X-Entertainment's Christmas Season & Advent Calendar, 2008.

02/25/2004: The Cereal Chronicles, Volume 855588.

I’ve been amazed at the amount of “limited special ultra edition” cereals that’ve come out in this past year, but recently, the number has been unreal. Whatever’s fashionable with youth is now eaten for breakfast, and you’re going to have a hard time locating a box of Cheerios under the piles of sugarcrap based on holidays and Nickelodeon cartoons. Recently, I came across three that were just too unusual to resist. While our kitchen cabinets are already overflowing with boxes of stale cereals once reviewed, I couldn’t fight the desire to archive the existence of such strange bowl-fillers. If interested or hungry, don’t forget…these won’t be around for long. Now is the time.

“Special Edition Lucky Charms”
Lucky’s back, and this time, he’s really pushing the Irish bit. The all-green half-foil box of “Special Edition Lucky Charms” features everyone’s second favorite leprechaun peddling “bigger clover marshmallows.” Gone are the purple horseshoes and red balloons, cast aside in favor of a springtime collection of three different clovers and bright pots of gold. The cereal’s lack of its former variety is well compensated by the super-sized marshmallows — they’re nearly twice as big in this “Special Edition,” and don’t feel anywhere near as chalky. The game-filled back of the box features all sorts of stupid riddles. “What has four legs but can’t walk?” IZZA TABLE! Go Lucky, go go go.

“The Fairly OddParents Cereal!”
I gotta be honest — “The Fairly OddParents” remains the one Nicktoon I just can’t get into at all. I’ve seen a lot of people talk it up and pay it compliments, but for me, it’s just too damn loud and grating to get through. While I’m usually able to tune out the television while working, this is the one show that gets my ass running to the power button 100% of the time. That said, it’s an interesting cereal. The pastel blue box is eye-catching and unique, and as for the grub itself…hmmm. Described as “sweetened corn, wheat n’ oat stars,” I’d consider it more as the closest thing to eating a bowl of cookies for breakfast outside of literally eating a bowl of cookies for breakfast. These things are more like cookies than “Cookie Crisp.” They’re also covered in candy sprinkles, and the five-sided stars really do a number on your throat. Also: why does everyone on this show look like a hamster?

“Apple Jacks: Jack-In-The-Box”
Well, Kellogg’s has gone truly insane with the Apple Jacks brand in recent times. First we had that whole “blue carrots” fiasco. Now we’ve got Apple Jacks actually shaped like jacks. Everything else remains as was, so I’m a little curious as to why this necessitated a huge ad campaign. Are kids really going to be excited that Apple Jacks are now 50% jack-shaped? I mean, if blue carrots didn’t inspire big sales, what chance does this have? I guess they’re just trying to compete with a breakfast market that now includes ninja star-shaped cereal bits based on Nicktoons and marshmallow clovers the size of Iran. There’s a saving grace, though. Mixing the old and new pieces found in each box, you can now play Tic-Tac-Toe while eating Apple Jacks. The back of the box invites kids to join up with a team of hiply dressed preteen sleuths who solve crimes related to cereal. That’s an interesting niche.

mmmmmmm….haven’t had lucky charms in years. Haven’t had Apple Jacks in probably over a decade. Its kinda sad how I grew outta sweet cereals. Nowadays they just make me feel queezy but they used to rock back in the day. I sound like an old man…..

I love it… anything with marshmellow is good though. Fruit loops with marshmellow is the best stuff ever though.

I miss Marshmallow Krispies. I can’t believe they died on the market so quickly…So what did they do to kinda revive it? They introduced Fruity Marshmallow Krispies which tasted like hippo excrement. Damn stupid cereal marketing people.

Did you get the special edition X2 (as in X-Men) cereal over there in the US? I still see it on shelves here in the UK, so maybe I should pick some up and try it.

I wonder if any old people go into the cereal aisle and just think to themselves, "???!?!?!WHAT?!??THE?!?!FUCK????!!!!"

When POGs were in, I told my little cousins to keep an eye out for my Idea of the Ultimate POG: it had to have a Jolly Roger, Yin-Yang, Ace of Spades, and a Eight-Ball on it. And Holo-Foil. I want to figure out what the Ultimate Limited Edition cereal would have to be. What kind of freakin’ huge marshmallows and shapes and puzzles and prize would merit such a affront in the eyes of the breakfast gods? Blue carrots were dumb.

I was just wondering what the hell happened to Apple Jacks? Why do they keep changing? There wasn’t anything wrong with the cereal back in the day. Now it’s just getting crazy.
Despite all of the special edition gimmicks and what not, no cereal will ever beat Count Chocula. That has to be one of the best cereals of all time. It’s definitely my favorite.
Rather than spending time on creating wacky new special editions, maybe more time should be spent on making the normal cereal better. Eh, I guess that wouldn’t be as fun, plus wacky cereals give Matt more to review.

Zevemiel, i still see that X2 in Tesco, tried some about 6 months ago and it was pretty tough to get through, just a really really strong caramel taste, but i did get an X-Men dog tag in the box.

Let all remember a great cereal, Uncle Sam. Yes, the only cereal that proudly stated on its box that it was "A Natural Laxitive". Alas, the last time I saw a box, it was minus this proud monaker.

AAACCCKKK!! There’s a box of Uncle Sam in my home as I speak! Brother-in-Law brought it over to feed his kids. (he has to get to work at 4:00 am, and sis is in Kuwait on her way to Iraq, so their boys spend nights at Grandma’s, where Uncle lives too) And the box has the "Natural Laxitive" blurb on it. 13-year-old nephew read that and now won’t touch it, and 8-year-old nephew won’t eat anything his brother calls nasty.

On the topic of cereals, does anyone remember Kellogg’s Double Dip Crunch cereal from the early ’90s? Sadly, I never got to taste the stuff (I had to eat Grape-Nuts), but I remember the commercials. The design on the front of the box, I remember, was split in half and had the title of the cereal printed twice. A neat gimmick.

Fairly Oddparents is pretty grating. Their heads are wayyy too big, and it’s just not that funny besides. On a more positive note, I love that new "My Life as a Teenage Robot" cartoon… maybe just because that teenage robot is a pretty cute chick. Uh oh, I’m a robo-pedo-phile!

Lucky is our second favorite leprechaun, second only to… Leprechaun, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Say, was there a sequel to that Leprechaun flick that took place in the ghetto, which ALSO took place in the ghetto? It’s titled something like "Leprechaun: Back 2 the Ghetto" with the number 2 super-emphasized, so I don’t know. He’s taken up permanent residence in Harlem, apparently.

Well it looks like Andrew T. is another poor sap exposed to having to eat Grape Nuts when they were a kid. I think only handful of people won’t agree that Grape Nuts is a cereal that’s more punishment to eat than an encouragement to eat breakfast. Yes, there might be some creative uses for Grape Nuts out there but really. Even the 100% Bran cerals taste better.

I’ve never actually had Lucky Charms, Apple Jacks, or even Count Chocula. My parents were always very against the really sugary cereals. Because of this, they also usually cordoned off the "fancy" looking cereals. For some reason I was allowed to get Fruity Pebbles once but not Cocoa Pebbles. I think the sweetest cereal I ever ate as a kid was Golden Grahms. And the milk from that is just awesome because it tastes like honey.

It doesn’t help that the grocery store I go to (which is currently transforming into a Sobey’s) tends not to carry many promo cereals. The store also carries only a handful of the kid-centric sugar bombed cereals. What a boring assortment.

Dose anyone rember a cereal from the early 90s, it was these little stars covred in sprinkles. the box was blue and i think there mascot was some sort of genie? i rember it tasted funky and i used to eat it like it was candy that naever made you full.

Well, I must say it’s been awhile since I’ve had the real sugary cereals. I earn so little by myself to live off every month, so I go for the cheapie cereals. I’m not paying 7 Canadian dollars for Reese Puffs. My favourite cereal of all-time is Pro Stars. Not the cartoon where Wayne Gretzky ate a lot of sammiches, but the plain, star-shaped cereal from I think the late 80’s/early 90’s. It’s pretty much dead now, and I think Wayne was on the box. Man, I could eat a box of that in one sitting….

There are only three voices on TV I can’t stand to listen to.Two of these come from the Fairly Odd Parents.One is the Timmy Turner’s voice,(not from the Oh Yeah,Cartoon days,however.The voice was OK back then)and the other one is the boil kid’s voice.

Of course,I’ll watch any cartoon if I think the writing is good or intelligent.Unfortunately most of the humor on that show is hit or miss(mostly miss),and half the time I think it’s trying too hard to be funny.

I also saw a Pro-Star video on sale at walmart and thought that Matt should review it. I was busy buying bandages and worrying about how I’m going to replace my car I just totalled to pick it up.

Have you seen the Simpsons cereal? the same week it came out Bart’s writing on the blackboard was "I do not have a cereal named after me." By the way, Do grapenuts have grapes or nuts in them? I do remember a cereal with rasins covered in nut dust (that sounded so wrong) but it wasn’t grapenuts… hmmm

My favorite limited edition cereal of all time is Mr. T cereal, even though I don’t think I ever had it when I was a kid.

Actually, the Star Wars cereals that came out with AOTC were pretty good. They were exactly like Lucky Charms, only with Star Wars shapes and the cereal was cinnamon flavored. And they came with cool lightsaber pens! They were pocket sized, so when some girl asks me "Is that a lightsaber in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" I can whip out my schlong…I mean lightsaber pen which happens to be in my pocket!

I don’t buy most of the "Special Edition" cereals because they are usually A) expensive, B) filled with marshmallows, which I hate (do they have to be so hard?), and/or C) imitation Cap’n Crunch that turns the roof of my mouth into a bloody mess. I do remember liking that C-3PO cereal Matt reviewed many years ago. My sisters and I used to argue over who got to keep the mask on the back.

I’ve seen "The Fairly Oddparents," thanks to my 11-year-old brother who loves most of the Nicktoons, and it’s even odder than "SpongeBob Squarepants," without much of that show’s charm. Some of it is funny, but I agree it’s just as often loud, grating, and trying too hard to be different.

And Tonnica, I completely agree about "Grape Nuts." Maybe it does taste better warm, but when cold, it tastes like sawdust. : 0 p

I really miss the Rice krispies SQUARE!If anybody know where I can a pic of the box please give me the link!Besides,i’m going to orlando this week,so I might be able to pick up those crazy cereal you’ve just reviewed.I just can’t wait to eat ODD PARENTS CEREAL!!!

My favorite short-lived cereal was Hidden Treasures. Some (but not all) pieces had frosting inside. I remember it tasting really nice.

I got hooked on Fairly Oddparents right away when I saw Timmy imagining his older self as having a static, muscular upper-body with legs going everywhere. Timmy’s voice doesn’t bother me either, ‘cuz I hear a lot more annoying voices on a regular basis (on the bus, Sonic Heroes… just to name a few sources).

I find Spongebob more grating than Fairly Oddparents. But then again, it’s probably just overexposure to El Diablo Spongeo. (I live with a nephew that is the reason half of the more asnine Spongebob products exist. Bath mats? TIOLET BOWL COVERS? OVEREXPOSURE!!!)

I agree that Spongebob’s a bit overexposed, but I dunno…I still think it’s pretty aces. Don’t watch it so much anymore, tho. OddParents, I’m assuming, is just one of those acquired tastes that sounds and smells awful until you understand it. If you can envision hearing and seeing the show without really paying enough attention to tell if you like the stories, imagine how annoying it must seem.

Speaking of Nicktoons, which sort of we are, sort of, today at 3 pm Nick is showing Invader Zim, the first episode.
Friday, same time and channel, is Rocko’s Modern Life. I repeat, ROCKO’S MODERN LIFE.
What blessing from the gods is this?

I think Nick nowadays has a few gems, but is generally dreck. Back in the day, it was generally high-quality stuff.

And I was right, after Leprechaun went into space in IV, he went back in time (or something) into the ghetto for Leprechaun V AND VI. Lep’s in the hood, and he’s up to no good.

If there were a poll for which obscure horror franchise to review completely, from beginning movie to ending sequel, it would be Leprechaun. I’ve seen Lep V, it’s a-awe-somely bad.

Ever since I can remember, cereals have been advertising themselves as something "Adults just don’t get" I think Apple Jacks did it with something like "these don’t taste like APPLES!!!" and Cinnamon Toast Crunch with those ‘Adult’s can’t see the cinnamon’ bit.

I don’t remember when exactly these commercials were, but whenever it was, I didn’t fall into the ‘ign’unt adult’ category.

…but still, I could never quite figure out what it was that we kids were supposed to see that Adults couldn’t. Were there really kids out there buying into the idea that our parents can see R-rated movies, but not swirlies on graham crackers?

I guess the point is that I hope Apple Jacks has changed their campaign. Because now that they’re jack-shaped, at least the name makes half sense… though it’s possible kids today don’t know what jacks are what with their A-tar-is and such.

A Couple o’ messages for Alt-Tab. 1st is that the I belive the Leprachaun Movie you refer to is the 3rd one "Leprachaun In The Hood" with….ICE-T!!!

The other one is why the God’s smiled and gave you Rocko. It’s a promotion for a channel called "Nicktoons TV" that I have on my digital cable system (and on Dish TV’s too). From 1pm to 4pm (Mon - Fri.) the God’s deliver AAAHHH! Real Monsters, Angry Beavers (I only got hooked after seeing it here and Rocko. Oh yeah and they have another network called ‘The N’ for "teens" that shows shitty (un)real dramas like "Degrassi" and some garbage called "Radio Free Rosco" but the saving grace is that it also shows (but I can’t say when) Pete and Pete. Oh well, enough about how much free time I spend watching the tooberafic (way too much). Later.

P.S - I must defend Fairly Oddparents. It has some of the gross out/double meaning elements of the above mentioned Nicktoon Forefathers. Give it half a chance..or not. t’s a free country and this is a free blog. YEAH RABIES!!!!

OOPS. Sorry Alt-Tab. Just reread a previous post and see you got your 411 on. Disregard first message but spread the second one. YEA RABIES!

What the fuck has happened to Apple Jacks? It used to be a plausable cereal until in the mid-90s, the "We eat what we like" commercials came about where clueless adults said "They’re not apples and they aren’t jacks…". Hey! I know adults that LOVE Apple Jacks!

As for Fairly OddParents, I love that show and I’ve bought everything from the merchandising line, meaning that I’ve spent too much of my life in Claire’s Boutique and K-Mart.
I’m going to have a box of this cereal sooner or later.

I still think that the best cereals on the market are Count Chocula and Cocoa Pebbles.
By the way, doesn’t it seem that Post has packaged WAY too many Greg Biffle cards in CPs for their Kraft Racing/Postopia promotion?
I don’t have a Dale Jr. card yet!
Damn you, Biffle!

6 days a week I eat a shitty cereal called wheat and bran,by post.And 1 day a week a eat sugar crap cereal cause it’s better.You see,i’m checking my healt 6 days a week and i’m very tired.So next week at orlando,I will buy a lot of sugar cereal.

Whats with Cap’n Crunch neways?
You’d think those fools would realise it’s tearing people’s mouths apart and fix it..
That Lucky Charms stuff looks good tho, hmm grocery day tomorrow too

Totally Off topic. But my friend is moving to Chicago, and he tossing out a bunch of old stuff so he says to me "hey I got a chest of old toys, wanna rummage?" I always up for free stuff immediatey say "OK" and when I look in it….BONANZA! I am now the proud owner of Rodimus Prime, Voltron, and MEGATRON! Among other small trinkets like some warrior lady, some smaller transformers, and Max Rebo (minus his band…or circular piano thing)….Oh and Slag and Snarl of the dinobots (Snarl is actually the pre-transformers, Diaclone version.)The day was such a mixed emotion, I mean sure I was losing my best friend for the past decade….but I was getting a whole bunch of neat stuff…now if only Voltron’s head weren’t permanently in the humanoid shape, because i had to crazy glue it back on the base…

I used to spend too much time on a bowl of Lucky Charms. I would pick out and eat all of the oat bits, leaving the tasty marshmallow bits for last. Taking giant spoonfulls of marshmallow yumminess was a joy I will always remember. The work needed to filter out the Oat bits first made it even more enjoyable.

Apple Jacks is one of my favorite cereals, but it is behind Fruity Pebbles and C’pin crunch. I usually let C’pin Crunch soak for a while to protect the fragile roof of my mouth.

On the non sugary side, I loved Kix, but I would put about a cup of suger on them. Same with GrapeNuts, which I ate every time I went to Grandmas.

And for the record my all time favorite cereal was E.T. It tasted so much better than todays Reese’s Peanut Butter Puffs cereal.

Can’t say I’ve tried any of these cereals. Matter of fact I hardly ever eat breakfast anymore cause it would cut ten minutes out of my sleep time. Damn 8-5 jobs.

I was shopping about 2 weeks ago and they actually had Frankenberry at the store so I had to pick it up. Haven’t had a chance to eat any yet though, but it used to be my favorite.

Nowadays my favorite is Fruity Pebbles and Crunch Berries. Can’t say I’ve ever had much of a problem eating Cap’n Crunch products. Do you people not have teeth or something? I prefer to chew with my teeth, not my tongue and the roof of my mouth.

To this day I’m not fond of sugary cereals; my mom raised my brother and me on Cheerios and Chex.

Her ability to say no to her sons’ commercial-fueled "buy me that! buy me that! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE buy me that!" made her a reviled figure when I was a kid, but damn if she wasn’t right when she said I’d thank her later.

Fairly Oddparents is lame you’re not missing anything there. Does anybody remember Dino Pebbles? I think it was vanilla flavored pebbles with marshmallows? It didn’t last very long but as a kid I thought it was good though my mom hated it.

I remember Dino Pebbles. I wish Post manufactured it a little longer. When it was rolled out, the cereal was accompanied by some pretty good TV commercials that are now permanently etched into memory.

Meatwad — the Dino Pebbles commercial is in the downloads (80’s Ads) section.

I remember the Hidden Treasures cereal. My brother used to be the one who always brought the weird cereals into the house. One of his favorites was Ice Cream Cones. I couldn’t stomach that shit. I also could never understand the thrill of Kix. Kid tested maybe…mother approved, I suppose. But to me they tasted like sugary cardboard.
Now I have the Angry Beavers song in my head…Aaaaan-gry BeaVERS!

I saved a box of powderpuff girls cereal from like 3 years ago. I’m hoping it wont breed worms. It was nice from the whole pop rocks effect, but a little boring. Maybe if it was sweeter and tasted more like cotton candy…. Pop rocks in cereal sounds like good marketing to me. Will my mint condition box o’ cereal ever prove useful? Sell it for $10k and be on Oprah?

Sprinkle Spangles was the name of the Star shaped cereal with sprinkles. You can find many lost cereals here. I remember that cereal along with the Double Dip Crunch! (the honey/cinnamon split Chex-like cereal). They don’t sell Rice Krispies Treats Cereal anymore? Hmm, must have disappeared when I wasn’t looking. I remember a cereal that was the same texture as Grape Nuts, but sweeter. It tasted somewhat like Cracklin’ Oat Bran.

jaRed the cereal you are thinking of is kellogg’s stars it had a goat/wizard on the front.

We like The Fairly Oddparents here. Having a five year old who likes some pretty annoying stuff (Rugrats, anyone? I can’t stand how they mangle their English and teach kids how to mispronounce everything). For some reason, the toilet humor from TFO makes me laugh. I’m a 12 year old trapped in the body of a 28 year old. Luckily, my kids don’t get the toilet humor yet, so it’s lost on them. Funny that Frankie Munez does the voice for Chester.
Two of my favorite lines:

When monkeys take over the world, Planet of the Apes style -
Cosmo-"I love the species
That throws their own feces!"

I just have to ask, am I the only one who broke out in a rash after eating Dino Pebbles? O_o

Cocoa Pebbles are better than "now containing radioactive green" Fruity Pebbles. Then again most fruity cerals suck now as opposed to when I was growing up. Back then Fruit Loops had orange, lemon and cherry…those were the days.

I remember seeing an ad for the new Apple Jacks… said something at the end about kids getting together and making it so "Apple Jacks stop making sense again", or something close. So I guess that’s why the Apple Jacks are shaped like "jacks"; because kids for some reason don’t want that, and are supposed to enter the contest to turn them back to normal. Or something.

I don’t even remember the blue carrots. WTF? Anyways, Lucky’s cereal has more of my interest…

But what about the Swedish Chef’s ill-fated cereal from the late eighties, Cröønchy Stars?
With the ads with the Chef making his cereal and the raspy Fred Savage-voiced kids narrating how he makes them so sweet and cröønchy?
With the directions on the box explaining how to eat them? (Place cereal in bowl. Place milk in cereal. Place cereal in spoon. Place spoon in mouth. Place teeth in cereal.)

Yummy Mummy or whatever it was called was some good shee…I don’t remember exactly what it had or what it tasted like, but I knew I would rush to the cereal aisle every single time just to see the box. Boo Berry is fantastic too and I suppose you can still get that, I may have to look into it…

Ugh Fruity & cocoa pebbles are the worst! They get all soggy and nasty within two seconds of eating them.

Growing up I always liked the icecream cone cereal, but once that vanished it was crispix and a whoooole lot of sugar. I have also never had a problem with the cap’n, but then soggy cereal isn’t really my thing.

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