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02/03/2004: New Article: Eating Spongebob Squarepants.

The 11th hour…just in time. Today’s article is a special feature about some of the incredibly many Spongebob Squarepants food promotions that have just hit store shelves, ranging from Pop Tarts to cereal, popsicles, Cheez-It crackers, fruit snacks and more. He even got his own macaroni and cheese! He’s pretty much everywhere you look in the supermarkets these days — it’s almost as bad as those Hulk promotions we looked at last summer. Here’s the article, including several really giant pictures that may potentially cause hunger. When will it end? When there’s Spongebob chicken.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 136 comments

The fun does not stop with the stores either. on yahoo games you can download or even by the game. Spongebob collapse

Ghosted by Shorty @ 02/04/2004 12:32 PM EST

I recently purchaces Sponge Bob Square Pants Ice Cream…It is vanilla with caramel and chencks of chocolate cookie dough shaped like sponge bob.

Should I be embarased that I am 34 years old and have no children and this is not my favorite Ice cream?

Ghosted by Diane Falconi @ 02/04/2004 12:39 PM EST

I turn a blind eye towards these things in the grocery store. Of course when I’m at the grocery store, I just make a quick list of the essentials, Crunch Berries, Gatorade, Soda, Gobstoppers/Nerds. Rice, soy sauce, other Asian foods. Never really noticed that there were so many Spongebob things. Though I do recall having to make Spongebob Mac and Cheese for my cousin and had to substitue milk with evaporated milk, only to discover that evaporated milk makes it taste even cheesier.

So really I’m not scared of Sponge bob infiltrating my pantry.

Ghosted by Rowan Steele @ 02/04/2004 1:10 PM EST

Here’s something, not food related but here’s everything else that Spongebob’s spongey little fingers have touched..

http://www.momsmarketonline.com/spongebob-squarepants-merchandise.html
Click the menu on the left for even more!

Everything from Sleeping bags to flip phones!

Man, Im so gonna buy the Smak and Yak!

Ghosted by Cyanyde @ 02/04/2004 1:23 PM EST

I had that bryers ice cream last year, it was not so great. way too sweet. and its wasnt just spongebob thrown on a regualar flavor, it was HIS OWN FLAVOR! it was more like the cereal, just with ice cream..had those wierd candy bits in it too. gave me a stomach ache.

Ghosted by Bloodmustard @ 02/04/2004 1:59 PM EST

I wasn;t aware they made so muhc Spongebob crap! I love Spongebob!
Let me know when they actually come out witha Krabby Pattie!

Ghosted by Dragonrider @ 02/04/2004 2:24 PM EST

Well i saw the spongbob article and it reminded me of when I tried sponge bob mac and cheese. But I had to suffer a little bit more. Charft also makes a varriant with "Ocean Blue" cheese sauce. That’s right blue, really really blue cheese sauce. I was actualy afraid to eat it at frist.. I feared the blueness would alter the taste, but it didn’t.. just made it look weird…

Ghosted by James @ 02/04/2004 3:01 PM EST

I was at the store like half an hour ago. That cereal aisle is just a bunch of articles waiting to happen. I saw that Sponge bob cereal and I thought about this site.

Ghosted by swordbourne @ 02/04/2004 3:19 PM EST

Krabby patties reminds me of hermit crab food for some reason. Makes my stomach turn. I rather have a Crab cake. MMMMMM! CRAAAHHHHHB.

Ghosted by Rowan Steele @ 02/04/2004 3:21 PM EST

If my kid read this I’ll have no choice but to hang myself. Some good investigative journalism, but dangerous dangerous stuff for us parents to deal with. So far I’m in hawk for buying SpongeBob Dolls(including a Barbie one), Toothbrush Holder, Talking Spongebob (with the exception of a talking Barney this is the most annoying thing on earth), Talking Gary (Amusing for 7.3 seconds), Sponge Bob Posters, Clothing (including Shirt and Socks), and perhaps worst of all…. DVD’s meaning Being subjected to it outside of the normal cable timeslot!!!!!!! What happened to Card Games…….. OH YEAH they have that SPONGEBOB TOO!!!

Ghosted by The Shifter @ 02/04/2004 3:29 PM EST

Keep an eye out for the Spongebob Sqarepants Movie! Oh yea!

I think they should have been working on it instead of that stupid rugrats meets the thornerries movie.

Ghosted by chiablo @ 02/04/2004 3:30 PM EST

At one point, there used to be Spongebob Cheese Nips. Now how many cartoon characters get to be both Cheez-Its AND Cheese Nips?

Ghosted by Luap @ 02/04/2004 3:56 PM EST

The pop tart box is very creepy. It looks like he’s coming out to get you!

Ghosted by Cap'n serioustown @ 02/04/2004 4:17 PM EST

hey, they have crabby patties at a resteraunt near my house. Hamburger with crab dip ontop…. delish!

Ghosted by chad @ 02/04/2004 4:21 PM EST

Hey, I’M a 20-something who watches SPSP daily and puzzles over Kids Bop, just like YOU. Matt is the voice of my generation. What’s the freakin’ deal with Kidz Bop, anyhow? Time to see if people are insane enough to 1. make mp3s and 2. share them on Kazaa.

Ghosted by DeathFrogurt @ 02/04/2004 4:48 PM EST

Update: the world is retarded AND doomed. Kidz Bop is all over Kazaa.

There’s even a version of "Complicated" on there. Avril is only like 17. To Kidz Bop-ize her song is to be redundant.

Ghosted by Deathfrogurt @ 02/04/2004 4:53 PM EST

Well, I’M a middle person with SpongeBob. I like a few of the episodes and tolerate the rest. I really like the one where SpongeBob and Patrick are playing around in the big cardboard box, and when it’s closed it sounds like the things they’re imagining are real, but when the box is opened… yeah. "Imaaaaaginaaaation!" Cracks me up every time. Also, I love that song they sing in the "Band Geeks" one. I have in on MP3 and my little sister has it in VideoNow disc format.

Ghosted by Freezair @ 02/04/2004 5:52 PM EST

All these comments and no one mentions the two Easter Eggs at the top! I can’t be the only one who noticed them. Click on Sally and Patrick to get some more articles.

Ghosted by jason1551 @ 02/04/2004 8:15 PM EST

hmm… a wood background… where in the world would you get that idea, huh matt??

Ghosted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 02/04/2004 8:32 PM EST

You’d never see Pee Wee eating Spongebob cereal.

As for Carnivale… yes, great great show… gave me something new to watch since they took "American Gothic" off the air so many moons ago.

Ghosted by gesis @ 02/04/2004 8:54 PM EST

I wonder what Mat would do if one of us really wrote his initials on our but and mooned him

Ghosted by Lossenelin @ 02/04/2004 8:57 PM EST

Am I the only one who buys those shaped Mac & Cheese and don’t use the cheese? I just mix in some butter to keep it from sticking together. A little salt, and it’s good eatin’. I miss the DC comic heroes shapes–and the Scooby-Doo ones are creepy. I don’t like my food to look at me.

There used to be a lot of shaped pastas when I was a kid, usually made by some small company that never advertised. The astronauts were my favorite. Then they disappeared, although my aunt did find some down the street from where they used to live. I’m usually a spagetti fan myself, but the shapes are darn tasty, too.

Ghosted by ShadowWing the Technorganic Autobot @ 02/04/2004 9:13 PM EST

I also work in a grocery store and am familiar with most of these items (all of them but the Cheez-Its and the Pop Tarts, including the mentioned-but-not-show ice cream). I also took one look at the cereal and thought "Oh, Matt’s got to review this, if only for the box alone." It’s on sale down here, too, but I have no interest in it. I hate cereal with marshmallows. The marshmallows are always hard, and the cereal is either bland or a "Cap’in Crunch" knock-off.

I’m not exactly sure what to make of "SpongeBob." It’s one of the few shows my 11-year-old brother refuses to miss. It’s certainly…different. My favorite character is the Texas-accented squirrel, Sandy Cheeks. Not only because she’s tougher than all the guys on the show put together, but I just love the absurd idea of a female squirrel with a Texas accent living in a bubble with a tree under the ocean. I haven’t seen many episodes, but the one I liked the most of what I have seen was when Sandy dared SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs to go on land. When the guys go on land, they’re amusingly depicted by very obvious toys (a rubber squid, a plastic crab and starfish, and a normal yellow sponge on a stick). Sandy is a squirrel puppet in an astronaut suit. She has to save the guys from seagulls who see them as a light snack. I always knew seagulls were bad guys.

Ghosted by starwenn @ 02/04/2004 9:27 PM EST

"OK, is it just me, or have you noticed that whenever they have fruit snacks, the reds, purples, greens, oranges and what have you, are always semi-translucent. But the yellows are always opaque! The Spongebob snacks are no exception! What is up with that? Is there a translucent yellow # 4 shortage? Or did they do a marketing study that found out kids prefer milkier looking fruit snacks, or what?? "

I always thought the opaque ones were the best. You could trade two of them for a whole pack of snacks. The translucent yellows were always really hard.

Ghosted by Fk27 @ 02/04/2004 10:39 PM EST

I do enjoy Sponge Bob on some strangley erotic level. I think though he is about to run his course though. With the movie coming out this year, our little yellow friend will hit his zenith.

A cartoon that turns into a film is tricky bussiness. So many toons before him have hit the big screen and fizzled out. It’s ussually by the time the toon gets to multiplexes, the 15 short minutes of kiddie fame are over.

( I mean there are of course sick individuals who will see a kiddie film "under the influence").

This of course will be Mr. Squarepants greatest challenge. Will he get major pop and go over at the local theater or will it be the kiss of death? We shall see.

However there is one thing though that you can’t take away from the little yellow guy: he is the undisputed pop culture icon that is so absurd (or genius) that he is the lexicon of brand name product tie in’s.The heavy weight champ of any Nick Toon before him and perhaps long after as well. He has more merchandise than the Hilton sisters have money. Somewhere out there, there are Sponge Bob enemas and lube.
Corporate America, wouldn’t have it any other way.

Ghosted by Gerald James @ 02/05/2004 12:23 PM EST

"( I mean there are of course sick individuals who will see a kiddie film "under the influence")."

Hmm… I don’t know anybody that watches the kiddie movies under the influence, just stoner movies ("How High" comes to mind). But hey, if I still smoked the herbal treatment, I’d go watch the spongebob flick. I hate that damn sponge.

Ghosted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 02/05/2004 12:55 PM EST

Matt,

Great article! Very funny! It’s not often I get to read something AS hilarious and I just wanted to commend you & your employer.

I’d like a job where you work. By any miracle, do you think you could hook me up?

M.T. in BC
British Columbia–not "Brownie Chocolate"

Ghosted by marco gerard @ 02/05/2004 6:18 AM EST

You need to go back to the old format. Bigger font, on black background. This article was much harder to read. Still awesome article.

Ghosted by G0aT CheEZeY @ 02/05/2004 7:57 AM EST

Yeah, it was kinda tough, but for the background I used (too late to change), that was the best font. It won’t be a regular thing, though.

Ghosted by Matt @ 02/05/2004 8:24 AM EST

I had to smile when I read this. Why? Well, first because it’s Ice Cream Day at work, and second because I’m part of the team who designed the cereal and poptarts boxes. Glad you found them so irresistably pickupable. :) That’s why I get paid. I’m not normally a blog reader (when I say "not normally", I mean I’ve never read a one.) but this was sent to me by a friend and I may tune in a bit more frequently if this is your regular repetoire. Good stuff, and thanks for the praise. :)

Ghosted by Amazing Grace @ 02/05/2004 8:53 AM EST

Wow, small world. :) Yeah, I’d say you and your team did a perfect job with those. I appreciate great marketing wherever I find it, and aside from the Spongebob mania, that was the point of the article. Good work!

Ghosted by Matt @ 02/05/2004 9:03 AM EST

Okay, Matt (Calling people who don’t have the slightest clue or care about my sheer existance is fun!)… Now you got me so far that I find everything you write madly amusing. You could even put out an article consisting almost solely of the word "shit", and I’d still eat it up.
The article. Not the feces.
I think you did that before, anyway.
The article. Not the feces.

Ghosted by Creature SH @ 02/05/2004 10:09 AM EST

One comment on the SpongeBob enimas and lube comment…As a SpongeBob "quasi-collector" (meaning my friends feel the need to stock my shelves with the most inane SB products out there) I haven’t seen those two things, but I do have something along a similiar vein. A SpongeBob children’s thermometer. Not a big deal? The copy on the package reads, "For oral, ear and anal use." Tell me, why on earth would a parent feel the need to shove SpongeBob up their child’s a$$? And, would that child still love SpongeBob? And, if they did, is that considered beastiality?

Ghosted by Amazing Grace @ 02/05/2004 10:44 AM EST

You do know how a sea sponge is harvested, don’t you?

Ghosted by kingklash @ 02/05/2004 11:47 AM EST

All right kinglash, I am picturing natives heading out of port in their little kayaks for a days sponge harvesting. They dive into the water and lovingly pluck the sponges from the sea floor with their ass cheeks. ?!?!?

Incidentally, Tarpon Springs is just a short drive away from my house. That’s where a whole lotta sponges come from.

Ghosted by Stilewalker @ 02/05/2004 12:43 PM EST

Hola Matt
Here in Mexico we have Lolipops of
"Bob Esponja" are very huge, whit spicy pinneaple flavor.

Ghosted by Erasmo @ 02/05/2004 12:49 PM EST

Attention all Sponge-Heads!!!!

Universal Studios in CA is beginning to shoot a live action Sponge Bob movie.

God help us all!

Matt you thought there were a lot of crap now…just wait till that monstrosity comes out.

Ghosted by Yeti Hunter @ 02/05/2004 1:18 PM EST

I am geniunely surprised to find three whole people who are Carnivale fans outside of a fan community. Here’s a LJ community I started for Carnivale fan fic, for anybody that’s into that kind of nerdiness.
Also, watching a "stoner" movie like Half Baked while you’re fried is like peanut butter and chocolate. Sure, it goes good together, but where’s the innovation? Where’s the creativity? It takes a real stoner to make it through an episode of Teletubbies without having a freakout.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 02/05/2004 3:37 PM EST

Harvesting, in short, involves bringing out the sponges, laying them out on a flat surface, and beating them to kill the little creatures that form the sponges, also smashing the glass-like filiments of their skeletal structure, then leaving them to dry in the sun. I think ass cheeks are only involved just for the tourist trade. Or their own amusement.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 02/05/2004 4:36 PM EST

real quick, before you try to go to my site, the site is down until tomorrow (friday 2/6) at noon at the latest. anyways…

A spongebob live action movie? So now we have um.. Transformers, Garfield, SpongeBob, and probably some other things I can’t think of, and Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka! I’m not the biggest spongebob fan, but come on, you know they’re going to ruin it!

Ghosted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 02/05/2004 5:00 PM EST

And by the way, I have sat through an episode of telletubbies when I was stoned. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life until I watched Oobi at my friend Turtle’s house and Oobi had a pet turtle. That was hillarious. And then that was the funniest thing ever until I was watching Maximum Exposure the other day (speaking of which, I had an idea for you Matt, I’ll e-mail it to you when my site is back up), and… well, lets go back and give you some background information. As I mentioned earlier in this post, Turtle is my best friend, and we have a friend that has the nickname "Diver." So anyways, I was watching Max X, and they were showing the mating habits of turtles. The male turtle went after a female diver that was filming under water and they said "This diver doesn’t want any of that hot turtle action." So now that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. And I haven’t gotten stoned in 2 years, so you know that had to have been hillarious.

Ghosted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 02/05/2004 5:07 PM EST

Pop tarts have really gone down hill since the frosted ones took over and they changed the breaded part to a chalky taste. Pity… Oh yea! Down on the OCMD boardwalk there was a small game booth with a looping Spongebob theme song. I felt nothing by pity for the skeevy guy who was running the booth. Poor guy…

Ghosted by Jason @ 02/05/2004 5:08 PM EST

well, you should feel pity for me, I don’t like spongebob, and my fiance is going to have my baby in a few months, so I’m probably eventually going to have to listen to that damned theme song.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

SHUT THE HELL UP!

Ghosted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 02/05/2004 5:36 PM EST

That article is great. I really like Spongebob and his fellow underwater friends… especailly Patrick.

Spongebob: What’s the matter?
Patrick: I can’t see my forehead.

…another great article. Good job, Matt!! ^_^

Ghosted by 9volt @ 02/05/2004 7:24 PM EST

Why not speak of the sponge SpongeBob there, too, or did you just want to limit it to foodstuffs?
(BTW, I would be bathing with one of those, sick as it sounds for a 20 year old woman to do such a thing, if they weren’t so damn expensive. *sigh*)

Ghosted by Shelly @ 02/05/2004 10:25 PM EST

Those pop tarts are ALMOST good enough to break my supermarket pop tart boycott! The day when I find a supermarket on the north eastern seaboard that stocks CHERRY pop tarts on thier shelves I will have found the house of god. Until then, I’m stuck visiting the local 7-11 in hopes that I can find ‘em fresh.

Matt, how about an article on all the cheesy contests they had in the 80’s.. didn’t Capn’ Crunch go missing for like half a year? Can you dig up anything on these (like who won the damn things) or or that ilk?

Ghosted by (the original) Toxikfoxx (now with marshmellows!) @ 02/06/2004 8:44 AM EST

I’m not sure we’re ready for the repercussions that would be felt around the world if Matt looked into ANOTHER 80’s contest. Last time it wasn’t even a full length article, and it spawned *waits, and waits, for it to load* 2107 comments and counting.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 02/06/2004 6:20 PM EST

The sad thing is that whenever I go to Target just about everything has some Spongebob crap involved. It is tough to go anywhere in the store to find some place without all that Spongebob stuff. It is so sad. Good thing I don’t know of anyone on college who loves this stuff.

By the way, if anyone noticed the macaroni noodles the Spongebob one looks kind of like Robot Jones without that light bulb head.

Ghosted by mjf7583 @ 02/06/2004 7:40 PM EST

Yes!!! This is my brother at his greatest. I love you, man!!! (There I go with those exclamation points again!!!!)

Ghosted by Little Sis' @ 02/06/2004 10:00 PM EST

Hey Jason! If you REALLY want to get depressed, try a Store-Brand Pop-Tart knock-off. Especially the chocolate-frosted. Hideous! You’d end up BEGGING for the now-chalky PT dough.

And don’t feel too sorry for the skeevy guy who had to listen to the SBSP theme loop on the OCMD boardwalk. The poor soul may actually have been better-off having something predictable to listen to.

I was a skeevy guy working a wheel of chance (slim and none) and a "spin paint" concession (yes, it was a blast) on the Long Branch Fishing Pier in NJ (the Pier is now visiting Davey Jones’ Locker) who’s sanity was actually maintained by the endless loop of Three-Dog-Night’s "Shambala" and "Mama Told me"; Edgar Winter’s "Frankenstein" (the long version); "Walk on the Wild Side"(I forget who’s); and Manu Debango’s "Soul Makosa". Although I must say it did do something permanent to my brain.

Ghosted by ibinsomniac @ 02/06/2004 11:36 PM EST

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