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10/28/2003: New Article: “Tales From The Darkside: The Movie!”

Here’s my review of Tales From The Darkside: The Movie. I absolutely love this flick. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor and head to the video store. Don’t wait for it to pop up on cable — it’s worth the rental. Hell, it’s worth buying. Halloween’s approaching, and this movie perfectly fits the mood. Meanwhile, the Countdown’s been updated with something you’re probably more interested in checking out than a movie review: The Battle of the Slashers! Freddy, Jason and Leatherface have a quick debate over which of ‘em is the top icon.

I think we’ve got time for one more article between now and Halloween, so I’ll try to make it as crazy ass seasonal as possible. I hope everyone got a kick out of the Countdown this year — judging from my stats, people were checking it out regularly enough to warrant another go-around next year. For what it’s worth, I had loads of fun with it. For the past month and a half, practically everywhere I went had the side agenda of searching for more Halloween crap, and it’s not like it wouldn’t have been like that normally, but now I had a reason. Yay. Wish I could’ve gotten a few more horror movie reviews up this month, but oh well — I’ll do those on any month, and the stuff on that Countdown was only good for now, obviously. Anyway, it’s been a pretty good month for the site, but you might be wondering what’s coming up now that Halloween is almost here. Oh boy. Next month is gonna be killer. Honestly, what’s lined up in terms of articles are topics I’m totally salivating over, and if I thought I was busy this month, November’s gonna be a real test. Suffice to say, I don’t think that anyone who regularly reads this site is going to be anything short of mega excited when the ball gets rolling, so stay tuned.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 76 comments

Even the worst 80’s memorial would be better then a lot of other programs on, but it was a little dissappointing. I esp. thought those Donal Logue segments weren’t that good. Some people had nothing really to say, such as The Donnas, whose entire spiel went some thing like this " if you didn’t have [blank] then you were nothing. They should have just given Micheal Ian Black the whole show. Great piece on Tales From the Darkside, it will undoubtedly be shown on UPN. Upon reading your work I have realized a few things a) Deborah Harry is still hot as a cannibal school marm.
b) Buster Poindexter cannot sing and the rest of the New York Dolls can’t play yet they hailed as one of the best glamour/punk bands ever? And speaking of Hogan he starred in the Nanny with him, as a villian with a metal head that hates noise.
c) the slasher layout was very funny and if anyone likes that then they might want to check out twisted toyfare theater.

Ghosted by Happnin' Mojo @ 10/29/2003 8:41 PM EST


This was just on… I watched it…. it … was… awesome.

Showtime X or something like that. it’s on halloween at like… 1030 in the am too… eastern time

Ghosted by chad @ 10/29/2003 10:10 PM EST


Dear God! Matt, aww f#@k! This whole Halloween countdown was going fine. In fact it was great! But, you couldn’t help yourself and review The "Tales From the Darkside" movie! I mean hey, it does have Christian Slater and Debbie Harry but, godamnit it sucks! The series sucked ass enough, but, you took it to a whole new level! You have ruined my Halloween you bastard! I need to talk to you about fun crappy movies (i.e:Ghoulies quadirilogy,Basket case etc..) aqnd plain old crap!

Ghosted by Justice @ 10/29/2003 10:37 PM EST


well, since i’m the one who first mentioned the whole "I love the 80’s strikes back" thing, I guess I should comment on it again!

I watched one yesterday (it was about 1983) and i was quite disapointed that they didn’t even give a brief mention to Return of the Jedi. I know that’s the movies release wasn’t an earth-shattering event, but hey, if Star Trek 2 can get mentioned, then I think one of the top money makers deserves a shout as well. But that’s just my opinion.

Side note, They Live is on AMC right now. Good movie. I have to admit, I like AMC (although it’s debatable if Predator 2 and Alien Resurrection are American classics)

Ghosted by shane! @ 10/29/2003 11:22 PM EST


If i’m not mistaken shane!, I think they did talk about Return of the Jedi in the first "I love the 80’s" they did a few months ago. What I really can’t believe is they have done 2 hours about the year 1984 and not mentioned Ghostbusters once!…unless I missed it.

Ghosted by Goggles Pizano @ 10/30/2003 12:21 PM EST


I remember seeing TotD once. Creepshow is better. Could be worse…the movie Frankenstein Sings could be considered a form of torture in some states.

Ghosted by enoonmai @ 10/30/2003 2:17 AM EST


Buster Poindexter: If he is the guy in Scrooged, all the more reason we need an X-E review of the movie for Christmas. Great fucking movie and it seems very appropriate for X-E. I want to see Tales From The Dark Side now.

Gameboy: I only had the Tetris cart and Super Mario Land but I loved them. Much more recently I acquired, then lost a Gameboy Color and have moved to a Advance. I am not unhappy with it at all and will not move to an SP until I find a cheap one at a pawn shop. I have a lot more games but I recently reacquired Super Mario Land, and loved it all over again.

My uncle used to live in the same apartment building in NYC as Gilbert Gottfried.

Ghosted by Kit @ 10/30/2003 4:33 AM EST


Yes, Matt, people do like your countdowns… until you decide not to finish them… Grrrrrr…

Ghosted by Pete @ 10/30/2003 6:59 AM EST


Cool site Sweet Polly. I tanked it, though, w/ a 68 out of 100. Since I spent the ages 5-15in the 80’s, you’d think I would have recalled a bit more.

For all the people complaining, I don’t think you all realize how hard it is to write these articles. And make them long enough. And make them funny. Yeah, it’s easy to see something and think, "Hey, that would make a great X-E article!" and mention it on here. It’s another thing entirely to sit down and wrote 2,000 words about it. So, just lay off the guy. Taking on the countdown was huge.

Ghosted by trajeal @ 10/30/2003 8:12 AM EST


Thanks for the link Polly.
I scored 79. I missed most in the Movie section, mostly because those movies sucked ass. The Happy Days older brother question (I got right) was unfair because Chuck was never in an episode in the 80’s.

Ghosted by Simon Barsinister @ 10/30/2003 11:10 AM EST


"Julianne plays Susan, Lee’s boyfriend". I know there was one time she was photographed with tufty armpits, but she’s still a girl.

Anyway, did "Tales…" ever reach the cinemas? I recall some sort of distribution problem sending it straight to video.

Ghosted by F-13 @ 10/30/2003 12:10 PM EST


In regards to the Gargoyle story in Tales from the Darkside, I never believed that Rae Dawn Chong was the gargoyle to begin with… I always assumed that it was some kind of a curse.

See if this makes sense to you guys… The promise that the gargoyle made the dude say was kinda like a spell. If he broke his promise, he activated the spell. So, the night of the murder, he meets RDC and they fall in love, as people with post traumatic stress are wont to do. The weight of keeping the secret bears down upon him, but he and those he loves are safe from the curse. He breaks his word to the monster and tells RDC about what happened. The curse takes effect and transforms his wife and kids into monsters.

I feel that this cycle repeats, with them going out their seperate ways eventually as evil monsters who when caught/seen cast the same spell or what-have-you, waiting for the next schlub to break his word and spread the curse again.

At least that is how my brother and I always saw that segment…

Ghosted by Sterling @ 10/30/2003 8:37 PM EST


Whenever Dark is on TV, I always miss the first two stories, the same with that Steven King movie about the Cat. Speaking of which… did you ever do a review about that?

Ghosted by Thomas @ 10/31/2003 12:48 PM EST


The gargoyle story is a variation of an old Japanese tale called "Yuki-Onni" from the "Kwaidan". The original folk tale is about a woodcutter who witnesses his master killed by an ice ghost amidst a terrible storm. She basically makes the same deal, though she explains her reasons a little better. After the ordeal, he overcomes a young woman in a later snowstorm and they are eventually married. After they have the kids and he tells her the truth, she reveals herself and promises that if either child is mistreated, that she’ll come back and do horrible, cold, horrible, evil, horrible, awful, (did I mention horrible) things.

Just thought you’d like to know…

Ghosted by Slacker @ 10/31/2003 4:14 PM EST


sterling, I do think you’re way overanalyzing the movie…

Ghosted by freakachu @ 11/02/2003 2:04 PM EST


Sterling — I thought that for a second when I first saw the movie, but after the gargoyle confides (with little shock about its current physical state) that it loved Rayden, my belief is that RAE DAWN CCHHHHOONG was a devil in disguise.

Ghosted by Matt @ 11/02/2003 2:59 PM EST


man tales from the darkside was a killer tv show
the theme song used to scare the shit out of me
i knew i was up past my bed time when that song came on the tube
growing up in new york that show would come on at 12 midnight
one minute your chilling, humming the closing theme to the honeymooners next minute you hear that eerie freakin music
man i wish i was that age again

Ghosted by Tha Shacmasta @ 11/08/2003 9:59 PM EST


This movie was cool. I remember seeing it when I was like 8 or 9. I was young and it really burned into my brain, especially the sequence with the cat jumping down the guy’s throat (and then crawling back out). Yeck! The transformation of the woman back into the gargoyle was also pretty cool.

The X-E guy says "pick this one up" but I haven’t been able to find it. Any clues?

Ghosted by Caerdwyn @ 01/09/2004 12:13 PM EST


This movie was cool. I remember seeing it when I was like 8 or 9. I was young and it really burned into my brain, especially the sequence with the cat jumping down the guy’s throat (and then crawling back out). Yeck! The transformation of the woman back into the gargoyle was also pretty cool.

The X-E guy says "pick this one up" but I haven’t been able to find it. Any clues?

Ghosted by Caerdwyn @ 01/09/2004 12:14 PM EST


This movie was cool. I remember seeing it when I was like 8 or 9. I was young and it really burned into my brain, especially the sequence with the cat jumping down the guy’s throat (and then crawling back out). Yeck! The transformation of the woman back into the gargoyle was also pretty cool.

Ghosted by Caerdwyn @ 01/09/2004 12:14 PM EST


KIT

Wow! I’m 22 and have been Gilbert Gottfried’s biggest fan since i was 10. By the way, that is Buster Poindexter, or David Johannsen, in Scrooged. He is truly and awesome guy- so eclectic and he’s really added a lot to American pop culture. Okay, Car 54 where are you? didn’t exactly rock, but, come on… THe NEw York DOlls?! This guy deserves RESPECT!

thegreatfloyds@aol.com

Kit- write me please, if you don’t mind.

Ghosted by HOPE @ 02/08/2004 8:13 PM EST


KIT

Wow! I’m 22 and have been Gilbert Gottfried’s biggest fan since i was 10. By the way, that is Buster Poindexter, or David Johannsen, in Scrooged. He is truly and awesome guy- so eclectic and he’s really added a lot to American pop culture. Okay, Car 54 where are you? didn’t exactly rock, but, come on… THe NEw York DOlls?! This guy deserves RESPECT!

thegreatfloyds@aol.com

Kit- write me please, if you don’t mind.

Ghosted by HOPE @ 02/08/2004 8:14 PM EST


I like halloween.

Ghosted by Oscar Castillo @ 10/07/2004 11:02 PM EDT


I like halloween.

Ghosted by Oscar Castillo @ 10/07/2004 11:02 PM EDT


I like halloween.

Ghosted by Oscar Castillo @ 10/07/2004 11:02 PM EDT


I like halloween.

Ghosted by Oscar Castillo @ 10/07/2004 11:03 PM EDT


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