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Hrm. Let’s give this a try…

Today's Stupid Poll: What's the worst movie you've ever seen in theaters? Though "Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie" seems oddly entertaining to me now, I forced my mother to bring me home no more than 20 minutes in. Other candidates include "Career Opportunities" and "Murder By The Numbers," but that last one wasn't by choice. Leave your picks in the comments...

Posted by Matt on 01/20/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 257 comments

Nothing But Trouble – This film took big stars and made them suck. Demi Moore, Chevy Case, Dan Akroyd, and The Digital Underground (Do the Humpty Hump). Its a film that is so bad that it needed a music video in the middle to make it longer.

Also I sort of tolerated the 5th Element the first time I saw it in the theater, but now HBO thinks that we need to see this one every day. Seriously, this film is on one of the HBO’s constantly. Talk about beating a dead horse.

Chestnuts roasted by Moose @ 01/20/2004 5:26 PM

"Dumb and Dumberer" (Lost a bet and figured the director of "Mr. Show" would make it at least decent. He showed that he needs Bob and David; like how he messed up "Run Ronnie Run" by not allowing them to make their cut to the film.)
Crash (David Croenberg’s movie about people having car accidents and the fetish they develop from the experience. Walked out after James Spader and Rosanna Arquette’s leg gash had a passionate moment.)
"Star Wars: Episode I" (I was yelled at opening night by the SW fans since I could not control my laughter.)
"Gattaca" (Theatre manager woke me up from my snooze because I was snoring too loud.)
Emmerich’s "Godzilla" (I started doing an impression of a Japanese scientist. He was was supposedly the scientific advisor for the film. Had a third of the audience listening and laughing at me during the final ten minutes.)
"Master of the Universe" (The first movie I was ever disappointed by as a kid. I love the movie now for its goofiness and of course Dolph at the Thanksgiving day parade.)

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/20/2004 5:41 PM

I don’t remember ever seeing a movie I truly hated in the theater, but then, I’m generally easy on movies. Even ones that other people say suck (for instance, I love "Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey," both recent "Star Wars" movies, and "Return to Oz," which my parents have on tape at home). I’m not a horror fan or a fan of really sophmoric humor, which eliminates such obvious canadates as "Freddy Got Fingered" and "The Blair Witch Project" (my sisters loved that movie, go figure). I did hate "Godzilla" when my brother got so into it (big dinosaur that eats New York, big deal).

When I was a teenager, I would see a movie every August, one of the worst months of the year for movies, usually because I was bored. I would never have even debated seeing "A Very Brady Sequal" otherwise. No masterpiece, but not bad (Matt, you’re a Brady fan, you may already have seen it). I also saw "The Replacements" in August – fun, if you can get past the fact that if Keanu Reeves is a quarterback, I’m Jennifer Lopez.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 01/20/2004 5:49 PM

Worst movie- Rollerball… the remake. I have this friend who was dying to see it and nobody would go with her… so I did. I should have listened to everybody else. We both thought it was awful, and I threw down $8.50 to see it… then somebody threw out my ticket.

Worst movie experience for a good movie- 101 Dalmatians- the original. I was maybe 4 or 5 years old, and we sat in front of this other family. It’s a dog (and occasionally cat, right?) movie, and their little kid, who was maybe a year younger than me, would yell "Cat, cat!" or "Dog, dog!" EVERY time that one would come onscreen. It was horrible.

And in response to whoever (whomever?) mentioned Tomcats (I’m too lazy to look for it, sorry!), my best friend paid to see a different movie and snuck into the theater to see that. She still regrets it to this day.

Chestnuts roasted by Rainbowfeet @ 01/20/2004 5:55 PM

Casual Sex? Ah 1988, I was 14 and I was going to see a movie with Sex in the title…

Chestnuts roasted by goblin22 @ 01/20/2004 5:57 PM

Secrets and Lies.

Two hours of pure Life Channel quality torture for a 13 year old girl to sit through.

Chestnuts roasted by Lucky Cat @ 01/20/2004 6:05 PM

Bless The Child

I dragged my date to this frigging movie, expecting some sort of Exorcist type movie. I wound up bored off of my ass the whole time. I don’t know if the suckiness of the movie caused this, but i’ll blame it anyway: my date wound up with a migraine, and i didn’t get any after the movie. stupid fucking flick

Chestnuts roasted by Jerry Atrik @ 01/20/2004 6:23 PM

no one has said bio-dome or fear dot com, im amazed

Chestnuts roasted by spongerob @ 01/20/2004 6:33 PM

I’m pretty easy on movies,and try not to go to movies I don’t really want to see,but in hindsight,King Ralph and Look Who’s Talking Too probably weren’t the greatest films to go see in the theater. I saw The Santa Clause 2,but that was becuase the movie I really wanted to see was sold out.

Chestnuts roasted by Overlord @ 01/20/2004 6:37 PM

I hate walking out of a movie that I spent money on, but I went to go see Down with Love a few months ago, that was an awful awful movie and 30 minutes into it, I walked out. Other bad ones, Love Actually, anything with Tom Green. When I was about 12, I saw the movie ED, with joey from friends. I didn’t walk out of that one, but I should have. Was boring and had the worst looking gorilla ever,but if I remember right, it played baseball. Whoo

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 01/20/2004 6:39 PM

Rainbowfeet…. It was I who mention the magnificence that is Tomcats, and like ten other people on here, I truely feel for your poor friend, I still have night terrors about that damn movie.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/20/2004 6:40 PM

I did not see this movie in theaters, but it is the worst movie ever made. GUMMO. It is so fucking boring and without a plot. It’s truely, truely hard to watch. UGH!

Chestnuts roasted by mindsuckr @ 01/20/2004 6:43 PM

Just remembered two more, saw these as a child, was young enough at the time that I didn’t realize they sucked. Cop and 1/2, the fantastic Burt Renolds film where in he befriends a small black child and, naturally, takes him with him on drug busts, and Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot. God, I actually liked those as a kid, I must have been the only 6 year old in midwestern Illinois on crack.

Chestnuts roasted by The Dude @ 01/20/2004 6:44 PM

i know everyone is thinking it but Congo the movie was horrible, i heard the book was good though

Chestnuts roasted by spongerob @ 01/20/2004 6:52 PM

All of you be grateful that you haven’t seen the second worst movie in the whole world: 2001′s "Waking Life."

Here’s the plot: Ugly, squishy-looking rotoscoped animation tells the story of people babbling at length about the meaning of life and the meaning of dreams, and there’s some sort of subplot about how a guy is dreaming all this. The first plot point comes a half-hour into the movie, where he flips a switch and the lights don’t go off.

In essence, you could see this movie for free by walking into Starbucks, finding a smug, self-congratulatory first-year sociology student, and ask him/her to wax philosophical about how they know the real answer to the world’s problems, and wave a frosted shower door in front of their faces as they do so. I promise you wouldn’t notice the difference.

The worst movie in the entire world, worse than Plan 9, Manos, and Batman & Robin combined, is of course The Neverending Story III… but I didn’t see that in theaters, so it don’t count here.

Chestnuts roasted by G'Tron @ 01/20/2004 7:22 PM

mindsuckr, Gummo is great to guy like me with a strange sense of humor. Harmony Korine made it, and like his Julien: Donkey Boy, I found it to be "painfully hilarious." Painful in that he writes and shoots realistic-like scenerios (Dogme95 style) and hilarious in the same twisted realistic-like way the odd moments come off.

Chestnuts roasted by 5/8ths of a swell person @ 01/20/2004 7:27 PM

I see a lot of movies in theaters, but I try to find the good in all the movies I see. Dana Carvey’s impression of Quint from Jaws was almost worth the $2 I paid to see "Master of Disguise." I don’t remember what I liked about the "Planet of the Apes" remake, but it was overshadowed by the fact that it was a really late showing and I went with my stepbrother’s pot-smoking friends.

But I have to say that the first movie that I saw in theaters that I remember not liking was "Star Trek V". Looking at IMDb, I had to have been 5, it’s amazing I still remember seeing it. All I can really remember is McCoy watching his father die and me thinking, "what?" I may not have thought it was bad then (I don’t remember), but I know it’s bad now.

Chestnuts roasted by 005 @ 01/20/2004 7:33 PM

Ah!, I have seen Waking Life, it was wierd, but not half bad. I still think it should have been nominated that year for best animated film.

I even own it on dvd, though I haven’t watched it…

Oh I know the 2nd worst movie I ever paid to see.

Super Mario bros.

*shudders at the thought*

Chestnuts roasted by Chris @ 01/20/2004 7:40 PM

My bf and I looked forward to seeing Jurassic Park III with glee as soon as it was announced. Yes, we should have learned from The Lost World, but what can I say? We were young and hopeful. Halfway through the movie, he turned to me and said "If that little kid is not torn to pieces when they find him, I’m walking out." Of course *spoiler alert* somehow the thirteen year old boy survived on an island full of dinosaurs with only a bottle of T-Rex pee to his name, when dozens of muscleheads with bazookas were killed within minutes, and dinosaur and security experts were devoured. Pure sequel logic. At that point, the movie had gotten so ridiculous that our curiousity got the better of us and we broke our promise to walk out. That’s the closest I’ve ever come to walking out of a theater. (MST fans always have a reason to watch even the worst movies)
After paying to see Matrix Reloaded, I wasn’t stupid enough to pay for Revolutions, so I downloaded a camcorder version. During the most dramatic moments, the audience would be laughing so hard at the horrible script that you couldn’t even hear the dialog!
Technically, I didn’t see it in theaters, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the disaster that was Rob Zombie’s House of 1000 Corpses. Add one part horror schlock, two parts derivative gore, three parts bad acting; chill and serve.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 01/20/2004 7:49 PM

Bulletproof Monk.

I was forced to go. I protested all the way. We watched it in dead silence and when the credits rolled, we sat motionless. Then, my boyfriend spoke up.
"Well.. I guess Shannon was right."

Chestnuts roasted by Isca @ 01/20/2004 7:57 PM

Bad movies – so many to choose from…

KIng Kong, the 70′s version with the monkey climbing up the Trade Center is horrible. Seeing Kong blow dry that chick after showering her in a water fall was just too strange.

Bram Strokers Dracula – I walked out after I got tired of stabbing myself in the arm with my car keys to stay awake.

The Chase with Charlie Sheen and Kristy Swanson. The entire movie was stupid, but them having sex while driving a car in police chase was even more stupid.

The Skulls or whatever it was that had the kid from the Mighty Ducks and the ever cardboard Paul Walker. What a shitty movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Planet Garp @ 01/20/2004 8:12 PM

I have to go with the movie They…thankfully the only thing I really remember after that disaster was this guy walking out of it saying..and I quote "so…They were..Monkeys!?"

Chestnuts roasted by Kyle @ 01/20/2004 8:13 PM

Kart Racer.

Jesus fuck was that ever terrible.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 01/20/2004 8:54 PM

I can’t believe I left out Congo (A Tim Curry classic, if ever there could be one). This was right after Jurassic Park, so there was no excuse fo rthe terrible animatronics and CGI in a Crichton-based film. But yes, the book is decent. Not great, nothing remarkable, but should have produced a MUCH better film.

And yet one other–Eraserhead. Artistic film noire featuring a screeching thing and a plotless story. I stayed only to se Iron Monkey afterwards.

And I shouldn’t have knocked Lost in Space, I have great Drive-In memories of that film from my second viewing, if you catch my drift. We (me and ex-girlfriend) knew we weren’t missing much, and had already seen Scream (2? maybe? It sucked too, but not as bad). But we were already there…

We left soon after.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 01/20/2004 9:27 PM

Congo was bad, wasn’t it…I think I had blocked that from my mind. It’s sad too because the book was pretty good. Just the movie did do much for character development. I couldn’t have cared less if any of them had died. And then came the apes. That was a shoot me now moment.

Spongerob- I just saw feardotcom on cable a couple of days ago. It most definitely was a poke your eyes out to save yourself movie.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/20/2004 10:09 PM

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