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09/03/2003: New Article: THE UNICRON TOYYYAH.

I’m very very tired and it’s very very late, but finally, here’s your review of the new Unicron toy — a part of the Transformers Armada collection. We, of course, remember him better as the holy-shit-big thing that kicked ass in Transformers: The Movie. The figure costs fifty bucks. Steep, but remember — he’s got light-up eyes. I’m not usually an advocate of the particularly indulgent new toys, but this might be one you can’t miss out on.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 103 comments

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Hehe Sleep is for the weak :p good article !

Ghosted by Katie @ 09/03/2003 4:05 AM EDT

darn i was just about to sugest ,a unicron article , and have you seen the heros of cybertron line its pretty sweet , i picked up two just tonight . keep the good work , your advanceing our culture , and in thease dark times thats what counts

Ghosted by snake @ 09/03/2003 4:06 AM EDT

Transformers are cool and all, but I want to see some VISIONARYS or SUPER NATURALS! Hell yeah!

Ghosted by Godmachine @ 09/03/2003 5:54 AM EDT

I waited around Wal*mart for close to four hours when they were bringing those glorious boxes out. I shelled out the cash right then.

I really don’t care too much for armada (I’ve got Starscream, HotShot, and Smokescreen and they were all gifts. I won’t buy that shitty ass prime, it makes me sick!) But I had to get Unicron. I mean..COME ON! IT’S THE PLANET MUNCHING BASTARD BOT FROM HELL!!!

It was a pretty price to pay, but I did without food, drink, and masturbation for a week afterward. (I think I was spent after the twisty tie incident.)

Ghosted by Frantic @ 09/03/2003 5:56 AM EDT

If toy stores deamed the hell pit I live in worthy enough to exist, I would surely go down and buy a unicron after reading your article. 26 security twists…wow.

Ghosted by Jenicron @ 09/03/2003 6:06 AM EDT

Spiffy. I’ve never been a Transformers fan (I was born when the craze was halfway finished), but that’s a damn cool toy.

Ghosted by Paul @ 09/03/2003 6:07 AM EDT

Come to think of it…

Are you going to be reviewing any part of the TMNT revival on the site, Matt? Maybe just sit down and watch an episode of the new series or something. X-Entertainment could always use more Turtles.

Ghosted by Paul @ 09/03/2003 6:09 AM EDT

Mmmm, Unicron. I wasn’t aware there were prototypes of the big orange pac-man — man, those would have been some ugly toys. Look how round bellied the UniProtos are! If Orson Wells weren’t dead, I’m sure he’d be cranky that Hasbro portrayed his final effort as a jolly, robotic Santa, with a belly like a bowlful of cybertronian jelly. As for Armada, yech, don’t waste your time. Minicons are essentially pokemon, and the noxious pile of multiracial kids they’ve got palling around with the Autobots really makes me wonder why giant robots would tolerate a bunch of hairy fleshbags leaving grease smudges all over their superior alien technology.

Ghosted by Biflspud @ 09/03/2003 6:52 AM EDT

Good lord, that song melted my brain…

I hate you, Matt.

Ghosted by Evin @ 09/03/2003 7:18 AM EDT

Matt, I am completely in love with you. You are the man of my dreams in every way.

Ghosted by BillyPeltzer @ 09/03/2003 7:50 AM EDT

visionarys, super naturals. they werea pretty cool cool, pair of gimmick toys.

i remember they were a bit like transformers, (the supernaturals) (sort of) in that their hologram face would hange depending on the angle you held them at. i had a "ghostling" that changed from a punk to a wolf. it was pretty cool.

oh and their sword glowed in the dark. and their hands.

Ghosted by 'tin man @ 09/03/2003 7:59 AM EDT

You can’t judge Armada solely on the first batch of bad eps.

There were plenty of episodes in the original G1 series that were just as bad. Remember the episode where those alien people sung to fight the Decepticons with their appalling singing? Carnage in C-Minor. Go check it out if you want your head to explode.

And anyway, the usage of the kids have been cut back for the last 20 episodes or so.

There have been alot of good episodes, such as the character development of Starscream into a honourable Beast Wars Dinobot-style anti-hero, Hot Shot’s abandonment of a comrade on Cybertron during the war and (not screened yet in the US), Prime’s bloody death in defence Earth.

Transformers will never be stopped! Hasbro/Takara will have five different TF toylines by the end of next year! And with a possible live-action movie upcoming, it will rule the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ghosted by FFN @ 09/03/2003 9:11 AM EDT

Here’s a link to a Japanese Unicron protoype. I’m not sure if it’s ever made into a toy but it sure looks a gazillion times better than Santa Claus Unicron. Check it out…

http://hk.geocities.com/hkcybertron/UnicronTestShot.html

Ghosted by Belthazor @ 09/03/2003 9:29 AM EDT

‘toy lovers worldwide have been pining for this figure’s creation for well over a decade. With the exception of the Star Wars’ Death Star, I can think of no other plaything more universally thought of as "must be made."’

Just in case u didn’t know (thought you’ve mentioned it b4, but maybe not), the Death Star was made. It was a cut out section with a big blue gun on the top and the orange trash compactor room on the very bottom.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3143702608&category=49008

Ghosted by Satiate @ 09/03/2003 9:47 AM EDT

Matt, let me just be the first one to say it – I have no idea how you managed to avoid the temptation of putting those ultra-posable arms and fingers in dirty poses, but you’re a better man than I, sir. Mine’s on permanent display with one hand grabbing his crotch, the other held high, flipping the bird to mankind in general. He’s a real bastard, that Unicron.

Ghosted by The Lucky One @ 09/03/2003 9:48 AM EDT

I’ve actually got that one, Satiate. Still with the box, too. I was referring more to the actual Death Star — planet-shaped and all.

Ghosted by Satiate @ 09/03/2003 9:50 AM EDT

Speaking of masturbation, it’s pretty hard to do looking at Unicron when those damnable "The Order" movies keep popping up

Ghosted by "That's gross, dude." @ 09/03/2003 10:07 AM EDT

OMG!!!!1!!

I NEED THAT TOY!! I NEED IT!! AAAAAHHH!!!

Oh wait, i am not a Transformers fan…. Pretty cool stuff though, wish they were made like this when i was 8… 18 freaking years ago… *sob* feeling so old… 30’s approaching… Hey but i still have all my hair

Ghosted by Molotov @ 09/03/2003 10:08 AM EDT

I choked on my own spit when I saw that thing was AS BIG AS YOUR FRIKKIN HEAD!!! You say it’s big in the article, but I had no sense of scale. Your sleep deprived skull is the perfect comparison. Thanks, I’m turning blue…

Ghosted by spazzamatic @ 09/03/2003 10:34 AM EDT

he looks like a gay viking

Ghosted by msa @ 09/03/2003 10:47 AM EDT

have unicron choke that cabbage patch kid and smoke a cigarette with you.

funny article

Ghosted by trhwh @ 09/03/2003 11:08 AM EDT

Looking at that picture with the minicons along the ring of Unicron, something occurred to me–there are twelve of them, evenly spaced in a circle. That means that you can create your very own Unicron clock! A Cronometer, if you will.

Sorry. Had to get that off my chest.

Ghosted by Sean @ 09/03/2003 11:09 AM EDT

Personally, I think the only general flaw is the wings. Not only do the Planet Mode ’shells’ get in the way, there’s no easy way to pose them. I made a vow that next time Unicron goes from Planet to Robot, the shells stay off.

And sure, most of the Minicon themed line is a marketing gimmick, but there’s also a good chunk of stuff that’s an awesome throwback to the older lines. Some of the Minicons can transform into weapons (Targetmasters!) and in some cases, transform into optional headpieces! (Headmasters!).

Sure there are a good and unfair chunk of repaints and over-used molds, but there’s still the spirit of the older series in there…somewhere.

(Thundercracker = repainted Starscream, I act as if I think that’s horrible and lame, but then again, look at G1…. My only real beef is that in straight-out repaints, they don’t bother to give you a different Minicon!! I mean, sure with Megatron to Galvatron there shouldn’t be a new Minicon, but with Thundercracker – Starscream? GAH! And oddly, they’re releasing a THIRD Starscream based Decepticon (forget the name) only that it is slightly remolded and has a different Minicon.)

Sorry, bit of a rant. I’m only confused about two things:
Overload – A symbyotic Minicon/TF relationship??
Tidal Wave – Three parts. But not three TFs? Or are there three??

Ghosted by Ian Just Ian @ 09/03/2003 11:23 AM EDT

Big Mac, Fillet-O-Fish, Quarter Pounder, French Fries.
Icy Coke, thick shake, sundae and apple pie.

Ghosted by klatubaradanikto @ 09/03/2003 11:29 AM EDT

Since Hasbro bought out Kenner and gave thier Go-Bot line the bitch slap of being the Preschool line of Transformers toys the Gobos had no respect.
There was even the rumor that Dead End, Unicron’s Minicon, was initialy going to be called Gobotron(a second biatch tap since this was the Gobot version of Cybertron).
I guess they re-thought this since Dead End sounded cooler for his orbiting moon robot.

Also to have these characters to scale wont you have to set the figures about a mile apart? People should play with toys.

Scale was such a weird thing to TF toys.
The first, and friggin best, Megatron the gun was depicted as shrinking enough for Soundwave to shoot him. Soundwave packing the Megatron pistol in that one hand pose was always great. Well, it was.
Bumblebee was at crotch level to the uber bots in the toon, yet kneehigh to most in the toy line. Thus he was much more desired in the cartoon as his height was… functional. He could have been the one called Pipes.

I digress…

I only wish they made Unicron’s head removable to reinact the end of the movie.
That or give us a Spike soundchip where we can hear him scream "Shiiit!"… Wait there is no Spike in Armada… screw that noise.

Ghosted by Aconite @ 09/03/2003 12:44 PM EDT

it needs a voice chip with olsen wells being bad ass

Ghosted by comhcinc @ 09/03/2003 12:49 PM EDT

i dont think id pay fifty bucks for that,even if it is the bitchenest robot of them all….next to starscream.but then,i wouldnt buy any,cus i hate Armada.why,why did the feel the need to rape and destroy one of our greatest treasures!!

Ghosted by ANima @ 09/03/2003 12:56 PM EDT

This TF looks incredible and I would buy this if my family wouldn’t KILL me. (I buy too much crap!) But I have one question. I had a TF from the old line with the metal parts and it was a decepticon.(purple) But it was HUGE! and it turned into a tank, lion/panther, jet, gun and a robot. WHAT WAS THAT?! I have no clue since I got it at a thrift store or something and it had no box.

Ghosted by dethstryke @ 09/03/2003 12:58 PM EDT

I don’t think Unicron is so tough. Afterall, he’s only one typo away from being called ‘Unicorn’.

Ghosted by i was a lion @ 09/03/2003 1:27 PM EDT

i want the big gray one…..uuuuuuuhhhhh…..i love transformers…..eehehehehheheeee for some reason i grew up with eighties cartoons and toys….yet im only 14?Straaaaange….i want a review on that episode of transformers when they all get turned into humans…..i think it was called only-human or summin

Ghosted by Rory @ 09/03/2003 2:21 PM EDT

If Unicron is a planet sized robot and floats around in space, why does he need legs and feet? I can not imagine that there are any planets large enough for him to walk on.

Ghosted by Inverarity @ 09/03/2003 2:24 PM EDT

The toy dethstryke is talking about is sixshot,

I love Matt’s unbiased and purely subjective review of Unicron, but I can’t throw stones, as soon as the planet-chomper shows up on the shelves I’m gonna find myself $40-50 shorter and walking around with a stupid grin on my face for about a week

Ghosted by slagmaker @ 09/03/2003 2:25 PM EDT

im almost embarrassed to post this, but here is the whole damn thing:

Big Mac, McDLT, a Quarter Pounder with some cheese, Fillet-o-Fish, a hamburger, a cheeseburger, a Happy Meal, Mcnuggets, tasty golden french fries, regular or larger size, and salad, chef or garden, or a chicken salad oriental, Big Big Breakfast, Egg Mcmuffin, hot hotcakes and sausage, maybe biscuits, bacon, egg and cheese and sausage, danish, hashbrown too and for dessert hot apple pies and sundaes three varieties, A soft serve cone, three kinds of shakes, and chocolaty chip cookies please, and to drink a Coca-Cola, Diet Coke, an orange drink, a Sprite, a coffee, a lowfat milk and also orange juice..good time great taste…at McDonalds.

Ghosted by John @ 09/03/2003 2:57 PM EDT

I guess this was the best route to go with Unicron. If had been made from diecast in the orignal Transformers line, he would’ve been insanely expensive. Fifty bucks is still a bit pricey, so I’m going to hold out on the chance he makes his way to the Land of Clearance.

Ghosted by Kool-Aid Man @ 09/03/2003 3:38 PM EDT

I miss Mac Tonight

Ghosted by Erin @ 09/03/2003 3:43 PM EDT

Sorry for the possible double post here, but I thought the (paraphrasing) "Discuss this article with others" link at the end of the article was a nice touch. I was sorta reluctant to read this one, as I have no interest in Transformers, but there were references to Spaceballs, the McDonald’s menu song and Atari’s "Fun Is Back" ad campaign…so its ALL GOOD! :-p

Also, I want to mention that Carvel, Cookie Puss and Fudgie the Whale are all mentioned on the episode of Family Guy titled "Da Boom"

Ghosted by Erin @ 09/03/2003 3:59 PM EDT

On twist-ties… You do realize that a nailclipper cuts through those suckers like butter, right? I just got the He-Man Mutant Slime Pit, and I had the Bone Warrior free in forty seconds as opposed to three minutes.

As for Unicron… Meh. He has the unenviable stink of Hot Rod all over him. As a Fantastic Four fan, he’s just the Transformers equivilant of Galactus, and there’s only room for one world eater in my room. Besides, I’d rather use my money for something far more important… Big O DVDs.

Ghosted by Aaron @ 09/03/2003 4:11 PM EDT

I just purchased the new Jetfire TF for my nephew’s birthday. By far (other than Unicron) the best TF armada to date. Obviously it does not compare to the original Jetfire, which, I believe, is the holy grail of Transformers…just an incredible toy that I will miss always….

Ghosted by tafmoney @ 09/03/2003 4:37 PM EDT

I have to say, after their lousy movie, that it takes guts to call oneself a Fantastic Four fan.

I’m also glad I’m not the only one that picked up on the Unicron-Unicorn thing. Imagine a mistyping on Ebay? Some old lady would be very distressed to see a mean robot instead of a horned horse.

Ghosted by Sean @ 09/03/2003 4:49 PM EDT

Did anyone else notice the egg in the article? One of the pics takes you to an Erasure mp3.

Ghosted by Scourge @ 09/03/2003 4:54 PM EDT

Great review – keep working the transform, you’ll get it down pretty easily. Tough the first time, easy after that. You may want to drop a few coins on some of the rest of Armada for the following reasons:

Overload – pretty cool robot mode, kind of a Headmaster/Targetmaster/Minicon gimmick, but it plays the original Transforming sound from the cartoon. Very cool.

Supercon Optimus Prime – very poseable, looks good, only $10 or less, and comes with a minicon that turns into a rifle and a jet.

Sideways – another cool first, a neutral double headmaster, with a head that turns him into an Autobot and one that turns him into a Decepticon. It’s also probably an emissary of Unicron, too.

Wheeljack – very G1 like in robot mode, a cool car that was an Autobot but defected to the Decepticons.

Just a few suggestions. Unicron is amazing, well worth the $50 in my book. Get some weapon-like minicons (the Emergency Team or Air Military Team) to pose along the ring to make him super badass.

Tim
"toy geek"

Ghosted by TimToyGeek @ 09/03/2003 5:22 PM EDT

Aconite: "Scale was such a weird thing to TF toys."

Well, there’s a reason for that: the Transformers we know are actually two different Japanese toy lines. One, Microman, featured tiny robots that transformed into either toy cars or various other objects (this is where Bumblebee and the mini-Autobots, and Megatron and Soundwave came from). Prime, the rest of the Autobots and the Decepticon jets came from a separate line altogether that Hasbro smooshed together with Microman into one.

Ghosted by Hellpop! @ 09/03/2003 6:04 PM EDT

Who would win in a fight: Big O or Unicron? Sure, Unicron can eat planets, but Big O has the whole big-ass-piston punch. And the android could eat the Armada kids or something.

Ghosted by Silly Golem @ 09/03/2003 6:25 PM EDT

Just thought I’d add that I was going to pass on buying the big U – until I saw that last pic of him grasping Boba Fett. Fan-tastic.

This is the second time I’ve read this stupid article, I should really get a life.

Ghosted by i was a lion @ 09/03/2003 6:41 PM EDT

I want Unicron but not baddly enoguh to shell out 50$. But im not a big transformer fan. Allthough i would have loved if you had said what it would have ment to have this thing as a kid. I love your memories

Ghosted by Jared @ 09/03/2003 7:11 PM EDT

$50 For a TOY? Ive paid $20, Ive paid $30, and BAH GAWD, I’ve paid $40 for a toy, But I wouldnt shill out Half a hundred for that, unless it did my taxes, and mowed the grass

Ghosted by AL @ 09/03/2003 7:14 PM EDT

Yeah dude Unicron rules, but i live in the america unfriendly england (toy wise)

god knows when he will be out here.

anyways unicron rules and as soon as i can afford him in getting him shipped from amazon.com

screw the price i need him to stand tall over my g1 prime

Ghosted by steve-o @ 09/03/2003 7:33 PM EDT

damn i hate when people describe things with the word ‘uber’. like..all the sudden its this super popular word that i hear ALL over the internet…AHH! its uber STUPID!

oh and in the old cartoon there was starscream, thundercracker, and skywarp, and now in armada they have the same figures, plus a totally different toy/character named thrust.

Ghosted by anti-uber man @ 09/03/2003 8:56 PM EDT

That goddam McDonalds song! I still catch myself singing it in my head, but only up to the aforementioned "with some cheese" part because the rest was clearly gibberish. About beef patties and such. Hi, by the way. Long time reader, first time poster. Those lyrics really struck a chord, I guess.

Ghosted by Bestpersonever @ 09/03/2003 9:07 PM EDT

Uber is almost as overused as "Mother of all _________s" and "Xtrem _______s."

Did I miss the "Return to the 99 cent Store" article Matt promised us a few days ago? Love (reading about) those old expired foods.

Ghosted by Garrison @ 09/03/2003 9:23 PM EDT

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