Ooo! Comic books kick butt! Yay for Matt!

Can I brag about first post?

Ghosted by Spacey @ 01/19/2004 5:21 AM EST

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You know and I know that the Kool-Aid man be perpetratin, ya heard? Since he came out, big sistas can’t be wearin red outfits without somebody yellin "Yo, Kool-Aid" and humiliatin them. And all the lil brothas and sistas in the projects be drinkin Kool-Aid growin up, cuz it so cheap, and you know this, playas. The only solace I can find in the situation is that po white trash be sufferin the same fate, fo real. Don’t act like it’s a rare sight to see dirty barefoot redneck children sporting mullets and three-day-old Kool-Aid mustaches, cuz it ain’t.

Soul, peace and hair grease.

Ghosted by Theodore "peanuthead" Long @ 01/19/2004 5:36 AM EST

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I remember this comic. I was a huge archie fan to, was never really into marvel comics. I remeber they used to do alot of adds for sunkist fruit snacks.
Fun article Matt.

Ghosted by turkeys can't fly? @ 01/19/2004 9:20 AM EST

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hey, haven’t gotten the chance to read the article yet, but i was wondering if anyone here remembers a kool-aid man video? i was obsessed with it as a kid, because it had a magic trick where you pick any square on the screen and move however many spaces they tell you to, then they get rid of a couple squares. they keep on doing that, until they’ve picked the exact same square you have left…anyone know what i’m talking about?

man, that jank was way cool.

Ghosted by amber @ 01/19/2004 9:46 AM EST

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Matt,
You’ve done it again! You’ve dug up something that I had as a kid that I totally forgot about and loved at the time. I had a different issue. One had to do with Kool Aid man helping kids win a baseball game, another story took place in outer space and the other one in an amusement park. There wasn’t a scenario they hesitated to put Kool Aid Man in. Thanks for another trip down memory lane! OH YEAH (to quote the big red one himself)
Melissa Y.
(loyal reader and resident Tim Curry fan)

Ghosted by Melissa Y. @ 01/19/2004 10:20 AM EST

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I was really hoping for an ad in the koolaid man comic with the koolaid mans house. I’ve been talking this up on the blog every opportunity I get, and i think I’m the only one who remembers it.

it was an ad for koolaid, but it showed a house that koolaid man lived in, with cool stuff for all the kids to do, and a room to keep the parents busy while we were having fun. I really thought it was a real place, and begging my grandmother to take me there all the time.

Ghosted by chad @ 01/19/2004 11:39 AM EST

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Matt! You need to find the live action comercial that had Sortch in it! It had Scortch stealing the key to Kool-aid land so that The big K himself couldn’t go in and get the newsest flavor. It was part of a contest where if you found one of Scortches foot steps on the inside of your kool aid packs you could win a bike or a NES or some 80’s toy.

Ghosted by Mr Mango @ 01/19/2004 11:56 AM EST

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This one’s for Little Brother, whom I keep bugging to check this place out: Hey Kruel-Aid! (Brrrraaaaappp!) Oh, yeah? Give the Big Red an eyepatch, a wicked scar, tattoo, and a sour expression, and you have our take on the comic books: Kruel-Aid Man. Once, when a local store threw a promotion, there was some poor sap in a Kool-Aid costume. We were there with Ma doin the shopping thing. A couple of our younger cousins were getting books an other assorted crap from K-A Man and one saw me and bro. I made a motion of a quick jab, and the little guy gave the mook a light poke in the snoot. The teen in the suit played along at first, doing the stooge thing of blocking the wrong area and getting hit somewhere else. Then all the other anklebiters had to get in on the act, resulting in Kool-Aid Man getting pummeled by second-graders. The store security that was leading the beloved icon around started giving us teens the horse-eye as he noticed some of the kids talking to us right before the altercation, so I hustled Little Brother down a cereal aisle post-haste. Then we laughed ourselves silly.

Ghosted by kingklash @ 01/19/2004 12:30 PM EST

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Christ, I never thought I’d see a Kool-Aid Man comic again. BTW, Matt, its not Marvel who published this, it was Archie Comics. Unless Marvel owns Archie comics, in which case, fuck me!

Anyway, I remember having one of these. I believe it was issue seven, though I can’t be sure. It took place at the Wacky Warehouse, the place where all the Kool-Aid point premiums were supposedly kept before they tried to hip it up with "the Wacky Warehouse Mall". Anybody else remember that fucking jingle?

Anyway, the story involved KAM inventing a new flavour, but having no idea what to call it. Before he or the kids can think of one, that flaming asshole Scorch steals the formula and leads everyone on a wild chase through the Wacky Warehouse. Now, for some reason, they end up time warping back to the stone age. It was probably explained, but I can’t be bothered to remember. Bottom line, its here that KAM and the kids meet Matt’s hero, Purplesaurus Rex. He helps them get their formula back, and everyone (P-Rex included) warps back to present day. However, Kool-Aid Man, vindictive prick that he is, sends Scorch to chill out for a few hours in the ice age. In the end, KAM names the new Kool-Aid Purplesaurus Rex, which P-Rex only approves of by yelling KAM’s catchphrase, "OH YEAH!"

Shit, I can’t believe I remembered all that. How about rewardeding me with a review of "Mac and Me"?

Ghosted by A-wel Cruiz @ 01/19/2004 1:49 PM EST

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A – A – Awe -Some Article, Matt. Still not as crazy as the one commercial where the Kool-Aid man jumps into a swimming pool full of cement, though.

"You forgot the pitcher!"
"Oh No!"
(Rewind shot of the Kool-Aid man going thtough a wall. A man with a hot dog freaks out. Kool-Aid man comes back through the wall with the pitcher.)
"Oh yeah!"

Ghosted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 01/19/2004 2:31 PM EST

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We used to collect the damn Kool-Aid points. My dad liked the KA lemonade so that’s where most of the points came from. We got this plastic pitcher set with glasses all shaped like the man hisself. Also got beach towels, "singlasses", and assorted shit. Thing I remember most was the damn Atari 2600 game. Cost like 2,000 points and sucked but it was FREE, man and free is good. Usually.

Mac and Me is on of the worst things ever committed to celluloid. It’s a 90 minute McDonalds commercial "Hey kids, buy our mad cow-burgers!" Mac isn’t nuthin except corporate greed disguised as a rubber puppet. If Matt reviews it he might fall over and then what site would we read?

Ghosted by Killer Duck @ 01/19/2004 2:50 PM EST

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Years before I became a superherotype fangirl, I was an Archie fangirl. My original stack of comics was Archie, Alf, Thundercats, and Kool-Aid Man. I had this issue. Now I need to remember what I did with that stack of kiddie comics. I know I still had them before college. I wonder if they’re in my tower of comics I never liked enough to bag and box even when I was doing such things compulsively.

I also need to look for my Kool-Aid points. I had hundreds in a babyfood jar and can’t imagine them getting tossed. I don’t even know if they still do those.

Off topic–Valentines Peeps Vanilla Cream Hearts are really good. I like them better than the Chocobats. Though they’re not nearly as cute.

Ghosted by fangirlx @ 01/19/2004 2:54 PM EST

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Ive decided to take down the site permenantly.

The Kool-Aid man made me do it!! OH YEAH!

Ps. isnt there a way to block out your name especially? heh

Ghosted by Matt @ 01/19/2004 3:46 PM EST

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Pick up Dane Cook’s "Harmful If Swallowed" CD/DVD for some fun with Kool-Aid Man.
http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/read.php?ID=6923

Ghosted by ME @ 01/19/2004 4:45 PM EST

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"Roast my toast!" is now my favorite phrase. I am prepared to use it in puclic and confuse those unacquainted with Scorch. OH YEAH!

Ghosted by Rood @ 01/19/2004 5:02 PM EST

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Great article. Is anyone else reminded of the 1966 Batman episode where Batman and the Joker compete in a surfing contest?

Ghosted by Pig Malien @ 01/19/2004 5:34 PM EST

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Duck,
You got the Kool Aid video game? I’m so freaking jealous! … That is all. Back to work.

Ghosted by Nachokhaki @ 01/19/2004 5:49 PM EST

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I remember back in the day, I had a bitchin’ Kool-Aid punching bag and a well-sculpted Kool-Aid Man figure thanks to Kool-aid points. You know what Kool-Aid Points get you now?
Take a look: http://web.kraftfoods.com/koolaid/2001/ka_all_stuff.html
Crap, it’s all crap!!

Ghosted by Rewolf J @ 01/19/2004 6:19 PM EST

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In near prehistoric times, there used to be this supermarket by my house called "Food Connection". One day while tagging along with my mom on a shopping mission, we ran into some severely discounted Kool-Aid. For some reason, we bought truckloads of the stuff. And when I say truckloads, I mean we were drinking Sharkleberry Fin and Great Bluedini (IT CHANGES COLOR!!) until about a year ago. I still have an unopened package of Sharkleberry tacked to my bulliten board.

Ghosted by Kate @ 01/19/2004 6:54 PM EST

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Man, Kool-Aid Man’s rocking the Lyrca bike-shorts in the first comic. I think it’s odd that such a giant pitcher could fill out hip-hugging pants like that….Um, nevermind.

Ghosted by Evan @ 01/19/2004 7:08 PM EST

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UPDATE!!

I just found the remainder of the said "truckload" of Sharkleberry and Bluedini my mom bought all those millions of years ago….. I actually still own a ton of the stuff! I could probably send some in….?

Ghosted by Kate @ 01/19/2004 7:42 PM EST

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the purple saurus rex appears in the 1989 comic issue I have that one and the you reviewed. What about that Jets’ offer on the back of the comic?

Ghosted by pikachulover @ 01/19/2004 7:56 PM EST

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I just got back from weekly studyt group. they had a figgin cake for me because my birthday in 2 days. It was shaped like a duck then they give me a knife tell me to cut the cake. know hbow much will power it takes to not stab the thing? I had too much to drink as usual and had to have my roommate drive me home. all before nine pm on a monday. thats what i call fun!

Ghosted by Killer Duck @ 01/19/2004 9:01 PM EST

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I thought it was "Riverdale".

On a side note, I used to live in Haverhill, Massachusetts, where the guy who created Archie was born and raised. Tom Bergeron was also from Haverhill. You’ll notice that both went on to achieve their fame after they moved somewhere else, and if you’ve ever been to "Hell Town", you’ll see why.

Ghosted by Monster Dog @ 01/19/2004 9:16 PM EST

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did any one notice in the first comic, betsy picks up the key right after it was heated with out burning herself. And gold is a good conductor of heat and electricity to boot. well roast my toast

Ghosted by the corinthian @ 01/19/2004 9:28 PM EST

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