The X-Entertainment Blog!

01/22/2004: New Article: Shitty Board Games!

Today’s article focuses in on five of the worst board games I’ve ever owned, a list that will shock and appall you to no end. It’s a good mix of old favorites and old hated pieces of crap. We’ve got games based on He-Man and M.U.S.C.L.E., Tetris, 90210 and the game that broke the mold: “Full House.” Are you ready to party? On another topic, I changed the main page a bit. Got rid of the title graphics on the article list, swapping ‘em out for text. Probably won’t kill your eyes as much anymore.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 294 comments

1 2 3 ... 6 Next »

First Post! Woo! I hate myself for doing that.

Everyone go out and get a pet fish. And keep it responsibly.

Ghosted by Sean @ 01/22/2004 4:02 PM EST

Holy Shit! I think Im first!

Ghosted by The Dude @ 01/22/2004 4:02 PM EST

Damn you Sean!!!

Ghosted by The Dude @ 01/22/2004 4:03 PM EST

coot alot of posts

i wanna ask if anyone rembers a juice form the ealry 90s. They were uslay fruit flavors and came in plastic bottles.I think they were called mongos?
eh i was just wondering if anyone rember them.

Ghosted by Jared @ 01/22/2004 4:05 PM EST

Sorry Dude. I had just wrapped up a long diatribe on the Parrot Fish section, and lo and behold, this had changed!

By the way Matt, I forgot to mention–you may have sinned, but we forgive you. Even though apparently some of us are damned.

Ghosted by Sean @ 01/22/2004 4:07 PM EST

Joey was not a Tanner by blood. He was Danny’s best friend. I mean, hello? They made him sleep on a windowsill or something.

Ghosted by Bestpersonever @ 01/22/2004 4:08 PM EST

Jared: Squeeze-Its. Coming soon to a website near you.

Ghosted by Matt @ 01/22/2004 4:08 PM EST

I didn’t know they had a Full House board game!

Ghosted by dan^ @ 01/22/2004 4:09 PM EST

Those Olsen Twins have come a long
way. Wonder how long before they’re Heffners girlfriends.

Ghosted by turkeys can't fly? @ 01/22/2004 4:18 PM EST

ahh coool i could have swore they were like mongo with a sprial on the front.

Ghosted by Jared @ 01/22/2004 4:19 PM EST

Speaking of the Huxtables, does anyone remember the episode of "Growing Pains" when Ben asks a girl to go on a date to a taping of "The Cosby Show?" It was strange enough to mention another network’s top show, but the Seavers were supposed to live on Long Island and the Huxtables were supposed to live in Brooklyn, but Pains was shot in Burbank while Cosby shot in New York. This reminds me of how I had to
explain to another kid in elementary why they only taped the opening of "Punky Brewster" in Chicago and he complained that it was false advertising.

Ghosted by ME @ 01/22/2004 4:25 PM EST

"Oh wait, was Joey by blood? One of them wasn’t by blood. Who on "Full House" wasn’t by blood?"

Okay, I hate that I know this, but…. The only ones who were blood were Danny, Stephanie, DJ and Michelle. Uncle Jesse was related by marriage, Danny married his sister. Joey is in no way related, he is just Danny and Jesse’s childhood friend.

Ghosted by The Dude @ 01/22/2004 4:28 PM EST

Great article, but boo to you Matt. The tetris game does not deserve to be lower then the Full House one. As an owner of the Tetris board game (wonder how many people can say that). It is worth at least a D+ just as a topic of conversation alone.

Ghosted by Doogles @ 01/22/2004 4:30 PM EST

first of all they werent the huxtables they wre the tanners. second becky wasnt by blood she was by marage.

Ghosted by Jared @ 01/22/2004 4:30 PM EST

The juice you’re thinking of were called "Mondos"

Ghosted by Paul @ 01/22/2004 4:32 PM EST

MONDOS thats it

Ghosted by Jared @ 01/22/2004 4:34 PM EST

I actually own and have played the M.U.S.C.L.E. board game. It is terrible indeed. The figures are definitly the coolest part.

Ghosted by Scary Terry @ 01/22/2004 4:34 PM EST

Dave Coulier is the bigest douchebag ever. I hate that son of a biatch. Most unfunny hack that has ever been on TV. Even worse than Bob Faggat.

Ghosted by Dave Coulier Hater @ 01/22/2004 4:41 PM EST

Yeoowch! You almost blinded me on that one. My sister-in-law’s brother collects many types of games, and subsequently tries to cheat at them, but I bet he’d like Tetris or M.U.S.C.L.E. For laughs, I’d give him Full House and watch his head implode.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 01/22/2004 4:42 PM EST

I was one of those sad recipients of the Tetris board game, which ended up gathering dust in my parent’s attic for years (most likely unplayed) until I stumbled across it a few years ago while searching for Commercial Crazies (now that was a fun game). I couldn’t believe that not only was a Tetris board game made but that someone actually bought it for me. I couldn’t figure out what you were supposed to do either, but I forced my wife to play a round with me anyway. It left us both thoroughly confused along with the overwhelming urge to hum Tetris music all day. Stupid game.

Ghosted by cravipat @ 01/22/2004 4:44 PM EST

The 80s sure had some terrible board games… like "Don’t Play with Strangers" (teaches kids about safety and not talking to strangers– and it was endorsed by Joan FREAKIN’ Lundin), "The People’s Court" (that’s just dumb), and the "Ungame" (some hippie-dippie feel good game designed to pry into the psyche of kids). Remember this: if the game has an imprimatur from some group of shrinks or some education association on it, skip this game and get your kid something violent instead, like a GIJoe or a Chucky doll ("Wanna play???").

Ghosted by Carol the Theologian @ 01/22/2004 5:24 PM EST

We had a Von Erichs wrestling game we could never figure out. Now they’re mosly dead.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 01/22/2004 5:28 PM EST

We had a Von Erichs wrestling game we could never figure out. Now they’re mosly dead.

I must hear more about this game!

Ghosted by Phil the Scumdog @ 01/22/2004 5:47 PM EST

One of my friends had that Von Erichs game also, along with a Wrestlemania VCR game. We never figured either of them out. I’ve been watching a lot of Full House reruns lately too, and one thing that has really been bugging me is, by the later years of the show Uncle Jesse has pretty much taken over the "dad" role from the true star Danny. He has his own kids by then but he still manages to butt in and give all the heartfelt "dad talks" to Danny’s kids as well. Danny should’ve kicked the bunch of moochers out of his house long ago.

Ghosted by Goggles Pisano @ 01/22/2004 6:09 PM EST

Dave Coulier ruined Peter Venkman!

and on a sidenote, ever seen the Garfied or Snoopy board games, Matt? I remember the Snoopy one had these really nice little figures that made effective projectiles.

Ghosted by Lynx @ 01/22/2004 6:21 PM EST

Gah, "Garfield", not Garfied.. now to bar my door before the cat comes to kill me.

Ghosted by Lynx @ 01/22/2004 6:22 PM EST

All I have to say is where the hell is the New Kids on the Block board game…….

Ghosted by LordSorrow @ 01/22/2004 6:33 PM EST

….Matt, you REALLY need to warn us better with your articles. O-ow, my eyes are still bleeding…

But seriously, I can see the 90210 game working at girls’ sulmber thingies. Who else wouldn’t want to put their shoulder on the teen hottie’s foot? Or something…

And Full House….. that’s just WRONG. Heh, which of the twins is on the box and which is on the cards? Did they get both of them to pose, or are the two still fighting over who was able to be shown?

Ghosted by Takomaster @ 01/22/2004 6:35 PM EST

Coulier did voices for the Muppet Babies so I respect him for that.

D.J. the Cat, oh man, I was wondering if Matt knew about that, I might have it somewhere on tape. I think he had his own show and then he would show up in between commercial breaks during afternoon cartoons on Fox.

Ghosted by Woogie @ 01/22/2004 6:45 PM EST

The ONLY one of those games I could have played and have not killed myself immediately afterwards is the MUSCLE one.

As far as board games go, I’ve always liked Battleship. It kicks ass. Just felt like sharing that.

Ghosted by Paul @ 01/22/2004 7:13 PM EST

On the topic of bizarre and interesting board games, anybody remember that game Fireball Island? That wasn’t a board game, that was insanity on a molded piece of plastic! Nothing like the thrill of knocking red "fireball" marbles off volcanos and out of a giant idol on a mountain to pass the afternoon away.

Ghosted by Zix the Yeti @ 01/22/2004 7:16 PM EST

Matt – I have alot of old crap laying around here that may be of interest to you (videos, games, merchandise, etc.).

Do you accept donations?

I’d rather the stuff get reviewed than sit around and collect dust.

Heck, I’ll even send you the Wrestlemania VCR game

Ghosted by Chris @ 01/22/2004 7:43 PM EST

I had the incomprehensible Ninja Turtle board game that was reviewed elsewhere on this site and never managed to play it once.

I also had a similarly asinine Simpsons board game that was just a quick cash-in. It wasn’t impossible to figure out, just impossibly boring. I think I played it once and it took longer than a game of Monopoly.

However, the most unnecessary game I ever had, had to be the Home Alone 2: Lost in New York game. To play it, you first had to read and, more importantly, understand a 47-page insruction manual, then get, like, 50 of your closest friends to compete in a card-drawin’, poker-chip grabbin’, TMJ-inducin’ bore-fest.

Ghosted by D--d-dave-some @ 01/22/2004 8:04 PM EST

Great article-
The Full House mention reminds me… I was watching an episode a couple of weeks ago, where Stephanie ended up at a makeout party- I was wondering… do they still have those? Did they? I don’t know. The only time I ever heard of them was in the late 80’s/ early 90’s and I was too young then to know. Through high school nobody ever talked about that or anything (not like I’d want to go…). Just wondering- I’d appreciate it if somebody could give some input, thanks.

Ghosted by Rainbowfeet @ 01/22/2004 8:05 PM EST

John Stamos looks damn good in the Full House game and I’m not afraid to admit it

Ghosted by Emily @ 01/22/2004 8:57 PM EST

hahahaha the Joey Cards..god those are some terrible jokes..so bad, they ARE funny.

Ghosted by char b @ 01/22/2004 9:12 PM EST

No wonder Alanis wrote that song about Dave Coulier she probaly read those Full House joke cards. Matt if you can get your hands on Fun House the board game you should review it. That game is pretty lame.

Ghosted by pikachulover @ 01/22/2004 9:25 PM EST

As a member of the Nintendo Generation, I didn’t play many board games. I played Monopoly sometimes, and a clone of Monopoly (but not one of the derivatives) based on Railroads (train buff).

Oh, and I also had the TMNT board game with the "flipper" device. I actually had fun with that, if I remember.

Thankfully, I have never had the experience of playing ANY of the five terrible games. Thank god. Though I would love to get my hands on the Tetris game, just for the heck of it!

Ghosted by Cameron @ 01/22/2004 9:30 PM EST

Jared, Matt mentioned Rudy Huxtable in reference to the Tanner girls growing up.

Ghosted by ME @ 01/22/2004 9:52 PM EST

The man who helped bring the world "Nukie," Michael Pakleppa, is now co-directing a live-action version of "The Last Unicorn," with Christopher Lee returning to play the king that he originally voiced in the Rankin-Bass version.
http://imdb.com/title/tt0314301/
http://www.the-last-unicorn.net/

Ghosted by ME @ 01/22/2004 10:13 PM EST

I saw the He-Man game at a local antique store before it went out of buisness. I guess I know why I didn’t pick it up.

Carol the Theologian is right,the doctor who invented Scruples is a fundy nutjob,and I should know,I visited his website.

Ghosted by Overlord @ 01/22/2004 10:17 PM EST

Considering how many board games my family had (and still has – we have a Life game that dates from the mid-80s, before they updated the jobs and added "Life Chips"), the only one of these games I even vaguely recall is the M.U.S.C.L.E game. We never gave that one half a thought, since none of us were into collecting the M.U.S.C.L.E. They tended to get lost and pulled apart too easily, not to mention my youngest sister was still pretty little then and more inclined to eat soft, chewy stuff than stage mock wrestling matches with it.

I’m a bit surprised I don’t remember the "Full House" game. We watched all of the TGIF shows devotedly until the cable was turned off in March 1992 (it wouldn’t be turned back on until fall 2001). Maybe that’s why I have no memory of this. Rebecca was still pregnant the last time I watched the show reguarly. The game looks to me like a "Life" knock off for young kids, complete with the little cars.

I’m no longer as fond of "Full House" as I was as a kid. To put it very kindly, it has NOT dated well. It’s often just too cutesy for its own good. I can’t bring myself to hate it, though. I have too many happy memories of watching that show – it was one of the few things my sisters and I watched together.

Ghosted by starwenn @ 01/22/2004 10:17 PM EST

Does anyone remember the "Do The Urkel" boardgame? Talk about horrid. My friend actually owns this thing. Boy I wonder where Jaleel White’s career is now.

Ghosted by Matrixcodex @ 01/22/2004 10:21 PM EST

I work in a K-B Toys store, so I’ve seen my share is dumb board games.

Matt, are you even aware that there is actually a board game based on eBay itself?! It looked so freakin horrible that I can’t describe it in words!!! The saddest part was, that we had 5 when I started, and they all sold out before Christmas.

And don’t even get me started on the Dr. Laura game. Yes, a DR. LAURA BOARD GAME!!! *insert scary B-Movie music*

(long time lurker, first time poster.)

Ghosted by Invader Norbert @ 01/22/2004 10:39 PM EST

A Full House board game? Somebody better hold me, ’cause I’m afraid.

Ghosted by King Shazbot @ 01/22/2004 10:42 PM EST

I’ve seen the eBay board game — if it’s famous for anything, it’s being the game most quickly shifted to the clearance racks. Seriously, it was marked down to 5 bucks within its first month or so around here.

Ghosted by Matt @ 01/22/2004 10:42 PM EST

There is a DVD copy of the Garbage Pail Kids cartoon on Ebay with the movie. Only problem is the cartoon has some Icelandic subtitles.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=2294&item=3380964560

Ghosted by Jiggle Factor @ 01/22/2004 10:47 PM EST

Actually The Dude, I recall Michelle NOT being by blood and was actually abandoned on the doorstep in the first episode of Full House. I could be wrong though, as that was a long time ago and I didn’t really pay much attention to anything that wasn’t animated back then…

Sucky board games I have:
-The Simpsons: Don’t Have a Cow Game
-Tamagotchi

Good games with horrible drawbacks:
-13 Dead End Drive. Takes so long to set up, the other players will lose interest by the time you finish.
-The Grape Escape. If a trap is empty and you roll "crank", you choose one player to die and start over (making this game damn near impossible to finish).

Ghosted by Rewolf J @ 01/22/2004 10:49 PM EST

Oh my god, I think I still have that Full House game around here somewhere…

Ghosted by Nick F. @ 01/22/2004 10:54 PM EST

I work(ed) at ToysRUs, and I think the worst game I saw this year was the "Fib Finder" game…its a little lie detector. If I was a kid, I wouldnt want a lie detector in the house. Thats far to risky. "The dog broke the lamp mom I swear!" "Oh yea, well strap this to your arm and we will find out" *shudders* My favorite this year was "Bulls Eye Ball". Actually the game looked really shitty, but theres nothing more entertaining then having people come up to you and tell you that they are looking for "Bulls Balls"

Ghosted by Chelsey @ 01/22/2004 11:58 PM EST

1 2 3 ... 6 Next »

Add A New Comment!

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 22nd, 2004 at 3:55 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.