X-Entertainment | Today’s Poll: School Troubles!

Today’s Poll: School Troubles!

I'm working on a new article as we speak -- should be up by this afternoon. Meanwhile, let's get another one of those surveys going. Okay, kind of a shitty one, but I'm curious nonetheless: in your various travels at school, from nursery up to high school, what's the most trouble you've ever managed to get yourself into?

I have a couple of good stories, but the best one is really embarrassing, so I'll save it for the comments section later today. Post yours!

Posted by Matt on 01/22/2004. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 111 comments

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Well, I didn’t actually get in trouble, but it’s too good to pass up…

In my 8th grade science class, I was doing some work with this girl I sat with. We didn’t like each other, but fate had put us as lab partners, so there we were.

We got into an arguement over the correct answer for a question. It got to the point where she stabbed me in the leg. Three times. With the pointy end of a compuss. I got up and yelled. My teacher got mad at me, but when he saw how messy his floor was getting, he quickly ran me off to the office…

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 01/22/2004 10:17 PM

I was mentally tormented from kindergarden through fifth grade, to the point where even today, I panic or get all huffy when someone makes so much as a teasing comment in my direction. Kids of both genders played practical jokes and called me every ugly name in the book. I yelled, screamed, cried, pushed, and shoved, but the only thing that resulted was my being sent to the guidance officer and/or the principal several times. Neither was any help, though I’m sure they meant well. They both basically said "ignore them." I did. The tormenting only got worse, especially when my body decided to enter adolesence at age eight and I developed curves Dolly Pardon would envy overnight. I was finally moved to the Special Services school for kids with learning, social, or mental problems, or all of the above, at the start of my sixth grade year.

I’ve avoided trouble like the plague ever since. I was scared shitless of the really, really "bad" kids in the Special Services schools who got into fights, and both intrigued and disgusted by the mature older girls who discussed boys, sex, and New Kids On the Block. When I was placed back in regular high school in my sophmore year (they had me going both places my freshman year, with the result that I felt out-of-place in both), I made friends and aquantainces in every clique possible. Drama geeks, band geeks, jocks, dancers, math and science geniuses, artists, cool kids, not cool kids – I knew at least one from every crowd. I was still teased a bit for my lack of interest in dating (the guys in high school simply did not interest me), but by that point, I’d developed my defensive shell and would shrug off their comments.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 01/22/2004 10:38 PM

I have another tale school naughtiness,despite what I said earlier: In my sophomore year of high school,I developed a bad habit of calling girls who got on my nerves or who were real bitches the "C" word. Some of them told my English teacher,and she told me I better stop before I got in trouble for sexual harrasment,so I did.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 01/22/2004 10:41 PM

First time poster. Have heckled Matt to write an article on Monkey Magic if he finds an episode or two but apart from that I’m just an old fan.

Hardly ever got into trouble at highschool, but I came close to completely ruining my future on at least two occasions (was never caught).

In year 11 (2001) me and a group of mates noticed that the schools flagpole was hled on with bolts, and, as such, could be removed with a monkey wrench and taken home. So we planned to go to a friends house (who lived near school) get drunk (Australia, legal drinking 18 but under age all the same) and then come back for the flagpole after midnight, then send postcards of the pole to the principal, in the age old tradition). We’d give the pole back anonymously a month or two later, no harm done.

So we get hammered, I kill half a bottle of vodka, and we trot off to the school. We get there, and a big friend of mine, whose like, 100+ kilograms, can’t move the bolts on the pole. We try for ten good minutes, but can’t move it. So me and a few others give up and wander around the school causing mischief (putting steel bins in random places, graffit, etc), but three or so guys go back to the house without telling anyone.

So half of us are getting drunk down at the schools oval, a bit depressed due to our failed plan, when we hear the others return with some extra tools, and one of them, the guy whose whole idea this was in the first place, comes up and says: ‘Guys, were not going to unbolt the flagpole anymore. Were going to cut the bitch down!’. I’ll never forget the insane look of determination in his eyes.

So the flagpole comes down, and we carry it 2 or 3 kilometers through a heavily populated area, then we cut into little pieces and used it to fuel a fire so we could cook sausages. I finish the bottle of vodka and throw up before going to bed.

So, the next monday back at school, despite our best efforts to remain silent, everyone in the school seems to know that it was us that cut it down. My English literature teacher (the BEST teacher to have ever lived, ever) came up to during a class and asked me if it was me (he laughed out loud when he first saw the flagpole gone, so he was completely cool with it). After a few minutes of him cajoling everntually I admitted it and he laughed his arse off. Then it started to go sour. Police came to the school and took away one of the guys involved for question, and the Principal indirectly accused another of my mates a few days later:

‘the reason we have to have gates put up now outside the school is because (now looking straight at us) some people come into the school, cut down things and then drag them back to their friends houses and burn them’. We were shitting ourselves. The cops kept away at it for a few days, but eventually they gave up, and we got off scott-free. It turns out that all the teachers knew it was us but had nothing but hearsy and rumours to support them. So they had to drop it. It was beautiful.

As a footnote, a few weeks later, when really cool english teacher left to go to Japan, we went to his going away party (most of the teachers were there) and gave him a vial of flagpole ash. He stood up in front of everyone (minus principals and Vice-principals) and declared that we had just given him flagpole ash as a present. We shat ourselves, but pretty much all the faculty just laughed at it and went back to drinking.

Sorry for the huge post. Hope it was worth it.

Chestnuts roasted by Damien @ 01/22/2004 10:59 PM

We used to have contests in middle school to see who could throw the largest item out the huge window during art class (on the third floor). My friend (also named Matt) was the all-time winner with successfully tossing a full-sized ladder out.

Chestnuts roasted by Justin @ 01/23/2004 1:20 AM

Nope, sorry, I was only a good kid, and I never got into any trouble on field trips, though, once, on a trip from my high school in Sainte Anne de Bellevue (on the far western tip of Montreal island) to Quebec City, some 200 miles or so from Sainte Anne’s, I didn’t pee the whole day because I was very "pee shy" as a teen, and we left Macdonald High School at about 5 a.m. and didn’t get back until around 10 p.m. and I went to McDonald’s and drank a couple of more Cokes elsewhere during the day, so the 200 mile trip home was agony, and, the retarded thing is, there was a bathroom in the back of the bus, I just didn’t feel like using it. Damn, that is embarrassing now that I think about it. If only real life was like http://www.butterflyeffectmovie.com/">The Butterfly Effect (now playing at a theatre near you; check local listings… a little plug since they’re sponsoring X-E). I’d go back through time, and, since tiny things in the past can cause great big things to happen in the future because of the chaos theory and all that, by using that bus washroom back in 1990 rather than holding it in, I’d probably be married to Taiwanese model/actress Shu Qi.

That Quebec City trip was infamous because one of the teachers and several students got piss drunk to the point where Mac High was so embarrassed that it didn’t offer it for quite a few years after, but I had nothing to do with any of that.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 01/23/2004 1:37 AM

Well, here’s my story, shortened because I’ve gotta get some work done…

Not sure how many of you good Catholics out there had to go through "CCD," an acronym for something having to do with God. Basically, throughout the years until Confirmation, one afternoon after school (or in the worst years, on Saturday mornings) all of us kids had to head to the nearest Catholic school for a short class about…well, Jesus. Religion aside, we knew the truth: this was just MORE SCHOOL, and everyone shared a massive hatred for the classes. The teachers, usually volunteers who meant well, ran the gamut from overly strict to downright fanatical: in the year this story stems from, our teacher literally told us that if we weren’t at church every Sunday, we’d be going to Hell. Keep in mind, almost none of us went to church. We were only there because our parents wanted us to get "Confirmed" — for people only casually religious, that’s about the height of the participation. Plus, the rumor was that you couldn’t get married in a Catholic church without receiving Confirmation. That’s neither here nor there, so here’s the story.

Anyway, the school had this nasty old dean, and everyone hated her. Just an absolutely militant bitch who managed to offend, alienate, embarrass and yell at every student in the classes. And, since we were young, the dean was an object of great fear. As much as we hated her, we knew better than to do anything wrong when she was around. By our math, it’d only result in being hand-fed to the Helldemons she surely kept in her office.

Classes ended up being more like social events than anything else. My fellow students were the same fellow students from "real" school, and we behaved much more poorly than usual. This story takes place during my first year of junior high school, which as I’m sure you all know, is a time spent mostly trying to fit in and look cool. How did I reach those ends? Well…religious pornography.

Using one of the softcover textbooks we used throughout the years, I doodled extremely inappropriate, offensive things over all of the religious pictures. I’m talking serious, criminal-level drawings — put God and Mary in the worst positions you can think of, and I swear, my doodles were a hundred times worse. The students around my desk, of course, got a big kick out of these drawings. So much so that I made the mistake of letting my guard down.

The dean entered our classroom, going through her usual routine of walking between the desks, making sure we were all doing our work. I was too busy trying to LOOK busy that I hadn’t realized the open-faced textbook right there in front of her. As she passed by, she picked up the textbook and began reading. I knew what was coming, and God was starting to look pretty scary.

Grabbing me by the head, the dean dragged me just outside the classroom (close enough for everyone to hear and see what was happening, but the meeting was ostensibly in private) It was here that she informed me that my doodles were "a disgrace to her as a woman," orally tearing me at least sixty new assholes in the span of two minutes. I could hear the giggles coming from the classroom, but my biggest concern was just making it out alive. After being reprimanded seemingly forever, she sent me back into class with a blood red face and the startpoint of several tears. Yet, I still didn’t know which doodle she’d looked at. Some were worse than others…

I sat in my chair, and looked at the still-open textbook. You want to know which drawing the nasty dean saw? Using a picture of the Virgin Fucking Mary, I tacked on a thick, grasping wand of pubic hair that attacked all the religious icons she was standing with. Mary even had a word balloon: "TAKE THESE PUBES IN THY NAME OF CHRIST."

It was probably one of the worst hours of my life, and goes a long way in explaining why I’m not very religious today. I mean, what’s the point? I drew pubes all over the Virgin Mary. If I was religious, it’s not like I’d foresee great things in my afterlife.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 01/23/2004 1:40 AM

Haha. Nice one, Matt. The best stories always come from catholic schools.

Anyways, I was a pretty boring kid in school. The only remotely bad things I can remember doing was throwing mud at the windows back in kindergarten or first grade or something. The punishment from the principal was just that I had to wash the windows. The REAL punishment came from my parents, who wouldn’t let me watch Ninja Turtles for a week, because they thought it was making me too violent.

And in highschool, all me and my friends did was silly petty shit. Like throwing TVs and old computer monitors off the gym roof. We stole a lot, too, but most of that wasn’t from school. Although, at grad, one of my friends managed to steal this really big, really expensive mohogany box they were using to keep the teabags in at the hotel where prom was being held. Still don’t know how the hell we managed to sneak that out in my other friend’s little purse. It was hilarious.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 01/23/2004 2:17 AM

I won’t elaborate, and I’m not all that religious either, but I’m just glad you got that sort of profane (in all senses of the word) humour out of your system as an adolescent since I enjoy your sarcastic-but-never-too-mean tone you write with now just fine.

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 01/23/2004 2:22 AM

When I was a senior in my small high school, I decided to attend "BOCES’" graphic design classes. (BOCES was generally regarded as the place they sent dipshits to so they could work on cars so they wouldn’t fuck up the mean test scores in the regular high school classes. In other words: "Camp Retard.")

I used BOCES as an excuse to spend half my school day fucking around with Photoshop (which I still have no clue how to use) and acting like a wierdo.

Since I only joined for the final year of a two year program, I hadn’t had the "opportunity" the previous year to learn how to give a fuck about anything except my own entertainment.

One morning, in a fit of self-amusement, I stood next to the prettiest girl in class (pretty in a relative sense), and began rapidly unzipping and zipping the zipper on my pants. (I’m positive I was just aping an MTV commercial for their then-new show "THE TOM GREEN SHOW.")

Well, the teacher of the class saw me, found my behavior grossly inappropriate, and sent me to the BOCES Principal’s Office. (trademarked)

I’d seen the VICE principal before. He was all business, with a suit and tie, and he was a self-important pushover. Compared to him the crushed-velvet-track-suit-wearin’, Cabo-San-Lucas-livin’, Metamucil-drinkin’, 85-years-of-livin’ REAL principal should be a snap.

Or so I thought.

As soon as I get in there, the principal is already holding the phone, just begging me to give him one good reason to call the cops. "Huh? Wha? Why?," I asked. He then proceeded to rattle off something about "sexual harassment, zero tolerance, …in my day…to guys like you in PRISON?!!"

My ears were filling with blood so I couldn’t really hear all he was saying, but with the rate that this Ghost of BOCES Future was throwing stuff at me…I think I may have gotten something in my eye.

I was seventeen on that fateful day. And, no, I did not go to prison. But to this day, I will watch no original MTV program unless it bears the name Real World, Road Rules, Taildaters, Newlyweds, Jackass, Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Room Raiders, Wild Boyz, Viva La Bam, or The Osbournes. A guy’s gotta learn when to say, "No."

Chestnuts roasted by D-d-dave-some @ 01/23/2004 3:48 AM

biggest "innocent" trouble that i ever got into was when i was in 2nd grade, and a friend and I were climing on top of the toilet in the bathroom so we could climb into the ceiling(we thought it would be cool like mission impossible and stuff). The toilet ended up breaking =\

We got in pretty bad trouble for that.

non-innocent…..probably the time i got caught with 10 hits of acid. The teacher saw them and tried to take them away, but i hauled ass around the corner and ate all 10 and asked what the fuck she was talking about. Got suspended for 2 weeks. I would have been expelled and arrested, but there was no proof.

Chestnuts roasted by frank @ 01/23/2004 3:48 AM

Oh, and I have been accused of fscking up school computers before. Everyone pointed the finger at me because I was the only one who actually knew shit anything about the things. I didn’t do it, of course. I would’ve left a bigger footprint instead of just changing the wallpaper and installing AIM. Like leave the bitch without BIOS or a floppy drive, or distribute 3 gigs of hardcore pr0n .jpegs through the school’s mail server on an admin account. I’m still waiting to get back at them for accusing me of that, too.

Chestnuts roasted by Omni @ 01/23/2004 4:39 AM

For the sake of humor, I unfortunately never went to a Catholic school. I did however, go to a non-denomenational Christian high school for my freshman year. So on the last day of the school year, this guy I knew (who had his hair buzzed short) had some markers with him, and a few of us signed our names on his head, yearbook style. Later in the day, during the last period, we all got called to the principal’s office, where we had to wait out the rest of the day, and they even escorted us off campus. The principal said something about not wanting us to start writing on the walls. I guess that’s not so much trouble as an incident that makes you wonder what the hell is wrong with people.

Chestnuts roasted by marioshoku @ 01/23/2004 5:08 AM

I got confirmed because I was promised money…. if I only knew what i was getting myself into.

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 01/23/2004 8:45 AM

I never got into too much trouble because my mom worked at the high school and secondly i was smart about my dastardly deeds so i never got caught. Although I’d say I almost lost it the day i decided to be a fucking moron and take 5 hits of acid before school started. I have no idea how I made it through the whole day without freaking out. It really sucked because everyone knew i was fucked up and kept fucking with me all day. I was suprised my teachers didn’t notice or maybe they just didn’t give a flying shit. Oh well, thats my lame ass story.

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 01/23/2004 9:17 AM

When I was younger, I had to go to Catholic School, and I hated it. So whenever they’d let me on the playground, I’d climb to the top of the jungle gym and refuse to come down. Well, one day this really old nun tried to come after me, so I kicked her in the face. They sent me to the Mother Superior’s office, and before she came in, I’d grabbed the fire extinguisher and hosed her down.

I’m going to hell.

Chestnuts roasted by Lakini Malich @ 01/23/2004 10:19 AM

Ha ha… I remember this one great time in highschool I got in semi-trouble in Spanish class. It was a small class, since it was advanced Spanish, so it was pretty intimate, and we had regular conversations in Spanish. We were discussing a story we had just read and the teacher asked my friend a question. He wasn’t the best in conversational Spanish, so he kinda faltered a bit. We always ragged on each other, so I just looked over at him and said, as clear as day, for everyone to hear, "Puta!", and the class goes silent. (‘Puta’, for those not familiar, is the equivalent of ‘whore.’)

Well, my friend died out laughing, but my teacher wasn’t too impressed. Luckily, we had a good relationship, so we just had a talk after class while my friend made faces at me through the classroom window. Definitely one of those things you had to be there to see. Zero restraint. Funny, yet very embarrassing.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 01/23/2004 10:22 AM

Geez, not like there’s any kind of link between Catholic school/forced religion and later resentment of said religion, right? Beyond Mom asking me to say my prayers back when I was 8, my parents never pressured me into religion at all… and now I appear to be the only one here who still practices it. Not that I’m implying there’s ANY sort of correlation there, of course. Gotta love that whole "Believe what we believe or go to hell!" mentality…
:p

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 01/23/2004 10:33 AM

Oh, and I got into big trouble because a friend french-braided my hair. Remember, I’m a guy and I went to a very conservative Southern private highschool. It’s a wonder I was even allowed to grow my hair long. Anyways, it was an issue to them since it was apparently gender-bending and borderline homosexual. Ha!

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 01/23/2004 10:36 AM

Well, in Jr. high school, I set up my own little escort service. My locker was right next to the janitor closet so I had a perfect location to set up my "clients" with my "employees". We didn’t have much money in middle school, so blowjobs were only $5 and sex was only $10. I’d get half and the employee would get half. Business was booming. I’m not quite sure what happened, but one client apparently left some "evidence" on the janitors desk one day, and he suspicious and left a video camera running in his office the next day. So they got it on camera, me taking money from some kid, giving it to my employee, walking out and then the two in the closet going at it.
So I got called down to the principals office, they had me arrested, i was in JD hall for a few months. I went to a new school, then to high school, but I dropped out. Those lessons in 7th grade taught me alot though. I now have my own real business going and am proud to say im making a fortune.

Chestnuts roasted by PimpOfTheYear @ 01/23/2004 10:58 AM

I was such a goody-goody, I hardly ever got into trouble. But I did something in third grade that I will never forget. There was this assembly with some puppeteer lady, who had overcome dyslexia or something so that made her special. Anyway, she let students ask her questions, and out of nowhere I snapped and I asked her "Does the puppet have stinky feet?" I don’t know where the hell that came from, and I didn’t get detention or anything (except the teacher did call my parents). When I was in sixth grade she came back, and this time, before she took questions, she asked that the students only ask "serious" questions. So not only did I scar myself for life, I also scarred this puppeteer lady with dyselxia.

Chestnuts roasted by Darth Monkey @ 01/23/2004 11:02 AM

Real quick look at a couple of reasons I was picked on in school: Being Native American and/or Having a near-genius IQ. Now to vent. I HATE SCHOOL1 I’M 34 YEARS OLD AND I STILL HATE SCHOOL! ADJECTIVES FAIL ME! GIFTED CLASS SUCKED, GOING TO A SCHOOL FOR THE GIFTED SUCKED, GETING TEASED FOR BEING FROM OKLAHOMA SUCKED, BEING TEASED FOR HAVING LIVED IN CALIFORNIA SUCKED, HAVING GONE TO NINE DIFFERENT SCHOOLS SUCKED, AND BEING HELD BACK BECAUSE ONE STATE SAID I WAS BORN AT THE WRONG TIME SUCKED!!! of all the cam-jammin’, Crack-smokin’, Butt-Pushin’, Spud-Motherin’, Asinine, Retarded Things That Have Contributed To Make Me The Barely Coherent Man I Have Become Today, My Entire Overall Experience With Public Education Is Not Something I Would Wish On MY WORST ENEMY!!! I would like to take all of our traumas and frustrations that have been spoken of here and toss them into the nearest singularity, but then, without my personality defects, I would have no personality. I was too geeky for the norms, but not geeky enough for the geeks. Ah, well….

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/23/2004 12:40 PM

Well, I was always "the smart girl" in school, so I managed to stay out of trouble for the most part. I guess the worst trouble I got into was in the 7th grade. I had a crush on of my Tech Ed teachers "Mr. V." I was so in love with this guy. I found out at the end of the year, he was leaving to go to another school. I was crushed and literally begged him not to leave. Embarrasing. But the next year came, and he was gone, and we had a new tech ed teacher to replace him. I decided that I *hated* this new guy, because he replaced my beloved Mr. V. I made it very clear to him that I didn’t like him.

One day, I looked up Mr. V in the phone book and got his number. I called him up and left a message on his home machine saying :

"Hi Mr.V, it’s me so and so from tech ed last year, I just wanted to say that this year SUCKS without you, and I HATE the new guy, and I hope to see you again before I die"

I guess using the words "before I die" was not a good choice because his wife got the message, and she is a social worker, and she took that to mean that I was gonna commit suicide if I didn’t see him again, so she called the school, and talked to my new tech ed teacher, and he called my parents, and we all had this big meeting at the school…I had to explain that i was NOT suicidal, and that I just had a crush on this guy etc…
It was horrifying.

To make matters worse, when I went to high school the next year, I found out that the "hated" tech ed teacher was now my Computer Aided Drafting teacher for the next 4 years, a class I couldn’t drop since I wanted to be an architect. It was rough.

Chestnuts roasted by B-Dawg @ 01/23/2004 2:11 PM

I think my story is worth telling considering that half of you are prolly lying and most of you didn’t get in "real" trouble. I’m a senior in highscool so I still could do worse things in the next 5 months, but My shining moment of defiance came almost exactly a year ago when I was a Junior.

The new Quarter had statred and I was reallly not looking forward to going to classI was having issues with friends and my then boyfriend and the last thing i was thinking about was school. Now normally if i asked my mom can I stay home she’d say sure and write me a note the next day. As long as I passed my classes she didn’t mind me taking a break everynow and again. Well on this day she denied me. This of course had never happened so i decided I would suck it up and ditch anyway having it be unexcused. When I showed up to school I found two of my friends and convinced them to join me on this adventure, we ended up Going to the San Diego Zoo that day, Hanging out at the Mall and lying on the beach. It was really awesome.

Well when we got to school we were in a lot more trouble then we thought we would be. Supposedly the sister of one of my friends saw us leave and called thier parents. That morning she had supposedly threatened she was going to run away from home. So when her parents heard they called the police. My other friend who was driving us was now charged with kiddnapping since he was the driver and we had to be at school. The Crazy parent then proceed to go to the drivcers house to get his license info so the police could put out a warrant for his arrest.

Meanwhile at school all of our frined got pulled out of there classes for questioning

When we finally got back to school the driver checked his cell phone to see he had 30 messages. All saying what the hell are you doing where are you the cops want to arrest you.

In the end all of us just got saturday schools where we spent the morning playing poker and building card houses (are school isn’t that tough)

To this day a bunch of kids still call me Ferris Bueller. All True.

Chestnuts roasted by Ally @ 01/23/2004 4:32 PM

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Future of America.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/23/2004 4:49 PM

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