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New Article: Shitty Board Games!

Today's article focuses in on five of the worst board games I've ever owned, a list that will shock and appall you to no end. It's a good mix of old favorites and old hated pieces of crap. We've got games based on He-Man and M.U.S.C.L.E., Tetris, 90210 and the game that broke the mold: "Full House." Are you ready to party? On another topic, I changed the main page a bit. Got rid of the title graphics on the article list, swapping 'em out for text. Probably won't kill your eyes as much anymore.

Posted by Matt on 01/22/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 295 comments

Gah, "Garfield", not Garfied.. now to bar my door before the cat comes to kill me. :(

Chestnuts roasted by Lynx @ 01/22/2004 6:22 PM

All I have to say is where the hell is the New Kids on the Block board game…….

Chestnuts roasted by LordSorrow @ 01/22/2004 6:33 PM

….Matt, you REALLY need to warn us better with your articles. O-ow, my eyes are still bleeding…

But seriously, I can see the 90210 game working at girls’ sulmber thingies. Who else wouldn’t want to put their shoulder on the teen hottie’s foot? Or something…

And Full House….. that’s just WRONG. Heh, which of the twins is on the box and which is on the cards? Did they get both of them to pose, or are the two still fighting over who was able to be shown?

Chestnuts roasted by Takomaster @ 01/22/2004 6:35 PM

Coulier did voices for the Muppet Babies so I respect him for that.

D.J. the Cat, oh man, I was wondering if Matt knew about that, I might have it somewhere on tape. I think he had his own show and then he would show up in between commercial breaks during afternoon cartoons on Fox.

Chestnuts roasted by Woogie @ 01/22/2004 6:45 PM

The ONLY one of those games I could have played and have not killed myself immediately afterwards is the MUSCLE one.

As far as board games go, I’ve always liked Battleship. It kicks ass. Just felt like sharing that.

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 01/22/2004 7:13 PM

On the topic of bizarre and interesting board games, anybody remember that game Fireball Island? That wasn’t a board game, that was insanity on a molded piece of plastic! Nothing like the thrill of knocking red "fireball" marbles off volcanos and out of a giant idol on a mountain to pass the afternoon away.

Chestnuts roasted by Zix the Yeti @ 01/22/2004 7:16 PM

Matt – I have alot of old crap laying around here that may be of interest to you (videos, games, merchandise, etc.).

Do you accept donations?

I’d rather the stuff get reviewed than sit around and collect dust.

Heck, I’ll even send you the Wrestlemania VCR game :)

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 01/22/2004 7:43 PM

I had the incomprehensible Ninja Turtle board game that was reviewed elsewhere on this site and never managed to play it once.

I also had a similarly asinine Simpsons board game that was just a quick cash-in. It wasn’t impossible to figure out, just impossibly boring. I think I played it once and it took longer than a game of Monopoly.

However, the most unnecessary game I ever had, had to be the Home Alone 2: Lost in New York game. To play it, you first had to read and, more importantly, understand a 47-page insruction manual, then get, like, 50 of your closest friends to compete in a card-drawin’, poker-chip grabbin’, TMJ-inducin’ bore-fest.

Chestnuts roasted by D--d-dave-some @ 01/22/2004 8:04 PM

Great article-
The Full House mention reminds me… I was watching an episode a couple of weeks ago, where Stephanie ended up at a makeout party- I was wondering… do they still have those? Did they? I don’t know. The only time I ever heard of them was in the late 80′s/ early 90′s and I was too young then to know. Through high school nobody ever talked about that or anything (not like I’d want to go…). Just wondering- I’d appreciate it if somebody could give some input, thanks.

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 01/22/2004 8:05 PM

John Stamos looks damn good in the Full House game and I’m not afraid to admit it

Chestnuts roasted by Emily @ 01/22/2004 8:57 PM

hahahaha the Joey Cards..god those are some terrible jokes..so bad, they ARE funny.

Chestnuts roasted by char b @ 01/22/2004 9:12 PM

No wonder Alanis wrote that song about Dave Coulier she probaly read those Full House joke cards. Matt if you can get your hands on Fun House the board game you should review it. That game is pretty lame.

Chestnuts roasted by pikachulover @ 01/22/2004 9:25 PM

As a member of the Nintendo Generation, I didn’t play many board games. I played Monopoly sometimes, and a clone of Monopoly (but not one of the derivatives) based on Railroads (train buff).

Oh, and I also had the TMNT board game with the "flipper" device. I actually had fun with that, if I remember.

Thankfully, I have never had the experience of playing ANY of the five terrible games. Thank god. Though I would love to get my hands on the Tetris game, just for the heck of it!

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 01/22/2004 9:30 PM

Jared, Matt mentioned Rudy Huxtable in reference to the Tanner girls growing up.

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/22/2004 9:52 PM

The man who helped bring the world "Nukie," Michael Pakleppa, is now co-directing a live-action version of "The Last Unicorn," with Christopher Lee returning to play the king that he originally voiced in the Rankin-Bass version.
http://imdb.com/title/tt0314301/
http://www.the-last-unicorn.net/

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/22/2004 10:13 PM

I saw the He-Man game at a local antique store before it went out of buisness. I guess I know why I didn’t pick it up.

Carol the Theologian is right,the doctor who invented Scruples is a fundy nutjob,and I should know,I visited his website.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 01/22/2004 10:17 PM

Considering how many board games my family had (and still has – we have a Life game that dates from the mid-80s, before they updated the jobs and added "Life Chips"), the only one of these games I even vaguely recall is the M.U.S.C.L.E game. We never gave that one half a thought, since none of us were into collecting the M.U.S.C.L.E. They tended to get lost and pulled apart too easily, not to mention my youngest sister was still pretty little then and more inclined to eat soft, chewy stuff than stage mock wrestling matches with it.

I’m a bit surprised I don’t remember the "Full House" game. We watched all of the TGIF shows devotedly until the cable was turned off in March 1992 (it wouldn’t be turned back on until fall 2001). Maybe that’s why I have no memory of this. Rebecca was still pregnant the last time I watched the show reguarly. The game looks to me like a "Life" knock off for young kids, complete with the little cars.

I’m no longer as fond of "Full House" as I was as a kid. To put it very kindly, it has NOT dated well. It’s often just too cutesy for its own good. I can’t bring myself to hate it, though. I have too many happy memories of watching that show – it was one of the few things my sisters and I watched together.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 01/22/2004 10:17 PM

Does anyone remember the "Do The Urkel" boardgame? Talk about horrid. My friend actually owns this thing. Boy I wonder where Jaleel White’s career is now.

Chestnuts roasted by Matrixcodex @ 01/22/2004 10:21 PM

I work in a K-B Toys store, so I’ve seen my share is dumb board games.

Matt, are you even aware that there is actually a board game based on eBay itself?! It looked so freakin horrible that I can’t describe it in words!!! The saddest part was, that we had 5 when I started, and they all sold out before Christmas.

And don’t even get me started on the Dr. Laura game. Yes, a DR. LAURA BOARD GAME!!! *insert scary B-Movie music*

(long time lurker, first time poster.)

Chestnuts roasted by Invader Norbert @ 01/22/2004 10:39 PM

A Full House board game? Somebody better hold me, ’cause I’m afraid.

Chestnuts roasted by King Shazbot @ 01/22/2004 10:42 PM

I’ve seen the eBay board game — if it’s famous for anything, it’s being the game most quickly shifted to the clearance racks. Seriously, it was marked down to 5 bucks within its first month or so around here.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 01/22/2004 10:42 PM

There is a DVD copy of the Garbage Pail Kids cartoon on Ebay with the movie. Only problem is the cartoon has some Icelandic subtitles.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=2294&item=3380964560

Chestnuts roasted by Jiggle Factor @ 01/22/2004 10:47 PM

Actually The Dude, I recall Michelle NOT being by blood and was actually abandoned on the doorstep in the first episode of Full House. I could be wrong though, as that was a long time ago and I didn’t really pay much attention to anything that wasn’t animated back then…

Sucky board games I have:
-The Simpsons: Don’t Have a Cow Game
-Tamagotchi

Good games with horrible drawbacks:
-13 Dead End Drive. Takes so long to set up, the other players will lose interest by the time you finish.
-The Grape Escape. If a trap is empty and you roll "crank", you choose one player to die and start over (making this game damn near impossible to finish).

Chestnuts roasted by Rewolf J @ 01/22/2004 10:49 PM

Oh my god, I think I still have that Full House game around here somewhere…

Chestnuts roasted by Nick F. @ 01/22/2004 10:54 PM

I work(ed) at ToysRUs, and I think the worst game I saw this year was the "Fib Finder" game…its a little lie detector. If I was a kid, I wouldnt want a lie detector in the house. Thats far to risky. "The dog broke the lamp mom I swear!" "Oh yea, well strap this to your arm and we will find out" *shudders* My favorite this year was "Bulls Eye Ball". Actually the game looked really shitty, but theres nothing more entertaining then having people come up to you and tell you that they are looking for "Bulls Balls"

Chestnuts roasted by Chelsey @ 01/22/2004 11:58 PM

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This entry was posted on Thursday, January 22nd, 2004 at 3:55 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.