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New Article: Shitty Board Games!

Today's article focuses in on five of the worst board games I've ever owned, a list that will shock and appall you to no end. It's a good mix of old favorites and old hated pieces of crap. We've got games based on He-Man and M.U.S.C.L.E., Tetris, 90210 and the game that broke the mold: "Full House." Are you ready to party? On another topic, I changed the main page a bit. Got rid of the title graphics on the article list, swapping 'em out for text. Probably won't kill your eyes as much anymore.

Posted by Matt on 01/22/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 294 comments
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90210 Entangler

*spin* and….
Crotch on Jennie Garth’s face. Great game.

Chestnuts roasted by lyfemist @ 02/02/2004 10:25 PM

I’m quiting

Chestnuts roasted by matt @ 02/03/2004 8:05 PM

Someone mentioned the Ungame, which reminded me of when my mother bought a copy from a yard sale (or possibly from the Salvation Army… I wasn’t there) and brought it home along with a couple of other old board games.

Upon looking at the rules for the first time, my sister and I were seriously underwhelmed.

The board vaguely resembles a Monopoly board, but instead of property, the spaces contain text instructing you to tell the other players something about yourself or ask another player to do the same.

There’s no goal of any sort – you play for however long you feel like, and the instructions state that after that, "everyone wins". In reality, we all ended up agreeing that the only way to win is not to play, and the box was shelved, never to be opened again.

The box mentioned that it’s good for therapy sessions, and it seems to be telling the truth there – one would have to be completely insane in the membrane to derive any meaningful enjoyment from playing this game.

Chestnuts roasted by Deltoid P. Hamsterlicker @ 02/05/2004 8:28 PM

I was suprised the Saved By The Bell board game didn’t make the list. Boy did that game blow chunks.

Chestnuts roasted by JohnnyBbad @ 02/06/2004 5:00 PM

You overlooked the Pacman boardgame. I think it played similar to the Tetris game (namely, no one had any idea how to play, win or lose). It had lots of marble ‘pellets’ and an overly elaborate Pacman that would ‘eat’ the marbles (some of the time). Each game had players randomly doing whatever they wanted until the marbles disappeared or until the board was nudged and all the marbles roled onto the floor and under the couch.

Chestnuts roasted by Nizzler @ 02/09/2004 1:44 PM

matt, my dear matt. clearly you’ve never played the mr. t game. i don’t know if this has been mentioned here, there’s way too many comments for me to go through and find out. it was made in 1983, and i scored a copy at a thrift store for $8, brand new. there’s not really a point, you just get an a-team character gamepiece, and try to get to 3 different places in town and then to the airport before you run out of time on the clock/spinner thing. you can also ride the A-team bus to make your task easier, but although the directions tell you how to get on the bus, they never tell you how to get off. i love the mr. t game, but it really does suck.

Chestnuts roasted by ravencasey @ 02/11/2004 10:38 AM

Damien, have you got a copy of the rules for Jurassic Park? or anyone else for that matter.

Chestnuts roasted by Jon @ 02/11/2004 4:34 PM

Ummm….I think I played that He-Man board game with my cousin. It really was awful. But at least I didn’t play that 90210 or Full House game. Then I’d have to be made fun of.

Chestnuts roasted by shelly @ 02/16/2004 3:47 PM

The worst game i have ever played was a game called something like, dont melt the ice or something like that. no, not dont break the ice, this was different. it pitted two or more people against each other with an ice cube, and the object of the game was to be the one whose ice cube lasted the longest. you would take turns spinning the little dial and it would tell you to put the ice in hot water or put salt on it. enivitably, i was young so i would just pour salt on my ice cube and eat it. needless to say, i never won.

Chestnuts roasted by Ducky @ 02/17/2004 6:42 PM

I Remember when i was Really young, i had a Home Alone 2: Lost in new york Game. I Didn’t even know how to play it.

Chestnuts roasted by Forgotten sin @ 03/05/2004 3:16 AM

i have that full house game..its pretty cool, cept i always lost when i played cuz i never seemed 2 b able to get michelles card..

Chestnuts roasted by buggles @ 03/06/2004 5:12 PM

i feel sorry for buggles that u even liked the full house game the show was for fags!!!!!and for the collector i really liked tha article verry humerous!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by big papa @ 03/26/2004 3:06 AM

Hey – I just picked up the Full House game today but am missing the instructions! Can anyone help me out? Email from my web site.

Thanks

Chestnuts roasted by dinosnert @ 05/22/2004 5:01 PM

Ok Well I actually came on here looking for the instructions to Dizzy dizzy dinosaur. I had it as a kid and got it at a garage sale for my daughter and she wants to play but I can’t remember how you are able to stack the pieces and have them go as a pair or 3 stacked up. if anyone knows can u email me at this name at yahoo please.
Although some pretty bad games I remember were Girl Talk and Mall Madness and my brother and I always hated mouse trap you could never get the dang trap to fall right it was always way off or fell when it wasnt supposed to. Crappy and the Full house game and tetris game I think me and my brother slowly left the pieces laying around for mom to throw away then when they were gone she tossed the whole box out.

Chestnuts roasted by im2good4foolz @ 08/19/2006 3:37 PM

by the way the clear blocks? and little hammer game also had a man that sat on a block and you had to knock one block out of the tray thing at a time and u got to pick whatever one u wanted to know out and it was “Don’t Break the Ice” I loved that game and played it alone all the time since my brother was too old to play board games with me. The ungame is actually used by alot of counselors and shit.. and man I will never play that game.

Chestnuts roasted by im2good4foolz @ 08/19/2006 3:52 PM

Hi, I need help!! I am looking for info about BABOON BALL .
Does anyone know who made the game? And/Or does anyone have one to sell?

PLEEEEASE!!!!!!!
and Thank you, KJ
Email me at : babybear0@yahoo.com

Chestnuts roasted by KJ @ 10/04/2006 2:20 PM

the marble game was called stay alive http://www.boardgamegeek.com/image/7080

Chestnuts roasted by 1niceharo @ 11/13/2006 9:27 AM

Joe, Matt:
I had this game, and yes, the board-rotation thing was the really cool thing about this game. Basically, when you landed on one of the two orange squares, you would rotate the clear grid on the board 90 degrees counter-clockwise. Which meant if you are on the last square, you’d get bumped back to the second row! It actually made this game more than just a snakes-n-ladders on roids.

Chestnuts roasted by thaMANSTA @ 12/04/2008 8:03 PM

I loved this article. Those games are seriously embarrassing!

Chestnuts roasted by Jen @ 03/10/2010 11:17 PM

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This entry was posted on Thursday, January 22nd, 2004 at 3:55 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.