The X-Entertainment Blog

10/30/2003: That new chainsaw from Texas ain’t so good.

Well, I finally saw the Texas Chainsaw “reimagining,” and boy, did I ever get my hopes up for this one. I’ll be honest — I probably bought into the hype a little too well, and compacted with the number of great reviews I’d read, the flick had little chance of living up to what I was expecting. Still…good God. Many would say that comparing it to the original causes a rift in objectivity, but seriously, it’s like they chopped off all of the really twisted stuff, replacing it with more of the same old crap and hoping the added gore would keep you from noticing. The changes seem designed more to make the movie conventional enough to be a money-generator than any sort of creative new ideas or “well, what if we did this instead?” hope shots. For what it is, I guess it’s okay, but “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” breaks no new ground and doesn’t even hold up against those other lousy sequels on a “depraved joyride” level. It’s just made better, performed better. The story itself? Definitely not better.

The only thing I’d give ‘em credit for is for playing the horror hand straight. The atmosphere is correct, but that’s about it. The characters do enormously stupid and unrealistic things to remain in the line of fire, and basically, what you get is something that’s just a few notches above any of the “Friday the 13th” movies…albeit with a better cast. This movie was just way too artificial to succeed in what it set out to accomplish.

That said, is it worth seeing? Yeah, I guess so. I have to wonder if I’d be this critical had I not gone in with such high expectations — I’m sure it’s a factor, but really, our group of six left the theater seeming more apathetic to the past two hours than anything else, and we’ve got wildly varying tastes. All in all, you’re not doing yourself any huge injustice by missing this one, but compared to most of the other horror flicks to come out in this past year, it works well enough. It just doesn’t go beyond working “well enough,” and that’s the big issue for me. Oh well.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

I agree, jesus. I thought that 8.50 was expensive. Whats worse is that I saw the new soda machines that the movie theature has….4 bucks for a 20oz soda. What the hell?

I don’t know if this holds any water, but Ebert and Ropert said the original is much better and said to see that one.

I saw the first one and all that I can remember is that the girl at the end who is running away was very cute

When I heard that the dinner table scene wasn’t in the remake I knew that it had no chance. The mental torture of that girl strapped to the chair screaming as those people laugh at her–that’s what was so damn freaky about the original. That’s all I have to say about that.

The real thing I had to say was tonight was not a good night to flip channels past MTV. Do you want to know why? Because they were playing a documentary of furries. Yes, actual, live furries. And on MTV they were showing actual furry sex. As soon as that came on I picked my jaw off the floor, turned off the channel, tried desperately to scrub my brain with a cue-tip and am now waiting for the end of the freaking world. That’s it my friends. Live, uncensored, furry sex on MTV. Game over man, game over.

Sorry to be so wildly off-topic. It’s just when the weirdness happens I must proclaim it to the world. I’ll try to stay more on-topic in the future.

Man iam glad my sister works as a manager in our local theater i mean i would have to pay to watch that rehash..EHEM..i mean remake I mean yeah matt your right it was ok for what it was but it lost all the mystik of the first.Now i just bought 28 days later NOW THATS A GOOD HORROR MOVIE.OK one last thing BARNYARD COMANDOS ROCK

This the theater by Home Depot? They’ve got horrible prices for anything over there, but the auditoriums are decent.

As far as the remake goes, I too hoped it would’ve been better, seeing as how it’s been quite a few years since TCM: The Next Generation was released, and those of you that have seen this abomination know that you want compensation, dammit.

I’ll be the first to admit that I havent seen either version, I’ve barely seen any horror movies. I did watch creepshow at a slumber party many moons ago. And John Carpenter was on campus last night giving a talk. That has to count for something right?

Sometimes I have a psychic ability to forsee the suckiness of movies by their promos. The first time I saw the new TCM promo in the theater I knew it was going to be the suck. You cant remake a movie like that without it being completely different, or without it sucking in comparison. Dont do it people, at least not until the original is a good 40 or 50 years old…

First, the tickets are expensive because all the ticket profits go straight to the corporate HQ of that particular movie chain. Movies are expensive to distribute, especially for a big chain.

Soo, the only way for the actual theater to make money is by charging ridiculous amounts for refreshments. That’s the way the world works.

However, I have found a way to save money! Bring your girlfriend (or mom) to the movies with you. And make sure they have a really really big purse! They can bring in a lot of food that way. Heck, my GF and I once snuck in 2 Burger King extra value meals!

side thought: Is "Kill Bill" playing anywhere around all of you? I live in a small town in WV and the theater (6 screens) only had it for about 2 weeks? Did it do that badly?

$12.50?!? Good God, that’s just obscene. For that price, they’d better have naked supermodels showing you to your seat…

I’m telling you, guys, the best way to save on movies is STILL just to carry around your old student ID in your wallet everywhere you go. Just remember, 2002 isn’t the year you GRADUATED, it’s the year you were a freshman…

Oh yeah, and Kill Bill is still playing here in mid-Jersey, shane; I just saw it last week. I think it’s doing decent numbers at the box office.

I have a feeling Xen lives in Canada. Which means that our movies cost about $8-$9 in US$ (in the real Canadian cities, $10-$14 is not unheard of, but in Saskatchewan, they still hover at $9). So it’s even. Except I have seen about 3 movies in the past 2 years that were worth that much–XMen2, and the two LOtR movies. I suppose Spiderman was kind of worth it, but it was more because I was in NYC at the time. Most of the time, I wait for the movie channels to play them. I won’t even pay extra for PPV.

Haven’t seen the TCM remake yet; even if it’s been proclaimed awful, I’ll still have to see it. Interesting to note, Leatherface was based on a real life guy. The guy from Psycho (Norman?) was also based on the same guy. There’s a report on it here:

Don’t know about you; but it made my skin crawl, maybe because it really happened. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Umm..The remake will never be as good as the original TCM. That one STILL scares me today.

I have never seen either TCM, I’m just never in the mood, I guess. Now Kill Bill IS A MUST-WATCH BEYOND BELIEF. The anime scene alone is worth it. Up in Canada, around where I live, it’s about $12 for a ticket. But with my CNIB(Canadian National Institute For The Blind) card, I get SUPER CRAZY DISCOUNT SUPER HAPPY! $7, and a buddy gets in for free! FREE! If you know a blind friend, hit ‘em up for goin’ to a movie. That is, if your local Theater supports said program. Fare thee well!

have to agree with armagideon time, kill bill is a must see. i just saw it last night and i cannot wait for the sequel. the ending really hooks you. all the fighting scenes were incredible. uma was in really good shape to do this role. everyone has to check it out. it totally rocks!

US $10 to see this tripe? This isn’t a movie. It’s the basis for a class action

I’m a huge horror fan. I loved it, but only for the gore and as a totally seperate movie then the original.

This movie had me more scared of the cop then leatherface. I thought the scariest and edge of your seat moments all dealt with the cop.

That said… I had huge expectations going in, and I wasn’t dissapointed. There was nothing disturbing about it like there was in the originaly. In fact… I can think of a few parts in Kill Bill that were more disturbing (i.e. carefull she is a spitter)

The new TCM was a joke. Not only was it a terrible re-hash missing important scenes and re-vamping characters (creepy little boy instead of crazy brother, stupid hippy instead of fat brother in wheelchair) it was just really boring. I pride myself on being able to watch crap, but this crap literally made me feel bored. Any movie I feel like I can fall asleep during gets a huge thumbs down.
Luckily I live near the ghetto so I can watch movies at a "digital" theater for $6.50. Boo-YA!

inkmage: that MTV true life special is VERY VERY VERY OLD. get with the times, man.

shane: kill bill has made 54 million dollars already, so I wouldn’t call it a flop. i’m predicting a large number of yellow jumpsuits hitting the streets tomorrow.

the spice girls movie was scarier than this. standing in the corner of the classroom in grade 2 was more entertaining than this.
my sister said this was the directors first movie. he was supposedly partly responsible for big brother 4.
see the ring, that’s a good horror
movie.
so much potential, figures they’d mess it up. hav’nt been that disappointed since T-3.

only reason i went to see spice girls movie was to see posh spice lift up her skirt, which of course wasn’t in the movie.
whooops spelled my name wrong in that last post.

Matt, I’d just like to congradulate you on bashing (slightly) the TCM remake right underneath the banner for said movie. I love you, man!

Ironic, ain’t it? I’m just being honest though. I rarely buy into the "pos reviews for ult motives" thing, but this is one movie that’s clearly been overplayed in some reviews. It’s not absolutely terrible, but I certainly hoped for a lot more.

Since when should a website full of fans interested in nostalgia contain the advice to "get with the times," Squee? Or are you just playing? I pride myself on not watching MTV so there’s no shame in not seeing old stuff. Cartoon Network however–that’s where all the fun’s at. If only they would play the Tick though.

Let me just say what needs to be said. The real reason Matt gave the movie a so-so review is because he found out that ole Letha Face was black. That’s right, I’ma blow the lid off the sucka. Letha Face is a brotha, plain and simple. Beelee dat playa.
You see, back in da day, whitey used to burn black people afta they hung them. But ole Letha Face, he hung in there (pun intendidid) amd the crackas jus decided to keep im around as a pet. Well ole letha face got mad and just went buck whild on Whitey Inc. and massa wasn’t havin it. So one day, Cap’t Cracker say, "Gee, I think we need to get some punk ass white boys for out negro to kill so he won’t kill us". And dus, a legend was born. Beelee dat playa.
So don’t let Matt fool you. Go see brotha Letha Face and support tha brothas. Holla!!!!

i saw TCM on the first day and thought it was pretty good but i’ll tell you why. when you’re with a big crowd, it tends to make the movie better than it is. So with about almost 100 people in the theater it was a pretty good movie. i’m sure when i rent it itisprobably going to be suckier.
Kill Bill, now that’s a movie. i went twice in 3 days. but then again i did that when ID4 came out so what do i know.

Leatherface certainly won this week’s white boy challenge, Theo. I’d like to see a jason, freddy, leatherface, Michael Myers, Pumpkinhead team enter the Survivor Series. They are far more sinister than the Corporate Ministry ever was. Matt, I think you are missing out on great cinema by not reviewing Ernest Scared Stupid.

matt, whered you get those little freddy, jason and leather face guys from the countdown? theyre awesome.

I am going to check out the flick cuz I met the guy who played leather face last weekend in Vegas.

He was all torn up at an after hours lounge. I guess some of the other stars were there too. *sigh* no Biel. But he did sock my friend on the arm a few times. That made me laugh. I liked him in The Program, so I’ll give this a flick a shot.

I wouldn’t take that Furry documentary as legitimate, because most furries hold it as the spawn of satan himself. Widely innacurate, from what I’ve heard. Yeah. Don’t take it that all furries are like that. Uh-huh. Really. I have connections.

To be topical, I tend to just assume all movies suck nowadays and just sit at home waiting for them to come on cable or for my dad to rent it so I can say "Dear god, I’m glad I didn’t pay for this!" I swear, movies are cheaper in Extra-Deluxe-Super-Knock-yer-Socks-Off editions than in theatres. I love technology.

yeah i agree any movies that have come out in like the last year or so. eather i dont see them or i just get the 3 dollor bootleg.

I haven’t seen a movie since "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" last November. I thought the one theater in Wildwood cost an obscene amount of money ($8)…but then I read the prices you guys have to pay for going to the movies in the city. Sheeze. I know they have to pay for distribution and everything, but it’s still a little much. (I’ve snuck food into movie theaters for years. I snuck yogurt in the first time I saw "The Phantom Menace.")

Unfortuantly, the one Wildwood theater is now closed for the season, and supposedly the theater in North Cape May is closing, too. The one in Cape May closed for the season last year - I don’t know if they’re going to this year. Supposedly, the NCM theater is closing due to mismanagement. There just aren’t enough people around in the winter to afford to keep the others open.

And no, the remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" will not be the movie that finally gets me in the theaters this year. I hate gory horror films. Most opinions I’ve read or heard, both from friends and from critics, fall somewhere between Matt’s disapointment and total revulsion.

Wow, our prices range from $5 to $7, and I thought that was a lot of money to spend on one movie ticket. But $14, for that much, you can wait for it to come on video/dvd and if it sucks, there’s always ebay. Oh course, I have to add that I live in, what is quite possibly, the most redneck-hick-hillbilly area of the world: Kentucky. They have to sell culutral diversity cheep, or they won’t sell it at all. If this gives any indication, I saw no less than 5 mullets this evening. It’s a scary, scary place.

About the only time I bother to see a movie in the theater is the first show of the day on a weekday. Its only 3.75. Can’t beat that with a stick. First run for cheaper than a rental.

Damnit! I checked out several… well four… different video stores hoping that one of them would have a copy of The Worst Witch, which I’ve seen at least once before, on YTV (at least the Tim Curry music video… I don’t think I had enough patience to watch the rest), but years before I had the benefit of reading Matt’s wonderful dissection of it, still one of the best things he’s ever written.

I guess it’s one of those things which has been out-of-print on VHS for years, and any local video store would have junked their copies of it a long time ago.

Well, it’s about time for a DVD release of it, and, Matt, if you did a commentary track for it, honestly, I think it would sell a dozen times as well. You should speak to… umm… Central Independent Television PLC, or whomever did the video distribution of it in North America and propose it.

(Hmm… weird… according to the Internet Movie Database, the 1986 Worst Witch film was actually filmed in Britain, at St. Michael’s College in Tenbury Wells in Worcestershire, whilst the 1998 Worst Witch TV series was filmed right here in Montreal, and I somehow thought it was the more "British" of the two filmed productions of Jill Murphy’s books.)

Well, just to contribute to the fascinating discussion on ticket prices, ticket prices at the Famous Players’ Paramount in Montreal went up to $12 Canadian for a while during the evenings and weekend, but, these days, it’s $9.50 all day, every day. The other major English-language movie theatre in downtown Montreal, the AMC Forum 22, has variable ticket prices depending on the day and time; I think matinees are $8 Canadian while evening and weekend tickets cost $10 Canadian. There are cheaper English language first run theatres in the suburbs.

But I’m only contributing because, really, if you’ve ever gone to see a movie at one of the cinemas at Leicester Square in Westminster, London, the ticket prices are in the range of £10-15, which works out to at least $20 American, so I can’t complain about paying less than half that to see a film at the Montreal Paramount, which is just as nice as the nicest theatre in Leicester Square (probably the Warner, though it’s been a couple of years since I’ve visited London).

I’m sorry, but I thought the original TCM was pretty overrated. I did not see it till recently, and I just could not get over how annoying that chick was when she was screaming, which is pretty much all she does for the whole movie. It completely overshadowed any of the good scenes, even the admittedly entertaining dinner scene.

yeah the paramount in mtl is nice just don’t eat there it’ll cost you 2 arms and a leg.
the palace was always the best 2 bucks for movie. if you were really cheap, you’d sneak in your
2$ box of timbits.

Tsk Tsk. Everyone seems to overlook the greatest TCM movie of all time. No, not the original or it’s widely debated sequel.

This one has something those don’t have and therefore could never compare. Ron"the hedgehog"Jeremy.

Yes, i’m talking about the TEXAS DILDO MASQUERADE featuring the terrifying and sexed up Pussyface. Who will be horny and what will be left of them?

I just spent two years in NYC. The ghetto theater i lived near was 9.50. Now, the good theaters in Manhattan were all $10 (plus $4 for the subway ride). So yeah, movies are expensive in the city.

I just moved back to WV and the movies are a lot cheaper. I think the most I’ve paid here is like 6.50.

What’s my point? I really don’t have one. Except that I do agree, Kill Bill really rocks. I swear to god Tarantino truly understand ME as a human being. That movie had everything I could ask for in a movie. It’s as if Quentin actually sat down with me and said, "Shane, what do you want in a movie?"

People call me cheap for refusing to pay almost 10 bucks to go to the theater. I think this story proves that my cheapness is actually my GEE-NEE-US!

Oh, I forgot, we also have a theater nearby that only charges $2, but they only have one movie playing at a time. And yes, they are new releases.

10-$12 for movie tixs? Yikes. That’s why that on the rare occasion I go to the movies (Kill Bill and Freddy vs Jason were the only ones I’ve been to in the past 2 or 3 years) I make sure to see a matinee. In Ohio where I live, I only pay 5$.

Haven’t seen the film, but that’s because I’m currently away at school in Edmonton and some of the theatres here cost $15 to see a movie. Add in $5 for a large Coke and I say NO THANK YOU.

However, in my hometown of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan (yes, that is a real place), tickets are only $7

I think there is a quantifiable difference between seeing a film at an obsolete shopping centre multiplex built in the 70s and 80s with the tiny screen and seeing a film at one of the newer places like the Paramount or the AMC Forum 22, with the huge screens and the state-of-the-art surround sound and much more comfortable seating, so, in all honesty, I don’t usually mind paying a couple of dollars extra to see most films, and, for things I’m sorta interested in seeing but don’t feel like paying full price to see, I just go to one of the cheaper first run places like the Dorval cinema.

But I’m a guy whom prefers watching matinees, and, 95% of the time, I see movies alone (I don’t understand the stigma against that), so a $4 difference in the ticket price doesn’t bother me too much. Obviously, the increased ticket prices will be more of a bother for groups, but, like I implied, you don’t have to see a film at the nicest theatre if there’s a cheaper first run theatre nearby (though far enough away that they both will be showing the same films).

I remember way back when I first saw the Original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I was just a wee lad, and was watching it with my friend, when about three quarters through the movie my friends mother came in, turned off the movie, and lectured us about how all this screaming was demeaning to women *she was a proto-feminist, or so she called herself*

Well, i can always take a trip to the run-down shak that used to be a theatre…it’s only 6 bux…but then it’s shit…

My girlfriend wants to see the new TCM since I FORCED her to watch the original since every person should see it at least once. But I think we will wait for it on video. Now Kill Bill Vol.1 was a great movie! Holy crap on a cracker! So many movie homages AND Sonny Chiba!!! (He was in The Street Fighter. He ripped off a guys nuts with his bare hands in that movie…) So go rent The Street Fighter! It was rated X for violence back then…

Shane… you wouldn’t happen to live around Clarksburg, WV, and have a friend named Aric Bork, would you? He was talking recently about a friend of his named Shane that moved back to WV from some other state, and I think the timing on this is too weird.

I should let it be known that our movies in my area are $4.50 before 7 pm, and jump to $7 anytime afterwards. Plus our movie theater is in our mall across from the dollar tree, so you can get plenty of cheap snacks and drinks to take over to the theater.

actually…the Night Of The Living Dead remake was really really good for all those of you who claim remakes of classic horror movies dont work

I saw the new TCM remake with my wife, She got a little spooked I guess, I need to show the girl the old one, soon if i can, and
It’s just a bit hard to rent around here, but I’ll try a dvd if it’s around perhaps. Where I live is a bit of a small town, and sometimes we get horror films, just occasionally. Anyways, if i remember an old dude with a hammer doin’ stuff, am i thinking the first film in the series?
I Hope everbody had a good Hallooween.

Obelisk — that’s correct. Unless you’ve seen the sequel, cause he does it there, too.

thanks to Matt, for that bit of re-assurance I’m not totally off-my-rocker. By the way. I got to see that new Matrix film for $5 last nite, that wasn’t too pricey, and, I feel like I saw something that tied in with TRON, i don’t know.
I did see the 1st - 3rd TCM movies at my best bud’s house for a Halloween party a LONG time ago, and yes i remember it (hammer) in #2, just very hazy. ttfn-

its movies like this that make Downloading movies like this SEem ok lol yo MATT WHATS UP its vin

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