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New Article: “Critters 3″ Movie Review!

I really want to finish off the "Critters" series, so here's a movie review of "Critters 3." We've already looked at this first two -- this is where the action really got bad. Only notable as Leonardo DiCaprio's film debut, the flick was a low budget pile of crap and the result of two guys halfheartedly interested in making movies having thirty bucks and an afternoon to spare. Not really recommended for "Critters" fans, since it'll ruin your interest in the creatures. Can't really recommend for anyone else, either. You be the judge -- the review includes a few video clips, mainly showing alien porcupines shooting needles at bunny slippers.

Posted by Matt on 01/04/2004. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 59 comments

Duck, that was Mount Fiji. They had a big tribute to her. Remember how each girl rapped before her match about the opponent? They had those too…god they were funny. Along with the most horrible star wipes you’ve ever seen.

Homer: Ned in the shower…and…star wipe.

Lisa: Dad, there are others besides just star wipe.

Chestnuts roasted by Y2JB78 @ 01/05/2004 2:20 PM

Yes! Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter! Fantastically horrible. There’s a dance number, the goodness sakes.

The best part is Jesus fighting the athiests, the same 5 athiests over and over again. They keep coming out of a van, which I couldn’t help but think of as an athiest spawning point.

And let us not forgot Santos!

Chestnuts roasted by Emperor_Zorak @ 01/05/2004 2:32 PM

yesterday I went to california adventure and saw that float that was in the rose parade. I figured I would share since there were parades on the site. I got some pics of it if you would like to see them Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 01/05/2004 2:32 PM

HAve you seen the cheap horror movie: Robot Monster?

The monster is a guy in a gorilla suit with a space helmet. Lowest budget movie I’ve ever seen!!

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 01/05/2004 2:34 PM

Hey Killer Duck I just looked at your personal page and noticed that you live outside of Boston, which hey, thats right near me. What city/town do you live in if you don’t mind me asking?

Chestnuts roasted by Diabetic Dinosaur @ 01/05/2004 2:53 PM

Matt, I like the box art links and comments culled from the imdb. Thanks.

Chestnuts roasted by Vinz Klortho @ 01/05/2004 3:10 PM

heeloyd, don’t forget the bubble machine got a credit. A little boy dreams about the apocalypse. hee.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/05/2004 3:14 PM

Comedy = The Jerk, Too.

Chestnuts roasted by Ubu Rex @ 01/05/2004 3:26 PM

Dinosaur-I live in a smallish town about 15 miles south of bean town. I take classes in Brockton.
I have made up my mind, I need to find the Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter movie. The guys who made South Park had it right- Jesus needs to be seen kicking ass and taking names. More people would convert.
Y2j-Yes! Mt Fiji! She used to "sing" that song (my brother still sings it and pause every now and then to say something that was supposed to be witty. I also remember there were several girls in Daisy Dukes who were farmer’s daughter types. All wanting to be Ellie May Clampett. And there was this one psychotic one. Her hair was all messed up…she must not have been buying the right shampoo. Hair pulling jigglefests…I should have been offended but I never was. I was too busy laughing my ass off.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/05/2004 3:51 PM

I heard that Art Frankel was in one of these Critters films. I am a big fan, just haven seen much of him except for his part in the ring. I think Art needs more recognition.

Chestnuts roasted by Jando @ 01/05/2004 3:59 PM

GLOW girls made an appearence on "Married With Children" and Al got squished.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/05/2004 4:01 PM

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter totally rawks! To think, Christ, who has apparently been hanging out in Canada for the past 2000 years, comes to the church’s rescue to fight lesbian vampires with the aid of Los Santos and Mary Magnum.

I saw this flick in an alterna art gallery/movie theater here in New Orleans while a Kwanzaa celebration was going on in the adjacent room… There’s nothing like watching Christ going Kung Fu on lesbians while African drumbeats spill through paper-thin walls. Kinda fitting in a "Shaft In Africa" kinda way.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 01/05/2004 4:56 PM

Critters 3 is actually the only one in the series I’ve never seen, but judging by the review and clips, plus the fact that I hated the 4th, maybe that’s a good thing. I mean, Christ.

Chestnuts roasted by Behonkiss @ 01/05/2004 5:38 PM

Just on a weird tangent, does anyone know if there’s a proper name for the very Eighties font they use for the title screen and the "TO BE CONTINUED…" besides "After Burner Font", since it’s more or less the exact same font used in the classic Sega arcade game After Burner, but I doubt Sega invented it?

Chestnuts roasted by Steve Brandon @ 01/05/2004 8:13 PM

King-I remember when the GLOW girls were on Married…It’s been so long since I watched that show. I didn’t know it had lasted as long as it did after I stopped watching.
Every time I see King Hippo on the top screen I think of his little theme song. Was I the only one who "sang along" to it (basically making little noises when Hippo opened his mouth)?

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/05/2004 10:54 PM

As much as I loved King Hippo, it was Don Flamenco with whom I "sang" along. And when he threw his rose… "Broing!"

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 01/05/2004 10:58 PM

Since I had no idea what GLOW was, I did a search. Info with video clips:
http://www.tvparty.com/80glow.html

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/06/2004 3:40 AM

They had a segment on the GLOW PPV where they holding a contest for a new girl, and all the contestants had to go get a complete "exam". The door on the doctors office Drs. Fiel and Grope: Gynecology, Psychiatry and something else. God it was corny. They had the Patriotic girl, the sadistic Russian girl, a bunch of cheerleaders (Vicky Victory was my favorite), about 6 farmers daughters, insane housewifes that used to beat people up with egg beaters. The best was the tag team Hollywood and Vine, who were trashy biker hookers. The commentary is the best corny 80s you can find anywhere!

Chestnuts roasted by Y2JB78 @ 01/06/2004 9:47 AM

Don’t forget Matilda the Hun! And her patented headlock variation, the Knocker Locker.

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/06/2004 11:31 AM

Yippi, I did it! post # 45! horray for me! lol actually my reason for celebration is that I recently aquired the entire series of Freakazoid! You can buy it outright from the page I linked my name to, or try your luck on one of the auction pages, though you’ll pay a lot more. or the third option (since I"m not stingy) is that I’ll try to copy them to vcd’s and anyone interested can have them merly for the price of the cd’s they’re on and shipping. that is of course if anyone is interested.

Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 01/06/2004 1:44 PM

I always like when people put things in their Terms and Conditions document that they think will prevent them from being prosecuted for their blatantly illegal activities.

Chestnuts roasted by Ubu Rex @ 01/06/2004 2:05 PM

legal shmegal I’m close enought to canada to run if I’m gonna get in trouble for my precious.

Chestnuts roasted by brandon @ 01/06/2004 2:15 PM

Void where prohibited, prohibited where void, void and prohibited where not allowed, tires and tax not included, pink tutu sold seperately, cards do not talk, if rash develops, discontinue use, do not taunt happy fun ball, and for God’s sake, don’t pick at it or it won’t heal!

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/06/2004 3:40 PM

Oh yes, the Happy Fun Ball. For a list of disclaimers go to : http://www.happyfunball.com/hfb.html

Chestnuts roasted by Gozer @ 01/06/2004 5:31 PM

To those in the Boston area, am I alone in being freaked out by the commericals for Mary Lou’s Coffee? Since I have never been to one of the stores, I honestly do not know if it is supposed to be a Mom and Pop coffee shop version of Hooters. The ladies in the commericals are "locally pretty" as say Matt Damon is "locally handsome" to the region. I realize that I have already put too much into thinking about these commercials, so for those nice enough to read this you can decide for yourselves:
http://www.marylous.com/commercials.html

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 01/06/2004 7:18 PM

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This entry was posted on Sunday, January 4th, 2004 at 6:44 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.