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10/23/2003: Words of wizdum from Mike Tyson.

“Tex” just sent in something cool. Here’s what he had to say: “I was looking through my old Nintendo games the other day and came across Mike Tyson’s Punchout!! The funny part is I still had the copy of the letter that came with the game (which I’ve attached a scanned picture of). It’s a letter from Mike Tyson himself! Well not really, but it’s got his picture on it and his printed signature. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t the actual one to pen the letter. The best part is when it talks about how “anger is never positive and, therefore, never results in positive outcome.” I’m sure that’s a solid philosophy of his.”

Ha, this is great. Click here for the full-sized version. Could they have made the letter read any less like something Tyson would’ve written? I can’t even imagine him being able to read aloud what’s on that paper, much less forge it. The funniest thing is, they’re all perfectly fine and valid lessons for kids to learn. It’s just that…well…they’re coming from Mike Tyson. True, his penchant for raping and biting people wasn’t huge public knowledge back then, but come on…Mike Tyson? It’s like having Grandma tell you how to Vertical-69 without losing your balance. These merits would’ve been better suited for teaching by someone who didn’t kill kittens and eat babies and murder priests. Maybe Buster Douglas? Or Cold Stone?

You realize that making a ‘Cold Stone’ joke makes you the biggest wrestling geek in the history of mankind, right?

It’s like getting a letter from Britney Spears about how ladies should act, or a letter from a British guy talking about dental care.

"It’s like having Grandma tell you how to Vertical-69 without losing your balance."

I could have gone my ENTIRE life without reading this sentence. And yet, I am enriched.

AHH yes Zombie. but you got the joke, so what’s that make you? Hey I got it too, so ummm something.

I assume this was back before Tyson had his Harvard education knocked out of him?

Matt,
Can you name all of the opponents in Mike Tyson’s Punch Out?
In order of course…

Oh, the irony. "Iron"y Mike. Mike Ike. Ike Turner. ??? This was a fantastic game. Frikkin’ Powerglove was useless. Only good thing about Powerglove was in The Wizard. Why isn’t The Wizard on DVD? I’m rambling. Nice letter. Bye.

I’ll initial them and leave off the doubles: GJ, VK, PH, DF, KH, GT, BB, MS, SMM, MT.

squee i completely agree with you.. im not going to be able to go to grandmas house for dinner now without a nasty visual to go with it.. oh jesus, i cant get it outta my head.. great, just great.

forget fright night at the local haunted house.. just have matt tell us a few more analogies.. good lord.

Ok, so I did, but I’ll make up for it with Russian trivia. Russian is Soda Pop, right?

So, I’ve mentioned that I love Six Feet Under before — if anyone else does, you probably remember ‘Nikolai,’ Ruth’s ex-boyfriend, fat Russian, flower shop owning freak.

Know who that is? ‘Itchy’ from the Dick Tracy movie. Hard to believe, right?

"I’m gonna murder your family and eat your children! Praise Allah!"
-Mike Tyson

I been sittin herre, lisnen to my Kansas records (I cloooose my eyeeees…) and I decided ta take time out of my busy shedual ta see what Matt and Whitey Inc. have been doin in my absence cause I seen my name a time or two, and the day dat I come back, what do i’s see? Brotha Mike Tyson bein held back once again. Beelee dat playa. Hey Matt, I thought you took Character Assassination off your resume? Well anyway, we all know that big Mike Tike be Thuggin And Buggin up in the heezy and herre you come haterizin. Beelee dat playa. See you jus jealous you can’t put up dem dukes like Mike. I betch I could put you in the ring with big Mark Henry and you would piss your pants. Meanwhile brotha M.T. is whoopin Whitey’s ass in 3 second boxin matches. Beelee dat playa. Tell me somethin Matt. When you were a kid, how did it feel for those big black "negros" comin up ta you in high school and beatin yo ass? Beelee dat playa. I know you was intimidated by da flat top and da boombox and you just had to say it. I ain’t gonna say what you said. Beelee dat playa. But you said a certain word. And they dey eat yo ass up like some good ole fashion Wonder Bread. Beelee dat playa.
Well anyway, I will be the betta man and tell you how much I like the halloweens design. But how bout them ghosts? Spooky? Or is it jus yo way of saying "Blacky get backy. We don’t want yo kind here or we’ll get all KKK on yo ass. Beelee dat playa.

they should’ve made doc a secret charcter in the game I always wanted to beat the hell out of him for putting Lil mac in that pink jump suit

I never played the original Punchout but I imagine it was one of those games that made you break your controller in two, kick in the television screen and throw your pooch out the window. I hated games like that, but in a sense, I loved games like that. That letter from "Mike" was as genuine as me trying to be funny.

Mike Tyson’s Punch Out is definately one of my favorite NES games, even if Super Macho Man kicked my ass on a regular basis

I never had a problem with Super Macho, mostly because of the 003 code. I used to have tons of trouble with Mr. Sandman, because boxing him was a much rarer thing. And let’s face it…the dude was pretty scary.

Theo deserves so much better than to be saddled with Rodney Mack and Fat Predator. Henry looks like Latrell Spreewell would look if he ate Mark Madden. That being said he is no Doctor of Style. Slick rules.

Of course Slick is great, without him, we never would have witnessed One Man Gang become Akeem, the African Dream.

I feel bad for Mark Henry. He’s put up with so much crap from the company (Mae Young and "the hand" comes to mind) that it’s humiliating.

Akeem was a stroke of genius by The slickster. Got to believe Rock Newman was heavily influenced by the look.

Those don’t look any where near the quality our generations TMNT were. They can never be replaced.
I rented the game and it’s okay but it has none of the charm the old TMNT arcade game had either.

yeah there is a new tmnt game and i gotta play it just cuz
here is a website http://www.gamespot.com/xbox/a...emutantninjaturtles/index.html
you know i would love to see a review of river city ransome game for NES that game is the best i recently downloaded it and i cant stop playing

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This entry was posted on Thursday, October 23rd, 2003 at 7:07 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.