X-Entertainment | New Article: “Critters 3″ Movie Review!

New Article: “Critters 3″ Movie Review!

I really want to finish off the "Critters" series, so here's a movie review of "Critters 3." We've already looked at this first two -- this is where the action really got bad. Only notable as Leonardo DiCaprio's film debut, the flick was a low budget pile of crap and the result of two guys halfheartedly interested in making movies having thirty bucks and an afternoon to spare. Not really recommended for "Critters" fans, since it'll ruin your interest in the creatures. Can't really recommend for anyone else, either. You be the judge -- the review includes a few video clips, mainly showing alien porcupines shooting needles at bunny slippers.

Posted by Matt on 01/04/2004. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 59 comments

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You know, I really think that Critters 2 is the worst. It doesn’t have LEONARDO DICAPRIO going for it. And, I’m sure you realize, Critters 4 is the greatest ever.

Chestnuts roasted by Joshua @ 01/04/2004 6:50 PM

Damn…so close to #1 yet so far off.

Anyways, I think that Critters 2 is the best of the series. You can’t go wrong with the rolling critter ball of doom.

Chestnuts roasted by Diabetic Dinosaur @ 01/04/2004 7:34 PM

Wasn’t the boy played by Dominic from Kindergarden Cop? I guess Leo isn’t the only celebrity HUH?! I hope you’re in the mood for Part 4 soon, can’t wait!

Chestnuts roasted by Mikey @ 01/04/2004 8:17 PM

Dominic = GOTTA GET MY LASERS!

How did it feel to hit that SOB?

Chestnuts roasted by Kristal @ 01/04/2004 9:19 PM

Matt, I liked the IMDB quotes at the end of the article. Nice touch. Is this sort of thing going to become standard around here?

Chestnuts roasted by Cameron @ 01/04/2004 10:11 PM

Hey look it’s the Eggplant Wizard from Kid Icarus!!! I never saw Critters 3, thank gods and eggplant wizards. I remember Seeing the first one because my sister had this thing for the bratty redheaded boy in it. That was the movie that taught me how to make a flamethrower out of a can o hairspray.
Thing is, I love Matt’s style of writing. It’s the things that can’t quite be explained that make it what it is. I dunno I just hope you don’t stop any time soon.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/04/2004 10:11 PM

Heh. Eggplant. Awesome.

Chestnuts roasted by Evin @ 01/04/2004 10:46 PM

I was really pumped for this movie after seeing 1 and 2. This one was so bad I never took the chance of throwing away 2 hours of my life on 4. someone let me know if i’m missing something.

Chestnuts roasted by naturekid @ 01/04/2004 10:48 PM

Hmm… You know, I really think Leo killed "Family Matters"…

Then again, you can’t really kill something that was dead to begin with…

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 01/04/2004 11:41 PM

good review been awhile since i read a "vengeful" matt really tear into soemthing good job

Chestnuts roasted by Scourge @ 01/05/2004 12:21 PM

I don’t think Leo was on Family Matters. He was on Growing Pains, though. Family Matters was the one with Urkel. I think someone shot that show to put it out of its misery.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/05/2004 12:54 PM

long time reader, first time poster…

love the site, love love love.

anyway, as someone who has never seen any of the Critters movies EXCEPT part 3, I’d like to thank Matt for clarifying just who the hell Charlie is, and for making me feel a little better about my experience when I saw the movie, which went a little something like this:

watching, watching, watching…
credits roll…
blinking…

"i’m gonna ask you some questions, and I want you to answer them immediately"

Chestnuts roasted by Geek America @ 01/05/2004 1:45 AM

There was no clip of the bowling footage as I was expecting. Did I miss it? Was it hidden? I Love Stock Footage!!

Awesome review choice! Which critters was the one where they all formed into a big ball and rolled around on a farm or something, and they ate a cow?

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 01/05/2004 2:06 AM

where was the bowling scene? i was expecting a video clip of that. Oh well, good review anyway. I’m still trying to make my was through Nukie… but I just really think it’s impossible.

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 01/05/2004 9:45 AM

For the sake of all bad movies everywere Matt must at least once in his life watch this movie, the king supreame of all that is cheesey, a unholy mishmash rivaling Even Killer Klowns for outerspace, a tour de crap that makes Devil rain look oscar worthy…(Drum roll)….

JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER!!
http://www.badmovies.org/movies/jesusvamp/index.html

You know a move has to be bad movie gold when i has quotes like this:

Praetorious: "We’re running low on skin. I suggest we harvest another lesbian

and

Atheist Woman: "Hello Jesus. You don’t know us because we’ve never talked to you before. We are the atheists."
Guy Atheist: "Look Jesus, we’re taking your second coming ass down!"

Chestnuts roasted by Mr Mango @ 01/05/2004 10:37 AM

"I remember Seeing the first one because my sister had this thing for the bratty redheaded boy in it."

Scott Grimey. Hee.

I wanted to add a comment from something said a few days ago. I’m also of the female gender. I wonder how many of us there are here?

Chestnuts roasted by trajeal @ 01/05/2004 11:34 AM

I imagine there’s probably a bit more male readers here than female…but not much
Yes, Scott Grimes. He was on Star Search or something and my sister LOVED him. Yuk. Heeloyd, the giant ball was either in 1 or 2. Matt reviewed those and I think there’s a link in the article.

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/05/2004 12:00 PM

Both "Gremlins," first "Ghoulies," and the first two "Critters" are among my favorite "Let’s write a story that’s a rip off of the reproduction angle from ‘Trouble with Tribbles’" school of pop video culture. Even that old Partridge Family cartoon had an episode like that. ye gods, i’m old…..

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/05/2004 12:18 PM

so Titanic was mostly cast with actors from the various Critters movies? that explains a lot.

Chestnuts roasted by akbarium @ 01/05/2004 12:42 PM

Yup, king, you are.
So you are saying that the tribbles reproduced by getting wet?

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/05/2004 12:43 PM

I think that, following the resounding box office success of Freddy vs. Jason, they should make Ghoulies vs. Critters.

Chestnuts roasted by gmfbrown @ 01/05/2004 1:28 PM

Last night on PPV they had a wrestling classics episode of GLOW…yes, that GLOW. I was so little at the time it was out I never realized how corny it was, but believe me. Right down to the horrible puns and bad 80′s hair and studded jackets. Matt, let me know if you want a copy and I will send it. It just SCREAMED X-E review.

Chestnuts roasted by Y2JB78 @ 01/05/2004 1:30 PM

Ok, thanx fer th’correction, Duck, but stiiilll…. Last tall girl I knew also kept me on my toes, so to speak. A five-nine Kiowa vs a six-one Amazon? Sprite had a definite leverage advantage on me. Little Bro has a favorite scene in Titanic: When Leo-sicle sinks beneath the waves because the rich chick won’t move her fat caboose to give him room. Combine this movie with "Critters" and "Pirates of…Black Pearl" and maybe you got something. Zombie Jack fighting Crites in the bowels of the sunken ship. maybe not…

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/05/2004 1:33 PM

I think Gremlins vs Critters vs Goulies…but not the dumbass goulies that were like midgets in costumes. Im talking 100%puppets. We don’t need no stinkin’ computer animation!
Y2J-my sibs and I used to watch GLOW in the late hours on one of the local stations many moons ago. There was this fat ass polynesian lady who used to do this dance thing…and they always were shilling the shampoo where they’d be shopping at the supermarket and a fight would break out over the shampoo. And the announcers were worse than Jerry Lawler with his puppies comments, if that’s possible.
I’m surprised no one ever made Leo from Titanic ice pops. Look, it’s Leonardo with a stick up his ass! What’s so unusual about that…

Chestnuts roasted by Killer Duck @ 01/05/2004 1:50 PM

Ok, everybody just tuning in for the first time, all together now: WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?

Chestnuts roasted by kingklash @ 01/05/2004 2:12 PM

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