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New Article: Shitty Board Games!

Today's article focuses in on five of the worst board games I've ever owned, a list that will shock and appall you to no end. It's a good mix of old favorites and old hated pieces of crap. We've got games based on He-Man and M.U.S.C.L.E., Tetris, 90210 and the game that broke the mold: "Full House." Are you ready to party? On another topic, I changed the main page a bit. Got rid of the title graphics on the article list, swapping 'em out for text. Probably won't kill your eyes as much anymore.

Posted by Matt on 01/22/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 295 comments
1 … 3 4 5 6 7 … 12

Damn it Trippy, just by writing "dizzy dizzy dinosaur" you got the worst possible theme song ever to get stuck in your head to slap me across the face… that’s right:
Denver… the last Dino-SAUR! He’s your friend and a whole lot more!

I’m sure there’s an equally aggrivating Denver the last Dinosaur Board Game. It undoubtedly involved trying to be an inconspicuous blue-green dinosaur who wears a giant trenchcoat and cruises around on a skateboard.

Chestnuts roasted by Chopstick Sensei @ 01/23/2004 11:47 AM

Someone mentioned the "Don’t play with strangers" board game up there. I had several board games and no matter who came over to my house, they would ALWAYS ask to play THAT one. I never figured out why, and I never will.

Chestnuts roasted by Mars @ 01/23/2004 11:54 AM

On Full House, did anyone else notice that Kimmy looked kinda like Sandra Bernhard?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/23/2004 11:58 AM

Dave Coulier is from Detroit. I could have SWORN the guy was Canadian. He looks Canadian, he acts Canadian, he talks Canadian. Hmm. I suppose I should have been tipped off by the fact that most Canadian comedians and comediennes are funny and Dave is not, at least not after 1985.

I stand corrected.

Chestnuts roasted by Kev @ 01/23/2004 12:43 PM

I wrote to Gary Larson for an autograph, and got only his picture back in return. He was a bald guy with a rattlesnake on his desk.

Chestnuts roasted by Lando Fett @ 01/23/2004 1:28 PM

Anybody remember the Babysitters’ Club Game? I practically begged for it back in the early 90s. I don’t exactly remember the "board game" part of it, but I think it was sort of like "Trivial Pursuit" for the BSC books, which seem to have completely disappeared from bookshelves in recent years.

Chestnuts roasted by MRNonCCN @ 01/23/2004 1:53 PM

Bob Sagat is actually pretty funny. He had a funny part in Half Baked and directed Dirty Work. He just got stuck with the super nice guy image and ran with it to make money. I have heard him on Howard Stern talking about how much he hated doing Full House and America’s Funniest Home videos.

Chestnuts roasted by Brian @ 01/23/2004 2:04 PM

Contrary to Matt’s claim, not ALL of the actors’ careers died with the show…

John Stamos now makes a living doing B’way shows from time to time. That’s right kids; if you time it right, you can see Uncle Jesse LIVE – and singing! Awhile ago he was the emcee in Cabaret, and more recently he starred in Nine (which just closed). Sadly, I did not get to see him in either role. Can’t wait to see what he pops up in next, but whatever it is, I am so there.

Chestnuts roasted by RU Hungry? @ 01/23/2004 2:41 PM

Matt – That review of M.U.S.C.L.E. was one of the first things I read when I found your site. In retrospect, I agree it was not a great game, but it really clicked with us. We had a great time with the different moves, and especially the third "electric" level where the ropes of the arena where electrified.

I love Crossbows and Catapults. I still have that game tucked away up north. My brother and I would play that game for hours. I also had a cowboy and indian playset that was huge. It had one of those plastic terrain maps that was about 6′x8′ and plastic mountains and hills for the indians and a cool fort for the cowboys. We would set up all of the figures, then get rubberbands for bullets and arrows. You had to shoot it from whichever figure was shooting and knock over your opponent. There were about 35-45 figures per side, so it was quite fun! Occasionally there was a rift in the temperal flux and the cowboys and indians would be attacked by the knights.

Chestnuts roasted by Stilewalker @ 01/23/2004 2:59 PM

John Stamos is my hero.

"STAAAMOOOOS!!" -C.J. Scudworth

Chestnuts roasted by Kim @ 01/23/2004 3:18 PM

holy holy shit. Kim… I love you. All this talk on the blog, and no mention of prom king STAAAAAMMMMOOOOOOSSSS.

You rock

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 01/23/2004 3:21 PM

Sweet 111th post. I doth rock.

Chestnuts roasted by Mickey the Mubling Midget @ 01/23/2004 3:32 PM

MRN, i remember the babysitters club game! i havent thought about that in years, but yeah, i begged for it too. i also had a claudia doll and the official fan club cassette tape. *blushes in shame*

also, i had the phone game and the mall game mentioned earlier, i think it was called…"mall madness"? another interesting game i owned was this little truth or dare game for girls where, if you refused to do the dare, you had to put a…pimple-sticker on your face. god, what was wrong with us as kids?

Chestnuts roasted by amber @ 01/23/2004 3:32 PM

Alright – first time ever posting here after visiting the site for over a year but seeing someone from Chagrin Falls aka "The Bubble" was too much to pass up.

Bill Waterson did indeed grow up there and was the kind of kid you’d find hung up on a locker by his underwear. Guess that explains why he’s such an introvert. The jerk.

Chestnuts roasted by Archbishop Don @ 01/23/2004 3:32 PM

I always liked the funky board games that you got in magazines or on cereal boxes or that Star Trek game on the early Happy Meal. One of the best is the Madman game from Wizard where if you land on the square for the Silver Surfer-type character, you have to run around the room like you’re flying for about five minutes. And make the "Whooosh"-ing noises all the while. Someone make a X-E board game already!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/23/2004 3:35 PM

The sale at the shoe store game was Mall Madness.
I had the babysitter’s club game but there were actually two the trivia one and the mystery one. I had both the mystery one was like a stoneybrook version of clue but not as good the trivia was fun. BSC licensed all sorts of stuff around that time. I even remember having some wierd reading light that clipped onto the books.

Chestnuts roasted by Shelly @ 01/23/2004 3:40 PM

I used to have a shopping game but it wasn’t Mall Madness. This game was from the early 80′s and you shopped. I can’t remember much about game play but I remember every person got a thick plastic "charge card" (back when such things were mystical items to kids) and there was this big ass charge card machine and when you wanted to make a purchase you put the card on the machine and slide the lever and the little roller things would eithger say "accepted" or "declined" (or similar). I took the card machine apart once because I was desperate to know what made it work (magnets pretty much- it was completely random). I miss that game.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/23/2004 3:59 PM

Has anyone seen the animated Far Side? It was a TV special here in the US, but was only released on video in the UK.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/23/2004 4:00 PM

I have. Actually meant to review it, never got around to it. It’s "interesting," though much more surreal than clever or funny. I don’t think it translated all that well, to be honest.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 01/23/2004 4:02 PM

Well at least someone saw it, Matt.

America’s Funniest People was one of the worst shows ever. There are a lot of Coulier related sites. Here are some:

Official
http://www.cutitout.net/
http://www.icmtalent.com/musperf/profiles/70029.html

http://gazette.bigt83.com/issue25/dave_coulier.shtml
http://people.clemson.edu/~hclay/Dave.html
http://www.amiannoying.com/2001/view.asp?ID=2374
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dave+coulier
http://queervote.com/people/c_coulier_Dave.htm

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/23/2004 4:10 PM

I’m literally cracking up just at the sight of that first URL. Haven’t even clicked. Nothing can compare to the build-up of cutitout.net.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 01/23/2004 4:12 PM

RU-I saw John Stamos as Emcee in Cabaret and he was actually really wonderful! I met him afterwards and he was one of the warmest, friendliest people I have ever met.

Chestnuts roasted by Emily @ 01/23/2004 4:15 PM

Who Would You Kill On Full House?
http://www.whowouldyoukill.com/fullhouse.html

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/23/2004 4:16 PM

DAMIEN!!!! i know the game you are talking abouT!!!!!! down here in Greece we had that game and it was amazing!!! i still have it down in the basement…. here it is called Castles and Siege and it had all those amazing viking and barbarian figures…. each team had a crossbow (which as you said we fitted with a very tight rubber band) and destroyed each others walls that protected the castle!!!!! in fact.. i once used an machbox katapelt for cars which had amazing power…. but tnat is not all… the game had extra heroes that were sold seperatlty like the Minotaur and the Cyclops!!! and the Trojan Horse!!!! (i kid you not) and a Green Dragon and each of those was used as a catapelt or a croosbow!!!!!!! one of the most amazing games ever although not technicly a "board game" …. i’ll try to find pics….

p.s. (matt i am browsing your site for like 3 years now this is tha fisrt time i’m communicating all tha way from Athens Greece congrats you are the greatest, people look at me at my job in tha bank laughing my ass of at yous articles and wonder why…. as the ancient Greeks said… makarii i ptohi to pnevmati… happy those who dont know…..) :)

Chestnuts roasted by Triple Zombie @ 01/23/2004 5:12 PM

Does anyone remember "Turn the Terrible Tank"? That game rocked!!!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3171025509

Chestnuts roasted by Joe @ 01/23/2004 5:22 PM

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This entry was posted on Thursday, January 22nd, 2004 at 3:55 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.