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03/05/2004: New Article: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Cookies!

When you happen upon a sealed box of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Cookies from 1989, you shouldn’t keep it to yourself. In today’s article, we open up and examine the doughy legacy, complete with two commercial reviews and an epilogue featuring Rocksteady rhyming. The cookies came in four flavors, and Leonardo really wanted you to eat them. Have a nice weekend. Love being a turtle.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 98 comments

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First post!

Ghosted by The Lucky One @ 03/05/2004 4:16 PM EST

Did these taste like teddy grahams? Oh by the way FIRST POST.

Ghosted by pygmalien @ 03/05/2004 4:16 PM EST

I love being a turtle!

Ghosted by eyeless @ 03/05/2004 4:17 PM EST

Drats. Foiled again

Ghosted by Pygmalien @ 03/05/2004 4:17 PM EST

Okay. I actually hate it when people do that, but I figured I had to try for it at least once. Forgive me. Never again, I promise.

Ghosted by The Lucky One @ 03/05/2004 4:20 PM EST

Holy shit, my brother loved these. They were no TMNT pudding pies, but oh well.

Ghosted by B-Dawg @ 03/05/2004 4:20 PM EST

Hey, those things look just like Teddy Grahams.
I’m amazed at your ability to buy ancient food in order to review it, even when it looks/smells/is crap. Seriously, I probably would have done almost anything to avoid touching those, especially if they smelt a little bad and they were that old.
…so, yeah. Love the site. Keep it coming. ^_^

Ghosted by 9volt @ 03/05/2004 4:25 PM EST

I love those old local commercials that try to feature popular characters. I have a tape with an old commercial for "Ewoks on Ice." Yeah, Ewoks on FRICKEN ICE! It’s a little local commercial featuring seven-foot Ewoks.

Ghosted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 03/05/2004 4:46 PM EST

I heard the dude. Well, not him, but when local stations or malls had Turtle promotions, there was always some poor shmuck trying to sound like a surfer, and failing in spectacular fashion. But what do I know from surfing? I lived in Oakland, where only tough, rugged guys (and girls) surf. Mainly because you tell someone from the east bay you surf Alameda, and watch them check you over for scars. Rocks the size of VWs, and rats the size of small rocks.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 03/05/2004 4:55 PM EST

ewoks on ice>? ugh, all that "on ice" shit is shit!

Matt, you didn’t tell us where you got this box of ancient cookies.

Who keeps this stuff????

Ghosted by Servum septum @ 03/05/2004 5:06 PM EST

Oh man, I used to eat those things all the time. Good stuff. And yeah, I think they did pretty much just taste like Teddy Grahams.

Ghosted by Rood @ 03/05/2004 5:09 PM EST

A few weeks ago I promised/threatened myself that I would watch all three of the live action TMNT-movies in a row, this might be the thing to finally push me over the edge to do it.. Oh and I would have definitely picked the apple-cinnamon cookies. I’m a sucker for cinnamon..

Ghosted by iivuli @ 03/05/2004 5:11 PM EST

It seems like I always had the variety that came in the turtle van shaped box. I don’t really remember the commercial or the other varieties of packaging, but that van-shaped box is eternally stamped upon my brain.

Ghosted by Rood @ 03/05/2004 5:16 PM EST

I can’t remember having eaten those, but it stands to reason that I must have at some point, what with the TMNT obessession I shared with every other kid on the planet. Those bank/jars do look awfully familiar.

Ghosted by Frostor @ 03/05/2004 5:35 PM EST

"Obsession"–curses, why do I always make typos on this one blog?!

Ghosted by Frostor @ 03/05/2004 5:36 PM EST

Wow, talk about bang for the buck.
Not one, not two.. no not even 3 but 8 article to read..
Plus that sweet StarWars drop-down at the end of the 4 *new* turtles article, You should do more of those Matt.. It’s even better than a working archives

Ghosted by Cyanyde @ 03/05/2004 5:40 PM EST

Speaking of which, I notice you used the same background in the archives page as the Muckman article.. Coincidence?
(or just wishful association on my part?)

Ghosted by Cyanyde @ 03/05/2004 5:46 PM EST

The Dr. Seuss rhymes made my day!

Ghosted by Gabbylicious @ 03/05/2004 5:59 PM EST

I remember eating the chocolate chip kind as a kid, I don’t think I liked them but they were TMNT so I ate them anyways. I got a box of chocolate chip Teddy Grahams a few years ago and it was like being 6 again, only eating bears instead of mutant turtle freaks. (sorry if this double posts, I got a DNS error on the first try)

Ghosted by Trampus @ 03/05/2004 6:12 PM EST

Hm…

…nope, sorry, I’m still reeling over Bebop and Rocksteady’s sexuality.

Ghosted by Jessie @ 03/05/2004 6:51 PM EST

Darn…I don’t remember getting these when I was a kid. I had the gigantic cereal bowls, though, so all was cool.

Ghosted by The ORIGINAL Paul @ 03/05/2004 9:23 PM EST

I don’t remember these, either, but my parents didn’t buy a lot of the "fad" food unless my sisters and I really, really begged. It was also likely that the cookies never made it to South Jersey in great quanties or at all. The normal boxes and the commercial ring vague bells, but I don’t recognize the coin banks (although they are cute – I want Raphael) or the vehicle-shaped animal cracker boxes.

Ghosted by starwenn @ 03/05/2004 10:02 PM EST

Now this article brings me back a few years. Hell I remember eating these things WAY back in the day, I always thought they were pretty good.

Ghosted by West @ 03/05/2004 10:20 PM EST

Ah, yes, Ninja Turtle cookies. I used to have the turtle cookie jar. I probably didn’t like the cookies but I did keep the package. It was sitting on a shelf for years (empty of course) and it got thrown out eventually. This site makes me remember weird stuff.

Ghosted by JG! @ 03/05/2004 10:22 PM EST

Did the company that made these have peanut butter and jelly sandwich cookies? I remember eating those a lot.

Ghosted by JG! @ 03/05/2004 10:23 PM EST

This isn’t related to the TMNT article (I’ll get to that right after this post), but was anyone watching the Spongebob marathon at about 9:15 this Friday night? Patchy the pirate was doing time-travel-themed ads to promote Spongebob goes Prehistoric, and he went to hokey places like Egypt, the Mayflower, etc.
But then! An ad came up where he stepped out of his time machine deal and this is what he saw:
http://www.greenslime.org/woyc_img/woy1_013.jpg
He time-travelled back to the days of You Can’t Do That on Television! It was the most awesome unexpected crossover since the Ghostbusters fought a parody of He-Man, or Bebop & Rocksteady were watching the Smurfs.
Those episodes would be good for reviews, btw.

Ghosted by Alt-Tab (w/ new blog) @ 03/05/2004 10:58 PM EST

Matt, thou hast done well in defeating the Turtle Cookies. Thou hast gained 1 Experience Point. Thou hast gained 2 GOLD.

But seriously, Red Slime’s got nothing on cookies so old Hilary Duff was in diapers when they were first baked…

Mmm…Hilary Duff…brings out the Nabokov in me. Unclean thoughts…about cookies…and milk?!

I’ll shut up now.

Ghosted by Monster Dog @ 03/05/2004 11:14 PM EST

yeah teddy grahams shaped like ninja turtles. Either way I still eat them, the chocolate chip kind that is. Cinnamon and the other one aren’t that good.

Oooh and by the way 28th post…The Lucky One and pygmalien you two are both idiots and desrve to choke on some TMNT cookies

Ghosted by ZacWax @ 03/06/2004 12:01 PM EST

Just to follow through on an earlier post: I believe the Ghostbusters ep is called "Station Identification," where a ghost posesses a TV station and makes the main character in a He-Manesque show come to life.
I don’t know which TMNT ep I was talking about, I think I out-obscured myself. But they were definitely watching the "Slurps," who were just like the Smurfs except green all over. Some things you never forget.

Anyhow. Boring cookie time? No such thing! Cookies are always a good time. Except possibly cookies ten years old, which I don’t see very often. I’m okay with that.

Was it actually fashionable to have hand-shaped ass-stamps back then? That’s so WEIRD! Then again, girls that age nowadays have pants with "cutie" or something written on their asses. I go to Tufts University where the mascot is Jumbo the Elephant, and there are girls with "JUMBO" written across their asses. Very hard for me not to giggle.

Ghosted by Alt-Tab @ 03/06/2004 12:01 PM EST

Oh my god, It’s the Fox 42 Kids Club lady!

I grew up in Nebraska, and the woman doing the voiceover at the end of the second commercial was the host of the local Fox station’s afternoon kids shows for a long, long time. I never thought I’d hear that voice again…

Now I have the jingle stuck in my head.
"Join the Fox 42 Kids club!
The Fox 42 Kids club!"

Ghosted by Fatmouse @ 03/06/2004 12:11 PM EST

The older version of TMNT are preferable to my taste than the "new age ones"…the "new age ones" look like villains, what with their eyes lacking pupils and all…

Other than Fruity/Cocoa Pebbles…what other cartoon-promoted food products from the 80s-90s are still out on the market today, anyway?

Ghosted by Li'l Jinx @ 03/06/2004 1:44 AM EST

I remember eating those as a kid. The taste of teddy grahams with the awesome-ness of turtles. I had muckman!! He came with some mutagen ooze!!

Ghosted by heeloyd @ 03/06/2004 2:14 AM EST

I’d love to see you get a hold of a pack of the TMNT juice boxes. I bought a three month’s supply of those one summer. Oh the memories!

Ghosted by Duckyass @ 03/06/2004 3:11 AM EST

Haha funny

Ghosted by Allie @ 03/06/2004 3:59 AM EST

is it just me, or does the kid in the first black and white picture look like Malcom in the Middle?

is there some sort of wierd Dick Clarck conspiracy going on for child actors these days?

Ghosted by Chopstick Sensei @ 03/06/2004 5:26 AM EST

man…… u guys are sexier than red jelly beans stretched between the gap between cindy laupers teeth

Ghosted by gi_ @ 03/06/2004 7:29 AM EST

I have a turtle bowl still. Leo has a big smile on his face.

We had Fox 45 Kids Club. The guy was crossed eyed. Their background was made from pvc pipes. I never joined.

I was always sad when I would sleep through the cartoons after school.

Ghosted by fk27 @ 03/06/2004 9:20 AM EST

Nice way to start a Saturday, busting a gut at a man flopping through a park in an oversized Mikey costume. That would fit perfect on Trigger Happy TV or some other crazy show.

Ghosted by Behonkiss @ 03/06/2004 10:10 AM EST

You defenitly need to make a TMNT toy comic strip thing.

Ghosted by Matt @ 03/06/2004 10:48 AM EST

Heh. I vaguely remember these cookies.

I think I broke my Pizza Shooter trying to shoot them…

Ghosted by marril159 @ 03/06/2004 10:59 AM EST

Wooo hoo hoo

41st post!
oh yeah, it me b-day.

Ghosted by Louis mac @ 03/06/2004 1:23 PM EST

For a bit of realism, I farted while reading the article. Made the article really come alive! Long live Smello-net

Ghosted by Spiffy McKracken @ 03/06/2004 1:34 PM EST

I feel like I should remember these but I sadly don’t. I do remember the Turtle pies though. BLEAH! The things we children went through for the sake of loyalty.

Ghosted by The Dragonrider @ 03/06/2004 2:49 PM EST

Wow. Ok, Mall Of The Bluffs….My father is from NE, yada yada, when i was kid, travellin to see the grandparents ya leave Chicago and dont see shit but cornfields till ya hit Council Bluffs, IA and its expressway close Mall Of The Bluffs. A pure sign of the glory that is america poking its toe out from the cornfields and tractor pulls.

Ghosted by JimCognito @ 03/06/2004 2:54 PM EST

Where in the sam hell did they find that terrible costume? I thought it was bad when they dressed them up like gay cowboys for the "Shells" tour outfits, but some fat guy in the midwest running through a park is infinitely worse, and therefore hilarious. I’m seriously going back to the article right now to make sure I didn’t hallucinate it due to lack of sleep.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 03/06/2004 3:03 PM EST

Good article, as always, and the guy jumping around in the scary fursuit was a hoot. But one little detail is driving me absolutely insane:

Turtles = *Reptiles!* Very different from Amphibians. More evolved and all.

Carry on.

Ghosted by LaGremlin @ 03/06/2004 3:10 PM EST

Haha, that Michaelangelo suit looks like a modified Barney suit. I wonder what those cookies actually tasted like BEFORE their expiration date.

Ghosted by Recoil, webmaster of Contra database @ 03/06/2004 3:30 PM EST

Ah, they probably tasted pretty much the same as they would right now.

Either that or as a few others said up there ^
"Teddy Grahams"

I wonder what the first cartoon to have a food named for it would have been?

Ghosted by Cyanyde @ 03/06/2004 4:14 PM EST

Heeeey, I was right about the Archives thing!
http://www.x-entertainment.com/archives/

Thanks Matt, now I’ll never get any sleep

Ghosted by Cyanyde @ 03/06/2004 4:16 PM EST

Great! Now I want old cookies. Time to look in the couch cushions.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 03/06/2004 5:30 PM EST

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