disgusting, but at least you can use em’ as gross colored door stops. X-E rules. Catch you on the flip side.

Chestnuts roasted by Lone Wolf 33 @ 03/23/2004 4:55 PM

i dont think you could pay me to eat one of those things man.

Chestnuts roasted by meef @ 03/23/2004 4:56 PM

Meef….are you from the Utica area by any chance?

Chestnuts roasted by Cobra Soldier #18 @ 03/23/2004 4:58 PM

my fave event was the one where they put them all in huge hamster balls and they ran into each other…

Chestnuts roasted by kranick @ 03/23/2004 5:05 PM

How much would someone have to pay you to make you eat one of those things? I’ve got some extra cash laying around….

Chestnuts roasted by Haru the great white ninja @ 03/23/2004 5:12 PM

Nougat… don’t mess around. Nougat… you bring me down?

Is that it? What does it mean??!?!

Chestnuts roasted by Confused in Albuquerque @ 03/23/2004 5:15 PM

nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty nasty!

Chestnuts roasted by Rayzak @ 03/23/2004 5:21 PM

Oh what great rolemodels the gladiators were. In 1993-94 we had our own version of American Gladiators here in Finland as did the australians in 1995 and the danish in 2003 (?). Last year one of the finnish gladiators got elected to parliament and later tried to shoot his wife with an illegal handgun after enjoying the finer things in life ie. a healthy diet of pills’n'booze.
Also last year a female gladiator (gladiatress?) was tried for murdering two men,
harboring a criminal and two counts of disturbing a grave site. Apparently she and her boyfriend had dismembered the bodies and dumped the parts all over town. She had also eaten parts of a body and carried the head around with her in a backpack.
I doubt they’ll be showing reruns again any time soon..

Chestnuts roasted by iivuli @ 03/23/2004 5:39 PM

I have a newspaper article about the Native American Female Gladiator Apache. She seems nice, but could probaly crush me with any pair of close-set muscles.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/23/2004 5:54 PM

the ferrara food company i believe is the same one involved with ferrara pan candies, which used to feature such politically incorrect titles as cherry clan, melon heads, alexander the grape, and the like. you could usually pick them up from the good humor man for rather cheap. i think their cany can still be found at micro-deli/food shops but every thing is now called lemon heads, melon heads, etc…their candy was amazingly inconsistant and one would be sour while the next being a solid mass of dyed sugar.

Chestnuts roasted by b r a d @ 03/23/2004 6:05 PM

Funny thing is, I don’t remember this show, though it seems like I should if it was really that wacky and really ran that long. I do, however, remember a similar show that had kids as the contestants, caled "Global Guts." A bunch of kids all over the world played in these weird events, and at the very end had to climb a huge flashing plastic mountain. The winner got a prize, a medal, and their country’s national anthem was played at the end of the show.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 03/23/2004 6:07 PM

Ok, who was the jackass that actually had the balls to SELL this stuff to you???

Chestnuts roasted by Smokin' Matt @ 03/23/2004 6:24 PM

The hidden link to the mp3 doesn’t work

Chestnuts roasted by mindsuckr @ 03/23/2004 6:35 PM

"Bad thing, because kids who liked "Turbo" better than the other Gladiators had to first convince themselves to buy and then force themselves to eat lemon-lime nougat putty."

Sheesh, Matt…get your facts right! The pictures clearly show that Turbo was on the package of grape, not lemon-lime!

And to think that this site used to be reputable…

Remember, kiddies: I’m only kidding.

Chestnuts roasted by The ORIGINAL Paul @ 03/23/2004 6:36 PM

Paul, you’re supposed to catch these things five minutes after they’ve been posted, not five hours later. Do your job right.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 03/23/2004 6:39 PM

Hey Matt, thanks for making me want to throw up. Out of all the disgusting foodstuffs you’ve highlighted on X-E, this has *got* to be the worst. I’m never going to eat again.

Chestnuts roasted by Evan @ 03/23/2004 6:43 PM

what the hell was that?

Chestnuts roasted by nelson @ 03/23/2004 6:46 PM

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004 at 4:14 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.