X-Entertainment's Christmas Season & Advent Calendar, 2008.

03/17/2004: Epirts.

Which animal would you steal from the zoo?

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 68 comments

Polar Bear

Chestnuts roasted by M @ 03/17/2004 5:15 PM EST

walrus…..#2!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT!!!1

Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 03/17/2004 5:29 PM EST

I’d steal one of those really old tortises. Cause its about the only thing that won’t kill me.

Chestnuts roasted by allicat @ 03/17/2004 5:39 PM EST

One o’ them big dogs.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/17/2004 5:47 PM EST

Or one of the Olsen Twins.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/17/2004 5:54 PM EST

I think I’d try and lift various chimps and apes!

Chestnuts roasted by Bobby... @ 03/17/2004 6:09 PM EST

Hmmm. I think I might steal a peacock. They let that thing wander around freely at my zoo, so it has to be harmless. But I’d only steal it if I had a very large tropical estate with gardens for it to wander around in. And I’d steal some otters.

Chestnuts roasted by Gabbylicious @ 03/17/2004 6:11 PM EST

All the animal s in the petting zoo,then I’d free them in the mall.

(BTW, that kid looks really familar.Where’s the picture from?)

Chestnuts roasted by Fhydra @ 03/17/2004 6:21 PM EST

I’d steal a monkey, but only for my girlfried who ends up dying in a car explosion, but then ends up just being a diamond thief and isn’t really dead afterall.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 03/17/2004 6:30 PM EST

Evin, what kind of guy steals a monkey?

Chestnuts roasted by Nemesis @ 03/17/2004 6:34 PM EST

Can I take the entire snake section? Common, I was go out on a ‘give peoples the willies’ spree.

Chestnuts roasted by Max @ 03/17/2004 6:41 PM EST

Give me a tapir or a lemur!

Gabby: Do not be fooled by the peacock’s unassuming facade. They can and will give chase. Ask me, circa age seven.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 03/17/2004 6:58 PM EST

I’d wait for someone to steal the polar bears and then have my way with their waterslide. I was always jealous of the fuckers with their cool-ass waterslide. They never use it. You just stand there…watching…waiting for the fat oaf to waddle over and give ‘er down the slide…but it NEVER HAPPENS!

Chestnuts roasted by Kristal @ 03/17/2004 7:26 PM EST

I’d nab a Koala Bear. I’ve always liked everything about them except they’re noses.
And their claws.

Chestnuts roasted by powrbom @ 03/17/2004 8:04 PM EST

I’d definitely steal the penguins.

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 03/17/2004 8:04 PM EST

I’d steal a monkey and make him do chores. Helper monkeys kick ass. If he didn’t do his chores, I’d bring him back and ask for a refund! Then they’d see who’s boss.

Chestnuts roasted by Kaynyne @ 03/17/2004 8:08 PM EST

I was at the Zoo a few years back looking at the monkeys. Well one of the monkeys was taking a leak and another monkey swung over and took a drink.

Chestnuts roasted by Meatwad @ 03/17/2004 8:26 PM EST

i would take exactly one ant-eater

Chestnuts roasted by exactly one ant-eater @ 03/17/2004 8:32 PM EST

An elephant. Until I got bored and tossed him out for a new TMNT action figure.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 03/17/2004 9:28 PM EST

If they have one, a Capybara.

If not, I agree with allicat and would take a billion year old tortoise.

Chestnuts roasted by Kate @ 03/17/2004 9:36 PM EST

Marine life excluded, I think I’d have to go with some kinda monkey as well. There’s more interesting animals, but if we’re talking about ones kept at home, what could beat a monkey? Ape!!

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 03/17/2004 9:56 PM EST

AN OKAPI! there these cool zebra giraffe like things!!!

Chestnuts roasted by ralph @ 03/17/2004 10:09 PM EST

Well, I’ve got stuffed grizzly bears at home, so why not bring home the real ones? I’ve got a lot of things in common with them - I’m protective of my younsters (well, of my brother) and my territory, I eat meat and veggies (and everything else), I sleep as much as I can, and I have thick…well, hair.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 03/17/2004 10:20 PM EST

This would be cool
http://tinyurl.com/27srm

Chestnuts roasted by iivuli @ 03/18/2004 1:50 AM EST

I’d steal a Meerkat, those things are so freakin awesome. That kid’s freaky.

Chestnuts roasted by Goonie4Life @ 03/18/2004 3:02 AM EST

I few weeks ago someone stole a monkey from the capital zoo! Haha.

Chestnuts roasted by Rebekah @ 03/18/2004 4:46 AM EST

i’d steal the churro cart…muahahahha

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 03/18/2004 4:55 AM EST

Otters, lions or tigers.

Chestnuts roasted by Aubrey @ 03/18/2004 6:27 AM EST

That chick admiring the pandas.

Oh, wait a minute. That’s not stealing, that’s getting laid.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 03/18/2004 7:36 AM EST

Further note:

If they sold beer at my local zoo, or any zoo for that matter (I don’t think they do, do they?), I would most definitely steal that.

Chestnuts roasted by Nate @ 03/18/2004 7:47 AM EST

Koala bear!!

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 03/18/2004 8:45 AM EST

SPIDER MONKEY!!!!! Woo hoo! I saw one smoke a Marlboro light once in Mexico. Ever since then, they own me.

Chestnuts roasted by Blake @ 03/18/2004 9:31 AM EST

A tiger. I’ve always wanted a tiger.

Chestnuts roasted by beSharp @ 03/18/2004 9:52 AM EST

Penguins. Lots and lots of penguins.
I’d need a refridgerated truck to transport them in though.

Chestnuts roasted by BaronVonHotPants @ 03/18/2004 10:41 AM EST

Something that would look cool riding next to me in the carpool lane.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/18/2004 11:45 AM EST

I don’t know about monkeys, Matt.

Remember what happened last time?

http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/256.html

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 03/18/2004 12:12 PM EST

There is a Hippo named Moyo at Busch Gardens. He is a baby. I will raise him to do my bidding. Hippos will kick anythings ass.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 03/18/2004 12:50 PM EST

A red panda. I love those!

Chestnuts roasted by Andrea @ 03/18/2004 1:19 PM EST

your mom

Chestnuts roasted by yngjfg @ 03/18/2004 2:05 PM EST

A woodpecker.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/18/2004 2:20 PM EST

I’d steal a penguin. I can’t die without know what a penguin tastes like.

Chestnuts roasted by Don't Touch, Willy. @ 03/18/2004 2:27 PM EST

That is so wrong. I’d eat a monkey before I’d eat a penguin.

Incidentally, those are the two animals I’d take. But not for eating! For friendship. And madcap adventures, as far as the monkey is concerned.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 03/18/2004 3:16 PM EST

A happy little narwhale.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/18/2004 3:16 PM EST

The sugarglider. Awww.

Except they bite. So I’ll say panda. They’re so *mysterious*.

Chestnuts roasted by Goz @ 03/18/2004 4:22 PM EST

Spider Monkey.
They’re so darned cuoot when they wear pampers.

Chestnuts roasted by AngeFaitore @ 03/18/2004 5:32 PM EST

A BONOBO!

Chestnuts roasted by Squip @ 03/18/2004 5:39 PM EST

Rhinokey

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 03/18/2004 6:30 PM EST

Preferably a Rhinokey. Maybe a Butterbear or an Eleroo. Never a Hoppopotamus.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 03/18/2004 6:32 PM EST

Penguins. Shout outs to Freakazoid referencer kingklash.

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 03/18/2004 8:35 PM EST

zoo keeper

Chestnuts roasted by nelson @ 03/18/2004 9:39 PM EST

I’d choose an orangutan; watching them hang and swing about always makes me fiercely proud of my primate heritage.

"Hey, Orangutan, I’ll trade you this leftover sapience for some extra arboreality!"
"SSSSSSSSLLURRRRRP!!!"
"…Well, so much for that trade."

Name that reference, win a free art request.

Chestnuts roasted by G'Tron @ 03/19/2004 3:37 AM EST

All of the cute little tropical froggies. I’ve always hated seeing them stuck in those nasty, stinky, dirty cages. Reminds me of Matt’s trip to the Gross-Zoo, where one of the posters here saw him wearing mismatched socks.

Now I’m sad, thinking about the little froggies.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 03/19/2004 8:02 AM EST

Of course, if I had a million dollars, and didn’t have to break into the zoo, I’d buy a monkey. Cuz, I’ve always wanted one.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 03/19/2004 8:05 AM EST

A Baleen Whale.

A gorilla escaped from the Dallas zoo yesterday and ate 4 people before it was ripped apart by a minigun.

Chestnuts roasted by Slacker @ 03/19/2004 11:36 AM EST

Sounds like Zombie Night at the Gotham Aquarium! Or, "Your Gorilla Style is good, but it is no match against my UZI-FU!" When I heard ‘400-pound gorilla’ in the early reports, I said (out loud) "Whatever he wants." At least I was alone at the time. Woulda had some ’splaining to do.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/19/2004 11:56 AM EST

A penguin, but only if i had a good freezer room for him. I could dress him up in a top hat and a monocle and re-enact scenes from batman.

Chestnuts roasted by Ally @ 03/19/2004 12:54 PM EST

Actually, first, I’d let all of the Killer Ducks loose onto the city.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 03/19/2004 1:00 PM EST

One of you guys.

Just wait. One of these days, my monkey clan will overtake the San Diego zoo, then Cailfornia, then, THE WORLD!

Chestnuts roasted by Furious George @ 03/20/2004 9:34 PM EST

I would steal any monkey I could get my hand on.

Chestnuts roasted by Jeremiah @ 03/21/2004 1:49 PM EST

Monkey Clan, is that like the Wu-Tang Clan?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 03/22/2004 11:44 AM EST

A lion, a tiger and a bear.. Oh My!

Chestnuts roasted by Cyanyde @ 03/22/2004 12:36 PM EST

At the cleveland zoo there is a wolf retreat or something like that… I’d steal the pack of wolves to unleash on all the neighborhood cats… I hate the neighborhood cats

Chestnuts roasted by Radiohd @ 03/22/2004 1:51 PM EST

just a note to those of you who want a koala, I spent some time in Australia, and came across lot’s o’ wild animals (we had a heard of kanagroo living in our back yard, and several Kingfishers "cookaberra’s" too) the two ugliest and annoying animals I came across were all the roadkill wambat’s and the naked koala’s. they’re nowhere near as furry as they look.

Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 03/23/2004 11:45 AM EST

Any of the turtles, except maby snapping turtles.
That and a capybara.

Chestnuts roasted by Zeekay @ 03/23/2004 12:36 PM EST

I would steal the walrus

Chestnuts roasted by Romo @ 03/30/2004 9:49 AM EST

G’Tron, was that reference to "Eureeka’s Castle?" I can’t believe I remember that.

Chestnuts roasted by Skeen @ 04/01/2004 3:23 PM EST

Koala.
Specifically, the ones from Koala-ala-land(sp?)

BTW: anyone remember that show? There were two Koala-heavy cartoons on Nick at the time. One of them I think was called the Woozles?(referenced above) the other was Adventures of the Little Koala.

Chestnuts roasted by Phallucide @ 04/05/2004 11:34 AM EDT

elephant

Chestnuts roasted by josh @ 05/11/2004 3:34 PM EDT

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