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New Article: The Snake & Animal Farm!

New Article: More coverage from my Poconos trip last weekend -- read about our trip to Route 209's Snake & Animal Farm, the filthiest place to see monkeys and big clam shells in the whole entire world. Yessir. But, you know, they sold rock pencils, and that pretty much makes up for all the dirt and disease.

I'm back on track for the rest of the week, next article'll be up tomorrow. Thanks for your patience, and thanks for the Medicare. Yes, I'm fully aware than the most recent gamut of articles have been a little off X-E's usual theme. Hermit crabs, animal farms, oatmeal, blah blah. I'll try to bring our usual suspects back into the fold for the next post...

Posted by Matt on 07/30/2003. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 49 comments

POGS?! i could have swarn they were called cogs. i even had the machine that you could make em with.(humm i wonder if thats still in my closet)

Chestnuts roasted by Jared @ 07/30/2003 9:44 PM

That’s pretty sad, those poor guys have no money and all those animals are all living the crappy life.

OMG ROCK PENCILS LOL.

Chestnuts roasted by DuudMeister @ 07/30/2003 10:08 PM

OH MY GOD!!!! Rock pencils RAWK!! I discovered these little joys of heaven in fourth grade after a trip to the planetarium where I bought one. Very shortly afterwords, approximately one day, I knew one rock pencil would not do. I conned my mom into taking me to the park so I could go back to the planetarium gift shop to purchase several more. The goal? I was CERTAIN someone would have accidentally put a diamond or some gold in with the rocks, making me a rich tyke.

This was about a year or two before Sugar Crisps started offering world coins as a prize in the box. And one in a million contained an actual gold coin. I never ate so much freaking cereal in my life.

To think, I’m 24 now and am still looking for gold that comes at a price of $1.50-$3.00.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 07/30/2003 10:15 PM

Add me to the list of people who don’t have a freaking clue what rock pencils are.

In all seriousness, this was a bizarrely moving article Matt. Funny, yet depressing as all hell, and a bit nauseating as well. Excellent work, as always.

You should come to Florida some time. There’s a miniature golf place here in Tampa that has a little moat that rings the place, with bridges going over it in places, and in the moat…little baby alligators. Seriously, I can’t imagine how that’s legal, but damned if it ain’t there. Next time I go I’ll take some pictures.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 07/30/2003 11:14 PM

"thanks for the medicare"…. Golden Girls own you all!! lol

They have rock pencils at Universal Studios…but they’re prolly fake movie rocks. :-p

Chestnuts roasted by Hilldiggity @ 07/30/2003 11:37 PM

How on earth can you go through an entire lifetime without once having gotten a rock pencil?
http://www.angelfire.com/jazz/space_cowboy/Images/comic/pencils.jpg">Here’s the one crappy picture I could find.
If you’ve never owned a rock pencil, I have to recommend that you run, not walk, to your nearest museum, planetarium or school book fair. (though I suppose it would be faster to just drive)

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/30/2003 11:46 PM

They sell those gator heads everywhere in Louisiana, too. After one trip, my brother brought one home as a souvenir. After a few weeks, it became very evident that the proprietor of the roadside stand’s idea of preservation included cauterization and copious amounts of aerosal hairspray. And then…the dog got it…ugh, I can’t go on, you can use your imaginations…

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/31/2003 12:22 PM

I can’t tell what’s rocky about those pencils, are they normal pencils with a rocky exterior or what. Above it seems like they’re pebbles in the top of the pencil but squee4242′s picture just confused me some more. Very good article and somewhat sad, it makes me wonder if animals experiance sadness. Is that snapping turtle depressed that he doesn’t live outside? Does that cobra know how close he came to being some snob’s belt? Is that picture of a microphone stand a recent Carrot Top act? Talk about Hell on Earth.

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Mojo @ 07/31/2003 3:08 AM

matt, how you happened to accumulate such an impressive writing prowess is beyond me. The zoo article is great. Sad yet beautiful.

Chestnuts roasted by Thought Fu @ 07/31/2003 4:11 AM

Mojo, Matt had a great description towards the top of the blog, but to describe more in depth: First off, they are the length of normal pencils. The actual graphite-bearing/writing portion was really no longer than a golf pencil. Glued to the end of the functional portion of the pencil was a clear, plastic tube with the same circumference of the pencil and capped with an eraser. Inside the tube was the treasure — a few dozen miniscule polished stones of varying shapes and colors. They are real minerals and rocks, so they would definitely be purchased in "educational" venues.

After finishing tests in elementary, we would have to sit quietly at our desks until everyone else was done. At this time, you would take the eraser off the tube and dump the pile of rocks onto your desk and just sorta sort through the rocks. Later, you could trade certain rocks with your friends. Perhaps choose the most dazzling varieties from multiple pencils to create one Uber-rock pencil.

Chestnuts roasted by Nachokhaki @ 07/31/2003 7:34 AM

Jared…
"Swarn"?? Did we go to highschool together? Although to get the inflection right you’d have to type "Eyecuddaswarn."

Chestnuts roasted by Queen of Ill Repute @ 07/31/2003 9:18 AM

I thought this article was one of your funniest in weeks. i like the field trips and the yokel’s dialog. they should meet skeletor.

Chestnuts roasted by t-rah @ 07/31/2003 11:35 AM

That story made me sad. The alligators are fine though, they lay on top of each other like that all the time. Plus by the looks of that group in your photo, they are just about the right age to become a nice purse or pair of shoes. It’s always best to stock a lot of alligators on display because it greatly increases the chance that an alligator will actually do something and you might get to see it.

Never had a rock pencil, will purchase one next trip.

Chestnuts roasted by klatubaradanikto @ 07/31/2003 12:30 PM

I nominate this article for the "Most Likely to End Up as Evidence in a Trial."

Even those crazy cat people mean well.

Chestnuts roasted by Ubu Rex @ 07/31/2003 12:43 PM

I had a rock pencil in elementary school, but it was all messed up. Instead of a clear tube filled with rocks, this had rocks glued all over the outside making it impossible to write with the thing without getting horrible rock cuts all over your hands. My school book fairs never sold the cool rock pencils.

Chestnuts roasted by Stacey @ 07/31/2003 1:27 PM

That article was so funny! "I’d rather stroke the aligators or take a ride with that hick couple"..

PRICELESS!

Good job!

Chestnuts roasted by Moparman @ 07/31/2003 1:28 PM

Lucas? Hmm… well, supposed I can’t influence anyone’s taste. I’m a huge Animal Planet geek as well, and this article made me pretty sad too. It was still funny as usual, but sad. Where’s the Animal Cops in the cities that need ‘em? You seem to have a talent for finding all the worst/best places to review.

Myself… I’ve never had a rock pencil. However, I did you used have a pencil whose top was filled with bubble solution. You pulled off the eraser top to pull out the bubble wand and blow, and it was the cool kind of bubble stuff that makes the bubbles that stick to stuff and don’t pop.

Chestnuts roasted by Freezair @ 07/31/2003 3:02 PM

Hey Matt I was curious to know if you caught the new reality show "The Family" on ABC last night? It’s about an extended Italian family from Staten/Long Island who have to fight amongst themselves to win a million dollars. All my Italian relatives aren’t even from NY (chi-town) and I was still rolling on the floor the entire time. All I could think was "This would be right up Matt’s alley."

Buy rock pencils for the low low price of $1.50 each at: http://www.4facets.com/novice.html
Not recommended for children under three.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/31/2003 3:10 PM

Half way thru this story I wondered if you had second thoughts when you where writing it; you know about accually sharing… idonno.

I cried so hard I laughed. Good work.

Chestnuts roasted by Baleeted @ 08/01/2003 2:16 AM

Speaking of strange Poconoe adventures, I met Ja Rule up there the other weekend…

I used to love rock pencils myself, I’d unplug them and play with the rocks at school all of the time.

Good times, good times.

Chestnuts roasted by Kat @ 08/02/2003 1:28 AM

RE: pogs
I’ve always heard them referred to as "pogs", not "cogs". I had a whole freakin’ tube of the things in middle school; I loved them. Hell, I still have that tube o’ pogs, along with a couple of slammers, somewhere. I was into the ones with neat designs and actual milk company pogs. The school store had a bin of the things and that’s where I got most of mine. My personal fav, and one I intend to hang onto, is a black-and-shiny orange pog that has an orange printed on it and inside the orange is the text "32 Don’t squeeze the juice". This pog was created at the height of the OJ trial.
And there you have it, my dissertation on pogs.

Chestnuts roasted by megx @ 08/03/2003 7:33 PM

Its so funny because I LIVE in the poconos and i pass the PSAAF everyday and that place is in BAD shape…

Chestnuts roasted by Karen @ 05/29/2004 11:50 PM

Haha.
I am going to the Poconos this Memorial day weekend, so I google “all you have to bring” “love of every thing” hoping to find the video.
No luck, this was the first place to show up… Good to know the internet is not as big as it feels, sometimes.
How’s all with you?

-Mary
(amazonbitch.org, or something)

Chestnuts roasted by Mary @ 05/21/2007 12:19 AM

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 30th, 2003 at 3:12 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.