Ahhh, the good ol’ Christmas fallout. Everything always seems a little off for a few days after Christmas; it’s some kind of immobilizing lull that we all fall into before prying ourselves out to get drunk on New Year’s Eve. It didn’t really hit me too hard this year — I became way too busy in December to even realize how close Christmas was, so it just kinda came and went. Yes, I caught the Christmas Story marathon. I didn’t beat my personal record, but I think we scored 4-5 full viewings.

On top of finishing the Advent Calendar, I had to get my three print articles done on Christmas Eve — this kept me swamped till around 4 PM, at which point I had to jet into the shower and outta the house. We got to my sister’s around six, drank lots of wine, made sure to steal enough rumaki to last us till 2007, and by 2 AM, we were home. Christmas Day was spent at my girlfriend’s brother’s house, with a side trip to my parents’ to see everyone who couldn’t make the Eve party. Sound like a mess? Oh yeah, it was. Christmas night was spent with our friends at a bar in a Chinese restaurant — one of our newer traditions from recent years. We were the only people in the place, downing Zombies and thanking the hosts repeatedly for letting us smoke despite NY’s stupid bar laws.

Anyways, it was fun. Hope yours was the same. More importantly, here’s some of the stuff I got. Keep in mind, I come from a huge family. This might seem like an impressive haul to the untrained, but I had to give out just as many gifts. Actually, since my siblings have spawned 14,000 children, I had to give out eighty times as many gifts. That said, this was an excellent year for free stuff. I nailed practically an entire new wardrobe, which is doubly nice as I’ve been wearing the same pair of jeans for the past, oh, year. I don’t think anyone needs to see pictures of my clothes, so here’s most of everything else. A couple of choice items are stuffed too far under the tree for me to dig out at the moment without topping it over, but here’s the rest…

Click “more,” you goats.

DVD player. Huzzah.

Star Wars books. I lost these novels and needed new ones — “Tales From Jabba’s Palace” is great fun for fans of the movie. I never got too into the extended Star Wars Universe stuff, but these are kept simple enough for casual fans to follow. All of the “Tales” novels take minor characters from the movies, providing them with neat little stories that either explain their origin or, you know, how they blew up.

Not only can I make S’mores — I can make S’mores inside or outside. I am the S’more King.

Yep, my family’s on to me.

This thing is great. It’s sort of like sitting on a warm, dying animal. Its death rattles keep your back soothed and your ass toasty.

Okay, I’m not really sure what this R2-D2 thing actually is yet, but it looks amazing. Carries soda cans, lights up, beeps, strolls around — it’s just like owning a real R2. Just midget-sized. It’s the travel edition R2 unit.

Original TMNT movie one-sheet, framed. My girlfriend found this at some old pharmacy. We check those places all the time — always full of hidden treasures. Plus, I’ve been going absolutely batshit trying to find any last vestiges of Pine Brothers’ cherry cough drops. I used to live on the things. Now I’ll have to live on my TMNT poster. Sucks, cause it’s not cherry flavored.

I don’t want to say too much about the above item, since I’ll be doing an article on it soon. Suffice to say, it’s my new favorite thing in the world.

No wait — that’s my new favorite thing in the world.

No wait — that’s my new favorite thing, and yes, I mean it this time. “Gremlins” action figures. Big, well-detailed suckers that make me want to be a better person. They may very well be my personal favorite toys of all time. Expect an article on all four soon.

Stripe bobblehead thing. I got the Gizmo version last year. Now my life is complete. Woooo.

I’m including some of the woman’s stuff for posterity’s sake — here’s some of the Care Bears shit I handed over this year. That makes the total number of plush Care Bear dolls in our apartment 52,002. 52,003 if you count the dirty bootleg we won in Seaside.

More Care Bears madness. It’s some kind of Care Bears Christmas tree/giant snowglobe, and whether you’re a CB fan or not, it rocks. The top of the tree has a hollow tube that constantly sprays little styrofoam snowballs, while the tree itself has ten trillion fiberoptics that dazzle all onlookers with every color of the rainbow. The Care Bears are also present, spinning around the tree in a fit of holiday cheer. Pretty cool and pretty purdy.

A TV/VCR combo, mostly for use in conjunction with the movie reviews I do on the site. See, it’s a pain in ass to walk all the way to the other side of the room. Now I never have to leave this chair. I’m thoroughly convinced that, in time, man will evolve and drop the legs entirely. We’ll just be bulbous lumps with thirty fingers on each of our six hands.

More Care Bears stuff for the woman. She loves her Care Bears.

My sister gave us enough quesadilla equipment to cook for Mexico in its entirety.

At the same pharmacy, my g/f located a bootleg Trapper Keeper and assorted TMNT folders. Damn, I used to have most of ‘em, too. Interestingly enough, the folders range in production dates from 1989 to 1993. You can totally see the downfall of the original Ninja Turtles — they looked as we all love to remember ‘em in ‘89, but by ‘93, every damn one of them was either carrying some goofy instrument or wearing hip hop clothes. I prefer my Turtles naked and unhip.

My very first Stretch Screamer. Can’t believe it took this long.

If you’ve ever wondered what a person like me does to relax, you’re looking at it up above. My collection of animal books/encyclopedias numbers in the very high dozens. They’re practically the only books I’ve ever read cover to cover. You’d think that someone who writes for a living might broaden their horizons by reading a bit, but what can I say? I’m uneducated, and I like using the same words over and over again.

On the upside, I know a thing or two about how wolf spiders mate and care for their young. It ain’t pretty.

This was one of the woman’s main gifts from me — a silver and topaz bracelet. Or, as I announced it to everyone, “a real silver bracelet with real topaz — it’s all real real real.” I’m adamant about stressing that “real” part. It’s real I swear.

We had a few things that had to be exchanged — shown above was what we got instead with the Toys ‘R’ Us store credit. Since Christmas is dead and gone, these gigantic Rudolph toys were 50% off. “Bumble’s Reform” is a personal fave, but let’s not discount the big ol’ Rudolph, complete with a light-up nose.

I picked these 12″ G.I. Joe toys up with store credit, too — I’ve wanted that Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow two-pack for a long time, and yes, it’s awesome. You’ll be seeing these fellows in an article soon.

Oh — since we had to make room for all of this crap, a lot of my Advent Calendar schtuff had to get shoved on the wall unit. Not the most attractive display in the world, but at least it’s festive.

That about wraps it up. The Calendar, by the way, is finally finished. I had fun with it, but to be honest, I’m glad it’s over. I get more enjoyment trying to pluck articles from all over the place rather than in a set pattern, so I’ll probably quench my thirst this month and get a little more “experimental.” You’ll see what I mean in the coming weeks. Basically, I want to see how the articles are received with different formats and schemes — not just the standard “pic -> paragraphs -> pic” that I’ve been bleeding out for the past three years. Other than that, I’d like to get a few movie reviews up this month. Haven’t really had the chance to do ‘em for a while now, and there’s a cabinet full of really shitty flicks standing next to me. They need their little tributes, y’know?

Hope everyone had a great holiday — if you’re kinda here-and-there with the net during the holiday week, I’ll be proactive and wish you a HAPPIE NEWW YEAH, too. The next article’ll be up either on Monday or Tuesday. It’s got nothing to do with any holiday. Thank God.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!