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	You are all doomed. Why not surrender? We might let you live.

01/29/2004: you know..

Tell me a story.

New article up, eh, laaaate tonight. Been kinda sick (okay, not really, I’m lying), but next week’s looking stellar for content. Stellar, not Stella. “Stella for content” wouldn’t make sense unless Stella was protesting for more…well, content.

I think I want California Rolls. I think I’ll go get some. When I order, I’ll ask to have them prepared “SoCal style,” just to see if anything changes in the usual scheme. Perhaps more avocado. Perhaps less seaweed. Perhaps the addition of strawberries.

Sorry, I just wanted to reinforce that this was, above anything else, a blorgh.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 78 comments

« Previous 1 2

The Dude, I can feel for your story. I have one about online love as well that isn’t turning out so good. Damn cyber love damn it to hell

Ghosted by Spiffy McKracken @ 01/30/2004 10:39 AM EST

Yeah, had one myself that, while not nearly as bad as The Dude’s, was also lacking in any real chemistry, and have generally stuck with real-person dating ever since. Cyber love… nnnnhhhh. Maybe it depends on the site. X-E females are obviously cool as hell (and undoubtedly foxes to boot), but go anywhere else and you’re asking for trouble. Except for, y’know, that hot 18-year-old nymphomaniac’s personal site. Then you’re just asking for spam.

Ghosted by The Lucky One @ 01/30/2004 11:02 AM EST

I’m sure some turn out. The expericences I’ve had (which range from bah to "that can’t happen in the real word" shitty) haven’t been too great. Now if only I could talk to reality women as well as I do to cyber women. I’d be a pimp, or as one of my students said "ballerific"

Ghosted by Spiffy McKracken @ 01/30/2004 11:10 AM EST

the lucky one, i loved that skit on the state. i bought the vhs tape years ago and watch it all the time. it has louie in it too… i loved louie!!!!
great cast really. i was so sad it went off the air. they were all very talented.

ahh the pudding. i hope they put it out on dvd. is it out on dvd?

Ghosted by jessica_76 @ 01/30/2004 11:27 AM EST

Dude, That’s a fuckin’ bummer man…

Actually, maybe i’m prying, but hell, you already spilled it. I’m kind of interested to know what happened between you and your dad when you got back. How did that conversation go?

Wes, here’s a story about Unagi for you… well, it’s no so much of a story as it is a tid-bit. The Japanese consider Unagi (and Tamago) sushi to be "kids sushi" I too am quite a fan of Unagi (and Tamago), and when you’re asked if you can eat sushi in Japan (a question you’ll get at least twice a week. the frequency is directly proportionate to how poor your Japanese language skills are, the worse you are, the more they ask). Anyway, the Japanese laughed at me because I like Unagi, and then said I was like a child. The irony is outstanding if you have a grasp of the "cute culture".

Ghosted by Chopstick Sensei @ 01/30/2004 11:31 AM EST

Once upon a time, there was a huge and slightly drunk god. He was bored out of his skull, so he decided to gather his worshippers together. They weren’t really worshippers, just a bunch of rag-tag beings from all walks of "life" who share some common interests. Poof! and there they were, assembled on the floor of his living room, confused, and looking like the cattle call for a sequel to "Ice Pirates." WTF, thought the god, at least it beats playing checkers with Nike again, she always wins. A purple robot raised his hand, "Hello? Excuse me? But, what in the name of the Sword of Omens are we doing here? And, why does the carpet smell like cat food and NyQuil?" A tall girl wearing what looked like a cross between Dark Phoenix’s costume and a Akagiyama 23 shoved him out of the way, "Yeah, what’s going on? And why…. Is that a Metroplex? Oooh…" and she wandered off. A silver guy in a torn t-shit with "Lick it and Stick it" written on it in permanent marker came running out from the kitchen, "He’s got ChocoDiles!" Soon, all the little people were running around the place, getting into things, and hogging the remote control. "Great," said the god to nobody in particular, "Looks like I’ll have to set out traps again. No wonder I never had any temples built." th’ end.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 01/30/2004 12:17 PM EST

Oh my god King, you’re the greatest. A close second is Justin, with his monkey story.

Ghosted by Gabbylicious @ 01/30/2004 12:50 PM EST

Thenk yew! I owe it all to the usual influences as stated before , and more recent additions like MST3K, Nodwick, Bill Hicks, Dennis Wolfberg, Denis Leary, Lewis Black, The Tick, Shonen Jump, Dork Tower, and the fervent hope that someday, there will be a movie that will not mess up Asimov’s robot stories. (Will Smith?)

Ghosted by kingklash @ 01/30/2004 1:21 PM EST

Blorgh rhymes with frorgh, come to think of it.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 01/30/2004 1:22 PM EST

*does 60th post "running man"*

Ghosted by Stilewalker @ 01/30/2004 2:16 PM EST

The Dude, where the hell is the punchline? I was waiting to see "the lies she spoke of was the fact that none of this actually happened and she doesn’t exist. Ha!".

Never believe anything you read on the internet.. except this. And this.

..And this.

Ghosted by Matt (#2?) @ 01/30/2004 2:30 PM EST

I remember that State Halloween Special. Besides it being hilarious, i.e. replacing TV’s imaginary fourth wall, the family trying to justify bringing their house’s boiler on a camping trip, etc., it also featured, as a musical guest, SONIC YOUTH!

I used to have that episode on tape, and watched it many, many times, but I lost it.

Shit.

Ghosted by D-d-dave-some @ 01/30/2004 4:37 PM EST

a semi-random thought:
Being bored out of ones skull sounds mighty painful.

Ghosted by iivuli @ 01/30/2004 6:19 PM EST

Chopstick Sensei…. Oddly enough things never got bad between my father and I, he certainly wasnt happy about it, but he and I are still cool, still close.

Ghosted by The Dude @ 01/30/2004 8:03 PM EST

to anyone interested in the State, you can get your fill at
statemedia.net
including video of every skit starting from season one. admittedly, the quality is shit, but hell, it’s every skit. Also, ironically, the day I post this news to you is the day they switch servers for their video, so the videos may all be down.

Ghosted by Chopstick Sensei @ 01/30/2004 9:34 PM EST

Gotta point out, seeing as I don’t see that anyone mentioned it yet, if you love The State you gotta check out the movie Wet Hot American Summer, its hilarious, and its written by and stars a lot of the state guys.

Ghosted by The Dude @ 01/30/2004 9:51 PM EST

two words "fried twinkies"

Ghosted by Tacy @ 01/30/2004 9:56 PM EST

Hey "The Dude". The biggest mistake I "seen" you make was to venture outside a 30 mile radius from your home in a Chrysler! Think GM, man! Only kidding. Thank you for sharing. "There, but for the grace of God,…."

Ghosted by ibinsomniac @ 01/31/2004 1:55 AM EST

LoL, you’re right ibinsomniac, sadly I was blinded by love at the time. Side note, just last week the LeBaron died, RIP. Had 123,000 miles on it.

Ghosted by The Dude @ 01/31/2004 3:19 AM EST

My pants are at half-staff in honor of the LeBaron. (wipes away tear)

Ghosted by kingklash @ 01/31/2004 2:17 PM EST

Here’s the best of both worlds: a sushi-related story!

Once upon a time, there were these two guys I know who went to the mall food court. One guy was in search of sushi; the other was there because he was… uhmm… well… there.
Guy A ordered his sushi, and he and Guy B sat down at a sticky ol’ food court table.
"Hey, what’s that green stuff on your plate?" Guy B asked.
"It’s wasabi," Guy A replied.
"Is it good?" asked Guy B.
"It’s really really spicy," said Guy A.
"Can I try some?" Guy B asked.
Guy A eyed him warily. "Okay," he finally said.
So Guy B picked up the wasabi and took a big bite out of it as though it were some sort of green Japanese plum. "Hey, this isn’t that bad," he said.
And then he exploded.
Okay, maybe he didn’t, but he’s still got red rings under his eyes from that fateful day. Ouchies.

Ghosted by MRNonCCN @ 01/31/2004 6:39 PM EST