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New Article: Texas Chain Saw Massacre REVOOEDDD.

I couldn't help myself. We spent part of Halloween night watching the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," and I was touched, so here's a really fucking long review. It's more of a recap, actually -- I wrote it keeping those who've never seen the film in mind, because I'd assume those unlucky souls might be a bit curious as to what the movie was actually like. Well, this review should explain it. Every last bit of it. Tons of pics, too. And now it's 6:30 in the morning. Shoot me, shoot me please. Writing the review was juxtaposed with us painting the apartment a deep crimson, and considering which film I was writing about, it all seemed to blend together appropriately. Hope you enjoy -- if you don't, please don't tell me. I spent way too long on it. You'll crushy me spirits ye will. Okay, so Halloween is over, finally, and if you missed it, the Halloween Countdown for 2003 has been completed. Kinda late to mention now, but I did two Halloween-themed articles for UGO last week -- a quick look at some cartoons, and eleven of my picks for great Halloween flicks. Get the season out of your system -- it's November godddaaammmit. Speaking of which, you'll like what's coming up this week on the site. I know I do.

Posted by Matt on 11/02/2003. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 85 comments

All right! First Post! Whoo!

The countdown was the best thing ever. I wish someone had given me candy in a Ziploc when I was a kid. So many uses.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 11/02/2003 7:05 AM

So…any hints as to what’s going to be on the site next week? You can’t leave us hanging, Matt!

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 11/02/2003 7:57 AM

I just realized–after that very thorough and well done review of TCM, it wasn’t in the Top 11. I think you need longer Top ## lists.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 11/02/2003 8:10 AM

Is the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie really that bad? I haven’t heard anything positive about the film at all. I actually bought the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre film on DVD for a friend not long ago (it was only released recently in Australia where I live). I actually didn’t mind Freddy vs Jason though, for what it was worth, humour violence and sex. But I would definitely agree that Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one of the most disturbing. Very cool film.

Anyway very cool review keep up the mad work ; )

Chestnuts roasted by Kevin T @ 11/02/2003 8:42 AM

Awesome "recap" Matt, I don’t think I’ve ever read a review that complete. You really did it justice! Gonna have to pull out my dvd and watch it again.

Chestnuts roasted by Bizzar @ 11/02/2003 8:54 AM

I’ve seen the second tcm, so I dont think the first is going to do anything to me at all, because I know the second is kind of a spoof.

Chestnuts roasted by Tom W @ 11/02/2003 10:00 AM

Great review. Having just picked up the Special Edition DVD, I’ve been looking all over for an in-depth, witty, well written piece on classic TCM and lo and behold, X-E is there. Thanks Matt.

Chestnuts roasted by Zoobtro @ 11/02/2003 11:05 AM

Oh yeah, and review Army of Darkness or He-Man in space. You know you wan’t too.

Chestnuts roasted by Zoobtro @ 11/02/2003 11:06 AM

One of the problems with the new TCM is I was more afraid of the Lee Ermy "Sheriff" character than Leatherface. He seemed more sadistic and real than Thomas Hewitt(Leatherface), who was played off as a picked-on freak that seems to be told by Mamma it’s ok to slice up the people that make fun of him.
No Family-tradition bits that sets up the Hewitt freaky family as generational evil.
I live in Kentucky, and have seen families that looked a hell of a lot like this, sans the murder/cannibalism… though I never been in the houses they live.
Hmm.

Chestnuts roasted by Aconite @ 11/02/2003 11:50 AM

I sat through the remake haven’t ever seeing the original, and I knew then it was crap. Then I promptly went and saw the original and truly understood the true meaning of disturbing. The remake forces itself to be scary. In the original, the shit happens more naturally. No wonder everyone in the theater was muttering ‘garbage’.

Chestnuts roasted by Skiwlz @ 11/02/2003 11:58 AM

side Note: In NTCM they changed the name to Hewitt over the classic Sawyer… Didn’t want people thinking a family named Sawyer using Saws to kill was hokey? Jeeze.

Chestnuts roasted by Aconite @ 11/02/2003 12:01 PM

Another thing… damn movies like this pop all kinds of memories in your brain that you recall at odd moments.

Remember the overweight trucker running down the other direction at the end of the film? That dude is so screwed… We have a pissed-off Leatherface, the family honor in danger, and a missed dinner of Sally Stew.
Fat trucker BBQ is no doubt coming.

Chestnuts roasted by Aconite @ 11/02/2003 12:07 PM

The SAW IS FAMILY!!! MRRRRRR!!! GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

ME WANT MATT BBQ!!!!!!!!
ME WANT MATT BBQ!!!!!!!!
ME WANT MATT BBQ!!!!!!!!
ME WANT MATT BBQ!!!!!!!!

GRRRRR!!!!!!

ROWRRRr!!!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by Leatherface! @ 11/02/2003 12:31 PM

just got done reading the article and i thought it was really well written. I thought it was more like a term paper for a "movie appreciaton class" in college. And with a movie you respect so much, i would have expected no less. good article!

Chestnuts roasted by D_Bellor @ 11/02/2003 12:57 PM

Yup. Good movie all round. Need I say more? No. Fare thee well!

Chestnuts roasted by Armagideon Time @ 11/02/2003 1:17 PM

The above comment means I’ve finally seen it. Still haven’t seen the new one though. So yeah. There. Love it forever.

Chestnuts roasted by Armagideon Time @ 11/02/2003 1:18 PM

Just wanted to say that I really enjoyed the review. I was a huge fan of Chainsaw years ago, but I haven’t seen it for a long time. The review brought back a lot of memories.

I also like the way you’ve been laying out the recent articles. Feels more personalized.

Chestnuts roasted by Lymon @ 11/02/2003 2:39 PM

Matt, you do justice to everything you touch. I guess I am one of those snobs who likes to call TCM a masterpiece, but you and I know that there is nothing out there that comes close to depravity like this thing does, and pulls it off without making you think it’s trash. I had forgotten the scene where the guy is smacking Sally with the broom and laughing. That’s so messed up. His laugh, that crazy shifty look in his eyes–I firmly believe this stuff to be the art side of exploitation.

Chestnuts roasted by inkmage @ 11/02/2003 4:02 PM

Okay, so I’m not a horror film person. Scariest movies I’ve ever seen are the TV-editted "Carrie", "The Faculty", and "The Sixth Sense". So, not very bad at all.

But, in any case, I am now positive that I will never watch TCM. Ever. Gahhhh. I feel dirty after reading the review, and I couldn’t even tell what was going on half the time. Ewwwwww.

Chestnuts roasted by Melanie @ 11/02/2003 5:47 PM

movie reviews rock

and I couldn’t be more pleased to see the Worst Witch in that list.

Chestnuts roasted by ngxfngx @ 11/02/2003 6:09 PM

wow man,you are brilliant.you did that movie a justice i havnt seen.ever.you captured how sadistic and wrong that movie really was.now i have to go watch that creepy damn thing

Chestnuts roasted by MAgosX @ 11/02/2003 7:17 PM

what the hey is "#7,503"?

Chestnuts roasted by kyle @ 11/02/2003 7:37 PM

I’m with Melanie – good movie or not, I’m just not a horror movie fan. "The Worst Witch" is probably the only one of the Halloween movies he mentions that I’ll get anywhere near.

So, that leaves the cartoons. I wish I could see some of these now. "It’s the Great Pumpkin" is, of course, avalible on video and DVD, as are several installments of the Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror." I actually have a (falling apart) comic book version of "Garfield’s Halloween Adventure" called "Garfield in Disguise." My parents taped "Disney’s Halloween Treat" off the Disney Channel in the late 80s, and I believe some variant is avalible on video. "Halloween is Grinch Night" was recently re-released on video and DVD along with several other Dr. Seuss-based cartoons.

The others seem to have fallen through the cracks. I very vaguely recall seeing "Witch’s Night Out" on cable when I was a kid, but I haven’t seen it in ages; ditto the Pac-Man special.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 11/02/2003 9:05 PM

Yeah, yeah, I’m with Melanie too… holy frickin’ cripes, just Matt’s review alone scared the holy hell outta me! I guess, though, that was the whole point of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, right? Still… BLEARGH! :( ~

Chestnuts roasted by Trent @ 11/02/2003 9:52 PM

Matt, two things: One, in the new TMNT(I know you don’t watch it, but what the hey.), Krang’s species has shown up! We’re not gonna see the actual Krang himself, but this is where the old writers got the idea.

Two, could you maybe sometime review what’s become my all-time fave holiday film, The Nightmare Before Christmas? It’s begging for your kind of dissection. Just missed Halloween, but maybe come December?

Chestnuts roasted by Behonkiss @ 11/02/2003 10:02 PM

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