X-Entertainment | New Article: Shitty Board Games!

New Article: Shitty Board Games!

Today's article focuses in on five of the worst board games I've ever owned, a list that will shock and appall you to no end. It's a good mix of old favorites and old hated pieces of crap. We've got games based on He-Man and M.U.S.C.L.E., Tetris, 90210 and the game that broke the mold: "Full House." Are you ready to party? On another topic, I changed the main page a bit. Got rid of the title graphics on the article list, swapping 'em out for text. Probably won't kill your eyes as much anymore.

Posted by Matt on 01/22/2004. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 294 comments

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I’ve sat through my own share of Angelina movies hoping for titties. So far the only ones that didn’t disappoint were the uncensored versions of Gia and Original Sin.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 01/24/2004 9:13 PM

more on Alanis and Dave:

Throughout her career, Alanis Morissette has railed in a similar manner at an unnamed lover from her past, a mysterious figure described only as an older man from her days at Nickelodeon. But now, on the promotional tour for Under Rug Swept, Morissette has bravely revealed the identity of her bitter muse: Dave Coulier! That’s right, when Morissette had one hand in her pocket, the other hand was giving the finger to Uncle Joey on the 80s television hit "Full House." It was like ray-eee-ain on your wedding day when her and Dave Coulier broke up. And yes, the person she went down on in a theater was… Dave Coulier. The man don’t mess around.

This was taken from http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/m/morissette_alanis/under-rug-swept.shtml

Chestnuts roasted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 01/24/2004 10:41 PM

I have to admit that between watching/subjecting myself to Gigli, I was online half-heartedly trying to see if there was any info on the mystery woman, but I didn’t come up with anything. Anyway, I’m not sure what’s worse: watching Ben Affleck fake an orgasm or thinking of Joey From Full House getting head. You know he probably does the stupid Popeye impression during sex.

Must…scrub…the imagery… from my head!

Uncut Gia was indeed a good movie for Angelina titties, squee4242. There was a tease in Tomb Raider but nobody really expected anything in that anyway. Killer Duck: looking for boobies and hand bags are some of my favourite things (but I usually don’t do them at the same time. Though there was this one salesgirl…).

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 01/24/2004 11:21 PM

A few years ago I found a Vanilla Ice board game at the thrift store. It had a gameboard and a microphone. You would place rhyming word pieces on the gameboard and rap out a song. Definitely worthy of shitty board game status.

Chestnuts roasted by cody @ 01/24/2004 11:24 PM

What!? Vanilla Ice’s board game shitty!? *cancels bid on Ebay*

Chestnuts roasted by Rewolf J @ 01/25/2004 12:22 PM

I NEVER HEARD OF NONE OF THEM GAME. AND YES JARED I TO REMEMBER A DRINK CALL MONGOS. WHAT HAPPEN TO THEM?

Chestnuts roasted by FC4 @ 01/25/2004 1:05 AM

Was in TRU today; looked at board games. Didn’t buy it, but saw a "Big Brother" game, based on the TV show. I got a kick out of, though, b/c the first thing I thought of was: "WAR IS PEACE. FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. IGNORANCE IS STREGTH" Great values to instill in our youth, huh?

Oh, and Oppurtunity is on Mars now! Hooray for NASA!

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 01/25/2004 1:19 AM

Does anyone remember the mechanical game with four wheels, red and green marbles, and you had to trap all the marbles?

That game was loud, but it rocked.

Chestnuts roasted by Die Harder? @ 01/25/2004 1:22 AM

I can’t believe no one mentioned the Rubik’s Cube game the worst game in history….

Chestnuts roasted by Tikibob @ 01/25/2004 2:16 AM

I actually don’t LIVE in Chagrin Falls. I live in Bainbridge Township which is right next to it. I found it hilarious when I realized that the artwork on the back of The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes is a giant-sized Calvin destroying downtown Chagrin Falls!! Life would be sweet if that actually happened because Chagrin Falls is a stuck up, snobby bitch town.

One board game that sucks is Pig Pong. You used these hand held pig devices in which you squeezed to produce air to propel a cloth "ball" back and forth over a net. The problem was is was nearly impossible to keep the "ball" in the air. Fucking piece of shit…

My worst board game memory was the Christmas when I recieved the game Bedbugs from like 5 different relatives. Its not like I lobbied for that game, I mean I never asked for it from ANYBODY. The game was alright but nothing spetacular….

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 01/25/2004 2:59 AM

oops- I meant Indespensible Calvin and Hobbes…..

Chestnuts roasted by phunqsauce @ 01/25/2004 3:28 AM

Yes, Captain Planet and the Planeteers are real: http://www.johnrm.com/cptplan/captainplanet.wmv

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/25/2004 5:51 AM

I remember the marble game mentioned a few days ago. All of the marbles had their own little spot, and you would pull a lever on your side of the board one notch, and the marble either stayed or dropped through a hole in the board. I think there were black and white levers, depending on which side of the board you were sitting on. I liked this game b/c, as on only child, you could theoretically play this game by yourself w/o cheating.

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/25/2004 8:51 AM

Ah, board games. I no longer have my kiddy ones, but I do remember them.
I liked to play Don’t Spill the Beans and Don’t Break the Ice.
I had such games as Pig Pong, Pizza Party, Ninja Turtles, and Inspector Gadget. I had games based on TV game shows that were actually fun: Jepoardy and Wheel of Fortune. Sadly, I abused my games and I lost many pieces from them.

Chestnuts roasted by JG! @ 01/25/2004 11:12 AM

Carol the Theologin: Funny you should mention that game! I was at Bookman’s yesterday–a used bookshop around here that also deals in other things like movies, music, video games and board games–and we saw that game! I looked at it and immediadetly began thinking: "DUDE! I used to see TONS of commercials for this thing…" my sister would probably love it.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 01/25/2004 11:46 AM

Ahh yes, I know what game you guys are thinking of with the marbles and levers and such. It’s called Kerplunk. Anyways, thank you Matt for bringing up the topic of board games. Now it’s going to drive me insane trying to figure out what the hell that superfriends or dc comics thing was that I had. I don’t remember much except the little plastic pieces and the buildings, and a quick search on the internet found nothing. And to bring the topic back to these so-called "makeout parties," if you add in a few elements, we had something like that, except we were all drunk and stoned and playing truth or dare and spin the bottle, except we had special rules for spin the bottle after you got past a certain number of times landing on the same person. The 40oz was a participant too, when you landed on it, you would have to chug. Anyways, the basic end result was everybody making out and going down on each other and feeling each other up. No, the guys didn’t do anything to each other, but the girls did

Chestnuts roasted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 01/25/2004 12:27 PM

that wheel of fortune game mentioned in an earlier post, That used to be one of my favorite games, one of my friends used to have it. I was at the grocery store a couple weeks ago, they’ve remade that one and the jeopardy one.

Chestnuts roasted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 01/25/2004 12:32 PM

Kerplunk has marbles, but no levers. It does have sticks, though. I found the other game. It’s called Stay Alive!. Check here: http://www.neighborhoodvalues.com/nv/Toys&Games/035tg.htm

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/25/2004 2:00 PM

I stand corrected. Hey, I know a couple of people mentioned the VCR Wrestlemania game earlier, and as somebody who owns the game, I think it’s hillarious that of the ones availible on eBay, one of them that is complete has no bids, but one that is missing the videotape has two bids. Go figure.

Chestnuts roasted by Skitzo from stupid5pin.com @ 01/25/2004 3:05 PM

No no no Pig Pong was great! Sure it was near impossible for a kid (or an adult) to assemble the "balls" and playing the game was just as hard and as exciting as watching paint dry but it had four little piggies with it!
Kerplunk is like the bastard child of Pick Up Sticks and marbles.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/25/2004 4:25 PM

Does anyone remember this game with clear-colored "bricks" that you had to knock down with a little jackhammer? I loved the game when I was little. But the jackhammer broke and the bricks were also broken or lost.

…maybe Matt already reviewed it…

Chestnuts roasted by marril159 @ 01/25/2004 8:55 PM

…or maybe not…

Chestnuts roasted by marril159 @ 01/25/2004 9:05 PM

Marril, was it "Don’t Break the Ice"?

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/25/2004 9:11 PM

Or Thin Ice…memory sucks today

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/25/2004 9:11 PM

It may be "low tech", although you’ll never forget the first time you played it.

My dad showed me maybe when I was six years old.

"52 pickup" sucks.

Chestnuts roasted by ibinsomniac @ 01/25/2004 9:28 PM

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