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My dying wish is for an owl/camel hybrid, which I call camowl.

We found really, really old Jell-O!!!

Remember that 10-year-old can of Bubble Gum Hi-C? Well, last night we trekked back to the infamous deli that sold it, in the hopes that we'd find more obsolete oddities. In the pretty recent past, I've seen bags of Spinkled Chips Ahoy! that haven't been produced in years, not to mention six-packs of Coke using a much older logo.

Unfortunately, the well was pretty dry -- they hadn't "cleaned up" by any stretch; it was still filthy beyond compare with dusty stock boxes littering the floor to the point where some aisles were almost inaccessible. Pretty bad trip, actually -- one of my old high school friends popped in, and true to form, I took it as permission to duck into the store's stock room for five minutes until he left. By the time I came out and assured the woman that I hadn't been kidnapped or stabbed, the clerk noticed all the suspicious behavior and started treating us like we actually had the intentions of stealing any of the pitifully expired crap on his shelves. To give you an idea of what we're dealing with, this is the kind of place that still has teaser posters for Zima up in prominent spots, plus a Slush Puppy machine currently being used as a massive ashtray, which is odd, since nobody's supposed to be smoking in there. In any event, we didn't leave totally empty-handed...

OLD JELL-O. Watermelon and Pineapple, complete with references to their old "Jigglers" campaign. Completing the circle of insanity, one package cost 59 cents, the other 1.19. Once again, the clerk paid little attention to the problems that could potentially surface when selling customers edibles that haven't even existed in over a decade. I've checked Jell-O's website to validate what we thought, and indeed, "Watermelon" and "Pineapple" no longer exist. At least not like this -- now it's some crazy hyper watermelon and "Island Pineapple," the flavor of the tropics. They're sadly undated, so I can't say if they've been making this oversight for 5 years or 15 years, but my best bet would put it somewhere in the middle. We've got no plans to eat the now-insidious gelatin, and find comfort in the fact that we rarely have company here and can get away with using boxes of Jell-O as decorations. And that's my story.

Posted by Matt on 07/09/2003. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 70 comments

I think that watermelon jello could be from the early 90′s. I think there was this watermelon craze back then.

Chestnuts roasted by Anita @ 07/11/2003 9:54 PM


Banzai will suck because American remakes of anything fantastic suck. Especially when made by Fox.

Fox must die. Die die die die.

Chestnuts roasted by Mel @ 07/11/2003 10:22 PM


Fox must die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die.

I TYPED THOSE ALL BY HAND! I MEAN IT! FOX TELEVISION MUST DIE!

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 07/12/2003 11:06 AM


I was originally going to stay out of this…"blog"… you call it because frankly I know very little about jell-o and have eaten it only when I went to a chinese restraunt as it was there only form of dessert.However the subject has changed as things always do to comments on the Simpsons, which may make Matt cry becuse he so wanted us to talk about Pre-Cambrian gelatin, and so I must add my pittance. Simpsons was once one of the greatest shows of all time particulary the third to sixth seasons and all the treehouse of horrors up until the crappy one with Xena.I feel it has gotten worse because we have become so enamored with it. Our reverence for the show allows it to make unfunny and often insulting episodes, and I for one believe it falls on the shoulders of the ivy league writers who have turned the show into their own personal social club.Back when Conan was writing for the show he was still able to maintain that blue collar vibe with only hints of social pandering but the current writers only seem amused in bringing Robert Pinsky, talking about fractals and reading gravity rainbow all within the same episode, granted the episode was about college yet the technique is done all to often. Hardly an episode goes by that the writers don’t celebrate their alma matter by bashing Yale, Vasser, Brown or whatever else tickles their fancy.They seem even more pleased by throughing crap together and seeing what we’ll take when they end it with every one surfing or Moe in midsentance, they know that most of us will watch because of our loyalty towards our memory of the past. I know they do the cop out ending as a tool that makes fun of the medium they are in but it used far to much. I remember when I first started seeing the cracks, it was the Poochie episode and what I remember most is Comic book guy saying that as a fan "they owe me" to which Bart says that if anything "you owe them",that made me extremely angry,I was in my early teens (I’m 19) but I knew that was a knock against fans complaints against the show. Well for the writer who put those words in one of my favorite tv character’s mouth I say this " NO, YOU OWE ME.AS A LOYAL FAN SENSE IT’S DAYS IN THE TRACY ULLMAN SHOW I HAVE ENJOYED THE SIMPSONS ON MANY LEVELS BUT I WILL NOT TAKE A BRUSH OFF OF A LEGITIMATE COMPLAINT WITH A POOR EXCUSE AT WIT.YOU KNOW WHY YOU OWE ME?! BECAUSE I LOVE THIS SHOW AND HAVE SPENT A LARGE TIME PROVING IT, WHETHER IT BE BUYING BUTTERFINGERS,PLAYING HORRENDOUS SIMPSONS GAMES OR BUYING INSANELY OVER PRICED ACTION FIGURES, AND I’M NOT ALONE." The writer’s main concerns seem to be putting their own ivy covered values into the show and I say that typing this up from the Harvard Science Center Basement. My point is this, Simpsons was once a show that in a small way belonged to all of us but that is no longer the case, the show is no longer ours and when Groening did try to give us something again not enough of us came to see. So in a large way it’s partly our fault. Many people dismissed Futurama as a cash in attempt and I think this is perfectly illustrated by a show called Beat The Geeks, in it the host asks the "TV Expert" if Futurama compares to the Simpsons. The fat,mutton chopped "experts" response, "No" he says with a snobbish air as if anything can compare with Simpsons, and that my friends is the problem, we let ourselves go unheard and we have payed the price (this only goes for people who liked Futurama, the rest of you can catch the tail end of the episode where Homer smokes pot) we didn’t support Futurama, or Family Guy (which was sheer genius) or to a lesser extent The Critic and so they go to that mysterious place called syndication with only my fond memories of a 100 foot Bender crushing Hanson,a jovial Zoidberg Jesus,Stewie asking Peter if he wants a soooooddaaaa, or a tearful rendition of the theme from the Hulk once again by Stewie,goodbye sweet dreams for men were not meant to observe such beauty.

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Mojo @ 07/12/2003 4:03 PM


Oh I’ve been watching the Simpsons since I was 4 years old and though it is mostly just stupid anymore, there are the rare good new episodes…damn writers! I LOVE FAMILY GUY! Peter is my hero! God they should bring that back, A GIRL CANT LIVE OFF RERUNS FOREVER!!!! Futurama kicks ass too! Doesnt anyone remember the Critic (shown around midnight on Sunday on Comedy Central)? THAT SHOW NEEDS TO COME BACK TOO!!!! I luv Jay hehe….

Chestnuts roasted by Katie @ 07/12/2003 8:30 PM


Happnin’ Mojo hit it RIGHT ON THE HEAD. Perfect. Just want to say that, if you didn’t know already, the Critic had a short stint with internet films for 10 short eps, stopped dead around 9/11. Look around AtomFilms, persistence will pay off.

http://www.atomfilms.com

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 07/12/2003 11:40 PM


Happnin’ Mojo, you just got a standing ovation from this loser at his computer on a Saturday night. Your the exception that makes this Boston born guy not write off Harvard completely.

Chestnuts roasted by Michael @ 07/13/2003 1:54 AM


The Critic will always have a special place in my heart, especially his review of Willy Wonka where he turns into a giant blueberry and his Turneresque boss trying to make his network’s trademark the Heil Hitler salute.
As for Family Guy,I was able to turn my pschology teacher into a fan of the show and for about half of the second semester all we really did was watch episodes that I taped at home, things came to a grinding halt however with 9/11 and my stupid mistake of showing the episode with Osama and the episode with the pedophile on Greg’s (the son) route. Soon after
I made a club in high school that was basically us watching that as well as Duckman,Rocko’s Modern Life, Invader Zim, and Christopher Guest movies.Needless to say,we had no female members or lives.I don’t think any of us would be as happy as we blissfully are if it wasn’t for Comedy Central and Adult Swim reminding us just how brilliant some shows are.
PS.I’ve recently heard rumors that Comedy Central is interested in bringing back Family Guy but you never know.

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Mojo @ 07/13/2003 1:06 PM


In defense of the Simpsons: I don’t think the show is half as bad as you guys are making it out to be. Is it as good as it used to be? No. But has it jumped the shark? Hell, no! Admittedly, it’s gotten more surreal, more self-aware and more cartoony, but that’s okay. It’s changed, but it’s not the travesty you’re making it out to be. It’s still funny…is it still as funny? No. But it’s still the best show on television. Saying the show survives because of people being enamored with it and revering so much is absurd. If the show was as bad as you say it is, people would realize it and stop watching, leaving it to die, and I don’t think that’s happening. Also, the comment was made, "Back when Conan was writing the show…" Ah, yes, the whopping FOUR episodes he wrote, one of which being a Treehouse of Horror episode, so he only wrote part of that…the best writers the show has are Al Jean, Mike Reiss and John Swartzwelder, and I think they’re still there. I agree with Mojo that we don’t owe the creators of the Simpsons anything. They owe the fans, because it’s the fans that have stuck with the show, bought the merchandise, etc, etc etc. I also agree that Futurama was not a cash-in attempt, it was an underrated, brilliant show. Big ditto for the Family Guy, which only pales to the Simpsons in comparison. In closing, lay off the Simpsons…it may not be as good as it used to be, but it’s still pretty fucking good.

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 07/13/2003 4:40 PM


Here’s the moment I knew the Simpsons had lost it. Last season (I think) there was an episode where Homer broke his jaw, and was forced to stop drinking and talking. Unable to get drunk and say stupid stuff, he was no longer the crazy one, so Marge decides to pick up the slack and enter a demolition derby (already, this is a stupid plotline).

Homer runs to the rescue, but because he’s lost the knack for acting crazy, he doesn’t know what to do, so Bart offers him a beer. Homer squeezes it Popeye style and drinks it down, a sight gag which actually got a chuckle out of me.

Now here’s where it goes wrong: for the next several minutes, Homer talks like Popeye, and Marge screams like Olive Oyl. Previously the show’s writers ALWAYS knew when to let a gag drop, but this time they beat it to death, trying to elicit four or five laughs out of what was, at best, a one-note joke.

For the record, I thought Futurama never lived up to its potential, and Family Guy tries way too hard to cram as many gags as possible into every scene (the show falls into a predictable rhythm of setup and punchline, and most of the jokes can be seen coming a mile away…another failing of the Simpsons recently).

For animated comedy I stick with Aqua Teen Hunger Force nowadays, even though there are only like 8 episodes that they just play over and over again.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 07/13/2003 6:07 PM


In response to Teddy Ray I would just like to say that saying something is not as good as used to be but it’s still cranking episodes out is a form of philosophy I’ll never buy into.Yes,one can never expect a show to be as good as Simpsons once was forever,but that wasn’t my point.My point was that the fans are seen as marginal and our criticism is discounted as the ranting of loser nerds,which it might be and that is where my anger lies. I still watch it but I notice that I have a far greater enjoyment in watching the older episodes then the newer ones and to me that is a bad sign, but hey what do I know.All that I’m sating is that the writers should give us more then your standard "Homer-sexual" story and phrases like "hemmoraghe-a-mundo" Ugh.
I must compliment Teddy Ray on his comments which he laid out with out degenerating into Fuck You’s, You suck, Simpsons rules, etc. For that you have my respect.
And that Homer becomes tame story came on last night I believe.
P.S. I love Sealab,Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Space Ghost Coast to Coast and Harvey Birdman. I can’t explain the sheer will it takes for me to not yell Biiiiirrrrddddmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn!!!!! when walking into class, doing my Meatball impression in casual conversation or telling my Professor "Whoa check out that Journey belt! Is that from their ’81 tour?!".

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Mojo @ 07/13/2003 7:05 PM


I caught that jump the shark bit, very funny. The Fonz would be proud…if he were nice…and real.

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Mojo @ 07/13/2003 7:07 PM


Mojo, for the record, I never used the "it’s not as good, but they’re still making it" philosophy. What I was driving at was the fact that no, it’s not as good as it used to be, but it’s still pretty damn good. Unlike, say, the original TMNT cartoon. When it started, it was pretty damn good. However, after time it degenerated into nothing but a series of stupid catchphrases and pizza jokes…not good at all, but they kept making it. That pisses me off, but I don’t think it’s the case with the Simpsons. You make some valid points, so don’t think I completely disagree with you. Also, in regard to your slight criticism of "hemorrhage-a-mundo," that was a joke about the Fonz, not just some stupid phrase they threw in for no good reason. Of course, you probably already knew that, I just wanted to clarify. In closing, thanks for the respect. You give it to me, I’ll give it back. And I like Adult Swim stuff, too, although I don’t catch it nearly as much as I’d like. Biiiiiiirdmaaaaaan!

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 07/14/2003 10:28 AM


I guess it is okay. It’s just that I had so much reverence for the show and I see it slipping, for a long time I couldn’t even admit to myself that it wasn’t as good anymore but I found out the hard way, the show has it’s moments I suppose but it isn’t something I look forward to as much as King of the Hill. Example; I watched all Fox last night (there is literally nothing else on because I use a 99 cent store antenna) and can say with all honesty that the first Simpsons was a dud. The second episode’s first three minutes were a good start but it quickly sank, in the end I got more enjoyment out of the last 5 minutes of KotH."Youuu sickennnnnn meeeeee".
A-wel Cruiz, they seemed to have left Banzai intact, whether that is a good thing or not is for each person to decide for themself.If I remember correctly Banzai was on USA network for a short time.
Oliver Beene isn’t horrendous and is somewhat redeemed with his gay little friend and David Cross as the narrator.I’d still rather keep Futurama though.
Andy Richter’s show is funny to me, where else am I gonna see a faux Hitler selling sandwiches and a very muscular boxing kangaroo. If you want a good episode you should see the one that deals with racism because of Andy’s Irish coworker.
I think a lot of us enjoy Family Guy for the same reason we enjoy this site, funny writing and obscure bits from the past. I completely forgot about Land of the Lost and the blonde chick from the Facts of Life.
So in closing the only way to save the Simpsons is to reanimate Nathan Bitner’s corpse, hire him as new lead writer and make Photog Smither’s boyfriend. Or not.

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Mojo @ 07/14/2003 1:04 PM


I have to agree with Hellpop and Happnin’ Mojo, Adult Swim lineup is wonderful. I still have to fight to not yell "Birdman" when I accomplish anything. I am the only person at work and in my family that can do the perfect Meatwad impression. Family Guy, Futurama, and don’t forget the ulitmate anime, Trigun! Sealab 2021 is hands-down the most slap-nuts funny TV show ever made! EVER!

Chestnuts roasted by Bansheex @ 07/14/2003 6:07 PM


Just to clarify (be cause I do so love to clarify), I don’t Simpsons is BAD now, just less great (to a significant degree) than it used to be. I firmly believe that at it’s peak, it was the funniest television show ever (yes, EVEN funnier than Small Wonder!!!), and it’s hard to stay that good forever, so seeing the show slip after awhile is expected.

But no matter how far The Simpsons might ever slip, it’s the only network primetime show to use the word "gloryhole", so it’ll always have a place in my heart.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 07/14/2003 7:55 PM


I Wanna see BM:AAL, but it hasn’t (to my knowledge) been on lately.

Er, jump the shark’s become pretty common now, it was in Gump Roast, and there’s even a documenting site of sharkers.

http://www.jumptheshark.com

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 07/14/2003 11:34 PM


My friend Romulo (that’s his real name…you can stalk him) thinks he’s the next Woody Allen because he dislikes Sealab but loves Dr.Katz and Home Movies.

Chestnuts roasted by Happnin' Movies @ 07/15/2003 1:38 AM


I just wanted to say that i work in a store like the one he buys all this shit at, and the other day i was stocking shelves……..and saw the same jello………….

Chestnuts roasted by chandlerbing @ 07/15/2003 1:29 PM


That Jello is from circa 1992-1995. It was in my mum’s food cabinet when I was in grammar school.

Chestnuts roasted by NEWFXP @ 07/18/2003 11:02 PM


Wait, wait. No more watermelon OR pineapple??? Those were the best ones for Jell-o shots!

Chestnuts roasted by carrera @ 07/24/2003 1:13 PM


Hmm, well, as I haven’t seen "The Simpsons" in years, have never seen more than a clip of "Futurama," and didn’t like "Family Guy," I can’t really add to that conversation.

Matt’s article about the Bubble Gum Hi-C is a favorite of mine. Not only do I remember when that juice was actually on the market (and something close to drinkable), but there are stores in South Jersey that carry merchandise almost as old as the "juice" and the Jell-O. The stuff you’ll find in the family-owned dollar stores scares me. I’ve seen packages of cookie mix older than my 10-year-old brother.

BTW, while I’ve never seen the watermelon Jell-O, I think they still make a variation on the Pineapple.

Chestnuts roasted by starwenn @ 08/16/2003 9:17 PM


The "Jigglers" came about 89/90. I remember that shit. Anyways, I think it would be great to use that stuff to torture people with. I mean c’mon…What’s worse, electricity, having the soles of your feet beat…Or having to eat really old jello??? Hehehe!!!! I gots an idea, but first…Can you get me some really old crap from that infernal store??? I promise I won’t eat it…

Chestnuts roasted by Crow Warrior @ 11/05/2003 5:32 PM


The "Jigglers" came about 89/90. I remember that shit. Anyways, I think it would be great to use that stuff to torture people with. I mean c’mon…What’s worse, electricity, having the soles of your feet beat…Or having to eat really old jello??? Hehehe!!!! I gots an idea, but first…Can you get me some really old crap from that infernal store??? I promise I won’t eat it…

Chestnuts roasted by Crow Warrior @ 11/05/2003 5:32 PM


The "Jigglers" came about 89/90. I remember that shit. Anyways, I think it would be great to use that stuff to torture people with. I mean c’mon…What’s worse, electricity, having the soles of your feet beat…Or having to eat really old jello??? Hehehe!!!! I gots an idea, but first…Can you get me some really old crap from that infernal store??? I promise I won’t eat it…

Chestnuts roasted by Crow Warrior @ 11/05/2003 5:33 PM


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