01/22/2004: New Article: Shitty Board Games!
Discussion Thread: 293 comments
First Post! Woo! I hate myself for doing that.
Everyone go out and get a pet fish. And keep it responsibly.
Posted by
Sean
@ 01/22/2004 4:02 PM EST
Holy Shit! I think Im first!
Posted by
The Dude
@ 01/22/2004 4:02 PM EST
Damn you Sean!!!
Posted by
The Dude
@ 01/22/2004 4:03 PM EST
coot alot of posts
i wanna ask if anyone rembers a juice form the ealry 90s. They were uslay fruit flavors and came in plastic bottles.I think they were called mongos?
eh i was just wondering if anyone rember them.
Posted by
Jared
@ 01/22/2004 4:05 PM EST
Sorry Dude. I had just wrapped up a long diatribe on the Parrot Fish section, and lo and behold, this had changed!
By the way Matt, I forgot to mention–you may have sinned, but we forgive you. Even though apparently some of us are damned.
Posted by
Sean
@ 01/22/2004 4:07 PM EST
Joey was not a Tanner by blood. He was Danny’s best friend. I mean, hello? They made him sleep on a windowsill or something.
Posted by
Bestpersonever
@ 01/22/2004 4:08 PM EST
Jared: Squeeze-Its. Coming soon to a website near you.
Posted by
Matt
@ 01/22/2004 4:08 PM EST
I didn’t know they had a Full House board game!
Posted by
dan^
@ 01/22/2004 4:09 PM EST
Those Olsen Twins have come a long
way. Wonder how long before they’re Heffners girlfriends.
Posted by
turkeys can't fly?
@ 01/22/2004 4:18 PM EST
ahh coool i could have swore they were like mongo with a sprial on the front.
Posted by
Jared
@ 01/22/2004 4:19 PM EST
Speaking of the Huxtables, does anyone remember the episode of "Growing Pains" when Ben asks a girl to go on a date to a taping of "The Cosby Show?" It was strange enough to mention another network’s top show, but the Seavers were supposed to live on Long Island and the Huxtables were supposed to live in Brooklyn, but Pains was shot in Burbank while Cosby shot in New York. This reminds me of how I had to
explain to another kid in elementary why they only taped the opening of "Punky Brewster" in Chicago and he complained that it was false advertising.
Posted by
ME
@ 01/22/2004 4:25 PM EST
"Oh wait, was Joey by blood? One of them wasn’t by blood. Who on "Full House" wasn’t by blood?"
Okay, I hate that I know this, but…. The only ones who were blood were Danny, Stephanie, DJ and Michelle. Uncle Jesse was related by marriage, Danny married his sister. Joey is in no way related, he is just Danny and Jesse’s childhood friend.
Posted by
The Dude
@ 01/22/2004 4:28 PM EST
Great article, but boo to you Matt. The tetris game does not deserve to be lower then the Full House one. As an owner of the Tetris board game (wonder how many people can say that). It is worth at least a D+ just as a topic of conversation alone.
Posted by
Doogles
@ 01/22/2004 4:30 PM EST
first of all they werent the huxtables they wre the tanners. second becky wasnt by blood she was by marage.
Posted by
Jared
@ 01/22/2004 4:30 PM EST
The juice you’re thinking of were called "Mondos" 
Posted by
Paul
@ 01/22/2004 4:32 PM EST
MONDOS thats it
Posted by
Jared
@ 01/22/2004 4:34 PM EST
I actually own and have played the M.U.S.C.L.E. board game. It is terrible indeed. The figures are definitly the coolest part.
Posted by
Scary Terry
@ 01/22/2004 4:34 PM EST
Dave Coulier is the bigest douchebag ever. I hate that son of a biatch. Most unfunny hack that has ever been on TV. Even worse than Bob Faggat.
Yeoowch! You almost blinded me on that one. My sister-in-law’s brother collects many types of games, and subsequently tries to cheat at them, but I bet he’d like Tetris or M.U.S.C.L.E. For laughs, I’d give him Full House and watch his head implode.
Posted by
kingklash
@ 01/22/2004 4:42 PM EST
I was one of those sad recipients of the Tetris board game, which ended up gathering dust in my parent’s attic for years (most likely unplayed) until I stumbled across it a few years ago while searching for Commercial Crazies (now that was a fun game). I couldn’t believe that not only was a Tetris board game made but that someone actually bought it for me. I couldn’t figure out what you were supposed to do either, but I forced my wife to play a round with me anyway. It left us both thoroughly confused along with the overwhelming urge to hum Tetris music all day. Stupid game.
Posted by
cravipat
@ 01/22/2004 4:44 PM EST
The 80s sure had some terrible board games… like "Don’t Play with Strangers" (teaches kids about safety and not talking to strangers– and it was endorsed by Joan FREAKIN’ Lundin), "The People’s Court" (that’s just dumb), and the "Ungame" (some hippie-dippie feel good game designed to pry into the psyche of kids). Remember this: if the game has an imprimatur from some group of shrinks or some education association on it, skip this game and get your kid something violent instead, like a GIJoe or a Chucky doll ("Wanna play???").
Posted by
Carol the Theologian
@ 01/22/2004 5:24 PM EST
We had a Von Erichs wrestling game we could never figure out. Now they’re mosly dead.
Posted by
kingklash
@ 01/22/2004 5:28 PM EST
We had a Von Erichs wrestling game we could never figure out. Now they’re mosly dead.
I must hear more about this game!
One of my friends had that Von Erichs game also, along with a Wrestlemania VCR game. We never figured either of them out. I’ve been watching a lot of Full House reruns lately too, and one thing that has really been bugging me is, by the later years of the show Uncle Jesse has pretty much taken over the "dad" role from the true star Danny. He has his own kids by then but he still manages to butt in and give all the heartfelt "dad talks" to Danny’s kids as well. Danny should’ve kicked the bunch of moochers out of his house long ago.
Posted by
Goggles Pisano
@ 01/22/2004 6:09 PM EST
Dave Coulier ruined Peter Venkman!
and on a sidenote, ever seen the Garfied or Snoopy board games, Matt? I remember the Snoopy one had these really nice little figures that made effective projectiles.
Posted by
Lynx
@ 01/22/2004 6:21 PM EST
Gah, "Garfield", not Garfied.. now to bar my door before the cat comes to kill me. 
Posted by
Lynx
@ 01/22/2004 6:22 PM EST
All I have to say is where the hell is the New Kids on the Block board game…….
Posted by
LordSorrow
@ 01/22/2004 6:33 PM EST
….Matt, you REALLY need to warn us better with your articles. O-ow, my eyes are still bleeding…
But seriously, I can see the 90210 game working at girls’ sulmber thingies. Who else wouldn’t want to put their shoulder on the teen hottie’s foot? Or something…
And Full House….. that’s just WRONG. Heh, which of the twins is on the box and which is on the cards? Did they get both of them to pose, or are the two still fighting over who was able to be shown?
Coulier did voices for the Muppet Babies so I respect him for that.
D.J. the Cat, oh man, I was wondering if Matt knew about that, I might have it somewhere on tape. I think he had his own show and then he would show up in between commercial breaks during afternoon cartoons on Fox.
Posted by
Woogie
@ 01/22/2004 6:45 PM EST
The ONLY one of those games I could have played and have not killed myself immediately afterwards is the MUSCLE one.
As far as board games go, I’ve always liked Battleship. It kicks ass. Just felt like sharing that.
Posted by
Paul
@ 01/22/2004 7:13 PM EST
On the topic of bizarre and interesting board games, anybody remember that game Fireball Island? That wasn’t a board game, that was insanity on a molded piece of plastic! Nothing like the thrill of knocking red "fireball" marbles off volcanos and out of a giant idol on a mountain to pass the afternoon away.
Posted by
Zix the Yeti
@ 01/22/2004 7:16 PM EST
Matt - I have alot of old crap laying around here that may be of interest to you (videos, games, merchandise, etc.).
Do you accept donations?
I’d rather the stuff get reviewed than sit around and collect dust.
Heck, I’ll even send you the Wrestlemania VCR game
Posted by
Chris
@ 01/22/2004 7:43 PM EST
I had the incomprehensible Ninja Turtle board game that was reviewed elsewhere on this site and never managed to play it once.
I also had a similarly asinine Simpsons board game that was just a quick cash-in. It wasn’t impossible to figure out, just impossibly boring. I think I played it once and it took longer than a game of Monopoly.
However, the most unnecessary game I ever had, had to be the Home Alone 2: Lost in New York game. To play it, you first had to read and, more importantly, understand a 47-page insruction manual, then get, like, 50 of your closest friends to compete in a card-drawin’, poker-chip grabbin’, TMJ-inducin’ bore-fest.
Posted by
D--d-dave-some
@ 01/22/2004 8:04 PM EST
Great article-
The Full House mention reminds me… I was watching an episode a couple of weeks ago, where Stephanie ended up at a makeout party- I was wondering… do they still have those? Did they? I don’t know. The only time I ever heard of them was in the late 80’s/ early 90’s and I was too young then to know. Through high school nobody ever talked about that or anything (not like I’d want to go…). Just wondering- I’d appreciate it if somebody could give some input, thanks.
Posted by
Rainbowfeet
@ 01/22/2004 8:05 PM EST
John Stamos looks damn good in the Full House game and I’m not afraid to admit it
Posted by
Emily
@ 01/22/2004 8:57 PM EST
hahahaha the Joey Cards..god those are some terrible jokes..so bad, they ARE funny.
Posted by
char b
@ 01/22/2004 9:12 PM EST
No wonder Alanis wrote that song about Dave Coulier she probaly read those Full House joke cards. Matt if you can get your hands on Fun House the board game you should review it. That game is pretty lame.
Posted by
pikachulover
@ 01/22/2004 9:25 PM EST
As a member of the Nintendo Generation, I didn’t play many board games. I played Monopoly sometimes, and a clone of Monopoly (but not one of the derivatives) based on Railroads (train buff).
Oh, and I also had the TMNT board game with the "flipper" device. I actually had fun with that, if I remember.
Thankfully, I have never had the experience of playing ANY of the five terrible games. Thank god. Though I would love to get my hands on the Tetris game, just for the heck of it!
Posted by
Cameron
@ 01/22/2004 9:30 PM EST
Jared, Matt mentioned Rudy Huxtable in reference to the Tanner girls growing up.
Posted by
ME
@ 01/22/2004 9:52 PM EST
The man who helped bring the world "Nukie," Michael Pakleppa, is now co-directing a live-action version of "The Last Unicorn," with Christopher Lee returning to play the king that he originally voiced in the Rankin-Bass version.
http://imdb.com/title/tt0314301/
http://www.the-last-unicorn.net/
Posted by
ME
@ 01/22/2004 10:13 PM EST
I saw the He-Man game at a local antique store before it went out of buisness. I guess I know why I didn’t pick it up.
Carol the Theologian is right,the doctor who invented Scruples is a fundy nutjob,and I should know,I visited his website.
Posted by
Overlord
@ 01/22/2004 10:17 PM EST
Considering how many board games my family had (and still has - we have a Life game that dates from the mid-80s, before they updated the jobs and added "Life Chips"), the only one of these games I even vaguely recall is the M.U.S.C.L.E game. We never gave that one half a thought, since none of us were into collecting the M.U.S.C.L.E. They tended to get lost and pulled apart too easily, not to mention my youngest sister was still pretty little then and more inclined to eat soft, chewy stuff than stage mock wrestling matches with it.
I’m a bit surprised I don’t remember the "Full House" game. We watched all of the TGIF shows devotedly until the cable was turned off in March 1992 (it wouldn’t be turned back on until fall 2001). Maybe that’s why I have no memory of this. Rebecca was still pregnant the last time I watched the show reguarly. The game looks to me like a "Life" knock off for young kids, complete with the little cars.
I’m no longer as fond of "Full House" as I was as a kid. To put it very kindly, it has NOT dated well. It’s often just too cutesy for its own good. I can’t bring myself to hate it, though. I have too many happy memories of watching that show - it was one of the few things my sisters and I watched together.
Posted by
starwenn
@ 01/22/2004 10:17 PM EST
Does anyone remember the "Do The Urkel" boardgame? Talk about horrid. My friend actually owns this thing. Boy I wonder where Jaleel White’s career is now.
Posted by
Matrixcodex
@ 01/22/2004 10:21 PM EST
I work in a K-B Toys store, so I’ve seen my share is dumb board games.
Matt, are you even aware that there is actually a board game based on eBay itself?! It looked so freakin horrible that I can’t describe it in words!!! The saddest part was, that we had 5 when I started, and they all sold out before Christmas.
And don’t even get me started on the Dr. Laura game. Yes, a DR. LAURA BOARD GAME!!! *insert scary B-Movie music*
(long time lurker, first time poster.)
Posted by
Invader Norbert
@ 01/22/2004 10:39 PM EST
A Full House board game? Somebody better hold me, ’cause I’m afraid.
I’ve seen the eBay board game — if it’s famous for anything, it’s being the game most quickly shifted to the clearance racks. Seriously, it was marked down to 5 bucks within its first month or so around here.
Posted by
Matt
@ 01/22/2004 10:42 PM EST
There is a DVD copy of the Garbage Pail Kids cartoon on Ebay with the movie. Only problem is the cartoon has some Icelandic subtitles.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISA...gory=2294&item=3380964560
Posted by
Jiggle Factor
@ 01/22/2004 10:47 PM EST
Actually The Dude, I recall Michelle NOT being by blood and was actually abandoned on the doorstep in the first episode of Full House. I could be wrong though, as that was a long time ago and I didn’t really pay much attention to anything that wasn’t animated back then…
Sucky board games I have:
-The Simpsons: Don’t Have a Cow Game
-Tamagotchi
Good games with horrible drawbacks:
-13 Dead End Drive. Takes so long to set up, the other players will lose interest by the time you finish.
-The Grape Escape. If a trap is empty and you roll "crank", you choose one player to die and start over (making this game damn near impossible to finish).
Posted by
Rewolf J
@ 01/22/2004 10:49 PM EST
Oh my god, I think I still have that Full House game around here somewhere…
Posted by
Nick F.
@ 01/22/2004 10:54 PM EST
I work(ed) at ToysRUs, and I think the worst game I saw this year was the "Fib Finder" game…its a little lie detector. If I was a kid, I wouldnt want a lie detector in the house. Thats far to risky. "The dog broke the lamp mom I swear!" "Oh yea, well strap this to your arm and we will find out" *shudders* My favorite this year was "Bulls Eye Ball". Actually the game looked really shitty, but theres nothing more entertaining then having people come up to you and tell you that they are looking for "Bulls Balls"
Posted by
Chelsey
@ 01/22/2004 11:58 PM EST
Hey… The eBay board game is actually pretty good. It’s not good for many repeat playings, but it’s worth the $4 you can (could) get it for at Target or WalMart.
Two bad games: Fetch The Ink!, where you play as a dude working in a publishing company (similar to Candy Land).
and
Bee-Safe or Bee-Sorry, a game designed for kids aged 6-8, but the game cards talk about the dangers of pornography, strangers who want to kill you, adult movies on tv, and so on. And this game was made in the ’70s!!
Posted by
Justin
@ 01/23/2004 1:15 AM EST
I had the He-Man game and it was a blast. I don’t know if Matt didn’t read all the directions or what but the coolest feature was th
at some of the spaces made the whole board spin. It’s hard to explain but you could be closing in on the victory when WOOSH the board spins and your way out there. THen again you could be suffering with all these penalties and then woosh up to the front. It added a whole wacky kink to the game.
Posted by
Joe in ATX
@ 01/23/2004 1:18 AM EST
Cameron… that train game you talked about, was that Double Crossing? My dad has it.
Worst game I ever got was the Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego game. I tried to play it once, couldn’t figure it out, and tossed it on the shelf where it’s been sitting for the last 13 years. I seem to remember tons of game pieces and a novel-like instruction manual.
A friend of mine actually has the Dr. Laura game. I refused to actually be in the same room when she opened the box. She also has the board game based on the "For Dummies" books. I forget the name of it, anybody know? The game is absolutely stupid. They should have replaced the word "Dummies" with "Retards." My friend’s grandma is one of those creepy old ladies with lots of cats who goes to every freakin yard sale in the city. She buys almost every board game and pair of shoes she sees. Kinda creeps me out…
Posted by
xtacy
@ 01/23/2004 1:20 AM EST
Joe, you’re sure it’s the same game? I’ve got it right here in front of me, can’t find whatcha talking about.
Though calling this article the "worst five" may have been a bit too promotional: only three of the games are really bad — M.U.S.C.L.E. and He-Man was just things I wanted to fit on the site somewhere.
Posted by
Matt
@ 01/23/2004 1:22 AM EST
Any crappy game fans here want the Carmen Sandiego game? Up for grabs!
Posted by
xtacy
@ 01/23/2004 1:24 AM EST
Now as for a really cool game that I could never finish- Shot Glass Checkers. I think you’re supposed to use beer, not whiskey and vodka. Tried to play it with my friend twice and we never could finish it. It was pretty damn fun though!
Posted by
xtacy
@ 01/23/2004 1:26 AM EST
I remember getting some cheap board games for Christmas. One was called Acrobat. It is like a barrel of monkeys. You had an arch and you hung bats from other bats. The goal was not to make all the bats fall.
Another game I got was spider wars. Each player had his or her side of the vertical board. Your goal was to knock off the other spiders. I also had a Dinosaurs card game. I have no idea what that one was about. “Not the mamma!”
I had the Turtles board game. The dice flipper became a catapult.
Posted by
Fk27
@ 01/23/2004 1:43 AM EST
"Crossfire! You’ll get caught up in the…Cross-FIYAAAA!!" That game rocked.
Anywhoo, with all this recent fish talk, I began a reminiscin’ and a ponderin’ …what ever happened to that chinchilla? Is it dead or just boring?
Posted by
D-d-dave-some
@ 01/23/2004 1:52 AM EST
D-D-Dave, it’s d-d-dead.
The crabs, Siamese fish, cats, GloFish and parrot fishies all live on, though.
Posted by
Matt
@ 01/23/2004 1:56 AM EST
xtacy: Yes, that was Double Crossing. One of my favorite games, actually. Made by Lionel. I don’t know what happened to it, though :( Maybe in the attic?
Posted by
Cameron
@ 01/23/2004 1:57 AM EST
I remember playing that Tetris game at 2am at a friends house way back when it first came out. We couldn’t figure out how to play it either.
That’s not why I’m posting, though.
I have an incredibly old board game called "Exploration" that is based around (I swear) purchasing land drilling rights from around the world and drilling for oil. You put these giant plastic tectonic plates under the board and push a pin through the board to see if you strike a plate. There are magnets in some of the plates, which you can find by doing surveys with iron filings. I have no idea where it came from, but it’s so horrible I can’t help but love it.
Wow. 90210: Twister. Full House: The Board Game. You could get away with that kinda stuff in the 80’s, but during the 90’s, you threw everything out the window. The early 90’s was too weird a time for me to talk about. These games are perfect examples. I used to play the Tetris Board Game a lot, though never knowing what I was doing. I crushed the Game Boy version, but I’d just end up throwing my pieces on the floor and crying into my pillow with said board game. I couldn’t play my Game Boy for days on end. Thanks, Matt, you’ve brought back some harsh memories….
i semi recently aquired some strangee games from my friends yard sale one was BIBLEOPOLY the unholy game where you played with human sacrifices and bought bible chapters with those lives. Whoever had the most worshipers won. The other one was called DINO-MITE and you used cool little dino figures to manuver around the board and avoid tarpits without becoming EXTINCT.
Posted by
reso
@ 01/23/2004 2:08 AM EST
also i need to know what cross fire was the game is so familiar but i cant remember it would someone post what it was.
Posted by
reso
@ 01/23/2004 2:14 AM EST
Kristal- thanks! I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking about that. I brought it up at a friend’s house and they brought up the Blossom example as well. I wouldn’t know, I never watched that show. I swear some other shows dealt with make-out parties, too, but it’s late and I can’t think of anything.
Man, Crossfire. I never came into contact with the game, but I remember the commercial well. I probably could have gone the rest of my life without ever thinking of it again. Thanks, D-d-dave.
Posted by
Rainbowfeet
@ 01/23/2004 2:25 AM EST
Crossfire involved shooting little metal balls ("BB’s?") into a battle arena. That, by default, makes it the coolest game this side of Thunderdome.
Posted by
D-d-dave-some
@ 01/23/2004 2:29 AM EST
Your description of Steph it´s the most near-to-truth.
DJ looks a little like Nadine Janssen
Posted by
Erasmo
@ 01/23/2004 2:34 AM EST
Dont feel like goin through the whole list of posts here…just had to chime in.
The only bad thing I see about the Full House game is the fact its Jesse and Joey sans mullets.
I’m tryin to remember a board game the neighbor kid had when i was young…ya built a castle or a mansion, there were hidden passages maybe? I dunno, i can tell ya it was pretty fun, any game you have to build always rocked. Maybe the game itself was nothing but spin and move, but you got to build.
Crossfire was an OK game. I realize it is pretty popular with the "reminiscing" crowd but I have to wonder how many of those people actually played it. You have the guns, the balls and the little rolly target things. You need to use the balls to get the targets to the opponent’s side. Not as simple as it sounds. Especially after you inevitably start losing the little balls. Pretty soon you have one left and have to take turns with it…
I was watching the tube a bit ago and was reminded of another old game we had. The Hawaiian Punch game. You made little clay dudes (with the included mold) in different colors and that was your playing piece. There was a plastic piece that was the Punchy guy and if you landed on certain spaces Punchy would flatten your dude. You’d have to go back to start and remold.
The worst board game I ever had the misfortune of owning was some stupid sailing game which came complete with cryptic instructions ordering you to throw the dices over and over for like a million times every turn to get authentic wind conditions or something.. and the most boring time ever was had by all. I think we played it only once and that was more than enough..
Posted by
Iivuli
@ 01/23/2004 3:00 AM EST
Worst board game I ever owned is easy—Transformers.
Of course, that’s freakin’ Jenga compared to the Full House game *shudders*
Anyway, speaking of Full House, I used to love Dave Coulier back in the early 80’s when he was the host of Out of Control, which is incidentally where "Cut…it…Out" originated. Odd thing, on Out of Control he was actually FUNNY. When he came to do Full House, he was annoying.
One wonders if Dave Coulier’s complete lack of funny was not so much his fault as his comedic talent getting denied a work visa at the US/Canadian border. I couldn’t believe that jackoff was the same guy that entertained me so much on Nickelodeon back when the network was worth watching and had COOL programs like Out of Control, You Can’t Do That on Television, Turkey TV (Own up to the fact that Ivan Tellalie pwned ur a$$ d00d), Count Duckula and the show that spawned it which was the best of them all, Danger Mouse (how I’d kill for a DM DVD set).
Anyway, those Joey Joke cards were…interesting. And by interesting I mean skin-peelingly bad.
So just letting you guys know that "Cut…it…out" was part of Dave Coulier’s crap excuse for an act years before he was doing it on Full House. I remember watching a rerun of him doing that and after he did "Cut..it…out" I mimicked the same gesture going "You…suck…dick".
Just to amuse meself.
Posted by
Kev
@ 01/23/2004 3:33 AM EST
Yeah, sucks that the cast was saddled with that whole Full House stigma, because they really weren’t too bad in the other roles they’ve had. Bob Saget is particularly misjudged — he actually has a good sense of humor. And Stamos! He was in the Kokomo video!
If I remember correctly, the series wasn’t cancelled so much because of sliding ratings, but because they’d amassed too big of a cast. For a show like that, they had a lot of salaries to hand out. Oh well — when TGIF first started being called that, I used to love Friday nights. The shows were annoying and crappy, but still amazingly watchable, and that two-hour block was a good way to pass the time.
Posted by
Matt
@ 01/23/2004 3:45 AM EST
Sorry, Kev, we may have given America mad cow disease (which is a vastly overblown concern, but this isn’t the time or place to discuss that), but, nope, Dave Coulier is yours (assuming you’re American), not ours. He was born in Detroit, Michigan, USA, which is almost in Canada, but not quite. (Though I’m sure, from his French-Canadian-sounding surname, that he had ancestors migrate from Quebec or Acadia (Atlantic Canada).)
when was it that game boards were invented. i mean past the conventional ones like chess checkers and backgammon. werent like the first ones dont break the ice and catapillar or jumping beans. then they made UNconventional games like puzzlemania where you had to build a puzzle from game cards you found off the board which only consisted of 9 peices
Posted by
reso
@ 01/23/2004 3:51 AM EST
I Return! And an awesome article is bestowed upon me! I just laughed my ass off when i saw full house on the main page. Then the 90210 just made me speechless and i felt depressed and amazed at the same time while looking at it.
My favorite board games were candyland, chutes and ladders, life, monopoly(longest game ever), and uh, thats it… now i must sleep.
(”(@_@)”) Rawr!
Posted by
heeloyd
@ 01/23/2004 5:24 AM EST
Wow, that Tetris Board Game looks amazing. They should make a Video Tetris Board Game. That would be so cool. Actually, no, it wouldn’t, but, whatever.
Anyway, does anyone remember when the movie Jumangi (I think that’s how it’s spelled, but i’m not sure) came out, someone thought of the great idea to release an actual Jumangi game? I never actually saw the game in stores or anything, but I remember seeing commercials for it. It was just like the game was in movie or the book, only without all the wild animals coming to life and trying to eat the players. Either the people who designed the game were too stupid to realize that that’s the only thing that makes the game even remotely interesting or they were just hoping to con really little kids into thinking wild animals really would try to eat them.
Posted by
gmfbrown
@ 01/23/2004 6:27 AM EST
Oh My God… Remember in Amelie when she finally figures out who the bald dude is and the light flashes over her and she orgasms and floods the entire train station? I just had that shit happen!
OK, as a kid who played extensively with M.U.S.C.L.E.S. and who, like Matt, ditched them when they started turning purple, and actually got mad when they turned neon, I thought I knew all there was to know about them. I’ve even read most of the articles on X-E about them… I think. But one HUGE fact has somehow escaped me.
M.U.S.C.L.E.S. are Japanese spawned creepers! Not only that, but they’re based on the Muscleman Comic, which is fucking hugely known in Japan. On the picture in this article, Muscleman even has the Kanji for "muscle" right on his forehead!
The only reason I caught this was because some of the kids pulled out old copies of the comic today, by chance, before i logged on to read this new article. This is like crazy ass coincidence after coincidence. Fuck, i’ve got to re-scan the site now. Am I the only one who assumed M.U.S.C.L.E.S. were from the states?
Also, every Japanese person I know likes Full House.
am I the only one here in Japan? It seems unlikely… but possible i suppose.
I love my M.U.S.C.L.E. figures. I went home last year for my brother’s wedding and was looking through some of my old junk and they seem to be scattered evenely in every box and drawer that holds my old memories. Along with Garbage Pail Kids and Star Wars Micro Machines.
By The way, I really liked the M.U.S.C.L.E. Nintendo game. That was the Smash Brothers of the time at our house.
Posted by
Stilewalker
@ 01/23/2004 8:15 AM EST
Stilewalker, do a search for MUSCLE on the main page. I actually reviewed that game. Wasn’t a huge fan, but the characters were fun.
Posted by
Matt
@ 01/23/2004 8:18 AM EST
holy crap, is that a gang-style execution happening on the front of the 90210 box!?
and yeah, dave coulier is from detroit. i know a couple people who swear they’ve knocked on his door, or seen him at the gorcery store or whatnot. i hope i never run into him…
Posted by
urquidez
@ 01/23/2004 8:36 AM EST
If Full House earned a board game why didn’t "Perfect Strangers" have a board game? The show was a million times better. Imagine assuming the role of Balki or that cocaine and speed freak known as cousin Larry. I could see dozens of "Don’t be rediculous!!!" strewn across the board. I guess the goal of the game would be to score with Jennifer or Mary Ann. How did Larry have a hot girlfriend? Larry seems like the type who would get busted with child pornography. I recently found out that Mark Lynn Baker (Larry) is currently starring in a musical based on the popular Frog and Toad books. How fucked up is that??
When I was a kid, I loved the Far Side. I got the first (at least, I’m pretty sure it was the first) "collection" book, which featured a rare picture of Gary Larson himself on the back cover. He was sorta obscured by hiding behind a plant, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was indeed Larry from "Perfect Strangers."
So, at the time, I thought "Perfect Strangers" starred the guy who drew "The Far Side."
Kids are dumb.
Posted by
Matt
@ 01/23/2004 8:46 AM EST
Crossfire….?
Is it anything like crossbows and catapults?
Crossbows and catapults was a game were two players built a castle on opposite sides of the room, on top of a little mat, with a picture of a throne on it. The object was to knock down the opponents castle with a toy crossbow or catapult until you could see the other guys throne under the rubble of his castle. It was great. Dangerous though. I remember one day we superchraged the crossbow with like the tightest rubber band ever and nearly put holes in the wall. Made the game one sided too.
Kev, there is a Dangermouse box set for sale. I found it a year ago in Melbourne for like 70$ Aus (50$ US). It was NTSC only too so it must be available in the states.
Posted by
Damien
@ 01/23/2004 9:08 AM EST
someone up there mentioned the garfield boardgame, which my grandmother had, and the point was to collect lasagna.
Another terrible boardgame was the ghostbusters game because you had to set up an entire fake cardboard haunted house before you could actually play, but it was actually a reallycool game with interactive background peices and stuff. what an awesome game…. I actually remembered it being horrible, but now that I’ve described it, I wish i still had it.
Posted by
chad
@ 01/23/2004 9:09 AM EST
Damien — not really, but that’s a good one too. I guess the best way to describe Crossfire is like an insane version of air hockey. They still make it, btw.
Posted by
Matt
@ 01/23/2004 9:11 AM EST
That’s a scary thought Matt…By the way did you check out my link? KICK ASS video games remixes and remakes!!! Highly recommended!!!
Posted by
phunqsauce
@ 01/23/2004 9:12 AM EST
oh and Matt, I think you should can that side little section… I always read the newest article, and then the blog, and I’m betting that’s what everyone else does as well. I think you should put the all star articles up in that section instead, and make the list a little longer.
I really liked when you would pull a classic article from the vault on the last design… that was cool too.
Just some suggestions to fill the gap.
Posted by
chad
@ 01/23/2004 9:16 AM EST
Yeah, I think I’ll take your advice on that one. There’s a lot of older articles that I’d like to "clean up" a bit — won’t change the text now (I’d rather them suck and be as they were, y’know?), but a lot of the older stuff has bad images that I can do cleaner versions on now….not to mention a hundred articles that I can add com downloads for.
Posted by
Matt
@ 01/23/2004 9:18 AM EST
Speaking of elusive cartoonists, Bill Watterson lives in Chagrin Falls, OH which is 5 minutes down the street from me. Since he hasn’t made any known public appearances for years people aren’t sure what he looks like. I think its cool that the guy wrote illustrated and wrote Calvin and Hobbes,which i think was easily one of the greatest comic strips of all time, lives down the road from me. I wonder why he is so secretive and bitter?
Oh yeah, I just found out they are making a live action GARFIELD movie!!! WHAT THE FUCK??? Bill Murray will voice the fat ass orange bastard since Lorenzo Music is no longer with us…R.I.P Lorenzo
I’ve seen a picture of him — from what I could tell, he looks amazingly like Calvin’s dad.
Posted by
Matt
@ 01/23/2004 9:25 AM EST
Maybe someone can help me identify an old board game that was advertised all over TV in the 80s. I wanted the shit out of this game when I was a kid, but never got it.
It was a "spy"-themed game, perhaps having something to do with finding "double agents." The gimmick with this one was a plastic-cased electronic device that you put in the middle of the board and it talked (or beeped?) to you, gave you instructions…. maybe even told you how many spaces to move?
There were two games for girls with this same gimmick from about the same time– one in which the hunk "calls" the girl on the electronic "phone" ("You’re right! I have a crush on you!"). The other was based on a mall, where the pink electronic device would help players complete a shopping list by blipping out things like "Sale at the shoe store!"
When I saw commercials for these two games I remember thinking how they were such rip-offs of the "spy game," how the game I wanted was obviously the greatest talking game of all.
Anyone remember this?
Posted by
SuperLurker
@ 01/23/2004 9:29 AM EST
I’d have to say the game with the WORST box art(i know i’m off subject kinda) is the classic Pop-o-matic game Yipes!!! It featured the mummy, wolfman, dracula, and frankenstein. Oh man, the expressions on their faces were funny but incredibly disturbing, especially Drac. He looked like he wanted to jump out and rape me!!! I was scarred for life…Although at the time I found the count on Sesame Street to be extremely terrifying. I almost shit my pants everytime I saw that bastard appear on screen. I’m not really sure what was the scariest thing about him. It was either his insane laughter or his purple skin, maybe it was his razorsharp portruding nose. His eyes were menacing and he had FANGS!!!! Well I’m glad I grew out of that phase…….
I always thought the most unwinnable game was Dizzy Dizzy Dinosaur. Every time you have 3 cave men stacked up nice and straight the bastard would knock you down. It’s kinda like life, except with a wind up dinosaur…. Well not Life the board game, life the life… you know what I mean?
Posted by
Trippy the 8th Dwarf
@ 01/23/2004 9:51 AM EST
if you do take my advice Matt, that column better be called "the CHAD Column" or my attorneys will be in touch…
you should probably be more worried if I knew how the hell to spell attourney… attorney?
Posted by
chad
@ 01/23/2004 9:58 AM EST
I always thought D.J. from Full House was hot.
Posted by
gabro
@ 01/23/2004 11:16 AM EST
Damn it Trippy, just by writing "dizzy dizzy dinosaur" you got the worst possible theme song ever to get stuck in your head to slap me across the face… that’s right:
Denver… the last Dino-SAUR! He’s your friend and a whole lot more!
I’m sure there’s an equally aggrivating Denver the last Dinosaur Board Game. It undoubtedly involved trying to be an inconspicuous blue-green dinosaur who wears a giant trenchcoat and cruises around on a skateboard.
Someone mentioned the "Don’t play with strangers" board game up there. I had several board games and no matter who came over to my house, they would ALWAYS ask to play THAT one. I never figured out why, and I never will.
Posted by
Mars
@ 01/23/2004 11:54 AM EST
On Full House, did anyone else notice that Kimmy looked kinda like Sandra Bernhard?
Posted by
kingklash
@ 01/23/2004 11:58 AM EST
Got the Jurassic Park Board game floating around. It’s got really neat little dinosaur pieces. Only prob with it is that it is impossible to win when you play as anyone but the dinosaurs, so it’s a little one sided.
But there is something perversly satisfying about enicircling Newman with velociraptors…..
oh and invader norbet, if it’s too horrible for words please at least post some pictures somewhere i’m dying to know how the ebay board game worked. What was the goal? To rip off all the other players until you had all the money?
Posted by
Damien
@ 01/23/2004 12:01 PM EST
Rainbowfeet - I have always wondered about the mystical "make out party" as well. I know that Blossom went to one too (memories of her and Six and turtlenecks).
As for the Full House "orgy", Gia certainly looked as though she was enjoying herself! I remember thinking she was a lil slut and that Steph was tight with no tits.
Posted by
Kristal
@ 01/23/2004 12:02 PM EST
Haha Matt, I just like that you managed to mention "Charles In Charge". That show had one of teh worst theme songs ever, and I love it for that…Oh, for anyone who cares (Duck, I’m lookin at you,) the Bowie concert was awesome! I’ve now heard Rebel Rebel and Ziggy Stardust performed live, so my life is now complete.
Posted by
Gabbylicious
@ 01/23/2004 12:27 PM EST
Dave Coulier is from Detroit. I could have SWORN the guy was Canadian. He looks Canadian, he acts Canadian, he talks Canadian. Hmm. I suppose I should have been tipped off by the fact that most Canadian comedians and comediennes are funny and Dave is not, at least not after 1985.
I stand corrected.
Posted by
Kev
@ 01/23/2004 12:43 PM EST
The best game ever that wasn’t a video game was Baboon Ball. My brother had it and it actually didn’t break for a month or so
I hate Joey on Full House. His stupid jokes make me want to attack my ear drums with toothpicks. Worst is his stupid "cut-it-out" thing. Although it was kind of funny when him and jessie were doing advertising together and they did the cat food commercial with the cats coming out of a briefcase.
Our frickin heater broke tonight. It is 12:40 am and we have a man from the gas co. in our cellar fixing it and probably making $1,000 an hour. And my dog in his infinite wisdom and thinking he needs to protect the world is barking like a nutcase.
90210 Entangler has got to be the most painful game in the world. Well, at least it would be painful if both one’s given name and one’s surname also coincidentally happen to be the names of major characters on that show. (I get so much 90210 crap if I do vanity searches for myself.)
About Full House: it’s a show I enjoyed as a young teenager, hated as an older teenager, but now, at 29, I find myself having an overall positive view of the series in retrospect, because, while the laugh track was indeed obnoxious, that was just par for the course for ABC sitcoms of the era besides The Wonder Years, and I recognize a sincerity a lot of other family-oriented sticoms lacked, including Step By Step, also from Miller/Boyett Productions. And I do respect that they only ever used the Olsen twins (whom, believe it or not, are fraternal twins, not identical twins as is widely assumed) to play Michelle from the first episode to the last episode. The baby didn’t magically age five-to-ten-years soon after it was born (hello, Andrew Keaton on Family Ties… or, for that matter, Molly O’Brien on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, though there may have been a wormhole incident involved there; I forget, and I know of no sort of computer network which might have limitless repositories of Star Trek information which I could easily check). And, yeah, I like the theme song. Coulier did ruin Venkman though.
I wrote to Gary Larson for an autograph, and got only his picture back in return. He was a bald guy with a rattlesnake on his desk.
Posted by
Lando Fett
@ 01/23/2004 1:28 PM EST
Anybody remember the Babysitters’ Club Game? I practically begged for it back in the early 90s. I don’t exactly remember the "board game" part of it, but I think it was sort of like "Trivial Pursuit" for the BSC books, which seem to have completely disappeared from bookshelves in recent years.
Posted by
MRNonCCN
@ 01/23/2004 1:53 PM EST
Bob Sagat is actually pretty funny. He had a funny part in Half Baked and directed Dirty Work. He just got stuck with the super nice guy image and ran with it to make money. I have heard him on Howard Stern talking about how much he hated doing Full House and America’s Funniest Home videos.
Posted by
Brian
@ 01/23/2004 2:04 PM EST
Contrary to Matt’s claim, not ALL of the actors’ careers died with the show…
John Stamos now makes a living doing B’way shows from time to time. That’s right kids; if you time it right, you can see Uncle Jesse LIVE - and singing! Awhile ago he was the emcee in Cabaret, and more recently he starred in Nine (which just closed). Sadly, I did not get to see him in either role. Can’t wait to see what he pops up in next, but whatever it is, I am so there.
Posted by
RU Hungry?
@ 01/23/2004 2:41 PM EST
Matt - That review of M.U.S.C.L.E. was one of the first things I read when I found your site. In retrospect, I agree it was not a great game, but it really clicked with us. We had a great time with the different moves, and especially the third "electric" level where the ropes of the arena where electrified.
I love Crossbows and Catapults. I still have that game tucked away up north. My brother and I would play that game for hours. I also had a cowboy and indian playset that was huge. It had one of those plastic terrain maps that was about 6′x8′ and plastic mountains and hills for the indians and a cool fort for the cowboys. We would set up all of the figures, then get rubberbands for bullets and arrows. You had to shoot it from whichever figure was shooting and knock over your opponent. There were about 35-45 figures per side, so it was quite fun! Occasionally there was a rift in the temperal flux and the cowboys and indians would be attacked by the knights.
Posted by
Stilewalker
@ 01/23/2004 2:59 PM EST
John Stamos is my hero.
"STAAAMOOOOS!!" -C.J. Scudworth
Posted by
Kim
@ 01/23/2004 3:18 PM EST
holy holy shit. Kim… I love you. All this talk on the blog, and no mention of prom king STAAAAAMMMMOOOOOOSSSS.
You rock
Posted by
chad
@ 01/23/2004 3:21 PM EST
Sweet 111th post. I doth rock.
Posted by
Mickey the Mubling Midget
@ 01/23/2004 3:32 PM EST
MRN, i remember the babysitters club game! i havent thought about that in years, but yeah, i begged for it too. i also had a claudia doll and the official fan club cassette tape. *blushes in shame*
also, i had the phone game and the mall game mentioned earlier, i think it was called…"mall madness"? another interesting game i owned was this little truth or dare game for girls where, if you refused to do the dare, you had to put a…pimple-sticker on your face. god, what was wrong with us as kids?
Posted by
amber
@ 01/23/2004 3:32 PM EST
Alright - first time ever posting here after visiting the site for over a year but seeing someone from Chagrin Falls aka "The Bubble" was too much to pass up.
Bill Waterson did indeed grow up there and was the kind of kid you’d find hung up on a locker by his underwear. Guess that explains why he’s such an introvert. The jerk.
Posted by
Archbishop Don
@ 01/23/2004 3:32 PM EST
I always liked the funky board games that you got in magazines or on cereal boxes or that Star Trek game on the early Happy Meal. One of the best is the Madman game from Wizard where if you land on the square for the Silver Surfer-type character, you have to run around the room like you’re flying for about five minutes. And make the "Whooosh"-ing noises all the while. Someone make a X-E board game already!
Posted by
kingklash
@ 01/23/2004 3:35 PM EST
The sale at the shoe store game was Mall Madness.
I had the babysitter’s club game but there were actually two the trivia one and the mystery one. I had both the mystery one was like a stoneybrook version of clue but not as good the trivia was fun. BSC licensed all sorts of stuff around that time. I even remember having some wierd reading light that clipped onto the books.
Posted by
Shelly
@ 01/23/2004 3:40 PM EST
I used to have a shopping game but it wasn’t Mall Madness. This game was from the early 80’s and you shopped. I can’t remember much about game play but I remember every person got a thick plastic "charge card" (back when such things were mystical items to kids) and there was this big ass charge card machine and when you wanted to make a purchase you put the card on the machine and slide the lever and the little roller things would eithger say "accepted" or "declined" (or similar). I took the card machine apart once because I was desperate to know what made it work (magnets pretty much- it was completely random). I miss that game.
Has anyone seen the animated Far Side? It was a TV special here in the US, but was only released on video in the UK.
Posted by
ME
@ 01/23/2004 4:00 PM EST
I have. Actually meant to review it, never got around to it. It’s "interesting," though much more surreal than clever or funny. I don’t think it translated all that well, to be honest.
Posted by
Matt
@ 01/23/2004 4:02 PM EST
Well at least someone saw it, Matt.
America’s Funniest People was one of the worst shows ever. There are a lot of Coulier related sites. Here are some:
Official
http://www.cutitout.net/
http://www.icmtalent.com/musperf/profiles/70029.html
http://gazette.bigt83.com/issue25/dave_coulier.shtml
http://people.clemson.edu/~hclay/Dave.html
http://www.amiannoying.com/2001/view.asp?ID=2374
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dave+coulier
http://queervote.com/people/c_coulier_Dave.htm
Posted by
ME
@ 01/23/2004 4:10 PM EST
I’m literally cracking up just at the sight of that first URL. Haven’t even clicked. Nothing can compare to the build-up of cutitout.net.
Posted by
Matt
@ 01/23/2004 4:12 PM EST
RU-I saw John Stamos as Emcee in Cabaret and he was actually really wonderful! I met him afterwards and he was one of the warmest, friendliest people I have ever met.
Posted by
Emily
@ 01/23/2004 4:15 PM EST
Who Would You Kill On Full House?
http://www.whowouldyoukill.com/fullhouse.html
Posted by
ME
@ 01/23/2004 4:16 PM EST
DAMIEN!!!! i know the game you are talking abouT!!!!!! down here in Greece we had that game and it was amazing!!! i still have it down in the basement…. here it is called Castles and Siege and it had all those amazing viking and barbarian figures…. each team had a crossbow (which as you said we fitted with a very tight rubber band) and destroyed each others walls that protected the castle!!!!! in fact.. i once used an machbox katapelt for cars which had amazing power…. but tnat is not all… the game had extra heroes that were sold seperatlty like the Minotaur and the Cyclops!!! and the Trojan Horse!!!! (i kid you not) and a Green Dragon and each of those was used as a catapelt or a croosbow!!!!!!! one of the most amazing games ever although not technicly a "board game" …. i’ll try to find pics….
p.s. (matt i am browsing your site for like 3 years now this is tha fisrt time i’m communicating all tha way from Athens Greece congrats you are the greatest, people look at me at my job in tha bank laughing my ass of at yous articles and wonder why…. as the ancient Greeks said… makarii i ptohi to pnevmati… happy those who dont know…..)
Posted by
Triple Zombie
@ 01/23/2004 5:12 PM EST
Does anyone remember "Turn the Terrible Tank"? That game rocked!!!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISA...?ViewItem&item=3171025509
Posted by
Joe
@ 01/23/2004 5:22 PM EST
i remember "mall madness" — i was mad that i didn’t get it (i knew of someone who had the game, it was cool back in the early 90’s) have another game called "meet me at the mall" — same idea, but not as cool
jumanji was released (i think) in 94/95 and starred robin willams and kirsten dunst — was rather odd and frightening (for a nine/ten year old, very creepy) — more can be said at imdb.com by all means
big fan of full house back in the day for some reason, i remeber the "don’t smoke drugs cuz they’re bad" — steph was using crayons to "show" how cool she was if she "smoked" (it was a rather odd episode) — i always liked dj’s boyfriend steve (he sounds EXACTLY like aladdin)
i would definately kill michelle tanner (olsen twins are byproducts of the devil and should be burned…grr…they’re eighteen and they make money from selling sheety movies and crappy clothes at wal mart…)
fyi: love this site (very random but still enjoyable for a college student to read)
Posted by
happybunnydemon
@ 01/23/2004 5:23 PM EST
turn the terrible tank, turn the terrible tank. The terrible tank is headed for you!
Posted by
kingklash
@ 01/23/2004 5:39 PM EST
I am ashamed to admit that we own the 90210 twister game. Even more ashamed to say that I have played it. I will accept my punishment now.
Blimey! Tetrus bord game? That must have been a card board blood bath.
Matt, I’ve read almost all of the articles on the site, and I don’t remember ever seeing one about those sticker books that you filled by buying little packs of stickers that you could collect to fill in the sticker book. When I was reading about the pocket rockers, it reminded me of those because the little vending area at my backwoods school sold the books and stickers, and kids would buy the packs of stickers like mad. I even had one that was hockey-themed even though I hate sports. They also had a Nintendo Mario/Zelda one (back in the days of 8-bit) and I seem to recall a She-Ra one too, amongst the millions of themes that had their own book.
Also, it’s true that DJ wasn’t too annoying (compared to the others) but I totally hate her now when I catch a rerun, just because Candace Cameron’s brother is Kirk and I can only think about what a dink her brother is.
Posted by
Molten
@ 01/23/2004 6:51 PM EST
Me and my brother actually had a pair of some of the strangest, crappiest board games ever. I’m not sure if they were based off of larger, more legitamate board games but they came in the form of little audio cassettes. The one I had I could swear was a knock-off of Mall Madness berevified for the tiny size of the board.
Now you may wonder "if it came in the shape of an audio cassette, what’s the dealie with the board? That thing must have been microscopic!".
And you’d be wondering with great panache indeed. The board itself was hard plastic that tri-folded up and stored into the centre of the cassette-shaped holder. You’d supposedly "flick" the tape in your hand to extend the board. In a compartment on the top of the tape were some magnetic round peices. And there was a button I’m pretty sure that if you pressed it, made the tape wheels spin, acting as dice for the game.
You don’t get much more 80’s stylin’ than a board game that’s stored in a shrunk-down audio cassette. What made it awful? There was no place to properly store the instructions, and for an eight-year-old the rules for both games were incredibly convoluted. So that bombed once I lost the instructions.
Am I the only one that’s hair-tearingly afraid of that live action Last Unicorn remake? I have pristine clouded-over memories of that movie from when I went to my first proper birthday party for my friends’ sixth birthday or so (proper being watching cartoons, playing Twister, eating McDonalds and tri-colour jello bars, and getting a treat bag full of actually awesome little toys. Nothing else really rated on the cool-ometer without that combination of things when I was a kid).
Though I think I might have just been turned off by the badness that live action movies can do to something that was meant to be in a different format. Or vice versae if you consider the animated Lord of the Rings movie.
I myself never liked Full House. I didn’t like the result of that huge mutation of a family living together experiencing bad drama and sharing awful jokes. Plus I think I used the word "bimbo" for the first time in reference to DJ. I really hated DJ. The character, not the actress of course.
Though I wasn’t into the stuff the other kids were into, so I can’t dig too hard on people who did like it. Like New Kids (I’m pretty sure I swerved playing a board game based on them at a birthday party once), Babysitter’s Club, Sweet Valley High, or the other teenybopper type franchises I was just a bit too young to understand.
This is the trouble when you have to share everything with a brother who’s at least two years older than you are. You get stuff that’s way too advanced/crazy for you.
Posted by
Tonnica
@ 01/23/2004 8:13 PM EST
The board game I remember most from my childhood was this one game involving penguins that you had to get from one iceberg to another and float them around, but a big polar bear could eat them. "Polar Dare," I think it was called.
YAY! Matt reviewed the Tetris board game! Nice!
Posted by
Freezair
@ 01/23/2004 8:22 PM EST
Sheesh, Matt…twelve comments in one thread?
Shouldn’t you be working on updating the site or something like that?
Posted by
Paul
@ 01/23/2004 8:35 PM EST
OK, there was this game I had that I can’t remember the name of. I am inclined to wonder if it was a local monstrosity because I also don’t remember seeing commercials of it as a kid and when I got it as a gift was kind of surprised because I’d never heard of it. It was sort of like a tabletop foosball or arcade hockey game but with dolphins. Yes, dolphins. And they were playing I guess it was a cross between soccer and basketball (my memory is very vague here). There were two teams of dolphins and I seem to remember a high up net, though that could just be my stupidity. I do remember having a goal tending dolphin that squeaked when it moved side to side. The other dolphins were set into the little pool-ish playinhg area and you’d push a little lever on your side and the dolpin would pop up a bit and nudge the ball. It was out around the same time as Baboon Ball but I can remember Baboon Ball being about hockey playing Congo rejects. This was definitely dolphins. There was a little white fence around the playing area and stickers.
Not as good as Pig Pong, though. Nothing will ever be as good as Pig Pong.
I had both the Sweet Valley High and the Babysitter’s Club games. The SVH was far superior. We actually enjoyed playing it, whereas the BSC was played once and tossed under the couch.
Did anyone else have Fireball Island? It was a relatively large game made out of raised moulded plastic about seven inches high in the center, where the volcano was. You went around the board and occasionally the other players would get to push a marble out of the volcano and hope to hit you.
I got it for Christmas one year and my mother has never let me forget the hassel she went through to find it. Especially since I only played it once or twice.
Posted by
allicat
@ 01/23/2004 9:02 PM EST
Does anyone remember the game Date Phone, or something like that? You had this monsterous pink phone and it would ring with some guy saying he liked you? Even way back then I realized that the guys were gay and could care less if they liked me or not. I played it once and tossed it under my bed where it wasn’t seen again till we moved.
Posted by
Stacey
@ 01/23/2004 9:10 PM EST
happybunnydemon-
The reason why "Steve" sounded like Aladdin is because… he was.
Scott Weinger:
http://imdb.com/name/nm0918334/
Posted by
Rainbowfeet
@ 01/23/2004 9:43 PM EST
Hmmm, Triple Zombie, I don’t think that was quite the same thing but it sounds like more fun. It sounds like you had a much better catapult (the one in crossbows is shiteworthy).
Dizzy Dizzy dinosaur. I still have it. I’m staring at it right now. It was great, but a family friend broke it when she tried to fold the board back the wrong way and snapped it in half. The dinosaur couldn’t role over the board with all that masking tape after that. Sob. Dinosaur still works but.
I’ve got loads of others, but most of the games I owned were pretty good. About the most obscure one was cat burglar, where you had to get into a safe and steal a gem without setting off the alarm.
Posted by
Damien
@ 01/23/2004 10:06 PM EST
Allicat- my brother had Fireball Island. It was a dull game for sure. It’s kind of amusing to see that mine weren’t the only parents who would tell you what hell they went through to get a gift. I remember WAY back one year for mybirthday I wanted Mr. Mouth (the original NON-FROG version, was a yellow head) and my father searched aall over to find it. He ended up getting it at a Toys R Us in EBF because we had no Toys R Us close by in those days.
Speaking of…anyone remember the game Cat’s Eye where there was the thing full of marbles and four cat trays and you had to fill up the tray with marbles and the only cat’s eye?
Did anyone else play Guess Who?
God, I seriously loved that game. It was so fucking simple, but you felt like Sherlock Holmes when you won. Not to mention the fact that the cartoon pieces talked on the commercial, so you could totally associate them as being real people.
If you think that the jingle for Dizzy Dizzy Dinosaur gets to your head bad, you have not yet experienced the commercial "Pretty Pretty Princess"…with Gwendolyn, the ruler of the entire universe!!!
BTW: Do you remember "Tales of the Crystals", aka the D&D for young girls?
Posted by
Carol the Theologian
@ 01/23/2004 10:59 PM EST
Strangely enough, I once had to endure the horror of the "Full House" board game once when I was 7 and my mom took me to a friends house and her daughter forced me to play…. well it was either that or sitting on the floor waiting to leave…I think I should have chosen the floor
Posted by
The Blue Meanie
@ 01/23/2004 11:15 PM EST
Guess Who was neat, though the Duh factor was upped when the commercial had the disclaimer "Faces do not talk" on it. I did remember the Hawaiian Punch game. Making the little guy was fun in itself. Monopoly and Life, however, were the top cause of major sib fights.
In college, I spent my freshman year playing Mancala instead of studying Bio 101. I got an A- anyway…
I’ve found the place of Games that Sucketh:
http://www.educationalmedia.com/
Posted by
Carol the Theologian
@ 01/23/2004 11:19 PM EST
sorry..I was busy staring at that chick in pink on the right side of the screen. Anyway, I think that 90210 game looks scary. Hold me.
mondo coolers
Posted by
:)
@ 01/24/2004 1:11 AM EST
i think you should do somethin on either the tv show biker mice from mars, or cadillacs and dinosaurs. theyre both memorable epics of my younger years.
Posted by
Ryder
@ 01/24/2004 1:11 AM EST
You want to talk boring board games? Look around for a United Nations Game from the early ’60s, players moved their tokens around the board and drew cards, each with a nation’s name it. I think the game ended when every nation’s seat was full and one player had a majority share. If the players were patient enough to get to that point!
Posted by
Lute Skywatcher
@ 01/24/2004 1:50 AM EST
I had the little cassette-shaped magnetic board game things, just like Tonnica up there. I mainly used the built-in spinner to make its cool sound, which I interpreted as a warp sound or the sound of a laser gun whenever I was playing pretend with stuff.
Posted by
Mars
@ 01/24/2004 3:07 AM EST
I think that "Mouse Trap" had an inherent design flaw that made it one of the worst board games ever: building the damn thing was so much fun it made actually playing the "game" unnecessary. I can honestly say, as an owner of the game since the 80’s, that I’ve never ONCE played a single game. However, on Saturday afternoons, after the ‘toons, I probably built that contraption on the living room floor at least fifty times… Alone…
During American Gladiators…
Gemini?
Posted by
D-d-dave-some
@ 01/24/2004 4:01 AM EST
D-d-dave-some just gave me an A-A-Awesome idea:
Construction toys that focus on the type of fun messing with Mouse Trap provides
Posted by
Rewolf J
@ 01/24/2004 4:15 AM EST
We used to use the Mousetrap board with GI Joes. It was an elaborate trap machine thing set up by Cobra and the Joes kept getting their dumb asses stuck in it. =)
Pitifully, I never played with G.I. Joes. So I’ll just imagine it was Galvatron saying, "The trap is set! Here comes the net!"
In the same vein as "Grape Escape" was a game called "Splat." (I think.) It involved Play-Doh bugs for playing pieces that would get "splatted" if a certain card was drawn. I played, and enjoyed, it with my little sister even when I was a bad-ass 16 year-old.
"You can’t get away from IT! It. From. ThePIT!!"
Posted by
D-d-dave-some
@ 01/24/2004 4:52 AM EST
Whoa, I’m late. Some points I’d like to make:
- Good jeorb as always, Matt.
- I don’t think I ever even played the MUSCLE game, but I remember being excited about owning it. I mean, NEON characters!
- I could’ve sworn there was another He-Man board game that was much better quality. The cardboard figures were actually cut-outs and the game involved the characters carrying gray, plastic swords. I remember me and my friends would just do away with the cardboard cut-outs and use the action figures. Especially since the swords fit their hands.
- I owned the Transformers board game, but me and my brothers never played it. It was so big and confusing that the idea of opening it caused brain hemmoraging.
- Carol the Theologian: Funny you talk about that Guess Who ad. There was some documentary (I think on HBO) when I was younger where they were talking about commercials and/or kids. It’s all fuzzy to me. But they talked about Guess Who and these kids were complaining about how the cards don’t talk like they do on the commercial and how upset they were over it. And I watched it, maybe a year or two older than them, wondering what the hell was their problem.
Sure enough, months later, they added the line about cards not being able to talk. Cripes.
- I got a kick out of the DJ from Full House/DJ Cat line. This is because my brother always called her "DJ Fat" as a joke.
- On a trip to Mexico about ten years ago, I remember seeing DJ Cat’s show on TV. Only it was in Spanish. And not as in dubbed, but as in with Mexican actors.
The most bizarre and awesome thing I’ve seen since French Alf.
Posted by
Gavok
@ 01/24/2004 5:02 AM EST
…Dear God. Dear, dear God.
Joey Joke Cards?
I don’t think I can live on a planet that produced Joey-f’ing-Tanner Joke Cards.
I…I’m going to go cry now.
Posted by
TheNovak
@ 01/24/2004 5:24 AM EST
Hey guys, He-Man is about to die, and we don’t have a bad board game from the new line yet! Please do your part to save He-Man! Go to this webpage for more details: http://geocities.com/jt_carter/80s/
Posted by
Jason
@ 01/24/2004 9:50 AM EST
Man, you guys got to "Mouse Trap" before me. I lost or broke all the pieces before I ever got to play, but since I was an only child and didn’t have anybody to play board games with, I was a videogamer anyway. Couple of things real quick:
I was never really into the M.U.S.C.L.E. figures, mainly because I would buy a new WWF figure every week, but I did have a championship belt thing that had holders on each of the little plastic "plates" for the M.U.S.C.L.E. figures. We used to wrestle in backyards (before it was trendy), and I remember that belt being one of the most realistic toy belts of it’s time, and I don’t remember what happened to it. I think I lost it in a match.
Second, my ex and I always used to play Monopoly. We had about 12 different versions of it, including a couple of the "Late for the sky productions" knockoffs. Here’s a quick list… the bitch still has them all, so I don’t know how accurate it is.
Monopoly
Simpsons Monopoly
Wizard of Oz Monopoly
Disney Monopoly
.Com Monopoly*
Pokemon Monopoly**
Powerpuff Girls Monopoly***Star Wars Episode One Monopoly
The 60’s
Whoville-opoly
Make-Your-Own-Opoly
I think there was more, but I can’t think of them. Anyways, the ones with the asteriks have special rules as follows
* a Mr. Monopoly (that still sounds weird, why did they change his name from "Rich Uncle Pennybags?") token could be used, i think it was if you roll doubles or something, you could put it on a spot that you don’t want to pay rent on or something like that.
** When you rolled doubles, you could battle an opposing player for a property they own, provided they don’t have a monopoly on that color. you would each roll one die, and whoever had the higher roll won the battle
*** Cutout villan pieces, although I don’t remember what they were for.
Anyways, I also have that VCR WrestleMania game. We couldn’t really figure out the instructions, but I was like 6 at the time (the clips are from the time of wrestlemania 4).
Perfection was a cool game, but them pieces hurt when you step on them barefoot.
I had a game a long long time ago with the SuperFriends or something like that. I don’t really remember much, there were plastic pieces and I think buildings or something, anybody know what I’m talking about?
This is getting long. I’ll shut up for this post.
How I would kill Danny Tanner off (X-E extended version, yay!)
After coming home from a long day at work on "Wake Up San Fransisco," Danny reaches for his favorite sponge, getting ready to wash the sink for the 7 billionth time today, when the sponge, tired of getting chemical burns from all that bleach, comes to life and spits the bleach in Danny"s face. Blinded by the bleach in his eyes, he reaches around to find the sink, so that he can rinse his eyes out, but instead, sticks his hand in the garbage disposal. Joey comes home to find Danny bleeding all over the kitchen. "Danny," Joey says, "You"re messing up your kitchen. Cut - it - out." Seconds later, he realizes that Danny is hurt, and doesn’t know what to do. The kids are all at school, so they can’t help, so he yells out Jesse’s name. He figures that Jesse is in the basement, so he decides to go look, but alas, the red light is on. So he dials his operator and asks the number for 911. She laughs, not at what she figures is a joke, but at Joey’s stupidity. So Joey figures out the number on his own and calls. The dispatcher recognizes his voice and says "hey, you’re that weasel from TV." Joey talks to her in the weasel voice, then his bullwinkle voice, and then his popeye voice. Then sees that Danny has fallen to the ground and asks the dispatcher to send an ambulance. The paramedics arrive on the scene, but alas, Joey’s terrible comedy routine took too long and Danny had already bled to death. The end.
Hey Matt, I have this domain that I don’t have any clue what to do with, it’s toyaction.net. I figure you could use it for that "action figure theatre" thing you do. If you want it, you can have it, you just have to pay the transfer fees. Otherwise I’m probably just going to sell it off.
Come now, TheNovak…. They’re Joey-F’ing-Gladstone Joke Cards.
And I still don’t know why he moved in with them. As for John Stamos’ amazing career now, when he’s not on stage, or playing drums for the pale shadow of the Beach Boys (Wilson Brothers we hardly knew ye) You can check him out doing Collect Call commercials. YUP! Johnny-boy’s joined the ranks of Terry Bradshaw, Hulk Hogan, Carrottop and ALF… Now if they could only get that new ALF show back in the works. Project A.L.F. just wasn’t enough
Posted by
Trippy the 8th Dwarf
@ 01/24/2004 10:13 AM EST
Yes Gavok, that kiddie consumer documentary was on HBO, and it was produced to make kids aware about deceptive advertising, including a neat clip about fake food props (lard or Crisco in place of real ice cream because the studio lights would melt the real thing away). But the kids who complained about Guess Who were sure a bunch of dummies. Those idiots ought to be fed with that Crisco ice cream prop for that. My sibbies were laughing their butts off at the stupidity.
I do remember "Instant Insanity", a two player game with group of four cubes with different colors on each face. I guess that the goal of the game is to have your colors be on top. Weird thing, especially that they used Napoleon XIV’s "They’ve Come To Take Me Away, Ha Ha!" tune to advertise.
The Brunching Shuttlecocks have a Book of Ratings section, and it has ratings for Monopoly tokens:
http://www.bookofratings.com/monopoly.html
Posted by
Carol the Theologian
@ 01/24/2004 10:41 AM EST
ME, did you get "Wax Face" for Robert Z’Dar from my post in the blogs months ago, or is a common reaction to that stupendous face that Rob has?
Posted by
Richard
@ 01/24/2004 11:31 AM EST
Coulier gets a pass now that I remember the awful prop comedy of Bruce Baum from "America’s Funniest People."
http://www.brainyquote.com/quo...authors/b/brucebaum136881.html
"I don’t kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell "Whooa, I’m way too high."
"I don’t know what’s wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman."
BRUCE BAUM AND THE RED HOT CHILI HEIFERS’ "COWIFORNICATION"
http://killerstandup.com/brucebaum.html
"You can contact Bruce Baum at WeWantBruce@aol.com for almost any reason"
http://www.delafont.com/comedians/bruce-baum.htm
What Others Say About Bruce Baum
http://www.delafont.com/comedi...omedian_Reviews/Bruce_Baum.htm
http://imdb.com/name/nm0062070/
Baum worked with Robert "Wax Face" Z’Dar
http://imdb.com/title/tt0303636/
Posted by
ME
@ 01/24/2004 12:11 PM EST
I’m not crazy, I found a site with that M.U.S.C.L.E. belt thing I mentioned earlier:
http://www.newellsystems.com/muscle/collecting/belt.asp
"Ungame" (some hippie-dippie feel good game designed to pry into the psyche of kids).
I remember that. It sucks.
If it was an ungame, it would involve taking pot shots at each other. The last one standing also would shoot himself.
Not very fun, but it would sell like hotcakes among the Gothic crowd
Posted by
NOT ME
@ 01/24/2004 12:31 PM EST
You know what game I love? The Game of Life. But you have to play it with the special ghetto rules. Like the ‘Salesperson’ is actually ‘Arms Dealer’ and the ‘Travel Agent’ is ‘Columbian Drug Runner’. Also, you’re not allowed to buy insurance and you can sell your children or your car to whoever wants to buy them. And you have to be drunk. Then it is the funnest game ever. Oh, and anybody who gets Policeman as a career gets shot immediately and has to go back to start.
Posted by
Gabbylicious
@ 01/24/2004 12:57 PM EST
Here’s the synopsis of the first episode of Full House:
In the series opener, San Francisco sportscaster Danny Tanner, who works for KTMB channel 8, is understandably still saddened by the death of his wife Pam, who died 4 months ago. Danny’s mother Claire leaves to go back home to Seattle after staying with Danny and his three daughters D.J., Stephanie, and Michelle for 3 months in order to help out after Pam’s death. Danny’s best friend Joey Gladstone and Pam’s brother Jesse decide to move in for a few months to give Danny some needed help with the girls. Jesse moves into Stephanie’s bedroom, and Stephanie becomes D.J.’s roommate, even though D.J. would much rather continue to have her own bedroom. D.J. thinks everything that means something to her is beginning to disappear, beginning with Pam’s death, then Claire going back home, and now not having her own bedroom anymore, so D.J. decides to move into the garage so she can have her own bedroom, and the guys try to talk her out of it.
_____
Guess Michelle wasn’t a foundling child.
D. Dodge Silver
Posted by
D, Dodge Silver
@ 01/24/2004 1:02 PM EST
Instant Insanity is based on an old puzzle, I had a book on how to make one with wooden blocks, you can use different color veneers for the faces of the cubes or even coins. If you map out the faces, you can figure out how to arrange the cubes so only four different faces show along the long sides. What was the name of that game where you placed marbles on a board and then pushed sliding levers back and forth to make your opponents drop out? I remember the commercial tagline was a kid saying "I’m the sole survivor!" kind of like a bad Boris Karloff impression. It’s one of the (very) few TV-related things that has slipped out of the vast trivia database that is my brain.
Posted by
kingklash
@ 01/24/2004 2:40 PM EST
That’s the first one? Damn. And here I was thinking the one where Jesse and Joey try to change Michelle’s diaper was the first one.
*is embarassed to know that.*
Posted by
Onslaught Six
@ 01/24/2004 2:58 PM EST
Watching Mad TV with guest star Rebecca Romijn Stamos and my roommate asks me, "What does she look like?" I answer the best way I can: "She’s um…got blue skin and scales…" Roommate was unimpressed and accused me of lying. Roommate also thought Rebecca Romjin Stamos was Jesse’s wife on Full House. I said, "No, his wife WAS Rebecca but it was a different Rebecca. That was just her TV name."
Isn’t the song "They’re Coming to Take Me Away" as opposed to "They’ve Come…" ? Oh, and I think the person who said Michelle was left at the Tanner’s door was joking. At least I truly hope so.
Where life is beautiful all the time, and I’ll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats.
Posted by
kingklash
@ 01/24/2004 3:33 PM EST
Reading this most excellent article made me remember the time I met Dave Coulier, when Full House was one of the top shows on t.v. I gained a complete understanding of what the term "total pompous ass who thinks his two-bit part on a smarmy sitcom starring monkey-faced children makes him a freakin’ deity" means. What a creepy jerk.
Whew, glad I got that off my chest.
Posted by
sweet polly purebred
@ 01/24/2004 5:40 PM EST
Yeah, if you had the misfortune of fucking Dave Coulier, why would you admit it, let alone write a bitter song about your break-up? Sleeping with one of the Full House men would sort of be like sleeping with a children’s entertainer. Or may that’s just my creep-out.
Posted by
Molten
@ 01/24/2004 6:12 PM EST
"It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced are you thinking of me when you f*** her?"
Scary to think of Joey Gladstone f***ing anything. And who is the "her" he is doing instead of Alanis?
If you want to see some rabid messed up things about Mr. Coulier, go to IMDB.com and look up his profile. Then read the message board topics.
I wasn’t joking about Michelle being adopted, I seriously remember that happening… But it may have been just been something like "they were standing on the front porch while singing a song about child abandonment" (I was no older than 6 when I last saw that episode). I’ll just assume that I’m right and there’s a all-powerful conspiracy that loves to make me look like an idiot in instances like these by making sure all of my instincts and memories are false…
Posted by
Rewolf J
@ 01/24/2004 6:23 PM EST
You know, Killer Duck, when I’m on my death bed, there are three things that I’m going to kick myself for wasting so much time on:
* shopping for and buying so many handbags,
* watching bad Angelina Jolie movies on the (likely) chance that I’ll see naked boobies, and
* speculating online about the mystery woman in Alanis’ song.
Since I’m already going to regret it anyway, I guess a little more speculation won’t hurt. 
Every time this discussion comes up, someone answers it to my satisfaction, but I can’t seem to retain the name of who the other woman is. One thing I do remember is that Dave was about fifteen years older than Alanis and she was a teenager (on the older end) when he started banging her. While he left her for an older woman, it wasn’t Rue McClanahan, Betty White, Bea Arthur or Estelle Getty. Now that I’ve narrowed down the field, maybe we can start making some headway. 
Posted by
Molten
@ 01/24/2004 6:51 PM EST
Rewolf, in hindsight I think I remember an episode where the guys are trying to take care of the girls on their own and accidentally leave Michelle on the porch in her little baby seat thing. Then someone remembers and go and gets her. I don’t believe any singing was involved but one can never know what with Jesse’s band and all.
Molten, you got me laughing and curious…buying handbags and looking for boobies…?
I’ve sat through my own share of Angelina movies hoping for titties. So far the only ones that didn’t disappoint were the uncensored versions of Gia and Original Sin.
more on Alanis and Dave:
Throughout her career, Alanis Morissette has railed in a similar manner at an unnamed lover from her past, a mysterious figure described only as an older man from her days at Nickelodeon. But now, on the promotional tour for Under Rug Swept, Morissette has bravely revealed the identity of her bitter muse: Dave Coulier! That’s right, when Morissette had one hand in her pocket, the other hand was giving the finger to Uncle Joey on the 80s television hit "Full House." It was like ray-eee-ain on your wedding day when her and Dave Coulier broke up. And yes, the person she went down on in a theater was… Dave Coulier. The man don’t mess around.
This was taken from http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/...e_alanis/under-rug-swept.shtml
I have to admit that between watching/subjecting myself to Gigli, I was online half-heartedly trying to see if there was any info on the mystery woman, but I didn’t come up with anything. Anyway, I’m not sure what’s worse: watching Ben Affleck fake an orgasm or thinking of Joey From Full House getting head. You know he probably does the stupid Popeye impression during sex.
Must…scrub…the imagery… from my head!
Uncut Gia was indeed a good movie for Angelina titties, squee4242. :D There was a tease in Tomb Raider but nobody really expected anything in that anyway. Killer Duck: looking for boobies and hand bags are some of my favourite things (but I usually don’t do them at the same time. Though there was this one salesgirl…).
Posted by
Molten
@ 01/24/2004 11:21 PM EST
A few years ago I found a Vanilla Ice board game at the thrift store. It had a gameboard and a microphone. You would place rhyming word pieces on the gameboard and rap out a song. Definitely worthy of shitty board game status.
Posted by
cody
@ 01/24/2004 11:24 PM EST
I NEVER HEARD OF NONE OF THEM GAME. AND YES JARED I TO REMEMBER A DRINK CALL MONGOS. WHAT HAPPEN TO THEM?
Posted by
FC4
@ 01/25/2004 1:05 AM EST
Was in TRU today; looked at board games. Didn’t buy it, but saw a "Big Brother" game, based on the TV show. I got a kick out of, though, b/c the first thing I thought of was: "WAR IS PEACE. FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. IGNORANCE IS STREGTH" Great values to instill in our youth, huh?
Oh, and Oppurtunity is on Mars now! Hooray for NASA!
Posted by
Cameron
@ 01/25/2004 1:19 AM EST
Does anyone remember the mechanical game with four wheels, red and green marbles, and you had to trap all the marbles?
That game was loud, but it rocked.
Posted by
Die Harder?
@ 01/25/2004 1:22 AM EST
I can’t believe no one mentioned the Rubik’s Cube game the worst game in history….
Posted by
Tikibob
@ 01/25/2004 2:16 AM EST
I actually don’t LIVE in Chagrin Falls. I live in Bainbridge Township which is right next to it. I found it hilarious when I realized that the artwork on the back of The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes is a giant-sized Calvin destroying downtown Chagrin Falls!! Life would be sweet if that actually happened because Chagrin Falls is a stuck up, snobby bitch town.
One board game that sucks is Pig Pong. You used these hand held pig devices in which you squeezed to produce air to propel a cloth "ball" back and forth over a net. The problem was is was nearly impossible to keep the "ball" in the air. Fucking piece of shit…
My worst board game memory was the Christmas when I recieved the game Bedbugs from like 5 different relatives. Its not like I lobbied for that game, I mean I never asked for it from ANYBODY. The game was alright but nothing spetacular….
oops- I meant Indespensible Calvin and Hobbes…..
Yes, Captain Planet and the Planeteers are real: http://www.johnrm.com/cptplan/captainplanet.wmv
Posted by
ME
@ 01/25/2004 5:51 AM EST
I remember the marble game mentioned a few days ago. All of the marbles had their own little spot, and you would pull a lever on your side of the board one notch, and the marble either stayed or dropped through a hole in the board. I think there were black and white levers, depending on which side of the board you were sitting on. I liked this game b/c, as on only child, you could theoretically play this game by yourself w/o cheating.
Posted by
trajeal
@ 01/25/2004 8:51 AM EST
Ah, board games. I no longer have my kiddy ones, but I do remember them.
I liked to play Don’t Spill the Beans and Don’t Break the Ice.
I had such games as Pig Pong, Pizza Party, Ninja Turtles, and Inspector Gadget. I had games based on TV game shows that were actually fun: Jepoardy and Wheel of Fortune. Sadly, I abused my games and I lost many pieces from them.
Posted by
JG!
@ 01/25/2004 11:12 AM EST
Carol the Theologin: Funny you should mention that game! I was at Bookman’s yesterday–a used bookshop around here that also deals in other things like movies, music, video games and board games–and we saw that game! I looked at it and immediadetly began thinking: "DUDE! I used to see TONS of commercials for this thing…" my sister would probably love it.
Posted by
Freezair
@ 01/25/2004 11:46 AM EST
What!? Vanilla Ice’s board game shitty!? *cancels bid on Ebay*
Posted by
Rewolf J
@ 01/25/2004 12:22 PM EST
Ahh yes, I know what game you guys are thinking of with the marbles and levers and such. It’s called Kerplunk. Anyways, thank you Matt for bringing up the topic of board games. Now it’s going to drive me insane trying to figure out what the hell that superfriends or dc comics thing was that I had. I don’t remember much except the little plastic pieces and the buildings, and a quick search on the internet found nothing. And to bring the topic back to these so-called "makeout parties," if you add in a few elements, we had something like that, except we were all drunk and stoned and playing truth or dare and spin the bottle, except we had special rules for spin the bottle after you got past a certain number of times landing on the same person. The 40oz was a participant too, when you landed on it, you would have to chug. Anyways, the basic end result was everybody making out and going down on each other and feeling each other up. No, the guys didn’t do anything to each other, but the girls did
that wheel of fortune game mentioned in an earlier post, That used to be one of my favorite games, one of my friends used to have it. I was at the grocery store a couple weeks ago, they’ve remade that one and the jeopardy one.
Kerplunk has marbles, but no levers. It does have sticks, though. I found the other game. It’s called Stay Alive!. Check here: http://www.neighborhoodvalues....m/nv/Toys&Games/035tg.htm
Posted by
trajeal
@ 01/25/2004 2:00 PM EST
I stand corrected. Hey, I know a couple of people mentioned the VCR Wrestlemania game earlier, and as somebody who owns the game, I think it’s hillarious that of the ones availible on eBay, one of them that is complete has no bids, but one that is missing the videotape has two bids. Go figure.
No no no Pig Pong was great! Sure it was near impossible for a kid (or an adult) to assemble the "balls" and playing the game was just as hard and as exciting as watching paint dry but it had four little piggies with it!
Kerplunk is like the bastard child of Pick Up Sticks and marbles.
Does anyone remember this game with clear-colored "bricks" that you had to knock down with a little jackhammer? I loved the game when I was little. But the jackhammer broke and the bricks were also broken or lost.
…maybe Matt already reviewed it…
Posted by
marril159
@ 01/25/2004 8:55 PM EST
…or maybe not…
Posted by
marril159
@ 01/25/2004 9:05 PM EST
Marril, was it "Don’t Break the Ice"?
Or Thin Ice…memory sucks today
It may be "low tech", although you’ll never forget the first time you played it.
My dad showed me maybe when I was six years old.
"52 pickup" sucks.
Posted by
ibinsomniac
@ 01/25/2004 9:28 PM EST
Sounds sort of like Jenga, marril159, except I know that those blocks weren’t clear (in the original version, anyway).
Posted by
Molten
@ 01/25/2004 9:35 PM EST
I think it was "thin ice" Killer, but not sure…i also had it, fun game
Posted by
Xen
@ 01/25/2004 10:06 PM EST
Axis & Allies was one of the very few serious games I ever played when I was a kid. You essentially had control of one of the more powerful countries during world war 2 and had to blow each other to hell. Tricky to play as the axis though, even if you did get to use a silly accent.
Does anyone know where I can get hold of ghettopoly? The monopoly rip off that taken off the market beause parker bros sued the willy off the guy who made it? There are some home grown versions here in Australia, like for bad suburbs (i.e Broadmeadows monopoly chance card: You have turned fifteen. Time to have a baby. Go back to the start and do not collect 200$), but I really want that version.
Posted by
Damien
@ 01/25/2004 10:08 PM EST
203 Comments? Nice. 204th post, yes!@!#
On topic: I loved Thin Ice (sorta-kinda-not really).
Posted by
Matt (#2?)
@ 01/25/2004 10:14 PM EST
Good, I’m not the only person who had a crush on John Stamos for several years and isn’t afraid to admit it. I wouldn’t have minded at least seeing him in "Nine" if I had the bucks to get me up to the other end of the Garden State Parkway and into the Eugene O’Neil Theatre. Wouldn’t have minded seeing Antonio Banderes, either, but that’s life.
I’m still a big fan of "Perfect Strangers." I like old-fashioned, flat-out silly humor. None of the other TGIF shows have stayed with me the way that one did over the years, including "Full House." I still like most of them, but "PS" has dated better, probably because the cast and stories stayed simple. It was just the two guys, the two girls, and a few wacky co-workers. Yeah, the plots ranged from dumb to nothing special, but they were actually pretty well-written, and Bronson Pinchot and Mark Linn-Baker had genuine chemistry that works when the often too-silly plots don’t.
My family had the Babysitters Club game and the Sweet Valley High game and still frequently play Mall Madness. The SWH game was also pretty popular, and really a lot of fun - you get to pick Elizabeth, Jessica, or one of their friends, and run around the high school collecting items for whatever event they were involved in. Yeah, it doesn’t make sense that most of this stuff would be in school, but if you overlooked this insight, the game was enjoyable for slumber parties and rainy afternoons.
I have no idea what happened to the Babysitter’s Club game. I know we had it, because I remember playing it for a few years. It must not have gone over as well as Mall Madness or Sweet Valley High, because I don’t remember much else about it.
My brother still asks to play Mall Madness every now and then. The 3D board is a bitch to set up, but it’s otherwise basic fun - run around and collect at least six items on your list without having to go to the bank too many times, then make a break for your exit. Sales change from time to time, necessitating quick grabs for the sale and clearance signs before your siblings get the privledge.
Posted by
starwenn
@ 01/25/2004 10:15 PM EST
Alanis Morrisettes first album was all about her relationship with Dave Coulier. So uncle Joey got a blowjob in a movie theater by a pop princess all the while he was married. Grimey. Nice!
Posted by
Gerald James
@ 01/25/2004 10:19 PM EST
Benoit wins! Benoit wins!
Oh, and review "Mac and Me"
Billy Gunn was robbed! Just kidding.
Posted by
Rob
@ 01/26/2004 1:53 AM EST
Damien, Axis and Allies was a great game. We played it once when I lived in Rez, from like 5pm to 5am, and the game only ended because one kid went insane and started attacking everyone with ‘factory monsters’ which were just tanks with factories on top… oh, and I was Germany, me and Japan were only a turn or two away from victory before the chaos.
Posted by
Gabbylicious
@ 01/26/2004 2:15 AM EST
Oh Matt, apparently Ann Coulter (whoever that is,) is the new Krang.
http://rumandmonkey.com/articles/182/
Posted by
Gabbylicious
@ 01/26/2004 2:19 AM EST
Gabbylicious, Ann Coulter is the author of the popular, but controversial right-wing books "Libel" and "Treason." There are a number of conservatives that even think she is a bit "out there" with some of her views.
http://www.jhu.edu/mse/events/pics/coulter.jpg
Not to be confused with right-wing talk show host Laura Ingraham and/or Barbie (See, you can tie anything into X-E) as photoshopped here:
http://www.internetweekly.org/images/laura_ingraham_sm.jpg
Posted by
ME
@ 01/26/2004 2:42 AM EST
No offense meant to the conservative readers with the links I posted above. I have seen both women on numerous programs and find it funny that they look and sound (cadence, not specific idealogy) so similar. The Barbie/Laura link is an easy visual joke by that "comedy" site, but like I said it does help in responding on X-E.
Posted by
ME
@ 01/26/2004 2:55 AM EST
The He-Man one brings me back, I think half the 80’s board games that came out for a time tried to do the ‘3d’ games. I believe there was a Voltron one, and I know The ‘Real’ Ghostbusters had one as well.
As for the worst, Full House is really bad. However I do remember Funhouse was kinda bad (if anyone remembers that kiddie gameshow. I know Matt would, used to be on channel 11 before TMNT.) And god I forget the name of it, but it really wasn’t a ‘Boardgame’ you had this cheap plastic ball n chain that you’d put on, and roll dices till you got doubles then pass it on. Lastly there was one based on another kiddie gameshow on Nickelodeon. It wasn’t Double Dare, I forget the name of it. All I remember was it had kids at the end running around and breaking stuff in this house for prizes.
Posted by
Beaker Mike
@ 01/26/2004 5:33 AM EST
You’ve done it again Matt, another great article
Posted by
Bek
@ 01/26/2004 6:17 AM EST
Beaker Mike was it Finders Keepers? They still show that on GAS. The host gave a clue, and the kids would tear the room apart, looking for the answer. There were pits of slime and huge foam totem poles and such.
Posted by
trajeal
@ 01/26/2004 7:46 AM EST
Since there’s been some discussion of the Mondo fruit drinks (how the Hell the subject came up, I don’t know), you guys might be interested in learning of their final fate.
Next time you’re at the store, look out for the Marvel Superheroes "Comic Coolers" fruit drinks. Rip off the label and what should you find on the bottle but the old Mondo logo. I can’t say if the taste is anything like the Mondos of old, but as a connoisseur of children’s lunchbox items I must say I recommend Green Goblin Grape. Norman Osbourne never tasted so good!
Posted by
Chairman Kaga
@ 01/26/2004 8:25 AM EST
One commercial that sticks out in my mind in terms of board games is the commercial for "Pizza Party." The commercial featured a stereotypical Italian chef entangled in an orgy of dancing pizza toppings. And you couldn’t beat the rapping of the chef. It was almost as good as cap’n Lou on SMBSS but not quite. To this day I can still hear the chorus of the song ripping my brain appart. " Parrtay!!!……..PIZZA PARTAY!" Too bad mr. chef didn’t bust out into the running man, possibly a dance off with Mr. Robert Van Winkle (aka vanilla ice, but i’m sure most of you knew that already) Alright time for me to shut up…….
I never played the Tetris board game but recall it being advertised. The goal is, in the most counterintuitive fashion, to FILL THE BOARD.
That’s right. Arrange your pieces so that you can fill the board. Amazing.
Posted by
Rich
@ 01/26/2004 9:05 AM EST
Ibinsomniac: LOL on "52 pickup"… I’ve first heard of it when I read a children’s book and one boy said to his sister: "Wanna play 52 pickup?" She said yes, and cards are all over the place, to her dismay. I pulled that stunt on my sibs, and they got the joke.
Phunqsauce: When you mentioned Pizza Party, that silly jingle came in my head and I will have that for the rest of the day. It was a nice game to play. To this day, whether someone mentioned holding a pizza party, I’d sing it in my head. One time my roomie and I both sang it after the pizza guy delivered our dinner.
BTW, Don’t Break the Ice was neat, as you have to figure out which ice section is stable enough to chip off. From the same maker (Hasbro), there’s Cootie, in which you have to build a toy bug before others complete theirs. Did anyone remember that?
Posted by
Carol the Theologian
@ 01/26/2004 10:49 AM EST
hehe, I’m glad that someone remembers that jingle and yes for those who know, like us, it will take over your thought process…by the way I decided to check out that "infamous Photog blog thread" Holy mother of bat shit!!!! i’m not even close to finishing the 2,000 plus entries!!! I’m just sad that i never knew of this site during its heyday. Mr. Bitner, you will always be appreciated by us a X-E!!
Yes, thank you Phunqsauce, I too shall have the Pizza Party jingle stuck in my head.
We still have our Cootie game. I think they have changed the way you play that game. I think the pieces arent as small because of the choking hazard.
Posted by
allicat
@ 01/26/2004 10:57 AM EST
Kimmy Gibler is from my city whittier california. One night after hockey i was leaving to my car when i saw a few of the players standing around. I walk over and to my surprise there she is kimmy gibler looking like a 2 dollar crack whore needing a fix. I guess when your peak is full house the only way you can go is down.
Posted by
Jeff
@ 01/26/2004 11:25 AM EST
Wow, what a plethora of directions this is going in…
Some points to be made:
That guy who does Calvin and Hobbes is definitely overestimating his importance in the world,eh, Calvin and Hobbes is cute, but does reading make or break my day? Not really, but go ahead and "retire" it.
Point two, Gary Larson’s TV special, was pretty good but I remember correctly it didn’t have any dialogue…strange choice. I don’t think it was ever shown again on tv either.
Point 3, muuuuch earlier, from Chopstick Sensai, all Japanese people like Full House? My wife is Japanese but I’ll be sure not to test that theory.
Point 4, as far as DJ being hot…I’ll revive this from the old message board…Topenga from Boy Meets World…hot or not? Of course my vote is hot.
Posted by
whitemale_98
@ 01/26/2004 11:33 AM EST
All i gots to say is Candace Cameron isn’t hot, but she’s not ugly either. I found it hilarious to find out her brother Kirk (from Growing Pains) totally despised how Growing Pains portrayed him as teenager always up to no good. Since he had a stranglehold on that show because his character was by far the most popular he forced the writers to change his image. For thos who don’t know Mr. Cameron is a DEVOUT Christian. Never woulda guessed….
They shoulda made " a very special" special that featured all those teenage characters from various cheesy shows going to a "makeout party." The special would’ve kinda been like the "Cartoon All-stars to the Rescue" teaching teenagers the risks of venerial diseases, drugs, and pregnancy. I can just see it now….
Boner from Growing Pains: "Holy SHit!!!! Kimmy Gibbler gave me syphliss!! (sp.)
Urkel: "Well I can see why they call you BOner (enter laugh and snort here)….Just can’t keep it in your pants, eh?"
I don’t know. It all seems to make sense to me.
Ker-Plunk! was a diff’ernt aminal altogether, where the goal was to end up with the fewest amount of marbles. Stay Alive is the winner!!! To quote Lurch in that one Star Trek episode, "That’s The Equation!" Catch me on a really good day, and I will sound a lot like Wreck-Gar, a lot of disparate elements, but making a kind of sense in spite of it. Gnip-Gnop! At least it wasn’t Moose doing the squishy-thumpy wit’ Uncle Joey. That is some high-quality nightmare fuel we gots goin’ on in here. I had Rubik’s Race, it was fun, especially when Little Brother and I started throwing the tiles at each other.
Posted by
kingklash
@ 01/26/2004 12:20 PM EST
holy crap…. party…. pizza party…that’s terrific.. thank you for whoever brought that up
Posted by
chad
@ 01/26/2004 1:11 PM EST
Something been nagging me since I saw "Return of the King," to celebrate Aragorn’s return, do they set an old dude on fire, and chuck him over the parapet every year?
Posted by
kingklash
@ 01/26/2004 1:19 PM EST
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISA...=3170911045&category=2530
purchase pizza party from ebay… it’s at 7.50 now
Posted by
chad
@ 01/26/2004 1:20 PM EST
Dark Tower
Joe - I used to own Turn the Terrible Tank! I rememebr having to shoot those stupid little B.B.s at the tank to get it to turn before it detroyed your base. My brother and I played that all of the time!
Allicat-
Fireball Island? My brother’s and I played that one. I was very excited when I got it for Christmas. I think we liked it so much because it was so big.
My favorite game has to be Dark Tower. I have never seen a game so involved as this one. It is still at my grandparents house and we break it out every time we visit. The electronic Tower in the center could rotate to whichever player’s turn it was and you would hit the buttons to tell it what you would do. It would randomly tell you of you moved safely, got attacked, got lost, or got crunched by the dragon. If there was a battle it would spin back and forth and show you how your men were fairing against the briggans. If you won, you would get gold, or a sword (to slay the dragon if he attacks), or possibly one of the three keys to the Dark Tower. You could go to the bizarre and purchase all inds of things to help you: more warriors, food, a scout would keep you from getting lost, a beast for carrying gold and a few others. You could even haggle the price down. If you haggled to low, the shop keeper would turn you away and you would have to wait until your next turn to shop. After you collected all three keys (Bronze, Silver and Gold) you had to journey to the tower and hit the right key combination to win.
What a great game!
Posted by
Stilewalker
@ 01/26/2004 1:34 PM EST
Stile -
I tried to bid on that on eBay to give to my boy, but as usual people have run up the price beyond what I’m willing to pay.
Joe
Posted by
Joe
@ 01/26/2004 1:38 PM EST
Kingklash: Thats one of the scenes that REALLY bothered me in ROTK. It makes it look like Denethor changed his mind. I think the book presents a far more compelling image: Denethor simply standing, unmoving on the pyre while he is consumed in flames.
Posted by
Cameron
@ 01/26/2004 2:31 PM EST
Wait, did somebody mention Mondo fruit drinks "final fate"? Because, you know, I’m drinking one right now. It’s Legendary Berry. Oh well, here’s to hoping I don’t die!
Posted by
Matt (#2?)
@ 01/26/2004 2:38 PM EST
"My son, he’s still alive! Wait a minute, what’s cooking? Smells good, I am feeling a bit peckish, must be close to supper, uh…. AAAIIGGHHH!!" Just my feelings on that whole scene.
Posted by
kingklash
@ 01/26/2004 2:48 PM EST
You know, I can’t look down on people seeling out of production board games on eBay. My brother left a lot of games about when he moved and I sold several.
"Hotels" brought in about 4 times what it was worth new. Then again it was in great condition, all parts etc. It still shocked the hell out of me.
Dammit, why couldn’t they let Cena win? Ah well, I knew Benoit would win, I’m just a Cena mark. WORD LIFE!
Anyways… I’m bored, anybody want to help come up with ideas for that toyaction.net domain i have?
Hey, phunqsauce, did you see that bit on the E! True Hollywood Story where Alan Thick recounts how he told Kirk Cameron that he seriously needed to get out of the business if Growing Pains was too blue for him.
Posted by
Molten
@ 01/26/2004 4:42 PM EST
I know alot of people have already answered, but it was definitely "Don’t Break the Ice" around here. I loved that game. Too bad I am too uncoordinated and clumsy to play anything like that or Jenga.
I went to the Rumble last night, the undercard matches sucked big time but the Rumble was great. I got a knot in my stomach when the Undertaker’s old music came on. God, I hope they bring that back. It was great just being there.
Posted by
Y2JB78
@ 01/26/2004 5:16 PM EST
Here we go again. Don’t Break the Ice held its cubes horizontally, and players took turn with a pickaxe. Knockout, or whatever, used a wall that was vertical, and you knocked blocks out with a motorized jackhammer. (insert rude comment about battery-operated jackhammer here)
Posted by
kingklash
@ 01/26/2004 5:40 PM EST
If anyone here is looking for some awesome, yet terrible board games from many different eras check out my auctions on ebay. the seller name is flyngzebra and heres a link
http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayIS...ows=50&since=-1&rd=1
Posted by
Stephanie!
@ 01/26/2004 5:52 PM EST
We almost went to the rumble, but then we really couldn’t get the time off work or a way out to Philly, which is 8 hours from here to do so. I’m still heated that ‘Mania sold out in like 5 seconds. I’ve been to the last two, and was really looking forward to this one. Oh well. Anyways, we knew thta the Undertaker was going to in some way distract Kane, and, sure enough, he did. Tying this into the current discussion: Check out the WWF Wrestling Challeng board game. I forget most of it, but you had to collect little WWF Belt pieces as you played
I’d like to comment on Matt’s statement that organized board games and figures don’t go well together. That’s not entirely true. I had this one game called the Omega Virus, which is this sweet-assed game with a talking computer, figurines, and most importantly, fighting. The games we played always went smoothly. I mean, sure, it was a game that just sat on the shelf after awhile (and still does), but it was still quite unique.
The only game better than OM was Weapons & Warriors, a game in which you got to use toy cannons and catapults to fire orange plastic balls at your oponents’ men and buildings.
Posted by
Nate
@ 01/26/2004 7:08 PM EST
I remember once, my brother and i were playing Monopoly and he went to grab the ship piece. the tip of the ship went into his hand and broke the skin. we thought he was going to die because it was made of lead.
he’s alive and well, so i guess the story has no moral
Posted by
SHANE!
@ 01/26/2004 7:23 PM EST
Skitzo, you might try selling it on eBay. Or you could make it a porn site.
those are two of the ideas being tossed around here at fropac entertainment. but we need girls to put on the site for the latter one. lol
the sadest thing is…. i have every single one of those games…..
Posted by
that wierd dude next door
@ 01/26/2004 8:08 PM EST
I still have Turn the Terrible Tank packed away downstairs somewhere. It’s also fun to play by yourself, which I had to do quite often. (A lot of board games and no one to play with. ;_;) I also had Pac-Man, which was reviewed at one point on this site, Cootie, and "Careers", which was a different take on the "Monopoly" style games, and a few others, too.
The Last Unicorn is fine the way it is. Why do people insist on making live-action versions of cartoon? Did Masters of the Universe, Josie & The Pussycats, Inspector Gadget, and Scooby-Doo teach us nothing?
Posted by
ShadowWing the Technorganic Autobot
@ 01/26/2004 8:25 PM EST
"Topenga from Boy Meets World…hot or not? Of course my vote is hot. "
Oh my god! Topanga was SO… FUCKING… HOT! You never see girls on TV with curves like that!
But the thing that bugged me was how they changed her personality when she got older. I really liked her in the early days, when she channeled Sumerian Gods and did interpretive dances to whale songs. She was kind of like Hermione from Harry Potter, complete with frizzy hair. Unless I missed a buncha episodes, there was no real transition between personalities, she was just suddenly really normal.
Posted by
creaturetheatre
@ 01/26/2004 8:35 PM EST
"Parrot’s oratory stuns scientists"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/3430481.stm
Listen to the bird: http://www.sheldrake.org/nkisi/nkisi1_text.html
Time for Matt to get an African grey parrot.
Posted by
ME
@ 01/26/2004 10:03 PM EST
When did Turn the Terrible Tank come out?
I hate how they take good games and "update" them for today’s kids- like the Game of Life (some friends wanted to play it recently and I was horrified to realize the rules were very different). Video games are doing it to. My roommate gave me Super Mario Advance 4 for my birthday. It’s actually a port of SMB3 from the NES with some disturbing additions like Mario’s annoying voice every five seconds (in the equally annoying stereotypical Italian voice). It’s the same with the Game Boy Advance port of SMB2 only now there are big fat enemies (though I love the enormous ninja guys), these messed up life holders that you have to hit with veggies and all the characters talk, even Birdo and the firey guy (who sounds like Charles Nelson Riley). I can see updating the graphics but this is a bit much.
I saw a good link like that the other day on Portal of evil
(www.Portalofevil.com)
It was about winston churchills parrot. Charlie, and 130 year old Macaw, now living with a florist in Kent, is apparently able to imitate Churchills voice. And it constantly complains about nazis. That’d be a mad pet. pity I have a problem with clipping wings and caging birds. Also a pity an adult Macaw would cost more then my car is worth.
Posted by
Damien
@ 01/26/2004 10:35 PM EST
trajeal that’s it heh. I still think the best one was Nick Arcade, best due to the fact that if I ever got on it I would have owned.
Dark Tower, now that was a great game. We used to play it alot at a friends house, his mother got it for him cuz he was still a little too young to play D&D. Anyhow we stopped playing it after the big D&D scare of the 80’s took place. Ya know how any game like D&D will drive a kid to satan worship, heavy metal, drugs and the like. Needless to say in our town one of the PTA/Born Again Mom’s gave this big fit about how we shouldn’t be allowed to play ‘evil’ board games thus no more D&D and Dark Tower. Back to Battleship and Risk…
Posted by
Beaker Mike
@ 01/26/2004 10:36 PM EST
My dad got me that Masters of the Universe game for xmas a year or two ago as a nostalgic gift. (I am 21 by the by) He’s the type of guy who thinks everything is going to be worth a lot of money some day so he was adamant that I not open the packaging and keep it in mint condition.
Posted by
brite
@ 01/26/2004 10:40 PM EST
Wow!! What a cruel joke to pull on your own child. I’d punch my dad in the face if he did that to me….well not really but it would be nice. Once again I’m glad to see others who appreciated the "genius" of the Pizza Party jingle. I swear I used to go nuts when i saw the commercial..
just remember..
You’re gonna lose if you have to switch,
So you’d better think hard,
You’d better be QUICK!!
PARTAY!
PIZZA PARTY!!!
Posted by
phunqsauce
@ 01/26/2004 11:08 PM EST
Hey chad, I’d be your drummer if i still had drums. Maybe we could cover the Pizza Party jingle…….
Posted by
phunqsauce
@ 01/26/2004 11:12 PM EST
Hey creaturetheatre. Topenga did have a mostly gradual change from her earlier personality to her later one, it happened when she started seriously dating Corey. He of course did fall for her when she was a nut-job, so I was OK with the whole thing. Personally, I found Eric the most entertaining character on the show. Oh the shenanigans!
Posted by
Gabbylicious
@ 01/27/2004 1:19 AM EST
Yeah, Eric was definately one of those characters that I think got much better as the series went on. He was at least kind of amusing even in the beginning, but towards the end I think he became, without question, the funniest one on the show.
I think I must have missed a lot of the in-between episodes. I saw a bunch when they were kids, and a bunch when they were in college… but come to think of it I don’t really remember much in between. Kind of like real life!
And with that I go off to turn in my velvet cloak and Bauhaus albums, as my admission to liking ‘Boy Meets World’ has just gotten me excommunicated from the goth scene. (no big loss)
Posted by
creaturetheatre
@ 01/27/2004 1:57 AM EST
The best board game was SURVIVE! which featured a volcano destroying an island and you having to shuttle your little colored pieces to safety, except when other players could control the shark and eat your players or something. The island was made up of hexagonal-shaped cardboard pieces that you put together at the beginning of the game, and each player got to remove a piece of the island at the beginning of their turn. Dumping your opponent’s little colored pieces into the water was fun. If you took the piece that had the big explosion underneath it, the entire island was destroyed. I loved it.
Second best game was CANDYLAND BINGO. Bring it.
Posted by
Spatch
@ 01/27/2004 3:44 AM EST
The absolute worst game I own is "Stock Ticker", which combines all the fun of investing in (amongst other things) wheat, with the thrill of calculating your dividends payable to the thousandth decimal place. The funny part is that there are kids on the box. Somehow they expected children to go wild for a game where the most exciting thing that can happen is when somebody rolls a "dividends payable".
Killer Duck - Terrible Tank was first introduced in the 70’s I believe.
Damien - I totally agree with you on the clipped bird issue. I just don’t feel right caging a bird and not allowing it to ever fly again just because I think it is pretty. My friend’s bird has free roam of his house. They only put him in the cage at night, which he goes to willingly. Gotta deal with a little more random droppings, but he is getting pretty good at housebreaking him.
Posted by
Stilewalker
@ 01/27/2004 7:19 AM EST
I just thought of a couple other games I had. I had 5 or 6 board games that came with the video tape that you played along with. Some you pressed play at certain times (ex. if a certain card was turned) and some the tape played throughout the game.
The first one I ever had was a calafornia dreams game. All I remember is that you would play the tape when it was your turn and there would be a scene with a guy surfing or wind-boarding or something and if he did a good run you could go, but if he wiped out you lost your turn or something.
I also had a Star Wars video tape game…on this one the tape was played the whole time. I think you were on the death star and every once in a while Darth would show up to say or do something. You had to complete the objective before the tape timer ran out.
I also had a scary one where the taped continuously played throughout the game and a crypt keeper guy would show up and do something. They played spooky music while you played.
I had a couple more, but I can’t remember them.
Posted by
Stilewalker
@ 01/27/2004 7:30 AM EST
Ahh yes, Nick Arcade. They had this modified version of Sonic The Hedgehog that looked cooler and more difficult than the Sega Genesis version. But I would’ve kicked your arse on that show Beaker. Hey, maybe we should all meet up someplace, bring our game systems, get some contestants, a video camera, a magna doodle, and some public access television time and do our own version of Nick Arcade. That’d be kinda cool.
Anywho…
scroll way up toward the top of this page and click on Phil the scumdog’s link. I was at his site the other day, it made for a good read (and a good way to kill an hour). While your at it, why don’t you stop by stupid5pin.com (CHEAP PLUG!). It’s not so bad itself. As for me, I’m at work, so I better get offline and finish this paperwork up.
I have the classic version of Dungeon, a great game if you have someone like Sis-in-Law’s brother, who’s a real rules lawyer when he’s losing, but cheats when he’s ahead. He chooses the Paladin, the only dude who can heal himself. On the upside, he can heal others, for a small price, but if you have no cash, he still has to heal you, being a paladin and all. Best part, you can ambush other players! Hoo-Ha! So we gang up and FORCE the lunkhead to heal us. For a real bloodbath, though, Little Brother challenges him to Monopoly.
Posted by
kingklash
@ 01/27/2004 1:00 PM EST
I have played many of the games listed above, but I still think the greatest board game of all time was torpedo run.
It was for 2 players and you each had a big battleship and 3 destroyers that you set up on a huge board, something like 4′x8′. Then you had a submarine that shot little plastic discs about the size of a nickel across the board at your opponents ships. If you hit the ship in the right spot some of the towers would explode off the ship. The first one to blast all the towers from the other persons ship one.
I have to say the game with catapults and crossbows knocking down castles sounds really cool too.
Posted by
Beerstalker
@ 01/27/2004 3:11 PM EST
I had one of those Muscle wrestling rings. That thing kicked ass, until the wrestling got overzealous and the little plastic arms holding the figures just snapped right off.
Posted by
hellzbellz
@ 01/27/2004 3:14 PM EST
Stilewalker, tanks (har har) for the info. I can’t remmeber the game but I wish I did.
**Birdlovers of the world unite!** There is a company that makes bird diapers! I can’t remember the name of the company but I know they sell online. I saw a thing recently on Animal Planet about it. I imagine a search would turn them up.
I own a VHS board game hosted by Joan Rivers. It’s a parody of soap operas, and at specific intervals you get to put lines in the actors mouths. It’s actually worse than it sounds.
I can see it now, Matt hosting from the Seaside Park boardwalk in lovely NJ. We’d get kids walking by looking at all of us fighting over who has the higher score in Lifeforce. Then again Nick Arcade had nothing on that one show that started out as a Cartoon with Bigfoot, the Cop from NARC (who sadly didn’t blow up any drug dealers with rockets.) And that guy from Ironsword. It then changed around and became this gameshow where if you won you’d run around this maze full of Video Games grapping whatever you could. And looking for that one game that would win ya a Neo-Geo.
As for those VHS Board Games, those where bad. I had the Robocop me and a few friends played it once. After about 5 mins we said the hell with it and popped in a copy of Robocop.
And I can’t remember the name of it, but anyone remember that board game that had a snake pop out and wrap around your wrist? And oh yeah here’s a bad game for ya, ‘It from the Pit’. That was bad, that was really bad.
And lastly I don’t know if anyone remembers this but the Odyssey 2 had 3 video board games. I know one was some kinda Lord of the Rings clone. Another was a cold war kinda thing. I forget the last one tho.
Posted by
Beaker Mike
@ 01/28/2004 10:41 PM EST
Beaker- You are talking about VIdeo Power starring Johnny Arcade!! It started off asthe tips/tricks/cartoon and then became a gameshow where the winner got to run through a maze with shitty games and had to stick the merchandise to their bodies and make it to the finish on time. I fewlt bad for all the kids who picked up the Neo-Geo in the maze because I’m sure they didn’t know the games were like 200 bucks back then. Something definitely worth reviewing if Matt gets a caopy of it somewhow…
Actually, the M.U.S.C.L.E. Megamatch game wasn’t a ~BAD~ game– it had some strategy and was well made. Much better than the Ultimate Muscle CCG they released, translation wise.
Posted by
Orgg
@ 01/30/2004 4:40 PM EST
KNOCKOUT!! THAT’S WHAT IT WAS!
Posted by
marril159
@ 01/30/2004 10:28 PM EST
Hey Bullet-riddled! I have the 21st century version of the "Stockticker" board game…. It’s called "On Trial for Insider Trading!". Comes with color-coded handcuff keys and an equal quantity of "Chance" and "Get Out of Jail Free" cards from Monopoly. Talk about crossovers.
Posted by
ibinsomniac
@ 01/30/2004 11:44 PM EST
OMG…I must own the 90210 piece o’ shit…I’d hang it on my wall.
Where do you FIND this crap?! lol
Posted by
Devin
@ 01/31/2004 2:32 AM EST
I’m ashamed and amused at the same time to admit my brother had that M.U.S.C.L.E boardgame. Actually, it may be still in the attic.
Posted by
Stezton
@ 01/31/2004 9:14 AM EST
One other awful board game I have is a keychain version of Mouse Trap. Not only is it nearly impossible to set up measuring at two square inches, but the bot kicks the bucket so hard the ball flies off the board.
I’ve never been fond of board games in general, maybe it’s because it requires social gatherings..something which I try to avoid like the plague. I have always been a video game junkie, and thankfully I was spoiled early on with Atari.
Posted by
Guitarmageddon
@ 02/02/2004 3:16 AM EST
90210 Entangler
*spin* and….
Crotch on Jennie Garth’s face. Great game.
Posted by
lyfemist
@ 02/02/2004 10:25 PM EST
I’m quiting
Posted by
matt
@ 02/03/2004 8:05 PM EST
Someone mentioned the Ungame, which reminded me of when my mother bought a copy from a yard sale (or possibly from the Salvation Army… I wasn’t there) and brought it home along with a couple of other old board games.
Upon looking at the rules for the first time, my sister and I were seriously underwhelmed.
The board vaguely resembles a Monopoly board, but instead of property, the spaces contain text instructing you to tell the other players something about yourself or ask another player to do the same.
There’s no goal of any sort - you play for however long you feel like, and the instructions state that after that, "everyone wins". In reality, we all ended up agreeing that the only way to win is not to play, and the box was shelved, never to be opened again.
The box mentioned that it’s good for therapy sessions, and it seems to be telling the truth there - one would have to be completely insane in the membrane to derive any meaningful enjoyment from playing this game.
Posted by
Deltoid P. Hamsterlicker
@ 02/05/2004 8:28 PM EST
I was suprised the Saved By The Bell board game didn’t make the list. Boy did that game blow chunks.
Posted by
JohnnyBbad
@ 02/06/2004 5:00 PM EST
You overlooked the Pacman boardgame. I think it played similar to the Tetris game (namely, no one had any idea how to play, win or lose). It had lots of marble ‘pellets’ and an overly elaborate Pacman that would ‘eat’ the marbles (some of the time). Each game had players randomly doing whatever they wanted until the marbles disappeared or until the board was nudged and all the marbles roled onto the floor and under the couch.
Posted by
Nizzler
@ 02/09/2004 1:44 PM EST
matt, my dear matt. clearly you’ve never played the mr. t game. i don’t know if this has been mentioned here, there’s way too many comments for me to go through and find out. it was made in 1983, and i scored a copy at a thrift store for $8, brand new. there’s not really a point, you just get an a-team character gamepiece, and try to get to 3 different places in town and then to the airport before you run out of time on the clock/spinner thing. you can also ride the A-team bus to make your task easier, but although the directions tell you how to get on the bus, they never tell you how to get off. i love the mr. t game, but it really does suck.
Posted by
ravencasey
@ 02/11/2004 10:38 AM EST
Damien, have you got a copy of the rules for Jurassic Park? or anyone else for that matter.
Posted by
Jon
@ 02/11/2004 4:34 PM EST
Ummm….I think I played that He-Man board game with my cousin. It really was awful. But at least I didn’t play that 90210 or Full House game. Then I’d have to be made fun of.
Posted by
shelly
@ 02/16/2004 3:47 PM EST
The worst game i have ever played was a game called something like, dont melt the ice or something like that. no, not dont break the ice, this was different. it pitted two or more people against each other with an ice cube, and the object of the game was to be the one whose ice cube lasted the longest. you would take turns spinning the little dial and it would tell you to put the ice in hot water or put salt on it. enivitably, i was young so i would just pour salt on my ice cube and eat it. needless to say, i never won.
Posted by
Ducky
@ 02/17/2004 6:42 PM EST
I Remember when i was Really young, i had a Home Alone 2: Lost in new york Game. I Didn’t even know how to play it.
i have that full house game..its pretty cool, cept i always lost when i played cuz i never seemed 2 b able to get michelles card..
Posted by
buggles
@ 03/06/2004 5:12 PM EST
i feel sorry for buggles that u even liked the full house game the show was for fags!!!!!and for the collector i really liked tha article verry humerous!!!!!
Posted by
big papa
@ 03/26/2004 3:06 AM EST
Hey - I just picked up the Full House game today but am missing the instructions! Can anyone help me out? Email from my web site.
Thanks
Ok Well I actually came on here looking for the instructions to Dizzy dizzy dinosaur. I had it as a kid and got it at a garage sale for my daughter and she wants to play but I can’t remember how you are able to stack the pieces and have them go as a pair or 3 stacked up. if anyone knows can u email me at this name at yahoo please.
Although some pretty bad games I remember were Girl Talk and Mall Madness and my brother and I always hated mouse trap you could never get the dang trap to fall right it was always way off or fell when it wasnt supposed to. Crappy and the Full house game and tetris game I think me and my brother slowly left the pieces laying around for mom to throw away then when they were gone she tossed the whole box out.
Posted by
im2good4foolz
@ 08/19/2006 3:37 PM EDT
by the way the clear blocks? and little hammer game also had a man that sat on a block and you had to knock one block out of the tray thing at a time and u got to pick whatever one u wanted to know out and it was “Don’t Break the Ice” I loved that game and played it alone all the time since my brother was too old to play board games with me. The ungame is actually used by alot of counselors and shit.. and man I will never play that game.
Posted by
im2good4foolz
@ 08/19/2006 3:52 PM EDT
Hi, I need help!! I am looking for info about BABOON BALL .
Does anyone know who made the game? And/Or does anyone have one to sell?
PLEEEEASE!!!!!!!
and Thank you, KJ
Email me at : babybear0@yahoo.com
Posted by
KJ
@ 10/04/2006 2:20 PM EDT
the marble game was called stay alive http://www.boardgamegeek.com/image/7080
Posted by
1niceharo
@ 11/13/2006 9:27 AM EST
Joe, Matt:
I had this game, and yes, the board-rotation thing was the really cool thing about this game. Basically, when you landed on one of the two orange squares, you would rotate the clear grid on the board 90 degrees counter-clockwise. Which meant if you are on the last square, you’d get bumped back to the second row! It actually made this game more than just a snakes-n-ladders on roids.
Posted by
thaMANSTA
@ 12/04/2008 8:03 PM EST
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Today’s article focuses in on five of the worst board games I’ve ever owned, a list that will shock and appall you to no end. It’s a good mix of old favorites and old hated pieces of crap. We’ve got games based on He-Man and M.U.S.C.L.E., Tetris, 90210 and the game that broke the mold: “Full House.” Are you ready to party? On another topic, I changed the main page a bit. Got rid of the title graphics on the article list, swapping ‘em out for text. Probably won’t kill your eyes as much anymore.
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
