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	X-Entertainment is still feeling pretty bad about those lobsters.

11/05/2003: New Article: Ancient Chef Boyardee Fettuccine!

Well, the Deli of Christmas Past has struck yet again. You might remember a fairly recent blog entry about some old packs of Jell-O I picked up at one of our local (and really filthy filthy filthy) convenient marts — I thought I’d finally cleaned the place out of all the foodstuffs capable of killing a person, but check out what we found last night: an ancient can of Chef Boyardee “Fettuccine!” Boy oh Boyardee. My pals Amstel and Orion have the honor of introducing you guys to this lost treasure, so go read the article and try not to smell or taste anything vicariously. By the way, does anyone know if the Chef still makes this crud? We couldn’t find any recent version at the supermarket to compare it to. It wasn’t a crushing moment, but I think I said “aw man, they don’t have any.” About three levels away from a crushing moment. Yeah.

By the way, you know those “great articles” I keep alluding to for this month? I started putting the first one together, and by God, get yourselves excited right now. Trust me on this one. I was hoping to get it up by Friday, but that might be tough, so Monday at the latest. (weekend readers might get a early look) Rarely do I get so amped about an article that I don’t know where to start, but this one is throwing me for all sorts of loops. You won’t believe it. This is the big one. Stay tuned…

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 99 comments

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When did Thanksgiving become the artichoke holiday? They’re everywhere on the site…

I… I don’t know. I probably shouldn’t've said anything, I’m just going insane.

Ghosted by Kate @ 11/06/2003 9:36 AM EST

Matt, you’ve saved me yet again! Thanks to modern technology, I can reprint the coupon in glorious color and use it to save $.40 on my next purchase of canned mutiny! Thanks X-E!

Ghosted by Slacker @ 11/06/2003 10:56 AM EST

I’m sad to say I don’t have any amusing anecdotes about horribly old food, but I do have a story about an outdated Boyardee commercial.

We have this tape (taped off the TV: NBC’s Movie of the Week- "Annie"), loaded with commercials from ‘87. One of them is a Boyardee commercial featuring an extremely 80’s babysitter feeding kids the pasta, saying how glad she is to have Chef Boyardee because it’s easy to make, mostly fat-free and the kids seem to like it. Old Skool Boyardee logos were rampant here, but sadly, no spaghetti on a plate, still in the tin can shape.

So anyway, fast forward about ten years. I was casually watching TV and I swear, this old commercial came on! Old skool logos, makeup-laden 80’s woman and everything. It was like some creepy TV time warp. I hadn’t eaten Boyardee spaghetti for years prior to this. I was scared.

I think I’m going to watch this tape again and see if there’s any mention of Fettucine.

Ghosted by Jess @ 11/06/2003 11:50 AM EST

I think the symbol means wisdom thats what my chinese freind told me anyways

Ghosted by CK @ 11/06/2003 11:57 AM EST

Do they still make the tortilini? I remember that one about the same time as the other pastas. This was during the serious stage of the Chef.

Ghosted by DomoOriGato @ 11/06/2003 12:22 PM EST

Hey Matt, you mentioned Sailor Mercury in one of your articles one time, didn’t you?

Anyways, will you ever do an X-E review based on one of the Sailor Moon episodes?

Or perhaps an episode of DragonBall?

It would be absolutely priceless to read you goding about Goku, Serena, or Queen Beryl!

Ghosted by animefan @ 11/06/2003 12:32 PM EST

Grr. Those Ultimate Muscle figures mostly serve to remind me how much I want some of those Naruto action figures they have in Japan.
They also remind me of 4Kids paying for a second season of Kinnukiman to be made, only with less action and more fart jokes.

Here’s the thing that really annoys me. The TMNT aren’t allowed to stab anyone, but the Kinnukiman characters dole out Roman Suplexes at the drop of a hat. A roman suplex is a lot more emulatable for a little kid then stabbing someone with a ninja weapon.

Ghosted by Regault @ 11/06/2003 12:56 PM EST

Photog is my friend,
Matt on X-E is too,
Please combine them now.

Ghosted by Photog Haiku @ 11/06/2003 1:14 PM EST

Chef Boyardee still makes the tortellini, in both cheese and meat varieties.

I bought a family size can of spaghetti with meatballs last night. Never fucking doing that again. Ever.

Ghosted by TEd @ 11/06/2003 1:36 PM EST

Petition to keep anime off of X-E . . . unless of course Matt’s having more adventures with Pokemon. Otherwise, no anime on X-E. It’s just not the kind of material the site is interested in showing, am I right? Don’t get me wrong, Princess Mononoke was brilliant, but the medium just wouldn’t stand the X-E test. Or maybe that’s just my opinion. I want to hear what O.G. Readmore has to say.

Ghosted by inkmage @ 11/06/2003 4:36 PM EST

Hmmm…the coupon claims to have no expiration date, so I guess it’s it’s still valid. But I’m not sure if you can still get Chef Boyardee Fettucine. If you can, it’d be really funny if you went ahead and tried to use this coupon.

Come to think of it, this reminds me of all those Kool-Aid points I still have. I don’t know if they’re still good, but I doubt I’d want any of the crap that they now give away. After all, who wants a a pitcher shaped like the Kool-Aid man? Wait a minute…don’t answer that. (immediately gets up to go count out his Kool-Aid points while grabbing his car keys to go out and find a store with an order form)

Ghosted by Nate @ 11/06/2003 6:27 PM EST

CK: your friend is on crack. either that or he’s pulling your leg (aka has no clue at all how to read Chinese) the symbol does not mean wisdom. I really should know what I’m talking about as I’ve living, working and studying in China and have been for the past 3 years. which reminds me… I really should send some of the cheesy stuff I find here to Matt. all the fake Pokemon stuff alone is great, and cheap to boot.

Ghosted by some random person @ 11/06/2003 6:44 PM EST

I must agree with inkmage – I’m bombarded with anime in every semi-popular medium I peruse, X-E seems like such a blissful retreat.

Ghosted by PaloPinto @ 11/06/2003 6:51 PM EST

I have nothing against anime, but it’s not one of my personal interests, so I doubt it’ll show up here. I’m way too basic.

Ghosted by Matt @ 11/06/2003 6:54 PM EST

Heads up to those who are already jonesing for Halloween goodness, My Best Friend is a Vampire is on HBO right now.

Ghosted by allicat @ 11/06/2003 7:20 PM EST

How utterly revolting; Matt, I can’t help but wonder each time you do this, but does the checkout clerk ever say anything at all when you toddle up to the counter with something that’s obviously even to him, terribly past expiration, possibly even older than he is? Or does he just dull-ly scan it over the reader, after perhaps an ever so slight pause, when a non-brain stem neuron flashes in recognition of something slightly out of the ordinary?

And I couldn’t really tell from the article, but did you, uh, you know, eat it? ( p.s. your fruity bubble gum HiC was even fouler; if you like ‘donations’, I’m going home for christmas and could swear I’ve seen the same ‘new’ container of Betty Crocker vanilla cake frosting in the pantry for the last 10 or so years; settling of contents may have occurred so just give it a good shake…)

Ghosted by Krappy Kat @ 11/06/2003 7:26 PM EST

They never say or do anything to indicate that they "know," but, if a deli’s selling shit this old, the owners probably aren’t the most caring of the bunch.

Strangely enough — not sure if anyone remembers those old cans of Pac-Man Pasta I found and put on the site, but my last apartment made that place my most local deli, and I became pretty good friends with the owner. He’s since changed his ways, but boy, the time I spent in there was hilarious. They sold cold cuts, and five minutes after selling some guy a roast beef sandwich, he came back complaining about the meat being rancid — and it was, because the entire store stunk of it as soon as he opened the wrapper. I turned around in that "hey this is none of my business" gesture, and what do I see? A bag of Sprinkled Chips Ahoy. Wish I woulda bought it — it was bought (or removed) when we went back.

Ghosted by Matt @ 11/06/2003 7:35 PM EST

X-ENTERTAINMENT MUST LEARN TO USE PNGS. GIFS LOOKS LIKE SHIT.

Ghosted by People for Better Quality Photos @ 11/06/2003 7:59 PM EST

Was the price tag on that 1.59?

Ghosted by guest @ 11/06/2003 9:10 PM EST

Great article!! I think I’m gonna puke!

Ghosted by gxfhgfjh @ 11/06/2003 10:05 PM EST

ULTIMATE MUSCLE!

Matt, I cannot believe you havn’t reviewed any UM episodes yet! Hell, download the Mars/Escara matches from Kazaa and review ‘em! SOMETHING. This is the ONE anime that is Sooo underrated! The only thing that’s bad about it is the Card Game’s translation.

Also, to the british guy who wants Kid Muscle: That’s King Muscle you’re seeing. He’s the one with the trunks, and the one the people who collected M.U.S.C.L.E.s have twenty dozen of.

Some things ya’ll might like:

http://www.kinnikuman.com

(American Kinniuman Information Archive)

http://jk.ixystems.com/akia/store/index.cfm

(AKIA store)

Ghosted by Orgg @ 11/07/2003 10:57 AM EST

Arrg! We are smurfs now!

I don’t mind anime being kept off of X-E, but I think Matt should review at least ONE episode of Sailor Moon. It doesn’t MATTER that I haven’t seen an episode of it on TV for at least 3 years–it is still the uniform cartoon of 4-year-old little girls everywhere. A little cousin of mine who’s just around that age was in town yesterday, and asked me what my favorite TV shows were. I told her–SD Gundam, Lilo & Stitch: The Series, Teen Titans, and AFV. And what did she tell me hers was? "Sailor Moon!" Even I had a stage where I loved the Sailor Scouts–Merc was always my favorite. For the longest time, I wished I could be a Sailor Scout too… and my friend Erin! Who was her first character? A Sailor Moon fanchar. It’s engrained in American pop culture, it’s X-E worthy.

And just to let you know, Matt: If you did nothing on this site but review rancid food, I’d still visit you every day. If I was going to organize my dream X-E Action Figure Banter with my toys, it’d involve my Invisibilty Cloak Harry Potter, Impa, my entire Pikachu collection, and my seriously old Magic Glow Friend.

Hey, X-E’ers, can you jump-start my memory? I was looking through my old stuffed toys today for a yardsale we might be having, and I found this old one–what was the name of the line? They were polar bears and they had these little medallions with shiny stuff in ‘em and some weird liquid. You’d put the medallions in the freezer, and after a while you’d pull it out and rub it over the bear, and parts of it would change color. I remember that mine changed blue, though I think all her color-changing is worn out by now.

Ghosted by Freezair @ 11/07/2003 8:20 PM EST

Matt, write a new article so that disgusting pasta will be off the main page.

Ghosted by ineptitude @ 11/07/2003 8:45 PM EST

Meh… while I, with 100 or so DVDs of the stuff, certainly wouldn’t mind seeing more anime stuff on this site, I do get the idea that anime in general just isn’t Matt’s bag and that he was including the M.U.S.C.L.E. figures just because it’s a semi-popular toy line currently.

I’m one of the biggest adult male Sailor Moon fans there is (I got the uncut, subtitled 1st season boxset for my birthday… 46 episodes, baby!), but, if I ever want to see Matt review anything Sailor Moon, it’s got to be the new Japanese live-action Sailor Moon series currently circulating on the various file-sharing services. It’s more wonderfully cheesy than I ever could have possibly dreamed it would be; it’s sublime.

(If Matt’s interested, I could always burn the first 5 episodes to CD…)

Ghosted by Steve Brandon @ 11/08/2003 5:05 AM EST

You mentioned the Hi-C looked/smelled like turpentine and acetone? Just add some benzene to that mix and…

OH MY GOD, IT’S DIP!!!

That Fruity BubbleGum could kill a toon!

Ghosted by Monster Dog @ 11/08/2003 6:57 PM EST

I like the title font.

Ghosted by Morbius @ 11/09/2003 6:33 PM EST

i have 39,748,994,236,846,220,262 junk mails in my inbox…

Ghosted by Midget Ewok @ 11/12/2003 12:46 PM EST

DUDE! I love the use of Muscle Figures to illistrate the hilarity ever so much. Maybe becasue i watch too much tv, or just miss whatever i had as childhood memories, yet, they need to bring back Crystal Pepsi. I thought that stuff was the bomb, and i stil do.

Ghosted by Joel Stephenson @ 11/13/2003 2:53 PM EST

that pasta look good too bad they don’t sell it much. funny article

Ghosted by Romo @ 11/13/2003 4:23 PM EST

HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW!!?!?!

Ghosted by CrapperPooper @ 11/17/2003 7:54 AM EST

$1.59 for a can of Chef Boyardee that long ago? Wow. Maybe it’s just me, but that sounds stinkingly expensive!

Ghosted by Ripplin @ 11/17/2003 5:36 PM EST

It’s at most 10 years old. The Nutrition Facts label in the picture wasn’t used until 1993.

Ghosted by KL @ 11/17/2003 9:42 PM EST

SEE?If you refer to my "Super Man peanut butter" complaint…..This is exACTly what I’m talking about.This is about as funny as a heart attack.Although…..this one did have funny action figure drama,but,…….I’m really gonna puke.Creatures of decay consuming products of decay in a mad attempt to stave off decay……….It’s SICK!
Love the site.Say Hi to Mom.

Ghosted by Rudolph @ 11/26/2003 4:44 AM EST

My family once found some lasagna pasta shells (just the pasta, no sauce) from 1986 in about ‘97. The funny thing was that in 1988 we moved from the East Coast to California, so we brought along a box of old pasta like another piece of furniture all the way across the nation!

Ghosted by Andrew @ 11/26/2003 6:39 AM EST

Do an article on crystal pepsi. I loved the stuff, and wish it had never gone away.

Ghosted by Mel @ 11/27/2003 4:27 PM EST

wow ur collection of 80’s memorabilia is amazing! It gives me chills and brings back so many memories. thanks u for taking the time to make this website.

Ghosted by johanna @ 12/06/2003 2:19 AM EST

damn, that deli should be put out of buissness and then be tore down!

Ghosted by simon @ 01/03/2004 2:19 PM EST

damn, that deli should be put out of buissness and then be tore down!

Ghosted by simon @ 01/03/2004 2:20 PM EST

Between the fettucine, the Hi-C, your various experiments with Ecto-Cooler, and what appears to be Bootsy Collins era Jell-O you should probably either be on a "That’s Incredible!" type show or tested for tuberculosis.

Ghosted by Schmakaz @ 01/05/2004 1:35 AM EST

Does your deli carry Grizzly Chomps snack cakes? I know my grandma has some laying around, although snack cakes are pretty much immortal…….

Ghosted by phunqsauce @ 01/09/2004 2:27 AM EST

Fettuccine isn’t mentioned anywhere on Chef Boyardee’s current list of products, so obviously it’s been discontinued. How long is anyone’s guess…the only online reference I can find to this product is from this web site!
Sorry to burst the bubble, but the modern "Nutrition Facts" label pinpoints the can to 1994 at earliest. I’m not sure when Chef Boyardee stopped using the oval can label design with the old logo, but that definately happened well before 1998, when I ate a Chef Boyardee product for the first time.

Ghosted by Andrew T. @ 01/15/2004 8:09 PM EST

My friend Brandy found a 17 year old box of Ninja Turtles pasta at her grandma’s. It was in the style of Kraft Dinner with a packet of "pizza sauce" mix. Our law teacher made us open it in class on the last day of school… good times.

Ghosted by Kevin @ 01/22/2004 3:02 PM EST

CRYSTAL PEPSI!!!
where?!?!?!?!?!?

Ghosted by Matt (but not XE matt) @ 02/14/2004 12:55 PM EST

I thank the symbol means good and peace.

Ghosted by arielle harris @ 02/24/2004 7:01 PM EST

hvb sdjvhsmnd bjghfvbmnbxadhbsakjbrhbdfkjbhakhdfbkjhfkjnfkhfdjddhfndfhlkddhfj and I EAT poop

Ghosted by me @ 02/24/2004 7:04 PM EST

I remember Roller Coasters. They used to be one of my favorites. I haven’t seen them in years though.

I’m surprised there isn’t a site somewhere devoted to discontinued Chef Boyardee pastas.

Ghosted by Andrew Morse @ 02/25/2004 4:02 PM EST

That’s not so bad. When i worked in a grocery store we replaced all the shelving. This shelving had been there for 20 years, and lots of product feel behind it in that time. We found 15 year old kraft mayo and salad dressing, and a lot of ammusing products that came out for like, 3 weeks back in 89 that i remeber being psyced about when i was 5.

Ghosted by gorffy @ 04/07/2004 10:48 AM EDT

They stopped making Roller Coaster Pasta back when I was like 12 or something. Damn that was like 28 years ago… I really missed that stuff.

Ghosted by Brian @ 06/10/2004 12:25 PM EDT

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