New Article: In 1984, with Christopher Reeve swearing off the Superman franchise, the powers-that-be decided to take a stab at bottling lightning with Supergirl. Starring Helen Slater, Faye Dunaway and the Phantom Zone, it was a critical and commercial failure...but I liked it. The review is around 72,000 words, so grab your sodas before clicking. Sodas or...blood.
Not sure what's coming up next, but rest assured, something's coming up next. Click 'more' to read a couple of e-mails regarding recent articles...
First, Zandor Vorkof (always planned to name my son that, go fig) chimes in with more information on the infamous Ugly Ball...
"I remember the Ugly Ball. In fact, I possessed one during my youth. If they are as rare as your article suggests, I may be the ONLY person to have ever owned one. It may still exist, hidden amongst the carefully preserved relics of my childhood (in some random plastic storage bin in the utility room).
I'm not quite certain if I hounded Mom into buying ten Bonkers packs at once or if I actually had the discipline to save them all over time. I'd actually bet on the latter, because it would have been the perfect chance for Mom to teach me some Responsibility.
What I do remember is that I ran screaming from the room the first time I saw the Ugly Ball commercial; it's frozen in my mind like a grainy home video. When the UglyMother appeared on the TV I jerked upright on the couch into a flight posture with an expression of shocked horror. When the Ugly Kid leaped from behind the couch I bolted so fast it must have nearly torn a hole in the space/time continuum. Their hollow, soulless eyes were bad enough but when their mouths moved -- brr, still gives me a chill. The Exorcist didn't make me bat an eye as a wee tot, but starving actors in cheap masks terrified me every time.
Anyway, just thought I'd let you know that someone did, in fact, own an Ugly Ball. On a side note, I also had the Bonkers Watch. I ate a LOT of Bonkers back then."
REPLY: A few others have written in about the Ugly Ball -- you're not the only one who had one, Z-Man, but you're certainly one of the few. And yes, the commercial was scary as all Hell. Especially to those of us who had older brothers with very similar masks.
Here's one from Greg, who also visited the Poconos' Snake & Animal Farm...
"After your review of the Poconos Snake and Animal Farm, I thought I just had to write a quick note about my trip there as well.
Well, from your pictures, I can see that the place hasn't changed in years. I was there myself in August of 2000, and it looked just as it did now. Those M&Ms wrappers that they had inside the clam shell where there as well. I think there was even a tiger in there from what I can remember, but hell, I saw lots of tigers that year.
They did have a sign outside just before you went in asking people not to bring cameras in. But we managed to sneak a peek and get a picture of those gators outside. I also felt pretty bad for most of those hopeless creatures, but I couldn't really take any of them home with me, and those monkeys scared the crap out of me. I suggested that they were rabid and would attack anybody who got close, and guess what... They did. They went bouncing of all the objects and going all ape crazy. I started sweating more then ever after that encounter. From how hot and humid it happened to be that day, those monkeys didn't help at all.
After reading a few newspaper articles that they had, about either gators or giant snakes, we went through the gift shop. Though there was no scorpions the time we went through, they could have been hidden away with the cage open or something, waiting for someone to stick their hand in, and then free food for the monkeys. But all in all, that trip was okay, and made for an interesting tale for friends to hear when I came back."
REPLY: Yeah, it's not a bad place, just wish they had some more money to throw around. To their credit, my city's officially funded zoo is often in much worse shape.
"Z8" posed an extremely important question about characters made of rock:
"I was just thinking about rock creatures and I had a question, but it isn't the sort of question that you just ask anyone. There are a lot of cool characters made of rocks, but which one is the best? I asked my girlfriend, but she didn't know, so I thought I would ask you.
Stonedar & Rokkon, Collosor or one of the mountains that Skeletor converted in Masters of the Universe? General Traag from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Granok the Granite from the Inhumanoids? The slimy spit of Ivan Ooze from Power Rangers? Do Rock Narlies even count? Do lava creatures count as rock creatures?"
REPLY: Granok, definitely. (and the Granites, while we're at it) They didn't offer much on the toons, but good God -- look at the action figure...

Sometimes I shower with him.
Posted by Matt on 07/31/2003. E-mail me!










Chestnuts roasted by 







Matt, this is one of my favorite reviews of yours. "Supergirl" is one of my favorite cult/cheesy films. In some weird ways, it reminds me of another comic book-style film featuring a strong female character you reviewed – "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark" (BTW, another cult flick I like). Both involve strong but outcasted females who use magic, tight outfits, and brute strength to fight a really over-the-top villan while romancing a guy who barely registers in the flick as anything but a "love object." Both have their flaws, but are generally funny, exciting, and likeable.
I used to see "Supergirl" every now and then on cable (most recently last year on WPIX), and I always enjoy it. Yeah, it practically defines cheese, Faye Dunaway chews every bit of furniture in sight, and there are plot holes you could drive a Buick through. The action sequences still hold up, the script could be worse, and Helen Slater makes a convincing (and, as many of you have noted, droolable) Supergal.
At any rate, it’s better than the so-so "Superman III" and a world away from the awful, preachy "Superman IV – The Quest for Peace."