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10/28/2003: New Article: "Tales From The Darkside: The Movie!"

Here's my review of Tales From The Darkside: The Movie. I absolutely love this flick. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and head to the video store. Don't wait for it to pop up on cable — it's worth the rental. Hell, it's worth buying. Halloween's approaching, and this movie perfectly fits the mood. Meanwhile, the Countdown's been updated with something you're probably more interested in checking out than a movie review: The Battle of the Slashers! Freddy, Jason and Leatherface have a quick debate over which of 'em is the top icon.

I think we've got time for one more article between now and Halloween, so I'll try to make it as crazy ass seasonal as possible. I hope everyone got a kick out of the Countdown this year — judging from my stats, people were checking it out regularly enough to warrant another go-around next year. For what it's worth, I had loads of fun with it. For the past month and a half, practically everywhere I went had the side agenda of searching for more Halloween crap, and it's not like it wouldn't have been like that normally, but now I had a reason. Yay. Wish I could've gotten a few more horror movie reviews up this month, but oh well — I'll do those on any month, and the stuff on that Countdown was only good for now, obviously. Anyway, it's been a pretty good month for the site, but you might be wondering what's coming up now that Halloween is almost here. Oh boy. Next month is gonna be killer. Honestly, what's lined up in terms of articles are topics I'm totally salivating over, and if I thought I was busy this month, November's gonna be a real test. Suffice to say, I don't think that anyone who regularly reads this site is going to be anything short of mega excited when the ball gets rolling, so stay tuned.

I've never been so close to the first post before. Do I get some sort of consolation prize?

hehe ive gotten 1st post 2ce BOOH YA.
cool review. did you get those minnis from the same guys who sent you the super heros?

I likeed to watch Tales From the Darkside the tv show. My fave ones were the one with seth green in it who sees a witch but his dad ingores hima and it eats his dad. And the one about an old man who hates Halloween and then his watch brakes and he has to relive the same hour over and over and then some goblin get him or something. Rapture is a great song, but don't break my heart of glass

Matt : The way you talk about the articles to come is making me too damn giddy! I'm serious…it's scary. I was gettin' all antsy, because Halloween is almost here and then it's over and it's just stupid old November…but now you've promised even more good times. Thanks for the medicare

Saw this when it first came out. Back then, I was watching a lot of gore. So I found the gross bits quite hilarious! Plus, now that I'm more edukated, the name-dropping on this here movie just makes me wanna see it 10,000 times over. Done!

hooray for more countdown next year! it made me even more excited for halloween than usual. thanks matt.

Haven't seen this one, but I am a happy owner of "Creepshow". The only movie where you get to hear Stephen King say "Meteor Shit!"

hmmm i was just going over the title in my head "Tales from the DARKside" i wonder what a certain Theodore R. Long thinks of the title?

If I remember correctly, wasn't Buster Poindexter in a few other movies. I recall seeing him in some really bad comedy movie. Am I hallucinating?

On a similiar note, has anybody been watching "I love the 80's Strikes Back" on VH1?? Is it just me, or do most of the people they interview for those segments not REALLY remember that stuff???

I know this is off-topic, but has this site ever done a tribute to the origanal GameBoy? I found mine in a drawer the other day, and so many memories came flooding back. I'd be cool to see a picture of the box it came in - When I saw that thing in the glass case at Toys'R'Us way back when, I nearly popped my newly formed nards right off.

I think I've written about it in passing (it was one of my most wanted gifts when it came out). Funny you should mention it, because they'll be more on it next month. (though, only on the system as it originally arrived, because as with most video game stuff, I lost interest pretty quick)

Gameboy was truly a piece of high technology, something so beautiful about seeing pixels of lands. The gay Turboexpress system was the worst thing seen in my eyes.

I remember getting the Game Gear within the first year of its arrival, and on the second day of owning it, this pile of sawdust fell on top of the thing, and a few select grains somehow managed to get under the "protective" screen an onto the legimate screen that couldn't be cleaned. Awful. Sonic always had a piece of wood over his head.

I want to see a review of the movie Big. C'mon. Tom Hanks. The keyboard sequence. And the REALLY BIG TRAMPOLINE in the even LARGER apartment.

That movie truly is great. I saw it when I was living in this apartment where you could rent videos from the office. I was horror starved and saw it out of desperation. It was like the diamond in the rough. Didn't Debbie Harry fall on a bed of spikes or something? I have to say that the Julliane Moore flower stuffing scene really didn't sit well with me. I don't mind seeing no-names get axed in Friday movies, but Julliane Moore is to me like the stepmother every kid wishes he had, one so super cool and sexy. Nah, nothing Oedipal about that. The gargoyle gore effects are probably the best, I'd say. That transformation is really great effects work even by today's standards where we see too much digital work.
I know of one other Buster Pointdexter movie. Freejack with Emilo Estevez. Buster was one of the only things I remember about that movie. Hey it was a double feature with Suburban Commando–Hulk Hogan as an alien warrior is always more memorable.

Holy crap, I'm seeing Martha Stewart in a black Elvira wig and getup or something. No I'm not altering the facts one bit.

I never go anywhere without my SP. Had Gameboy, jam got on it, dog got to it, The End. Got Gameboy Color. GBA came out, so I sold it. The End. GBA SP came out, so I sold the plain GBA. The End. I still play Mario Land on my SP. I could talk about this for hours, but I won't.

To Heres The Guy: Buster Pointdexter starred in a movie based on the television series, "Car 54, Where Are You?" My god that movie was horrible. Unfunny, no onscreen chemistry, and you get to hear Buster Pointdexter sing. My ears are still bleeding!!! What's funny the movie also stars "Grandpa" Al Lewis, Nipsy Russell, Fran Drescher, John C. McGinley, and the woman with the big head Rosie O'Donnell. Oh! Also one of the Baldwin brothers star in this crap fest as the villian.

I'd just like to say, this movie rocks. I want to see the Creepshow one where the kids are stuck out on the raft…that one rocks, specially the end

Halloween stuff was great fun, but honestly, X-E was MADE for Christmas….totally jazzed for the next couple months…like Santa on a speedball.

man buster get the biggest hairball ever awsome ok next month sounds like its gonna rock I wanna see somthing about barnyard comandos i know they were dumb but i loved them DAMNIT also mabye some fraggle rock and how about review that old new live action turtles show with the chick turtle A TURTLE WITH BOOBS WHAT!?!?!

Dude, I LOVED your slasher story. You should seriously do one story like that a week. You're hilarious when you write them

On a Ninja Turtles note:(Because everything on this site is subliminally about the Ninja Turtles.)

The extreme joy I feel about there finally being a figure I've wanted since 1986 is muffled by the extreme rage that the Utroms no longer look like fluffy pink brains with cillia.

Honestly, I've never been one for horror movies. Which is odd how close I was born to Halloween.

1.) I got those figures for Christmas this year from my girlfriend and I love them so much.

3.) If Buster Poindexter is really in other movies…I have to see them out of sheer curiosity…someone find out this vital information

Here's the guy:
"If Buster Poindexter is really in other movies…I have to see them out of sheer curiosity…someone find out this vital information"

Right off the bat, and right in time for December (at least in the stores) - he plays the "Ghost of Christmas past" in "Scrooged" with Bill Murray…

I actually saw tales in theaters when I was 12, but never paid. We paid and saw another movie, but snuck into tales after the 1st flick. I couldn't tell you what the first movie was, but I vividly remember the gargoyle's and the cat ingestion scene. Great flick, I gotta go rent it.

Wasn't Matt supposed to be on I love 80s Strikes Back? We should expect him to because the man is a god above everyone with likes of Liza and Jane.

Hardly seems fair that the only one he told was the one who told him. I mean, it didn't really change things now did it? I know..
A Promise is a Promise.

"There's a holdup in the Bronx
Brooklyn's broken out in fights
There's a traffic jam in Harlem
That's backed up to Jackson Heights
There's a mom who's lost a child
Cruschev's due at Idlewild
Car 54 where are you?"

I agree that a lot of the Remember the 70's/Remember the 80's people don't look like they actually remember it well, more like they just saw it and are commenting on what they saw. However that Hispanic guy was swearing up and down that Cujo was a Doberman, so some of it is obviously from memory.

The show I was talking to VH-1 about wasn't their ILT80s series, but rather another that I won't mention because I haven't seen it advertised anywhere yet. Either way, looks like a bust. They switched gears and only wanted celebs for the panels, which honestly makes sense from where I sit. Hopefully I'll have something going with 'em in the future though; they were all very nice people who were way into their projects.

Micheal Ian Black from The State, Viva Varioty, and Wet Hot American Summer is the best on that show.

i saw this movie with emilo estevez with buster poindexter in it a few months back called Freejack. I think you should review it Matt, it even has Mick Jagger in it. Emilio is this race car driver that gets stolen by mick jagger in the future using a time machine so some rich guy (played by Anthony Hopkins) can take over his body because hes really old and so he can do it with Rene Russo. I think Buster plays the part of Time Travel Technician #1

Does Buster Poindexter play Cooper in that Expedia.com commercial? You know, "How much do you make? Not nearly as much as I do. Ha!"

Oh, and I've had this theme song stuck in my head for months, and I wanted to bring the cartoon up here to see if anyone else remembered it.

"When in Rome you do like the Romans do
You play what the Romans play
Together!
Jump in your chariot
Come this way!
We're going to
Meet the Roman Holida-AYS!

You'll love Gus, and Laurie
Pricotia, too
And big brother Hack Holiday!
And Brutus, the lion, the family pet
He'll eat you out of house and home, as quick as that!"

Neat movie review, and I'm defanetly looking forward to more X-E goodness next month.

I thought "I Love The 80s Strikes Back" was pretty lame overall. I liked the first installment better, except for the fact that the "celebs" pretty much dumped all over everything, making me wonder why they didn't call the show "I Loathe The 80s". Gilbert Godfried's "What the @#&!" moments were pretty funny. Speaking of Gilbert, Problem Child 1 & 2 are being released on DVD in March, both digitally remastered in anamorphic widescreen. This is great news.

It's tradition to make a comment about being the first post. If someone didn't make it, it would be blasphemy! Or at the very least, anti-traditional. So let's just all get along, roll our eyes a bit, and smile a little smile for those who get to post first, ok? Unless…secretly, you're jealous. Then it's ok to bitch. Hee hee.

i exclaimed in the first post that i was a wad for saying so and furthermore the 11th comment was also mine therefore i had said something else….but almost always someone says "first post" so i wanted to do it also even though i said myself that it was pretty lame so next time read!

To add further comment on the Martha Stewart dressed up for Halloween thing. She also was wearing cat's eye contact lens'. I know no one cares. It just freaked me out. Now I'll have nightmares about Martha Stewart floating at my window with cat's eyes threatening to bake me cookies and cheat on her taxes. Not that I watch Martha Stewart, I was rewinding my copy of Titus Andronicus and didn't bother to change the channel. Who would have thought Martha Stewart plays on 3am?

Like purple girl said, it's a tradition for the first post thing. If you're gonna be a bitter stupid fuck then don't bother posting. Seriously, get over it.

Matt, you've gotta do something for those photog guys. You created the monster after all.

I had the Gamegear & the Gameboy (the original green-screened one; not the fancy one that came later). And (just like with the Genesis and original NES) although the Sega system was 'technically' superior, it's games sucked & were hard to find, whereas Mario Land ruled.

My school is using the McDonald buckets to promote our BooMi ball (pronounced Boo Me, and its spelled BooMi b/c it's sposored by the Botany/Microbiology Dept. [Bo/Mi]). OWU is so cool!

Good. I'm not the only one who thinks "I Love the 80s Strikes Back" blows. Reason #1: Juliette Lewis is the most annoying person on the planet.

Even the worst 80's memorial would be better then a lot of other programs on, but it was a little dissappointing. I esp. thought those Donal Logue segments weren't that good. Some people had nothing really to say, such as The Donnas, whose entire spiel went some thing like this " if you didn't have [blank] then you were nothing. They should have just given Micheal Ian Black the whole show. Great piece on Tales From the Darkside, it will undoubtedly be shown on UPN. Upon reading your work I have realized a few things a) Deborah Harry is still hot as a cannibal school marm.
b) Buster Poindexter cannot sing and the rest of the New York Dolls can't play yet they hailed as one of the best glamour/punk bands ever? And speaking of Hogan he starred in the Nanny with him, as a villian with a metal head that hates noise.
c) the slasher layout was very funny and if anyone likes that then they might want to check out twisted toyfare theater.

Showtime X or something like that. it's on halloween at like… 1030 in the am too… eastern time

Dear God! Matt, aww f#@k! This whole Halloween countdown was going fine. In fact it was great! But, you couldn't help yourself and review The "Tales From the Darkside" movie! I mean hey, it does have Christian Slater and Debbie Harry but, godamnit it sucks! The series sucked ass enough, but, you took it to a whole new level! You have ruined my Halloween you bastard! I need to talk to you about fun crappy movies (i.e:Ghoulies quadirilogy,Basket case etc..) aqnd plain old crap!

well, since i'm the one who first mentioned the whole "I love the 80's strikes back" thing, I guess I should comment on it again!

I watched one yesterday (it was about 1983) and i was quite disapointed that they didn't even give a brief mention to Return of the Jedi. I know that's the movies release wasn't an earth-shattering event, but hey, if Star Trek 2 can get mentioned, then I think one of the top money makers deserves a shout as well. But that's just my opinion.

Side note, They Live is on AMC right now. Good movie. I have to admit, I like AMC (although it's debatable if Predator 2 and Alien Resurrection are American classics)

I remember seeing TotD once. Creepshow is better. Could be worse…the movie Frankenstein Sings could be considered a form of torture in some states.

Buster Poindexter: If he is the guy in Scrooged, all the more reason we need an X-E review of the movie for Christmas. Great fucking movie and it seems very appropriate for X-E. I want to see Tales From The Dark Side now.

Gameboy: I only had the Tetris cart and Super Mario Land but I loved them. Much more recently I acquired, then lost a Gameboy Color and have moved to a Advance. I am not unhappy with it at all and will not move to an SP until I find a cheap one at a pawn shop. I have a lot more games but I recently reacquired Super Mario Land, and loved it all over again.

My uncle used to live in the same apartment building in NYC as Gilbert Gottfried.

Yes, Matt, people do like your countdowns… until you decide not to finish them… Grrrrrr…

Cool site Sweet Polly. I tanked it, though, w/ a 68 out of 100. Since I spent the ages 5-15in the 80's, you'd think I would have recalled a bit more.

For all the people complaining, I don't think you all realize how hard it is to write these articles. And make them long enough. And make them funny. Yeah, it's easy to see something and think, "Hey, that would make a great X-E article!" and mention it on here. It's another thing entirely to sit down and wrote 2,000 words about it. So, just lay off the guy. Taking on the countdown was huge.

Thanks for the link Polly.
I scored 79. I missed most in the Movie section, mostly because those movies sucked ass. The Happy Days older brother question (I got right) was unfair because Chuck was never in an episode in the 80's.

"Julianne plays Susan, Lee's boyfriend". I know there was one time she was photographed with tufty armpits, but she's still a girl.

Anyway, did "Tales…" ever reach the cinemas? I recall some sort of distribution problem sending it straight to video.

If i'm not mistaken shane!, I think they did talk about Return of the Jedi in the first "I love the 80's" they did a few months ago. What I really can't believe is they have done 2 hours about the year 1984 and not mentioned Ghostbusters once!…unless I missed it.

In regards to the Gargoyle story in Tales from the Darkside, I never believed that Rae Dawn Chong was the gargoyle to begin with… I always assumed that it was some kind of a curse.

See if this makes sense to you guys… The promise that the gargoyle made the dude say was kinda like a spell. If he broke his promise, he activated the spell. So, the night of the murder, he meets RDC and they fall in love, as people with post traumatic stress are wont to do. The weight of keeping the secret bears down upon him, but he and those he loves are safe from the curse. He breaks his word to the monster and tells RDC about what happened. The curse takes effect and transforms his wife and kids into monsters.

I feel that this cycle repeats, with them going out their seperate ways eventually as evil monsters who when caught/seen cast the same spell or what-have-you, waiting for the next schlub to break his word and spread the curse again.

Whenever Dark is on TV, I always miss the first two stories, the same with that Steven King movie about the Cat. Speaking of which… did you ever do a review about that?

The gargoyle story is a variation of an old Japanese tale called "Yuki-Onni" from the "Kwaidan". The original folk tale is about a woodcutter who witnesses his master killed by an ice ghost amidst a terrible storm. She basically makes the same deal, though she explains her reasons a little better. After the ordeal, he overcomes a young woman in a later snowstorm and they are eventually married. After they have the kids and he tells her the truth, she reveals herself and promises that if either child is mistreated, that she'll come back and do horrible, cold, horrible, evil, horrible, awful, (did I mention horrible) things.

Sterling — I thought that for a second when I first saw the movie, but after the gargoyle confides (with little shock about its current physical state) that it loved Rayden, my belief is that RAE DAWN CCHHHHOONG was a devil in disguise.

man tales from the darkside was a killer tv show
the theme song used to scare the shit out of me
i knew i was up past my bed time when that song came on the tube
growing up in new york that show would come on at 12 midnight
one minute your chilling, humming the closing theme to the honeymooners next minute you hear that eerie freakin music
man i wish i was that age again

This movie was cool. I remember seeing it when I was like 8 or 9. I was young and it really burned into my brain, especially the sequence with the cat jumping down the guy's throat (and then crawling back out). Yeck! The transformation of the woman back into the gargoyle was also pretty cool.

The X-E guy says "pick this one up" but I haven't been able to find it. Any clues?

Wow! I'm 22 and have been Gilbert Gottfried's biggest fan since i was 10. By the way, that is Buster Poindexter, or David Johannsen, in Scrooged. He is truly and awesome guy- so eclectic and he's really added a lot to American pop culture. Okay, Car 54 where are you? didn't exactly rock, but, come on… THe NEw York DOlls?! This guy deserves RESPECT!

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