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Spongebob Vs. Hulk.



Survived the 4th -- now I just gotta figure out what to do with the ten thousand leftover cocktail umbrellas. There were far fewer fireworks going off in my neighborhood than in past years, something I attribute mainly to New York's slow descent into a more loosely organized Attica for taxpayers. In any event, it was pretty damned hot out and I think I found a way to even sweat out my teeth. Teeth sweat's pretty cool actually - real easy to conceal and you don't have to wash anything later. Here's today's article...

It's Spongebob Squarepants versus the Incredible Hulk in the Amazing Popsicle Battle, where the winner is crowned only after one of the combatants melts to death. It's an interesting study in which color of sugar ice is the most durable, but if you're looking for something with a little more punch, I'll mention that both contestants lose their gumball eyes along the way. Full coverage in the post, go read it.

Posted by Matt on 07/06/2003. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 52 comments

This is the scariest article ever, Matt. Seriously, Spongebob and the Hulk melting like the Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark will haunt my dreams forever.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 07/06/2003 6:10 PM

And thus you see what happens when you give an incredibly bored human a digital camera, a website, and an odd, yet amusing, sense of humor. :) I picked the right time to catch up on the articles.

Chestnuts roasted by ShadowWing the Technorganic Autobot @ 07/06/2003 6:12 PM

Yeah! That was great. I don’t know why but I love watching stuff melt. Ahhh now my sunday is complete.

Chestnuts roasted by RyanMan @ 07/06/2003 7:04 PM

I can’t believe its taken this long for Spongebob to make an X-E appearance.

Now, REVIEW "MAC AND ME"!!!!!

Chestnuts roasted by A-wel Cruiz @ 07/06/2003 7:08 PM

Even though the hulk got crushed, I have to maintain that this fight was rigged from the begining. Reason being the darker colors of the Hulks pigment will draw in more sunlight and heat than the lighter, fluffier spongebob.

Chestnuts roasted by meme @ 07/06/2003 7:57 PM

Matt, where do you come up with this shit?

Good job my friend, good job.

Good times had by all!

Chestnuts roasted by Cyn @ 07/06/2003 8:59 PM

Loved the article, chez awesome. But I have to ask, what’s up with the ultra-fantasic-amazing picture of all those early 80′s untasty diet drinks?

Chestnuts roasted by CeDb @ 07/06/2003 9:13 PM

"Diet Pepsi Free?"
What the hell? Isn’t Pepsi Free already Diet?

(Remember, I was born in 1989.)

"What exactly does that mean – ‘Totally Sharky Complete’?"

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 07/06/2003 9:30 PM

Also, what’s with the huge font formerly reserved for the Hulk Pinata (& Bull)?

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 07/06/2003 9:36 PM

Cripes that was a funny article. I love these insane subjects.

Chestnuts roasted by JC @ 07/06/2003 9:37 PM

Mr. Game,
Allow me to enlighten you. Pepsi Free is caffine free.
Much Love,
Calming Effect

Chestnuts roasted by Calmine Gffect @ 07/06/2003 9:37 PM

I made that up.

Chestnuts roasted by CALMING eFFECT @ 07/06/2003 9:39 PM

On the sodas:

Didn’t those all show up on Marty McFly’s headboard at the end of BTTF Part I? (Also when Doc calls him)

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 07/06/2003 9:40 PM

Hey all – hope the holiday went well for everyone.

G&W: I like to break out the wacky fonts for the especially wacky articles, in case there’s still people who won’t otherwise know when not to take things seriously. :)

The Pepsi Free pic is from an old commercial, which I’ve got, and will be adding to the downloads section this week along with some other great (and really rare) ads.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/06/2003 9:40 PM

Thx.

"Listen, pal, if you want a Pepsi, you gotta pay for it."

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 07/06/2003 9:42 PM

Wow. Reminds me of the time that Regan and Goneril had Gloucester’s eyes plucked out and then this King Lear guy came and…well, it was all very tragic and impavid. Just like Hulk vs. Spongebob Squarepants.

I’m glad I didn’t put money on this battle royale, because I was waving the Hulk penant.

Chestnuts roasted by Molten @ 07/06/2003 10:25 PM

soda cans were soooooo much cooler in the 80s! sigh.

matt, don’t you ever smile in photographs?? i’m beginning to wonder if you even have teeth….

Chestnuts roasted by lain @ 07/07/2003 12:20 PM

Well…Um….Yeah. Funny article, Matt. I’m glad you do these things, becuase otherwise I would end up doing them.

Chestnuts roasted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 07/07/2003 12:36 PM

Shameless self hype! I now have my own blog, cause everyone else in the universe has one, and I’m more interesting than 0.012% of them anyway. Click my name to see it.

I think popsicles battles should be a regular feature of XE, Matt. Do they still make those Pac-Mansicles? I loved those things.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 07/07/2003 1:33 AM

You are a horrible person. You destroyed those popsicles lives! Their life goal was to be eaten, but now they are melted everywhere or in the garbage. Spongebob and the Hulk aren’t competitive people, they just wanted to be enjoyed by someone. They just had no way of telling you. Exploiting the lives of popsicles for personal pleasure is a sin!………….or not… whatever.

Chestnuts roasted by ... @ 07/07/2003 2:09 AM

Matt, let me just say, that has to be your best article in terms of writing skill I have seen. I think that’s going to be bigger than the Hungry Man Article.

Chestnuts roasted by Big Will @ 07/07/2003 5:49 AM

Matt, you must go to this link. I think you will be interested in this. Disturbing as it is…..

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2003310256,00.html?view

Chestnuts roasted by Draven @ 07/07/2003 11:23 AM

Well, cut and paste.

Chestnuts roasted by Draven @ 07/07/2003 11:24 AM

Great stuff, as always, Matt. I especially liked how you stuck an "American Gladiators" reference into it.

Keep it up.

Chestnuts roasted by Scott @ 07/07/2003 12:41 PM

by far the scariest I have seen on x-e. I am going to the freezer section of the convenience store by my office right now to get a popsicle. or maybe a chipwich! ooooh, chipwich.

Chestnuts roasted by t-rah @ 07/07/2003 12:57 PM

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This entry was posted on Sunday, July 6th, 2003 at 5:44 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.