It’s official. This is the coolest motherfucker I’ve ever seen…
I doubt that many people have ever even heard of “Ooze-It,” much less seen one firsthand. It’s a real shame, too — this may very well be the best “slime toy” ever. Yep, maybe even cooler than the original Masters of the Universe “Slime Pit,” and definitely cooler than anything slimy from that Harry Potter collection. Though made by the semi-famous Imperial Toys, the only company name on the box is “OI” — “Ooze-It Incorporated.” Seriously. The toy is so great, it owns its own company. It owns its own. Yeehah. Though from 1975, I was happy to find that the extremely elusive toy wasn’t just complete, but was even in nigh-perfect shape. I’ve got no idea what it’s worth; things like this generally have an audience with collectors, but really, who cares what it’s worth? It’s not like I’m ever going to sell something this terrific.
There’s the figure, standing tall at a glorious nine inches, made of soft green rubber with plastic plugs covering up all his giant face holes. Next to the creature is his chosen elixir: a bottle of “Ooze-It Ooze.” Totally full, too — I’m not sure if this thing was ever played with by its previous owner. I’m not going to repeat their mistake…
Okay, the Ooze itself is the most desired type of toy slime — picture “Ectoplasm” from Kenner’s “The Real Ghostbusters” series. Really, really fluid. Really, really sticky. After unscrewing the monster’s head, you fill up his body with the red plague and prepare to have the time of your life.
After removing Ooze-It’s face plugs, the slime splurts out of every pore on his face as you squeeze his belly. Complete with nauseating sounds, too. Kind of embarrassing, to be honest. You know how you feel sorta guilty when squeezable bottles of ketchup makes those terribly naughty sounds? Same deal here.
It’s Hell to clean up, unfortunately. Since the Ooze is so oozy and slimy, it doesn’t collect together too well. I eventually gave up, placing as much as I could back in the bottle and just washing off the rest. Ooze-It didn’t seem to mind.
I really don’t have a good way to end this little story, now that I’m here. I just wanted to show you pictures of a toy that splooges body juice from its eye sockets. Now that I have, there’s nothing left to do but reflect. So, let’s reflect. Let’s reflect on Ooze-It.
It owns its own.