Get 'em while they're hot -- "Monopoly: The Cereal Edition" is in stores now. Why? Who knows? Rightfully viewing the crap as a sheer novelty item, General Mills did us all a breakfast solid by putting this into the smaller, 14-ounce boxes. It's cheaper than most of your usual day-starters. I've got no idea where this came from; there doesn't seem to be any tie-in Monopoly anniversaries or anything. It's just...there. With Uncle Moneybags on the box alongside his collection of silver-plated player pieces, Monopoly Cereal promises to delight with bowls full of real estate.

On the left, "sweetened wheat and rice." It's a Cinnamon Toast Crunch clone in looks and taste, so if you like CTC, YOU'LL LOVE THE MONOPOLEEEE. That junk's just there to aid in the vitamin fortifying -- the real coup is in Monopoly Cereal's choice amounts of chalky marshmallows. There's title deeds in various colors, red "hotels," green "houses," and sometimes, the different marshies will stick together, seeming to create entirely new supernatural hybrid entities -- possibly an omen of what's to come from Parker Brothers?

It won't be around long, so if your curiosity's been piqued, now is the time. We're all gonna die someday, but only a small percentage of us will die with the right to tell all the folks in Hell that we've eaten Monopoly Cereal. Be with us. Stay a while.

....staaaaay....FOREVEREEERRRRR!