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08/12/2003: New Articles: Monstroid & The Top 11 Slashers!

New Articleeee: Hordak had the right look to compete with Skeletor for “Best Masters of the Universe Villain,” but he needed a hook. In alternate universes, “hooks” equal “giant, robot crabs.” Here’s Monstroid, the Evil Horde’s wind-up crab-bomb creature that shook and pinched the heroes with extreme prejudice. Link to download the original Mattel commercial is included, because the world needs to see it. Oh, and here’s an early look at this week’s feature for UGO, The Top 11 Slashers In Movie History! I got ya covered, Pinhead.


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 55 comments

Makes me wish I’d still been into MotU when the Horde came out. I think I got more into GI Joe around that time…

Picked up episodes of DinoRiders and Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light at Half Price Books last night. I remembered the toys, but forgot the shows.

The lilting gaze of the chick behind the counter let me know that she was impressed with my taste and style.

Ghosted by Ubu Rex @ 08/12/2003 3:31 PM EDT

I am dissapointed Matt made no reference to Monstroid as a possible marital aid…

Guess he is beyond the cheap shots, or is he?

Ghosted by spazzamatic @ 08/12/2003 3:34 PM EDT

Damn, Spazz…now you’re making me wish I still had the thing.

Ghosted by Matt @ 08/12/2003 3:35 PM EDT

Hordak had crabs. Big ones.

Ghosted by BaronVonHotPants @ 08/12/2003 3:39 PM EDT

I’m sellin’ a bunch of Evil Horde, M.A.S.K. and other shifoozey on eBay right now – click my name to check it out. Alas, no Monstroid but tomorrow I’m putting up a bunch of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures, including the friggin’ Turtle Van…

Ghosted by K. Thor Jensen @ 08/12/2003 3:50 PM EDT

Fellow X-E readers,
I’ll make this brief. I’m in a dire situation and could use help from anyone willing to extend it.
Click my name and read the journal entry to find out the details.
Thank you.
(Matt, if this is in any way breaking any rules of your BLOG, please erase the entry immediately, I don’t want to piss you off or inconvenience you, I just really don’t know where else to turn for help.)

Ghosted by BaronVonHotPants @ 08/12/2003 3:53 PM EDT

Holy random appearances — are you the same K Thor who was once hooked up with UGO and assorted other sites? If so, everyone go check out his auctions. This guy was very good to X-E in its formulative stages.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=18990&item=3141796366

That one’s tempting. Two Horde Troopers are better than one.

Ghosted by Matt @ 08/12/2003 3:54 PM EDT

Matt, good stuff. Hopefully Theodore Long didn’t see your Top 11 slashers article because knowing him, he’ll surely find some injustice on not having Candyman as your No. 1 slasher.

Ghosted by J-Dog @ 08/12/2003 3:55 PM EDT

What happened to Theodore Long? Didn’t see him on RAW yesterday. Is it true he has hepititis? That would be a damn shame playa! Belee Dat!

Ghosted by J-Dog @ 08/12/2003 4:00 PM EDT

Fortunately, T. Long’s posts take too much time to figure out anyway, so people will just skip over them.

I was never into MOTU either, but that crab could have been cool for kickin’ GI Joe ass too.

Ghosted by Sean @ 08/12/2003 4:00 PM EDT

Yeah, Rodney Mack coming out without Teddy is kind of like inviting the loser kid over to your house in the hopes that his hot mom’ll pick him up, but lo and behold, his stupid daddy was playing chauffeur. I can’t back the Mack unless that hipster continually tells me to.

Ghosted by Matt @ 08/12/2003 4:03 PM EDT

Spinning crabs… Now that’s something I’ll think about for the rest of my life.

Ghosted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 08/12/2003 5:00 PM EDT

Remember the commercial for the "Slimer" toy. It had a disclaimer at the bottom not to use it with Moss Man. I swear I remember this, someone please back me up!

Ghosted by klatubaradanikto @ 08/12/2003 5:48 PM EDT

Is it just me, or does Monstroid sorta look like a retarded crab version of Mazinga/Tranzor Z? Or have I had too much sugar?

Ghosted by Fisheyekun @ 08/12/2003 6:15 PM EDT

Dang, wish you would of written that article a week sooner Matt. I saw Monstroid at a thrift shop and thought he was part of a board game because all he did was shake. His legs were missing too so that threw me off. I guess it’s as much Monstroids fault for decieving me as it is yours for not writing this article sooner. Shame on you both.

I kid of course :)

Ghosted by kennef @ 08/12/2003 6:23 PM EDT

Let Me Holla At Cha Playa!!!!!
First of all let me address a few things. Sean, Sean, Sean. Anotha Whitey tryin to suppress the Black man and assassinate his character by making people beelee dat there is no interest in im. Listen here you Crestfallen Cracka. I will be havin none of dat. If you want to see a short post from me, go back to the last thread and read my Photog Hi-ku. Beelee dat playa.
As for all my fans up in the heezy, I still be here. And still be in da WWE. Just like Sean is tryin ta hold back my post legnth, McMan be haterizing and givin me nights off. I think I should go to NWA-TNA and be down wit da Brown, because da Mack Attack is kinda lame and let’s be real fo a sec, where am I gettin wit Jazz? Beelee dat playa. But well see. For now, I’ma stay sucka free and shake off dem hatas like Sean, which by the way is a black mans name. You white people need to stop misspelling Shawn and tryin ta make it ya own. Beelee day playa.

Ghosted by Theodore R. Long @ 08/12/2003 8:14 PM EDT

Good MOTU piece, great article on slasher films. Since everyone else is commenting on Monstroid I’ll say something on your cool list.
#11 Really cool that you commented on this flick because I think it’s one of the funniest, at least the sequels, and the sight of the Boss’s sister as a killer made it all the better, she plays a good nut! I can’t remember the name of the woman that played the original Angela, do you know it?
#10 Like how you lumped them together.
#9 Best homocidal toys ever(Chucky’s a doll). These guys also got ripped off by "Demonic Toys" and other Full Moon movies, Blades the coolest.
#8 Actually scary and my got some of my black friends into horror and that’s always cool, and Tony Todd does actually talk like that when I ran into him at a mall, his scariest role though is Fyvish Finkle’s love child on Boston Public.
#7 Never been a big fan but you gotta respect a guy that has tongued Jennifer Aniston and beat the crap out of that guy from "Street Hawk".
#6 My #1 choice but I’m a little partial because I’m from Texas. Probably the scariest movie I’ve ever seen, later learned that the tag line "based on a true story" is a bit misleading, it’s more of a amalgamation. The new one looks like it may not blow. When you comment on "The Return of the Chainsaw Massacre" do you mean part 2? You also comment on his cross dressing but I can’t even remember that before "The Next Generation" and that’s IMO the worst one. Leatherface also has the best mention in the film "Summer School". Which also had that guy from Leprechaun and Street Hawk.
#5 Part two was the best though John Ritter doing a Pinhead impersonation is comedic gold.
#4 Agree that he never got the respect he was due, this film had one of the best scores, which is even scary in that Blockbuster commercial they ran a few years back. Also one of the few series that had some weird installment that had nothing to due with the main character, if you’ve actually seen "Season of the Witch" pat yourself on the back.
# 3 Always killed/transformed people in the sickest ways. Plus he had the coolest sidekicks, Chatterer was my favorite. Has a better story then most.
#2 Crappy stories but cool villain and you’ve got Corey Feldman! Survived longer then any other person in the series. Every single version of Jason was cool, from picked on kid to farmer with a sack on his head to hockey mask to without hockey mask to child again to robot thingy to now. Best in the series IMO is part 7 where the girl has telekinesis, it had the best kill scenes and looked the best plus the ending was cool. "Jason Takes Manhattan" does have the distinction of having Kelly Hu of X2 fame and Julius going toe to toe with Jason, only person that didn’t do the standard hit Jason it has no effect and decide to just stand there until Jason kills him, it should make Theodore proud.
#1 Pretty good, the early ones had really good imagery but the later ones weren’t as scary but just as good. High point is of course killing Depp, lowpoint is having that kid from Mercury Rising as your link to the real world. One thing that I never got was why didn’t anybody ever dream up something better when fighting Freddy, they usually just fought him hand to hand with the exceptions of the guy in the wheel chair who threw lighting bolts and dressed like Dracula and the Comic guy who turned into some cyborg only to have his ass handed to him by Super Freddy? Admittedly I have not seen them in some time so maybethey did but I forgot.
I have to ask if Psycho qualifies as a slasher, it has a main character that is the villain and has also had crappy sequels, other then that potential oversight your best list yet.

Ghosted by Happnin' Mojo @ 08/12/2003 9:34 PM EDT

Yay my first post on XE with my brand new DSL line connection oh how sweet this feels I am assuming this is what sex would feel like would anyone… err wait I don’t want to post that…

Well anyway maybe I will read the new article now.

Ghosted by Geek @ 08/12/2003 9:40 PM EDT

So I was at this comic book convention this past Sat. Lots of MOTU stuff. But give me Thundercats any ol’ day of da week.

PS- I had Arby’s for today. I think they should bottle and sell their sauce. Damn hell its good.

Ghosted by Yankee Clipper @ 08/12/2003 10:35 PM EDT

Cool, Matt mentioned Puppet Master. Those movies have always been a guilty pleasure of mine.

Ghosted by Daniel @ 08/12/2003 10:49 PM EDT

Why am I seeing the logo at the top of the screen as reading "X-ENTERTAMENT"? I don’t ever remember seeing that before… did one of the HTML-linked "buttons" fail to load properly (having all sorts of weird problems with the Internet tonight), or is everyone else seeing it like that?

Ghosted by Steve Brandon @ 08/12/2003 10:52 PM EDT

I think the greatest slasher flick of all time was really off. Sure Freddy is great, but did you see "Leonard Part 6" Bill Cosby should take the slot for that one.

Ghosted by Yankee Clipper @ 08/12/2003 11:15 PM EDT

I just wanted to say that your article was a little bit off. You mentioned that there is no clear victor at the end of the commercial, but close inspection of the commercial reveals that he-man actually hits the button, deactivating the crab. Unfortunatley, a huge hand reaches out at the end and turned it back on and I think we all know that mans that he-man died off camera.

Ghosted by Danny @ 08/12/2003 11:20 PM EDT

"Monstroid was just playing possum."

Ghosted by The Company Line @ 08/12/2003 11:22 PM EDT

I hate to nitpick a fantastic article…..but looking at the box, isn’t its name really "crabor" and "monstroid" is just his title, like "doctor?"

Anyway Matt, I recently came into posession of a video I might copy and send to you to go with all your other weirdass reader presents. It’s a tamagotchi cartoon video with the voice of S-L-I-M-E-R (same actor doing the same voice) as the main virtualpet. They have to go to earth to find objects for their tamagotchi museum, and after the show is a song and then a whole different thing where a guy and an ugly hand puppet named HANDY WARHOL show you how to draw toast.

Ok, so they really show you how to draw tamagotchi characters, but for the first two they use a slice of toast as a "model" to draw a vaguely squareish blob.

Want it?

Ghosted by Scythemantis @ 08/12/2003 11:31 PM EDT

I was focusing more on the claws, but yeah, the "Crabor" name doesn’t really help identify him. I like thinkin he’s a crab, though. :)

Ghosted by Matt @ 08/12/2003 11:33 PM EDT

Damn..I had that toy. You’re right about the legs. I remember playing with Monstroid alot, but I don’t think his legs were ever a part of the fun.

Ghosted by Hisser @ 08/12/2003 11:46 PM EDT

the slime ruined mossman’s furry moss.

Ghosted by candybar @ 08/13/2003 1:27 AM EDT

Maybe he was hordak’s reaction to clawful.

"Oh yeah Skeletor? Well look at THIS!!!"

Ghosted by Scythemantis @ 08/13/2003 1:42 AM EDT

Mystery. Intrigue. Yesterday, I found a pair of MOTU /sunglasses/ on clearance on target. What is this world coming to? When kids won’t buy He-Man sunglasses on CLEARANCE?

Ghosted by Melanie @ 08/13/2003 2:34 AM EDT

mmmmm…..ARBY’S!!!! *Droooool*

I like them Big Montana’s…and the Arby Melt is cheesy goodness…
The other thing I like about Arby’s is that their buns are reeeeeeeeeeeeealllly fresh and soft…i think im getting carried away now so i’ll go watch Conan O’Brien. =)

Ghosted by heeloyd @ 08/13/2003 3:50 AM EDT

Wish I could have a mask like Leatherface…maybe I should make my own.

P.S. Felissa Rose played Angela in the first Sleepaway Camp, Happnin’ Mojo

Ghosted by DeadCousinTed @ 08/13/2003 9:32 AM EDT

> lowpoint is having that kid from Mercury Rising as your link to the real world.

Miko Hughes. God, that fucking, fucking child. Personally, I would have set the kid at the foot of the bed to protect the innocent dinosaur. Fucking Miko Hughes.

Season of the Witch was fucked up — apparently one of the producers refused to do a third movie unless it took a whole new direction; she should be pilloried forthwith. Mike Meyers was some scary shit, and I didn’t mind the last flic too much — I was pretty satisfied with how they explained his "resurrection" because I was envisioning some cheesy, tissue-regeneration Borgesque ressurection like in Jason X. So maybe I’m easily satisfied.

Whenever I cheer for a bad guy, I have the ominous feeling of dread brought about by the memory of that movie with the person on the rooftop saying "Welcome Interplanetary Visitors" who promptly gets fried to a crisp by the bad-guy aliens. So at the risk of being slashed ironically, yay Freddy!

Ghosted by Molten @ 08/13/2003 11:54 AM EDT

I had Monstroid! He was awesome. I had Spydor too, I had all the MOTU toys whose legs fell off. I remember Spydor couldn’t walk at all or his legs would fall off, poor guy.

Ghosted by Black Zarak @ 08/13/2003 1:26 PM EDT

Theodore R. Long, you da the Man! I support ya playa! But don’t back up a pussy like Rodney Mack…How bout D-Von or the Rock (actually he doesn’t need you unless he wants to stay heel). Anyways…Holla Back!

Ghosted by J-Dog @ 08/13/2003 2:13 PM EDT

Yeah, Matt – same one. UGO laid me (and most everybody else) off in March of 2001 and since then I’ve been traveling, writing and scraping by. Recently a freidn of mine unearthed all his childhood toys and told me to put ‘em up on eBay for him, and it made me think of X-E so I decided to swing by to see if you were still at it. I’m glad to see you are. Now back to sorting and photographing all his LJN WWF Wrestling action figures. This weekend: the enormous plastic bag full of The Real Ghostbusters toys…

Ghosted by K. Thor Jensen @ 08/13/2003 2:16 PM EDT

Hey Teddy Long, I forgot, why not back up the five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time WCW Champion Booker T! Now I can dig that…SUCKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, wait, I remember he dissed your ass. That’s a damn shame!

Ghosted by J-Dog @ 08/13/2003 2:21 PM EDT

T. Long–I didn’t mean to keep you down. I just don’t usually have the patience to read your really long posts, that’s all. And because I’m arrogant, I decide that everybody is just like me.

And how do you know I’m a Cracker? Isn’t the internet fun, if anonymous?

Ghosted by Sean @ 08/13/2003 3:20 PM EDT

Well, Matt … I read every blinking word of the "Monstroid" article and all I have to say is …Gregory Hines in GHOST? Incorrect. Gregory Hines IS a ghost? Correct! Hoo!

Ghosted by POP CULTURE DEBRIS @ 08/13/2003 4:04 PM EDT

He didn’t say Greg was in "Ghost," he said Greg looked like me. I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO GO!

Ghosted by Vincent Schiavelli @ 08/13/2003 4:11 PM EDT

I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!

Ghosted by Vincent Schiavelli @ 08/13/2003 4:12 PM EDT

You are correct, sir! What the hell do I know … I’ve never watched GHOST all the way through anyway. EVE OF DESTRUCTION, now there was a Gregory Hines movie!

Ghosted by POP CULTURE DEBRIS @ 08/13/2003 4:25 PM EDT

Get off my train!

Ghosted by Bogwood @ 08/13/2003 5:59 PM EDT

What’s that, Bogwood? You think I jumped?

THEY PUSHED ME!

Ghosted by Vincent Schiavelli @ 08/13/2003 6:04 PM EDT

Mat, I humbly request you find, steal, pimp yourself out for or any other method of getting this comercial-

The ultra rare comercial where the rabbit finaly gets a whole bowl of Trix. In it he won a bike race and they had the children send in a card to vote if he could win the trix. I think they got like 15 thousand yes votes.

Now I know this exists and i have a $50 bet with by friend as to its existance. However I need a copy of it to win the money. Please help of poor poor fruit man in his quest.

Ghosted by Mr Mango @ 08/13/2003 6:16 PM EDT

I’d bet that I have that one somewhere, but even if not, I think you’re right. I definitely remember at least one commercial where he got the Trix. (and more than just a spoonful this time, no tease tastes for the Rabbit)

Ghosted by Matt @ 08/13/2003 6:19 PM EDT

Mr. Mango, I’m always telling people about that commercial where the silly Rabbit finally got his Trix, but nobody i’ve talked to ever remembers it. I think it aired in the early 90’s, or maybe it was the very late 80’s, if this can help Matt, or anybody else find it.

Ghosted by Goggles Pizano @ 08/13/2003 8:47 PM EDT

Ok Jason’s been in 3-D too…..

just wanted to point that out…

Anyways, I actually came to terms with the whole F13 movie story line…

See all you do is take out the horrible Jason Goes to Hell and pop that in as the prequel to Freddy Vs Jason…

Now you take Manhatten’s ending and say ok, Jason is a kid…obviously based on Jason X, he grew up, got a jumpsuit, machete and hockey mask and kept on killing…

We’ll call those "The Lost Years" Then earth somehow gets destroyed and Jason gets frozen and bam,you’ve bridged Manhatten to X

Ghosted by Mike(liberalsmartass on AIM...TALK TO ME MATT) @ 08/13/2003 11:20 PM EDT

That’s nice, he’s still ranked below Freddy though. Doesn’t that just make you want to do the DiGiorno’s Pizza Guy dance? Yeah… that’s all I got.

Ghosted by Matt (#2?) @ 08/14/2003 2:00 PM EDT

ok, i remember a commercial where the trix rabbit got a vote whether or not he got the trix, although i do not remember any sort of conclusion to that event.

and now that you say there was a bike race, i remember somthing like that as well.

Ghosted by vroomazoom @ 08/15/2003 1:36 PM EDT

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