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09/26/2003: Halloween Countdown Update: Hostess Cakes & Dracula’s Jokes

Today’s Countdown entry investigates Hostess’ new series of Halloween-themed snack cakes, ranging from “Glo Balls” to regular donuts with a picture of Frankenstein on the box. Good fun. Thanks to “Ron S.” for sending in the tip. Also, if you missed it, Dracula told a joke during yesterday’s entry. It’s all here. Hope everyone’s liking it so far — it definitely helps keep things flowing during busy weeks like this one, where I don’t really have enough time to crank out the full-lengthers. We’re going on a bit of a trek tomorrow night, towards something mysterious, spooky, and possibly filled with homeless crack addicts. Seriously. If the pictures tell the tale well enough, I’ll have a good story for y’all next week.

By the way, I’m still getting a decent amount of mail regarding that Wendy’s article, both from staff and managers of various Wendy’s restaurants across the country. The consensus is that the place I got that food from was a little grittier than the norm, though almost unanimously, I’ve been told to avoid the chili at all costs. Take that for what it’s worth, chili fans. Basically, they’ve all agreed that Wendy’s chili is the one thing on the menu most of the staff avoids like the plague.

So do you actually eat any of the cakes, cereals or sweets that you review at all? Or do you have a healthy diet [supplemented by a side order of cigarettes]?

I eat enough junk, so usually, I throw away any food I’m reviewing before I have a chance to. Especially the stuff that’s ten-year-old or from Swanson.

That’s hard to believe coming from someone who not only ate Nads, but took pictures of the event. I’d take the Nads over that damn chili though.

I’ve been told to avoid the chili at all costs. Take that for what it’s worth, chili fans. Basically, they’ve all agreed that Wendy’s chili is the one thing on the menu most of the staff avoids like the plague.
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Last time i had the chili i got sick. but thanks to you’re acticle i decided never to consume wendy’s again. the things that you pointed out i already knew, but overlooked. now ive read your story, i see those disgusting photos in my mind everytime.

I’ve seen those cakes at a lot of stores in town. They looked not the least bit interesting, so I went and bought the collapsable Trick-Or-Treat Tot instead.

I remember Twinkie the Kid, but that oddly phalic twinkie in the cape is creepy. It kind of looks like the fat guy on "Family Guy".

That was a fruit pie and he was a magician. If I wasn’t so lazy I’d find his name.

You guys are probably going to call me a literary nazi for pointing this out and I don’t blame you, but it sorta bothers me when people confuse Frankenstein with Frankenstein’s monster. For the record, the scientist was named Frankenstein and the monster never acquired a name. It’s not that I’m really anal about it, because I understand a lot of people haven’t read the book, it’s just a little confusing often to people who have read the book and misleading to people who havent.

Flame away. (though wouldn’t that be ironic, considering that it was the nazis who used fire)

As for the glo balls, I’d love to try one. I don’t think I’ve ever had a sno ball. Mother never wanted me to indulge my sweet tooth on Hostess. So during hot lunch friday in elementary school when kids got all the generic Twinkies with their pizza, and often threw them in the trash, I filched all of them (wrapped tight of course) from the garbage and went on a binge. So I blame my parents, as one is always supposed to do in times like these.

Well, while it is true that the proper name is Frankenstein’s Monster, enough people don’t care about the book and instead adopted the creature itself, not the crazy doctor. Therefore the name was shortened by the general populace to simply Frankenstein. And you don’t really have to read the book to know the proper name, all you have to do is watch a certain Mel Brooks movie

I have to say that I passed the Dracula comic around to all my friends. It was fantastically simplistic. Great.

I love hostess cakes. Here’s a tip for people who eat their cupcakes. Don’t peel the frosting off. Eat the cake first and then the frosting. It’s a dessert dessert.

Aww damn. Now I want a Twinkie real bad. Did they "Halloweenize" Twinkies too? I sure hope so, because I’m about to get into my car and drive to the nearest grocery store to pick up a pack of them.

Oh, wait a minute. I’m not sure if they even have Twinkies here in Canada. Shit.

OK mat you just pushed the limit. Im tempted to go and get some of this toxic chili. the idea of it being taboo makes it irristible

Hmmm, the Corinthian has given me an idea as to what other food I could go out and get (but I’m not sure if Canadian Wendy’s places have what I’d be looking for).

The most underrated Hostess product had to be the Suzy-Q. When else did you get to eat chocolate sponges? Especially 2 chocolate sponges so close that they were emanating white cream between them?

I can’t see twinkies being in the vegetarian food group…
but they are damn good! shelf life of 50 yr’s doncha know!

You know, before you complain about the Frankenstein thing, you should take more notic of the fact he’s still quoting the awful cartoon rewrite of Splinter’s origins as canon.

Hamato Yoshi was Splinter’s owner. Not Splinter himself. And Shredder had nothing to do with his creation, the Utrom just had shoddy safety regulations when it came to transporting the mutagenic byproducts of matter transmission device construction.

I’m taking a class right now on Arthurian legend and we’re looking at how this one story is told in two translations. Just because one came before the other doesn’t mean the former has no merit and should not be observed.

The cartoon TMNT may not be the same origin story, yet it is still a valid origin story for a different style of storytelling. I’m not familiar with the TMNT comics much, so I can’t say which is the better story, but personally I find that Hamato Yoshi used to be some kick ass martial artist makes Splinter infinitely cooler than if he was just a rat who learned martial arts. I don’t know, I find poetry in the story of a warrior reduced to the shape of a rat living in the sewer with four teenage mutant ninja turtles.

Oh, dear me, have I just discussed TMNT as if it were apart of the literary cannon? Well, who knows, in five hundred years students may actually discuss Power Rangers in high school English class. Dear me how frightening. Yet an interesting story that might make . . .

You know, despite the fact that I’ve eaten at least a half-dozen Sno-Balls in my day (for Sno-Balls, that’s quite a lot), I’ve never tasted the skin. Could be the fact that it resembles a dead, bloated jellyfish. Or it could be that it’s much more fun to rub off the cupcake remnants and throw the sticky part against the ceiling. Sno-Ball skins are nature’s suction cup. Naturally.

W/less than 5.5 hours to go, will Matt make the nezt post on time? Or will he be killed researching his next article? Find out next time in: Posted late! or… The Late Poster!

does anyone know what’s actually wrong with the wendy chili? i don’t know, it’s my favorite thing on the menu, and now i feel dirty.

I’ve eaten the chili plenty of times and never noticed anything wrong with it at all. Must be a thing to do with the individual restaraunts.

And I thought I was the only one who felt some instinctual need to circumsize my Sno-Balls before eating them…

Twinkies are very definitely not vegetarian cuisine. One of the ingredients in the cream filling, believe it or not, is beef tallow (basically liquified beef fat).

The greatest Hostess snack of all, of course, is the Fruit Pie, for both it’s deliciousness and usefulness as a means to distract supervillains.

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This entry was posted on Friday, September 26th, 2003 at 5:07 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.